You cant fire me! im your son! im firing you!

"You cant fire me! Im your son! Im firing you!" -Buster Arrested Development

well its been an interesting last few days. On Friday i got fired or "laid off" from my job, that was an interesting experience. they asked to meet with me right before i was going to leave for the church to finish up work there. they told me they were going to have to let me go effective immediately and i asked if they were joking. they said they were "disappointed" i didnt tell them I was going to Europe over the summer when they hired me and that they were changing the position a bit and hiring the pastors wife. i think it would be important to mention that i worked my ASS off for these people, my days when i worked were SO busy the entire time i was exhausted when i was done. i would have to force myself to take breaks because i was afraid i wouldnt finish everything by the end of the day but i knew i needed a break. meanwhile, i would see other people "working" by just meeting with people, watching movies online, whatever. i know its the nature of the different jobs, but still, i worked so hard and did such a good job. Just this Sunday i was thinking of how excited I was because i was really getting to know the teachers, kids, and parents and families there. I took a pay decrease to work for them. i quit going to my own church because i was working at theirs and trying to build a new community there. so all in all im not very happy with the church or the people in leadership there to choose to fire me and do it in such a hurtful way. no two weeks notice. not at the beginning of the day. i feel like they used me for the last few months to work for them until i was about to leave and then i got screwed over. if it was a problem, they should have mentioned that when i told them i was going to Europe this summer...5 months ago. Not to mention that on Sundays i just loved my job. When I was up in front teaching the kids i just felt so good, it was so natural for me. Afterwards I would reflect, "gosh, this really is what im supposed to be doing!". im going to miss that. And im going to miss the kids.

Although I am sad, frustrated, offended, hurt, disappointed, and angry. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just a few weeks ago my parents and I discussed me not working while im in school. For the next two years my schoolwork will not only continue to increase in difficulty (and you see how much I complain now!), but ill have at least 8 hours a week of internship until my final semester when I student teach full time and wouldnt be able to work at all! Also, I just took out all these loans and grants...not just for my trip this summer, but in preparation for not being able to work as much during the school year. Secretly, Gods been talking to me about my constant stress level and school frustration for a long time. We've been discussing me not working and were trying to work out other options for during the year. So i feel upset about how the situation came about, and that it was through a church nonetheless. but i feel blessed that God has been preparing my heart and life plans for awhile for this very event.

So im probably going to have to start babysitting and house sitting and picking up jobs...which isnt really my favorite. but im kind of a professional babysitter now, so i think i would enjoy it more. and if working random odd jobs a few times a month, means NOT working a ton during the week and NOT being stressed out and NOT getting bad grades and NOT losing sleep and regaining a social life, faith life, personal interests, etc. then im more than ok with it. but i am still sad how it all came about.

anyway. camping this weekend with the girls was lovely! i think Annies going to post the pictures tomorrow. It was just what I needed after being fired on friday (see! God lined up things so i wouldnt hurt so much!). The campsite was weird...it was basically a strip of dirt along a road. we were like a foot from our neighbors with no trees or anything blocking us...it was strange. and then the hike to the beach was a bitch. it was down this enormous cliff and we almost died trying to come back up after a few hours at the beach. we just relaxed, read books, they did crosswords and suduko, drank a little, ate snacks, got sunburned, made smores, made fun of eachother, snuggled, laughed a lot, napped together, took pictures, lots of fun! we can make anywhere fun:) so that was a sweet time, we were all just so happy to be together we just wanted to sit and be. plus we were all tired because work is just so much...well, work. i dont know what our next trip will be...probably to go visit cassie in Oregon. im still in disbelief shes moving. probably because im thinking of Europe...which is SO stinkin soon!

i still have so much to do until then...i just really want to be done with my summer school class! i have 2 more papers to write! arg! plus trying to get things together for the trip. im glad i did a lot of my shopping a few weeks ago...now its just all the last things which wont be too bad. now that im unemployed i have lots of time!

8 more days! i cant believe it!
oh does this look familiar? maybe you remember it as the house the Von Trapps live in, in The Sound of Music. do you know where it is? Salzburg, Austria along with the rest of the movie sites. guess where im going?! (yeah i know, i cant believe it either)

Obviously the Blue part here is the land

"Obviously the blue part here is the land" -Buster Arrested Development

today was lovely. relaxing, good friends, laughter, good visual entertainments, good purchases, just good. tomorrow i go to the dentist! then im going to get ready for camping, do some homework, and maybe clean my room, probably some Europe stuff too. i think ill fit in a nap somewhere in there too...i havent taken a nap in like 2 weeks! sad! i love days off!

The Woes of Long Hair
-it always gets stuck in your armpits

-gets stuck in your back or armpits or neck while driving and prevents you from being able to look to turn and other important issues while driving so u dont die

-stray hairs get stuck on ur shirt and tickle your arms but you just...cant...quite...reach them

-while you sleep it gets all tangled in your neck and arms so u wear it on top of ur head but then ur head hurts in the morning

-you cant wear it down in the summer so ur hair is the same for like weeks at a time...piled on ur head...until people arent sure if its even real anymore.

-when you put ur bag or purse on your shoulder, it gets stuck everytime and either hurts right away, or you dont realize its caught until you turn your head and get caught...it hurts a lot

Amsterdam. July. be there.

Pop-pop gets a Grisham?

"Pop-pop gets a Grisham"- George Sr. Arrested Development (aka, best show EVER)

Good things:
-today we watched a discussed Harry Potter 3 the movie and book! yay! my favorite!
-i made a new boy friend last class, and today he sat by me and i shared my crackers with him (yeah thats right, bringin back the kindergarten tactics)
-i made a new friend at work, the new high school pastor! yay!
-i visited Annie at work and had a really yummy Rubios burrito with her
-i got Sunday off so i can fully enjoy the weekend camping with the girls! YAY!
-Europe is SO soon! all our preparations are in their final stages! woohoo!
-im going to lunch with Micah tomorrow and next weekend we're having a slumber party!
-my big package of travel stuff came into REI, im going to pick it up tomorrow! yay!

Not so Good things:
-i have a huge final project to do for my class before i leave. it shouldnt be too horrible, but its going to take time i dont want to put into it
-i still have lots of little things to do before i go on my trip, and trying to finish school, and still working 3 days a week...busy busy
-im afraid our trip isnt going to be relaxing and im going to come home more exhausted than when i left. this isnt good. i want to make sure we chill and have fun on our trip, not be stressed and cranky!
-still strikingly single and still somewhat upset about the last brutal failure
-i miss Olivia and i wish she lived around here...someday.

view from our future window in our mountain hostel in Switzerland. yeah i know.

Disneyland with Kelsey #3104455

stupid Facebook isnt letting me upload pictures again so here are some instead! yay!
ill try again for all of them on Facebook again tomorrow. yayyyy disneyland!

currently im doing 2 of my most favorite things in the world: watching ONCE and eating soy cookies and cream ice cream. i love it!

"do you know how much i hate taking pictures of you and the goats?"-Kelsey

where we first saw Merlin!

word.

soooo excited for Fantasmic!

goats have some aggression issues

California Adventure! woot!

Nemo!

traditional tram picture! yay! excited for a fun day!

The Best Purchase I have ever made! (prepare to be jealous!)

an obsession turned into reality. 

as you should know, Audrey Hepburn and Breakfast at Tiffanys are two of my most favorite things in the world. as shown by my purchases today. i love the internet!

one of the best scenes in Breakfast:

and look what i just bought for my trip to Europe (and home use of course)

they just found me! i was just going to get a boring set and suddenly these popped up on google! i love life!

(this is why we have 2 blogs today, utter happiness)

Tattoo

Tattoo:
this is what i think i want as a top sleeve.this is not me, haha. but this is what i could potentially look like...but id want it about half that size if possible. 

or maybe this sweet tree on my back

i finally made up my mind! 

worries:

1) tattoo artist wont be able to make it as amazing as the painting is, the painting is inlayed with real gold flakes and i dont know how bright tattoo ink can get. and the detailing is amazing and i just dont know how it would turn out if someone else was doing it all inky and janky. ill be stuck with it afterwards.

2) when im a teacher ill be bummed i cant wear any tank tops or shorter sleeves. but i want to be an art teacher (tattoos kinda expected). and i want to be a mom (my kids wont care). and i dont flash my arms around a lot anyway in professional settings.

3) ill find a lovely boy whos out on my tattoo...but then again, what a fricken weirdo if hed be over me because of that.

4) ill get sick of it, because thats kinda how i roll. i get bored easily.

i know these are all the reasons why tattoos are kind of a crazy thing to do, and it wouldnt be crazy unless i just did it anyway...but call me crazy for thinking before i dive into something forever. 

good news! (i saw a dog today!-Elf) i found some temporary Klimt (the artist) tattoos! yes! and i have some henna from India...this shall suffice until i make up my mind.

anyway, what do u think my loves?

so I play music thats what I do, and when i sing i lose myself

"So I play music thats what I do, and when I sing I lose myself"- Rosie Thomas These Friends of Mine

Today was a sad day. I had to drop of my macbook to get the fan fixed (at least i think its the fan, it just keeps overheating and i havent heard the fan come on in a long time). they said it would probably take about 2 weeks, which is forever for me without her. but luckily mom has her imac...but its just not the same. and stupid me saved all my photos and important documents on my ipod, BUT i forgot all our Europe documents on there. awesome. and i forgot my fresh to do list on there. so im kinda annoyed and worried if the hard drive should come back wiped ill be screwed. but it probably wont, its just the fan...right?

anyway. dear friends, soon i will be in the process of making playlists for my trip to Europe and i need your input. I trust you and your tastes, and i need some kick ass playlists for all parts of my trip. they can be broken into a number of different ways depending on how you think it would be best. we're gone a month, and we have a ton of long train rides, plane ride, and while im in museums i ditch the audio tours and listen to my own music and thoughts...so needless to say, i need some good playlists.

ideas:

by country: (order of travel, Rome, Florence, Venice, Switzerland mountain village, salzburg, vienna, berlin, amsterdam, and paris) i have a few ideas for some songs that talk about amsterdam and paris but thats all so far in this regard

by event: plane ride, sleeping, train ride, museum, walking, etc. 

by you: just make me a sweet playlist and ill think of you when i listen to it

by artist: such as, Damien Rice was my playlist for my first trip to India...it worked well for loooooonnnnggg drives and needing to chill. 

so respond to this note with a lovely list, add as you like and ill download what i dont have. OR we could just hang out and you can put it on my podi for m

e...thatd probably be the funnest:) 

Please have them ready by July 1st. ill be trying to finish summer school and in the last stages of my trip preparation by then so yay! we leave July 8th. 

thanks guys, i love you forever. pretty much going to be the best trip EVER.

all my love.

another hero.

You Are What You Love, and not what Loves You

"You are what you love, and not what loves you"- Adaptation as well as a Rilo Kiley song for that matter.

so i have a problem.
i keep on having legit crushes on married men.
i mean, its gotten to the point where i get all twitter pated around them.
ive even started avoiding them because i dont want to act like an friggen idiot and expose what a nerd I am. and because i dont want to flirt with them, which is a problem. so i just avoid them instead.

i feel like those kids who have crushes on the teacher...
except, i should be the teacher but im the stupid kid.

and worst of all, they have families and have been married for a number of years. but they arent old, they arent more than 30.

as ive been analyzing it, i think its because im so attracted to their lifestyle and attitude. i think im attracted to the idea of being a cute young couple with little cute kids and we hang out and do fun things.

i make up these stories in my head that they think im cute and pretty and avoid me too because otherwise we'd fall in love and runaway, except i couldnt because i have to much integrity...haha. and i make up stories about how their marriages arent good and they are secretly in love with me.

i should point out that i hardly know these guys. basically i know they're attractive, nice, have cute families, and we may have some things in common. thats about it. and yet im psycho and make up these crazy stories.

it sucks! i need to quit being around married/taken men all the time and find some lovely single ones who want the same things i do...eventually. and we can have fun for now and then ill be more patient to wait for the married/kids life later.

those are my theories.
I may have some serious problems.

one of my heros.

"For relaxing times, make it Suntory time"

"For relaxing times, make it Suntory time" -Lost in Translation

today i worked, took a mini nap, then went to play with the baby and uncle dan and Josi, then family dinner, then a paper, and now im watching Austen Powers 2...so funny...ive seen this movie a million times and its still funny everytime. im SO excited for Love Guru to come out...i love mike myers.

"We havent located us yet"

"we havent located us yet" - The Darjeeling Limited

hello dear friends.
well my grand adventure to Denver is over and im back home until Europe (so soon!). stupid facebook isnt letting me upload any pictures so you get to have them first! yay!

Denver was fun, after the airport blog i met my parents and we got the rental car and drove from the airport (which is in the middle of nowhere!) and went to dinner at a place like chachkees (sp?) from Office Space. then we bought some wine. then went to our hotel and hung out and watched the top 20 of so you think you can dance! so good!. i was real tired having been up since 430am. this morning we got up and went to moms graduation and it was so fun! they had 2 speakers, and one of them just talked about random crap like how going green isnt always true or something...none of knew what he was talking about or what it had to do with the graduation but he sure did talk on and on. then a chinese guy spoke and we couldnt understand him. then mom graduated! yay! the graduation was in an old mansions gym. it was really old, and sooooo awesome. then we went to visit my dads school he does the online program with, but its a legit old school called St. Regis University. it was really pretty. then we went and got long island iced teas at the airport. then i watched the best of will Ferrell. then we came home. i missed my bed buddies bella and worms. they missed me, they gave annie a rough time. such brats.

tomorrow im just chillin and going to my friend from schools 21st birthday party! im so exicted! i miss those girls so so much.

ive been working on a top 10 favorite movies of all time list to share with the world. i was even thinking of getting it laminated and keeping it in my wallet like Ross did with his top women he could do if given the chance. hehe.

ok, heres the promised pictures. yay for leaving boring SD!


430am and ready to go! did i ever tell u the story about how i was so chipper that the gas station guy asked me what i was on? yeah, that happened this day.

Please done leave Mommy, i promise ill be good...

as soon as we got to the hotel mom started putting her things on...her gradutation wasnt until the next day, haha. can you say, excited?

me and dad waiting for the fun speeches to begin

YAY MOM!

cords for Summa Cum Laude (like a 4.0 GPA) and national Nursing Honors Society, and she won the Deans Excellence Award (its a trophy, not pictured), and the little hood thing is her fancy masters degree things! wow!

YAY!


they had a reception after, free snacks! yeah!

mom and dad so excited!

dads super cool old school

waiting for the plane

i just thought this was funny

"I hate so much about the way you choose to be"

"I hate so much about the way you choose to be"- Micheal Scott about Toby The Office

guess where i am?! yep thats right! at the airport! woot! so far ive entertained myself pretty well for the last 2 hours...just one more to go! im currently sitting next to two cute older people who are also on their macs, they have a powerbook and a macbook pro. we've already discussed how cool and cute we are. i want to take a picture, but i decided thats pretty creepy so nevermind.

but i did take these pictures for you!
thats how i look at the airport (tired but still hot, haha)thats what i can see.

there, now you've gotten to experience a little of the Denver airport with me. arent you glad we're friends so i can share things like boring airport waits with you?

dont worry guys, i took like 3 pictures already this morning (on my camera) i can share the entire experience with you, your so excited. my 1 day in Colorado.

currently its cold and cloudy and rainy. i just wanna see the mountains!

i saw the cutest couple EVER with their fresh baby. the are going to be the icons of how i want to be when i grow up. they were so cool, they dressed kinda like cool hipsters but more laid back, they were in their late 20's (except hotter because they were pretty). the dad was pushing the empty stroller and had the backpack on with the baby stuff in it (so cute!) and the mom was holding the little baby which i didnt hear the entire flight! i have this huge fear that when i become a mommy im going to turn into a soccer mom. that me and husband will suddenly be uncool because we'll be so busy being suburbanites and so tired from the kids we'll just be boring and lame. i dont want to be like that. i dont know why i fear that so much, ive seen quite a few small new families that are just as cool as the one i saw today. not to say im not this way awesome person or anything, but i just dont want to lose myself into the mom-Oprah-housewife-sweatpants with stains-wrinkle cream vortex out there.
i want to be exempt. we're going to be beautiful, we're going to make our kids listen to good music while they're in the womb, we're going to dress like we care, we're going to dress our kids like they're the coolest (not expensive, just not like 1985 either), we're going to art museums and picnics in the park and flea markets to furnish our house. yes. me and husband and all our babies. i should probably just marry a rich rock star who doesnt have an alcohol or drug problem and be done with it.



ok, im going to do some reading for school now. something thats actually useful:)

lovelove.

A polar bear on a tropical island! there are so many reasons thats amazing!

"a polar bear on a tropical island! there are so many reasons thats amazing!" -John Stewart Show

well after 2 lovely weeks off of being nearly bored, now this week is crazy!
besides starting summer school and trying to fit in my work hours, im going to Denver for the "weekend"! yay! im leaving Thursday at the crack of dawn and until then i have like no time to actually get ready to go. tomorrow i have to work all day and then I have school for 2 hours, i dont get home till 830 and then i have to pack, clean my room so annie can stay here, and try and get to bed so i can wake up at 5am.

im so excited to go to Denver! ive never been to Colorado! and moms graduating! that will be fun! and im going to be chilling in the airport for 3+ hours waiting for my parents to fly in, so ill have plenty of time to get myself into some shenanigans. (expect a long blog that day, hehe)

im watching my daily john stewart and colbert report, gosh they are extra funny tonight!

lovelove.

this is the stupidest group of people ive over worked with who are not legally retarded

"This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded"
- Reno 911: Miami

Ive watched that movie 3x and 2 more times just watching my favorite parts, its seriously SO funny...the plot is dumb, but the one liners KILL me. oh man, i love comedy. just tivo it, its on HBO a lot. and of course, the actual shows new season just started on comedy central, yay!

so im currently at school an hour before my first class of the summer. i had to come before the parking office closed and get a permit and now the library is closed so im sitting outside just chillin. i hope my class gets out early today, sometimes the first classes do but usually summer school doesnt.

today i went to lunch with jen my friend from germany who now goes to school all the way in san fran. it was nice to hang out with her for a little bit, shes only in town for a few days. but shes going to meet me and cassie in Berlin! yay!

speaking of my trip, i cant believe how soon it is...hmm i should start breaking in my shoes. i dont really feel prepared. like, our hostels and plane is booked and paid for and ive made a day to day itinerary of what we're going to do each day (on average, of course its flexible). but i have a ton of stuff i need to buy and gather and i feel so overwhelmed with that task. i need to get at least 2 more pairs of pants or capris and thats quite a project since my body is weird and i dont fit into clothes well. theres all these random things i need from REI...packable pillow, locks, carabiners, converters, and some other things. if i had money id also buy myself some new rainbows since im currently using my moms and they arent my favorite and i havent had my own pair since last year in India when they broke because they were already old. i could use a few more shirts too. we need to buy our train ticket.

its just frustrating because im waiting to get my loan from school but apparently its taking forever and i just dont know if it will come in time. i think im just going to have to suck it up and get a private loan. which is fine, its just been such a hassle.

the campus is like dead. i think ive seen maybe 10 people since ive been here, which is weird since summer school started today. nothing is open, people r annoyed. lets see...this is number 20 thats tried to open the library only to find it closed...ooo hes cute...maybe he needs some assistance...

i really want to go to a padres game. my school can get my field level tickets (normally like $45/ea) for only $25/ea! i think itd be really fun...but im pretty sure after like an hour id get bored and wanna leave...unless i have some beer, then maybe itd still be fun. hehe i dunno. ive never been to petco park either, even just going there would be sweet. annie and cassie! lets go!

in other news, Bella and Lola got haircuts and they look bald and worms looks like her eyes r the size of marbles, HUGE. i started calling her "coon", like a racoon. so far ive called my dogs "cracker" because they're white, and now "coon" because of worms eyes (apparently im a closet racist), and bella has always just been called "fatty", "smella", even sometimes outright "fatso". i think my dogs r going to have a complex.

ok, i have to go and venture to the bathroom.

sweet! only 30min till class! yay!

whoa a girl just walked by that looks like Jordan...weird. aww jordan...i wish she were here for good already!

i wanna go on another date. and this time NOT screw it up. hmm, maybe ill go chase after library guy. but im tired of chasing, i just want to be caught.

lovelove.