Heart.

I had a plan devised.
I thought I had him all figured out.
This stuff is so complicated.
I was pretty sure after the "i dont want to be in a relationship because im moving" talk, I was positive he didnt actually like me that much and just wanted someone around to sleep with on a regular basis without a commitment, and uh hello, thats so NOT me. (For the record, we havent slept together, as if that was even a question. Some of us are still classy ladies and still believe in love.) So the plan was to tell him, I think we just want different things but besides a relationship, if your willing to just hang out and have fun...and not uh, just want to get into my pants, then im ok with that too. The plan was foolproof! uh, not so much.

He got the cold thats been going around, so he's all sick in bed and cant really talk but "wanted to talk because he missed me" (I know) so we did it old school, high school version, and he made a date with me for AIM. which began at 9p and went into the wee hours of the morning. Yeah thats right, AIM. talk about classy! haha. So finally, we talked about everything on freaking AIM. and we realized it was ridiculous we were talking about something so serious on AIM, but for some reason it felt ok. And then I was able to avoid that, "im all twitterpated and cant talk" thing I get when Im around him...yeah, thats a real problem.
Things that were discussed that Im willing to share. Most of it was too sweet to share with everyone, I want to keep most of it in my heart (this is a sign?).
Some paraphrasing for your enjoyment:
"so what schools that your applying to, do you want to get into most?"
"USC & Notre Dame"
"and how come?"
"well USC because then I could make you my girlfriend, and Notre Dame to just get out of here"
"whoa. serious?"
"well, yeah. I really like you."
---After my heart stopped dancing around my rib cage, I continued with an explanation of how my life after graduation is very open and I can go anywhere and do anything I want too. How I can teach anywhere. NYC isnt a for sure thing. But even if it was, Im up for "falling in love" anyway, Im not going to hide in my room and avoid getting close to people because Im scared i might get hurt. But thats just me.

and.

He also ensured me that if he just wanted someone to sleep with, he would have just gone to Pacific Beach (gross place in SD where all the partiers go. Its dirty and trashy, but all the college kids can be found there). and that he hasnt gotten into my pants yet, but hes still around. because he actually likes me. and is more than ok with me not being the kind of girl that sleeps with someone without being in love and in a seriously committed relationship. In fact, I think it made him like me even more.

and.

remember how I always go into lala land around him. I also get really nervous and am pretty sure I sound stupid and ridiculous the entire time we're together even though Im trying really hard to be soooooo cool. So Ive been really concerned that he thinks im stupid, because hes really smart. One of my issues is that im constantly concerned that people think im stupid. Ive been battling it for a long time actually. I know Im not, and it makes me so angry when i sense someone thinks I am or if I think im acting silly or fun and they'll think im stupid...its weird, but we all have our issues. thats mine. SO then this happened:
"listing more things he likes about me (i know right, tough life I live here), then SMART comes up"
"really? because Im pretty sure I get all twitterpated and act like an idiot around you"
"no, no I know your smart. and your cute. and I love your heart"

that last one, MELTED ME. I DIE.

and thats all you get. There is so much more to tell, but it was just so intimate and sweet I want it all to myself. This gives you the basic idea of whats happening.

basically: we're falling for each other, and we're both scared. talk about it.

I love that I was wrong about him.

But dont worry, Im still guarding my heart. And I told him that. and "hes sorry everything's weird."

So 1am rolls around and I have to be up at 6a so he tells me to go to bed. So I do. And just as Im coming down from my float on a cloud of elation, he calls me. To say hes sorry we had to talk about everything on AIM. and that he really does think im beautiful (how is this my life). and good night.

ok men, my faith in you has been rejuvenated. Some of you may not be all that bad.

So here we are. I just keep telling myself,

"Love is the journey, not the destination"

and reminding myself not to get carried away by that dang elation cloud.

love.

PS: enjoy these while they last, very soon they may be made super duper private. because. well. you know.

Catch Me If You Can.

So after fussing and fussing and finally coming up with a plan of action to deal with Number 2 kind of sucking, he called on Sunday afternoon because he was in Del Mar and wanted to see me later if I was free. I just so happened to be free...well, kinda ...but baking a pie and dyeing my hair can wait until Thursday (I know, I spend my time in wild and crazy ways)

We didnt do anything too exciting, just spent time together all romanticy on the beach...ok fine, it was kind of awesome. BUT somehow it came up that "what are we?" (believe it or not, I didnt bring it up) and all I remember are snippets because when Im happy I do this weird thing where I cant fully engage in whats happening around me because Im really busy dancing around in my head, uh yeah...but the snippets i remember were:
"well I dont think your going to like this...but the fact is, Im eventually moving..."
me: "im moving to!"
"exactly, your moving too...so..."
me: "I look at it like I can either have fun and enjoy myself until I maybe move, or just do nothing and maybe miss out on something awesome"
and then we decided to talk about it another time. Because I was happy and didnt want to ruin my moments, he probably got the vibe I didnt feel like discussing things. Hmm...maybe this is something I need to work on. because now I regret not finishing the conversation. I just like feeling happy. It happens so rarely nowadays (so dramatic).

anyway, all his talk would have been fine EXCEPT, wasnt HE the one talking about relationships since the second date? And wasnt HE the one calling me EVERYDAY? And wasnt HE the one talking about trips we might take together? and wasnt HE the one casually mentioning that Im possibly moving to NY and hes possibly going to school in NY so, you know...
I thought we were just casually dating until Mister "Im moving eventually" started with all this relationship stuff. Oh, I see, now its my fault.

And now I'm back in my over analytical mode trying to figure out what I want and what he wants. I keep going back and forth, back and forth about everything. I just wanted to date to have fun, but I was open to it getting serious. And I dont want to just be someones "whatever". I know I deserve more than that. And I wonder if he really liked me if he would be willing to take a risk and see where things go, but because he doesnt actually like me that much he just wants to keep me in the "whatever" category. Once again, Im debating whether or not to add this one to the "oh man, shes hot and I just want to get into her pants" pile of past gentleman. Man that pile is large. I really wish I had faith in the male species, but you fail me time and time again gentleman. Time and time again.

Through all of these adventures, I am realizing something very significant here: Ladies and gentleman, I am a catch.
There, I said it. And the more I think about it, the more I realize its true. Lets see, according to the many people I have met in my life I am what you would call "beautiful". I am well educated and intelligent. I come from a good family. I am well traveled. I am very friendly and outgoing and fun. I am honest, I dont drink too much or do drugs, I am extremely compassionate and loving. I am not crazy (debateable, I know).
SO um hello, a freaking catch.

So no Number 2, if you want to keep me in your whatever file, Im opting out. Either we are just dating and just casually having fun, or we are in a relationship (or on the way there). You dont get to have the best of both worlds and you dont get to treat me like Im not worth your time. Because Im a catch. Im the girl you take home to meet your parents. The one you tell all your friends about. The one you rearrange your schedule for. The one you actually plan dates for and take out. Thats the girl I am, the catch.

Ok, but seriously none of that helps because I still dont know what to do now. Ive prepared several speeches while driving in my car today, none of them were very good and all of them required me to be extremely engaged while with him which is pretty difficult when i go off into happy land the entire time. Ugh, I suck at this, I dont want to date anymore. Im not good at it and I just end up more stressed out than I already am which I didnt know was possible.

Someone just buy me a ticket and lets go to NY for a long weekend. We'll forget all our troubles and remember our souls. Ill take you to the MET and MOMA and shopping in SoHo and we'll flirt with beautiful men and go see amazing shows and wear all the winter clothes we never get to walking through the park. Ready? Lets go.

Frustrated Limbo

This is me frustrated.
So Number 2 was doing SO WELL and now hes got me all fussy and frustrated and Im questioning whether or not hes worth my time or getting frustrated over. As you may recall, the last time we saw each other was the 10th for a lame but nice study date -went really great. Then he told me he had to fall off the face of the planet until his GMAT on the 20th and I got sick so we've just been talking on the phone. He calls me almost everyday still, and its super nice. We have good conversation. Things are going well. Now his GMAT is over! yay! Now we can hang out, right?
I told him on Tuesday during our long "we're done with the GMAT and Teach for America Interview! yay!" conversation, Im free Thursday and Saturday. He calls but Im unable to pick up on Wednesday, call him back later and nada. Dont hear from him Thursday (so I guess we arent hanging out then?). and Now its Friday and he calls to talk and when I ask him about this weekend, he says he cant. Hes just really busy with his friend whose leaving the country and all his graduate application essays which are due in the next few weeks blah blah blah.
So now what.
I have no idea what we are because we arent actually dating because we dont actually go on dates. Honestly, I have a very vague recollection of what he even looks like because Ive only seen him twice and it was so long ago. I told him Im frustrated because this isnt how I date boys...uhhhh normally we go on dates? And he says hes sorry and its not me...blah blah blah. I dont know how to communicate how I feel without seeming whiney or like things are more serious than they are. I thought after the GMAT everything would be normal and we could just date like normal people, I thought it was just a little bump in the road and was really patient and supportive. Now I feel like Im just his "oh, im driving home from work and would really like to talk to a nice girl" girl. And im not dating other people because I realized it bothers him and I really do like this one...and it feels weird to date other people actually. But apparently we arent anything. I thought we were on the verge of something. He mentioned having a DTR even (determine the relationship talk), but I asked him to wait until we were actually present together.

This is just all so weird. Im trying to understand from his perspective, but im so frustrated and angry Im not ready for that yet. Honestly, I dont feel valued. I feel like hes not willing to spare me any time or make plans to spend with me. That everything else is more important. He tells me how much he likes me (not weird outright like that, but still), but I dont feel like hes showing it. But is he showing it, because he calls me all the time? And I know Im not a crazy person here, normal people go on dates...like on consecutive weekends or during the week. You cant even spare me lunch? nothing?

While before I was calling us "verge"...because we were on the verge of something...now we're just "limbo" because we are in this awful state of limbo where we are kinda dating but kinda arent and talk enough to be in a relationship but arent and its just limbo.

Ok, I need to go bake now. ARG.

One of the more interesting days of my life

WELL today was the teach for America full day interview here in LA.
First it should be mentioned that since driving up here and being here
I've been singing the line "Im in LA, trick." in my head. I've heard
the song like twice and don't even like that kind of music but it's
just stuck. And it makes me giggle.

Ok, now on to more important things. Important events from today:
1) enjoyed LA (trick) traffic this morning from Kathleen to the
interview location which was apparently in Korea town. Oh I just loved
it. All the signs were in another language and everyone drove really
well there! Ugh. But it was fun kinda.

2) everyone taught their lessons, then we had a group challenge thing
to work through, then we had a few writing prompts to answer, then we
had a problem solving packet. It was a doozy of a morning. I did well
at everything I think. Lots of ages and ethnicities in my group which
was sweet.

3) had like 3 hours in between the morning session and my interview.
Drove up to wilshire for some subway. While eating, a scrubby but
kinda cute just not my type black man hit on me. He asked me how I was
and what I was reading, etc. Just when you think he's just being
nice...he left before me and I finished what I was doing before
heading out too get back to the interview. As I was leaving he's
waiting outside subway and yells to me as I'm walking away "girrrrl,
your fierce!" and includes a snap just for flava. Yes I know.
Highlight of my day. He proceeds: "I was hoping you would be leaving
soon after me"
"yeah well, I've gotta go"
"where r u going?"
"I'm up here for a job interview actually"
"oh yeah? Where?"
"well it wouldn't b here..blah blah blah"
"oh well, I was gonna ask for your number but it your not staying here
then..."
"aww yeah, sorry"

And I couldn't help but ask myself, how can it be that I've been in LA
less than 24 hours and a boy already asked for my number but I've
lived in san Diego all my life and can't get a date unless it's from
online. How is this my life?! Haha

4) SO THEN driving back to the interview site the car in front of me
stopped suddenly, and I tried to stop in time but i just tapped her
car. I couldn't even back up because the car behind me was super close
too because it happened so fast. I BARELY touched her car so I didn't
even get out and just asked her if it's ok and she said no so we pull
over. NO dents. Nothing but a little scrape and some on my paint on
the bottom of the bumper. But she got all fussy and wanted my info. Uh
hello, that's what bumpers r for u crazy. Glad it wasn't more serious
I guess.

5) one on one interview went well. But i was so tired from such a long
day my mind kept blanking. But I pulled it together and did well I
think.

6) just waiting here at starbucks for Kathleen to get off work and
take me to dinner and just got hit on again by the cute black Batista.
Today the black men LOVE me. Must be the dress.

So that was my day. My ass hurts from sitting on hard chairs allllll
day. My mind is too tired o read the school book I brought. So here I
am.

Also note, I've been going through this weird food phase lately. Every
once in awhile ALL food grosses me out EXCEPT veggie sandwiches, and
bean/rice/lettuce/guacamole burritos. I seriously would rather not eat
than eat anything besides those two things. And it's always those two
things. It happens every few months. I call it my "I'm 5 years old"
phase because I'm so picky and fussy, haha. Maybe it happens when I'm
stressed out and don't have an appetite except for comfort foods...hmm
I dunno. But it really does happen all the time. Such a freak.

Ok I'm go back and flirt with this cute Batista. And ten go buy
thisdress in every color, jeez!

For the Record

Number 2 has called me every night since our date when I told him it
was certainly NOT ok that I didn't hear from him at all until after
his test. (ladies, boys ALWAYS have time to call or send a lil text.
Otherwise, do I have to say it? He's Just Not That Into You.)

And we talk for like 20-30 minutes and just laugh and it's so fun.
He makes me really happy.

This is seriously SO weird for me. Is this really me writing this? Me?
The girl whose been single since high school? (yeah, 6 years. I know).
The girl whose afraid of getting hurt so she doesn't let herself like
boys? The girl who was pretty sure she was going to be alone forever?

Yeah, that girl. She may like a boy who likes her back.

SO I think I might begin to officially let myself like this one. Hmm
on second thought, I'm going to wait for a few more dates. And the
extra weird thing is, i'm becoming less and less afraid of being hurt
and more and more excited to experience a part of life I've been
neglecting, romance. Even if it hurts. I think it might just be part
of the process.

ALSO I think I'm dying. I can't stop coughing, my throat is killing
me, and my body hurts like whoa. BUT I got to hear Number 2 be worried
about me and sad because that means we prob can't go out Thursday.
Also, his idea to go out Thursday after "he was going to fall off the
face of the planet". My charms changed his mind apparently.

Good things.
So far.
This is weird.
Are we still sure this is me writing this?

Lovelove.

More Birthdays and Dates, oh my!

Oh man, WHAT A WEEKEND.
I cant even believe my life right now. As in, writing and seeing this in actual font is going to be SO strange for me. But here goes.

Friday night was girls night out for my birthday! Some highlights for your enjoyment:
-Stayed in Cammies beautiful hotel downtown, he got us into the Hard Rock for drinks and dancing. So nice!
-I made one of the more beautiful men Ive ever seen in my life dance with me after he started flirting with me first (so ha), but then he peaced out and I found him dancing with some other girl later...haha. Reasons why the pretty ones are always jerk faces, right?
-my favorite part was when I kept trying to do booty drops with my friends, but was so DONE I kept falling over EVERY time. But then id just try again...and again...oh yes, I was THAT girl.
-random not really that cute asian man fell in love with me. I vaguely recall this, but there are pictures to prove it. Once again, yes, I was THAT girl.
-I couldnt walk home (again, THAT girl), so Annie got me a cab back to the hotel. Apparently I kept trying to talk to our JAMAICAN cab driver in Spanish. And he gave me a rose for my birthday which I found in my bag in the morning.
-Annie changed me, put me to bed, got me a trash can and went back out to meet Jordan and Kelsey to party until the bars closed. haha.
-SO SICK all night, morning, and next day. Just as I said last year on my birthday, "I will never drink again"
-Apparently Kelsey and Jordan were sick too, so heres Annie (annie? your crazy friend annie? the one you took care of in Vegas? YEP, that one:) running all around the hotel changing us and giving us trash cans...I cant even imagine, too freaking hilarious.
-dont worry, threw up in the car on the way back home the next late morning too. Seriously, DONE.

So those are some highlights. I still cant believe it all really happened since I dont drink that much usually and us girls dont get to even go out that often and that ANNIE was our caregiver. Oh man Oh man. I cant do this crap anymore, im getting too old;)





SO THEN. I had a date with Number 2 in the evening. I couldnt even move without feeling sick (seriously, THAT girl), and hes all stressed with his big GMAT coming up so he asked if we could move our date to another time. Obviously, more than fine. BUT we both kind of missed each other, and after talking on the phone awhile wanted to see each other...so I made him come up here and we did something lame but relaxing and kind of nice together. We studied. yep. Went to Starbucks/B&N and attempted to study even though we really just wanted to be with each other. But I got some homework done, and he did too surprisingly. But he kept getting distracted with "how beautiful I am", haha, hes such a charmer. Then we went to the beach and "hung out" before I made it home by 8. I still really wasnt feeling good, but being with him made me forget about how I still felt like throwing up every minute (cute, right). So things with Number 2 are interesting. Its kind of freaking me out that we have such a connection on only the second date. We really just click. And he said it best, "I really enjoy spending time with you...its just so easy...". That really says it all. Its just effortless and easy. We are really comfortable with each other. But he keeps talking about future plans as if we were going to be a couple...and however sweet that is, its still only the second date. Shouldnt that weird me out? Or should I just go with whatever. But heres the thing about going with whatever, either you end up getting hurt or you end up having to numb yourself to emotion and I dont want that either. Maybe I just need to tell him I need to take it slow. Plus, I still keep thinking hes just being all nice and charming to get into my pants. He keeps trying to convince me otherwise, but I have zero trust in the male species for this stuff...but then I dont know if Im being too crazy and need to give him a chance. Gosh, this stuff is difficult. No wonder I avoided dating for so long. But, I guess its life. Have to learn how to live it somehow.

He prepared me for him to fall off the face of the planet for 10 days. His GMAT is the same day as my Teach for America interview, how crazy is that?! So hes studying like a mad man, which is fine. I actually have zero time this week to hang out anyway, bestie is coming to town!!! But I did tell him he should at least call me or something so I know hes not dead, and because its polite and I dont put up with that crap (I didnt use those words though, haha). So we'll see how he does.

Tonight is my final birthday celebration! Out to dinner with the family to Ki's! Im excited to see my aunt and uncle and little lukey and sammy pop. Plus brother is coming! Plus, they have vegan food there! Yayyyyyy!

hmm...
I think even though Im potentially leaving next fall, I want to fall in love. I miss love. Its been a long time.

Ok, thats all.

Updates!

Birthday was FABULOUS! Yesterday I turned 24 (SO OLD!).
I know its not technically "old" but I just FEEL old.
Like, where has the time gone?! so crazy!
so OBVIOUSLY Bianca, Danielle, and Alyssa escorted me to Disneyland for the day! And OBVIOUSLY Bianca and Danielle made us each a tutu to wear all day! And OBVIOUSLY we all wore Micky ears and had such a great time!
Highlights include:
-literally, DANCING IN THE PARADE!!!
-literally, doing magic tricks at a table with just us, creepy magician, and WOODY from toystory!
-getting one of each dessert from the Blue Bayou, Id never been!
-using our wait in line time as photoshoot 2009 time
-making friends with EVERYONE because they all loved our little tutus
-having everyone wish me happy birthday all day at the park:)
-laughing so much all day it was OOC! (out of control. get used to it)
-everyone being SO tired from such a long day, but kept playing around in the park because we were having fun and didnt want to leave/were delirious.
-Danielle getting a speeding ticket on the way home because we were all laughing and not paying attention:(





Hopefully your our friends on Facebook, because we have lots more pictures on there! and by lots, I of course mean a ridiculous amount.

ALSO
birthDAY I heard from Americorp Teach for America letting me know I have made it to the final interview!!! It will be in LA on October 20th!!! I get to stay with Kathleen the night before and the night after the interview so Im extra excited! Such great birthday news!

ALSO
guess who called on my birthday? NUMBER 2. yeah, thats right. Number 2! He called to wish me happy birthday! (I couldnt believe he remembered, because I only off hand mentioned it once...I think...) and to ask me out again of course. We're on for Saturday as of right now. I dont know what we're going to do yet. But Ill keep you updated, dont worry.

ALSO
One called. He left a message, but I dont have his number. So I think Im just not going to call him back. I felt bad for like 5 seconds, but then it passed, haha. But if he calls again Ill talk to him and tell him something...but if not, then sweet. He called also to wish me happy birthday, which was so sweet.

Number 2 Gets a Promotion.

Date with Number 2 on Friday. (Although he will continue to be referred to as Number 2, he really deserves a promotion if his name was in fact based on rank. Which it wasnt, but still.)

To begin with, I debated about even writing a blog about Number 2 because things went so well (whoa). And because our time together was so effortless and fun, I cant even remember enough specific details to write about the things I normally do. Its as if, my brain finally relaxed and forgot to take notes. Looking back, I kind of felt like Sookie when she meets Bill in True Blood and cant read his mind and how relaxing that was for her. Or when Edward meets Bella in Twilight and the exact same thing happens. Not that Im not a nerd for vampire fiction or anything, whatever. But seriously, it was like that. Sooooo in light of all that, I'll try and give you some facts and leave out the details, because for the first time, they feel personal.

1) Movie in the park got canceled because of the random rain yesterday. BTW how weird/awesome was that? So we went to Sbicca in Del Mar, which is a new favorite of mine since whats-his-name took me there. Neither of us were hungry so we decided "to just get drunk instead" (laugh), which didnt happen because I am a lady so dont worry. Afterwards, we walked over to the beach area which was all sunsetty and romantic and we just "hung out" over there for a little while. Then we went to see the Invention of Lying which was hilarious but not what I expected and a perfect first date movie. Plus, during this time I found out he does in fact watch Arrested Development so that sealed the deal right there, haha.

2) We're both leaving around the same time! Which is amazing! Hes currently applying to fancy grad schools to get his MBA so he'll be most likely moving somewhere on the east coast. And hopefully this whole NYC teaching thing works out for me. For normal people this wouldnt be something they are into, but I was excited about it and I think he was too. Now we can have fun and see where things go without there being a ton of pressure. I mean, I know it will be horrible to leave anyone, but its part of life. Im not going to just be single and alone because I might be moving eventually. What would I be missing out on? This is the only life I get to live here. Have to live it.

3) We just get along really well. Hes super funny and sarcastic, and we just bantered and joked around with each other about everything all night. But we also had intelligent conversations about moving and traveling and such. Dont want to bring up politics or religion on the first date, then we'll really see whose intelligent (besides me, obviously). And I think we just may like some of the same kind of music (I KNOW). At least he knew who my favorite musicians even were, which is kind of a big deal. OH I just remembered something else, he asked me what my favorite museums were (nice question there amigo- 2 points!) and actually knew what they were and had been to most of them. Even the ones abroad. Probably because he spent 3 months backpacking Europe a couple years ago, whatever. And his friends all take turns planning trips each year, this year is his turn and they're going to South America. Whatevs.

4) He kept telling me nice things about myself (10 points?!). Unfortunately, Ive been having to immune myself from compliments from boys, and he was no exception. I love them of course, but Ive had to teach myself not to turn into their play-doh just because they called me beautiful...again. Which isnt hard to turn off since I get them so often now (Oh I know, tough life). And I have to be a little cynical here, because how often do they really mean it and how often do they just want to get lucky because they're pretty sure all girls have low self esteem? But he had some new more specific compliments I hadnt heard yet, so that was encouraging. Oh man, Im so jaded. jjj jaded.

5) This time, more than half way through the date, I realized I hadnt thought about whats-his-name ONCE. Number 2 is so much sweeter and more fun than whats-his-name he didnt even cross my mind. In fact, I didnt think about much of anything else the entire date. It was that "only two in the room" syndrome, and I liked it.

6) Major points scored when he called me on the way home to make sure I got home safely and to tell me how lovely everything was...although I dont think he used the word lovely, haha. Then he texted me the next day because "I should be studying but all I can do is think about you. Its all your fault!". So there you go. There's your detail.

Of course he said he wanted to take me out again, so now I just endure the dreaded wait for "the call".

TUESDAY=BIRTHDAY!!! Disneyland! Dancing with Girls! Dinner with family! Oh my! Cant wait!!! Not all on the same day, dont worry. I like to prolong the celebration of myself for as long as possible, obviously.

One Date Gone Wrong

And the adventures of online dating continue.

Well, as you know, I had a date with One last night. We were to get a delicious vegan dinner at one of my favorite restaurants and then mini golfing...which I was less than thrilled about, but whatever I didnt want to plan anything so I got stuck with what he planned, fine.

To begin with. I was just not attracted to him. I like my fair share of burly guys, but he was just plain overweight. And didnt even have a nice face on him to help seal the deal. nada. Plus, his personality was SERIOUSLY lagging. He was a quiet introverted type of guy while Im...well...not. And, our conversation was rough. I can talk until the cows come home but Id rather not, Id rather have a guy who can carry a conversation and ask me questions and give good answers and...you know, be normal. And my favorite part, was the details about his life. Lets see...unemployed, but applying for the Peace Corp (for a year from now, alright!), lives with his grandparents where he spends his days taking care of them because his grandma is going blind and is losing her hearing. I mean, thats super sweet and everything but COME ON. How are you expecting to get a girl if you dont have a job and live with your grandparents?! I just wouldnt even date until you had that crap together!

The other amazing part was how awkward he was about everything...I dont think hed been on many dates (obvi). He was hesitant to talk to any of the wait staff, I had to ask him to pick a wine and even then he just chose the one with the big picture on the menu because it was on sale and he didnt really know about wine, he didnt refill my glass when it was empty (but dont worry, he did tell me it was ok if I wanted more and to go ahead and pour some for myself), it was just weird. and you know what the worst part was? the very worst part? I missed whats-his-name. I know, I said it. But its true. I kept thinking about him everytime this guy sucked at being a good date. Whats-his-name was always SO polite and knew how to take a girl out. He had a nice car, a fancy job, his own place, nice family. And we always had the best conversations and greatest chemistry. He always refilled my glass. And let me go first. And talked to the waitstaff. Nevermind that Im 80% sure he just wanted to get into my pants and has been a jerk these last few weeks (probably because he hasnt gotten into my pants, obviously). So that was weird for me. I realized halfway through the date how my mind was on whats-his-name and it freaked me out. I mean, hello, he hasnt been a good guy. Im still really annoyed by his recent behavior. So that was interesting.

(AND for the record, Im not super shallow and only care about a guy having money. I mean, if I met a guy I had a great time with who didnt have those things Id be ok with it. In fact, theres a boy I still have a crush on who isnt wealthy and it doesnt matter to me. But I do require them having a job and hopefully not living at home...or in squalor. And thats really not too much for a girl to ask for. So rethink your comment about how Im a gold digger or shallow or whatever it was you were going to write, thanks.)

Anyway. Everything was so weird and kind of awful, that I just decided half way through the date to be my own date and have a good time as well as I could with myself. haha. So I drank some wine. Ate some good food. Talked as much as I wanted. Was all giddy playing around the mini golfing place. And at the end of the night Id had a good time...just not with him. haha.

All in all it was a good experience. I learned:
-A girl always needs to have an escape plan (I was out by 9, not too bad).

-Dont date younger guys (I already knew this, but I decided to experiment. Experiment gone wrong).

-If everything is lonely you can be your own best friend! (a favorite line from a Bright Eyes song that seems to fit the bill).

-Dont be afraid to be "mean" and peace out after dinner with your made up excuse. And when they ask if they can call and take you out again...dont say "maybe". Because now I have to deal with that. ugh.

Tonight, Im actually looking forward to the date with Number 2. We've spoken on the phone and he seems normal. But really im more excited to go see the movie in the park since no one else would have gone with me. So if everything is lonely again, I can be my own best friend.

I just really wish whats-his-name wasnt a jerkface. Things would be so much easier. Well, not really, but in theory they would be. That doesnt really make sense does it. Wine does this weird thing to me where it relaxes me but then I cant sleep...so Im tired. and a little delirious from a long busy week.