Rough & Ready.

I suppose it's been a rough week.

I kept almost crying all the time and could NOT figure out why when I realized...

Well your great aunt died. The embassies are being attacked in the middle east and your boyfriend works as a MARINE at one in South America. Your phone died and when you bought a new temporary one it also died so now you have no phone to talk to said boyfriend. And to top it all off its hormonal girl week to boot. 

No wonder you are so fussy.

Finally broke down and poured myself a tall gin and tonic this evening.

Been letting myself have naps and even 2 diet cokes this week.

BUT we are getting excited for our fun Christmas plans as we prepare for my love to come HERE in only 11 weeks!! Right now the plan is for him to go home and see the baby bear and get the full custody papers and such in swing, come see me here the next week while we BANG and secure an apartment, then he'll go back to his family for 2 weeks for Christmas and I'll go out there the day after Christmas for a day or so before we all pile in his truck and drive to socal stopping in Phoenix along the way for new years and to visit his brother. Our first family trip! Of course we couldn't resist staying a few days in the hotel we stayed at when he came to visit me last year...and The Peabody in Memphis for my first night there like we did in June...we are such old romantics. I don't know what we are more excited about, getting to BANG after 6 months or just being next to each other. Even something as simple as getting to sleep in bed and wake up next to each other is SUCH a sweet precious thing to us.

So there are so many adventures to be had. I will taking a road trip from the deep south with a 2 year old and my long distance boyfriend to move into our apartment here together. And I am no longer worried about how we will get along or manage or whatever, just SO HAPPY! And...minorly stressed out about the logistics of everything...mostly having to do with money for it all and custody. We are both saving like crazy but my medical stuff was expensive. Getting custody will be expensive. Flights, hotels, gas, snacks and activities for my new 2 year old (eeee!!!)...all costs money. I suppose worrying about it now doesn't help anything. Constantly trying to learn that lesson of living in the present....

xoxo

HL

And To The South We Went.

Well I am not completely sure where to begin. 

Everything. Was. Perfect. 

Ok, well not everything...but the important things were. 

We got to a rocky start with my flight having been booked for Friday morning instead of Saturday morning as we both thought...and LITERALLY almost not being able to even go (thank God for airline miles). Plus a hiccup with the rental car on his end being an extra $600 we hadn’t budgeted for. And some fun baby mama drama thrown in just for good measure. 

HOWEVER.

Besides all of that, it was genuinely the best week of my life. And the happiest I think I’ve been in a very very long time. 

So lets just start at the beginning. 

The Arrival:

What greeted me at the airport! DREAMY. 

I can’t explain to people never having been in long distance relationships the fear and genuine concern over how the reunion will go every time. Of course you talk to them for hours everyday and love them so much, but all of those doubts come up the days before you’re going to see them. And the moments before are just like butterflies all over your body Will he still think I’m pretty? Will it be awkward? Did I get fat? Does my breathe smell? The list goes on. But as soon as I saw him waiting for me at baggage claim in his full uniform (a surprise for me hehe), it was like every fear, anxiety, concern...just disappeared. And there was my best friend, favorite person in the entire world, and the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen just waiting for me smiling as wide as I was. I may have teared up kissing him and touching his face for the first time after 5 months (but don’t tell bf that). And then just like that- we were walking hand in hand back to our car like no time had passed at all. In fact he even said on the way, “You know its funny, I missed you so much, but now that you’re here...I feel like I just saw you yesterday...and we’re here on vacation together” He was right. It was like we’d never been a part. 

Meet The Family:

Not only was this a big trip of us seeing each other after so long, but also because I was going to meet his family and son. AND by the way- the only girl to ever do that (besides baby mama...which was by force...and everyone hates her...so...yeah). We picked up the Baby Cake and went over to his parents for Sunday lunch. I got to meet his sweet country parents and one of his sisters, brother-in-law, and nephew. Can I gush about Baby Cake for a minute? Because OMG. He spent almost the entire trip with us...besides my first and last night, and the 2 days we were in Memphis. I went into everything thinking it was going to be stressful, busy, and hard for us to not only try and be a couple, but now be a couple with a 1.5 year old. Oh boy was I wrong! We had A BLAST with that baby! He has this super sweet and tender personality like his daddy and just loved boyfriend so much he wouldn’t even let him put him down for the first 2 days. We would just hang out in the hotel room in the mornings, got him some toys and I brought him some books with noise buttons on them. Just snuggled all up on the bed playing, reading books, singing songs, messing around...SO MUCH FUN. One afternoon I took him swimming while Daddy took a much needed nap- I think I died of awesomeness!!! Turns out, being a mom isn’t that bad and is actually kind of amazing when you have a sweet baby! Plus boyfriend and I have the same parenting style and easy going personality, so it made everything go pretty smoothly. Baby Cake wasn’t perfect and of course had his moments, but it was always fine. In fact, the times we didn’t have him we totally missed him and would talk about him a bunch the entire time!

His parents and family were very nice too. Just good ol sweet southern folks. I got the full southern hospitality with a GIANT Thanksgiving style lunch on Sunday and more delicious food thereafter. We spent the first few days there in the evenings with the baby and just all hung out together watching movies...playing with him...boyfriend took me for a little walk around their big property (I saw a herd of cows!) and taught me how to shoot a gun (not at the cows)...just an all around sweet and relaxing time. Oh, and Boyfriend said his parents loved me of course. Apparently this morning his momma said to boyfriend, “So she’s the one huh?”- to which of course he replied yes. Teehee. 

Adventures Had:

In the afternoons when we had the baby we just did small things around Tupelo and ran errands he needed to do while home on leave. One day we went to where Elvis was born and got to see his little house, church, and a cool museum. Another day he just drove me the slow way around the town on the way to his parents so I could see the little towns, pretty houses, forest, country, etc (its beautiful there by the way). My last day we went to the Natchez Trail which is this old trading route from Tupelo to Nashville thats not a state park with a little museum and such. And one day we just went to a neighboring city with the air force base so he could renew his military ID and the baby and I played outside and watched the planes. I got to see a lot of the area and we just spent time together in the car singing along to the radio, eating junk food, and being SUPER silly all day. Easy. 

Our first family breakfast with the book I got him that he wouldn't put down :)

Snuggling at Elvis's Birthplace. We had such a good time.

On Wednesday we went to Memphis to go to Graceland and that night he had a big surprise planned for me that he’s been playing for months now. It may have taken us like 4 hours to get there because our directions were wrong and it may have included having to pull over and ask a policeman where to go, ending up in Arkansas on an exit with only a shack for fireworks and a turn with arrows pointing TO each other, and finally seeing the signs telling us where to go to which we both responded “FUCK YOU ELVIS! YOUR HOUSE SUCKS BALLS! YOU LYING WHORE” and since we’d missed our ticket pick up time and were afraid we’d get rejected boyfriend responded, “if they tell us we can’t get in, I swear I’m going to...I don’t know...fart in their little window and then hold it shut!!!”. UM YEAH, it was hilarious. Finally we got there, and I must say, we had a great time. The house was super cool and interesting, basically just a big party house with kooky themed rooms. And then there were all these extra things with his costumes and items from movies, concerts, his wedding, all the awards, concert footage...it was really well done. And then an entirely other area where we got to go inside his planes and see all the cars he had. Boyfriend loved it too! We just had so much fun being together, I think having something cool to do was just a big added bonus. 

For a late lunch we found a patio with two old black guys singing the blues and drinks and BBQ were to be had. It was the only day with perfect weather. And we sat outside drinking, eating delicious food, listening to good music, and being happy. 

Outside Graceland

Drinks and live blues outside in perfect weather with the love of my life.
I think I was shooting rainbows out of somewhere. 

The Big Surprise:

After Graceland he took me to my surprise. He arranged it all to go along with our official anniversary. Plus it happened to be a few days before we met a year ago in Bratislava, and almost his birthday. Plus just the fact that we were together- we had so much to celebrate. We drove into downtown Memphis and pulled up to this beautiful hotel called The Peabody, which is apparently super famous as being the place to be in the delta area. It was a big old hotel from the 1800’s with stained glass, fountains, old elevators, doorman, just this amazing gorgeous vintage hotel I DIED for alone. THEN I found out theres ducks who live in the fountain in the lobby that made the hotel even more famous because tourists come just to watch the march of the ducks everyday. So we go to our room, and not only is it HUGE but then I am greeted with champagne and flowers and an itinerary of the rest of our evening! Then we got into our big cozy bed and exchanged gifts. Prepare yourself.

HE GAVE ME A TIFFANY’S HEART LOCKET WITH A SELF WRITTEN POEM FOR A CARD. 

YEP. 

JUST TAKE THAT IN.

SPOILED. 

In exchange I gave him a pretty great gift for his birthday of a framed authentic signed Jerry Rice picture...which is his IDOL and he had the same reaction to his gift as I did to mine. Shock. Eyes welled up. Couldn’t talk. Just kept saying “I love you so much” over and over again. It was pretty sweet to say the least!!!

After some hot sex we took a nap and got woken up by VIP turn down service...which we were already in the bed...so I just took the chocolate dipped strawberries and cakes instead so we could have them with our champagne while we got ready for our hot date!  There was a hotel mix up with the restaurants, so instead of the French place we ended up at the Italian place. My man in his gorgeous blues and me looking like a perfect 10. Everyone down there love and deeply respect the military, so people were just randomly coming up to us and thanking him for his service, wishing us a good night, etc. We had some kind of weird deal with the hotel for the dinner, so we ordered crab cakes, surf n turf and a big fancy bottle of wine. Then they and they ended up bringing us extra lobster and the manager came by at the end to let us know our entire meal was taken care of!!! This is what I’m saying! 

What I got to look at all night. Who loves ME dearly. 

     

Then we went to Beale Street, which just walking down the street continued to get us attention, and landed at BB Kings to listen to a blues band. We had just sit down when a nice guy came up, thanked boyfriend for his service, offered to buy us drinks and added us to his tab for the rest of the night! Needless to say we got wasted. 

I suppose I am leaving out a key part to this epic evening. The entire night we’d be sitting across from each other, holding hands across the table, staring into each others eyes and smiling big goofy lovey dovey smiles. Every time someone came up to serve us (or buy us free drinks) they’d say “sorry to interrupt” because it was so clear we were just constantly having these moments all night. I asked him about that night later and he said he remembers just thinking over and over again how much he loved me and how excited he is to spend the rest of his life with me. I die. 

Then he slow danced with me old school style. 

Are you floating yet? 

Don’t forget the part of the evening when we drunkenly stumbled back to the room, he turned on this kooky 80’s song we laugh at all the time that has a dance to it, got naked and danced around the room to the song before collapsing in bed all snuggled up for the rest of the night. Didn’t even have sex, just passed out drunk. Oh man, we’re awesome. 

After a big breakfast brunch (where I tried grits for the first time!) we went to Oxford to see Ole Miss and the cute little town before heading back to Tupelo. 

Yeah, sorry if you threw up, but it was perfect. And I deserved it. 

Documenting our ballin room before breakfast. He's so dreamy! 

                                       

Drama:

Of course there was baby mama drama...she hasn’t been paying for day care even though he sends her money...they got into it when we were dropping off the baby the night before we went to Memphis...cue Jerry Springer scene screaming at each other in a gas station parking lot while she’s holding the baby and I’m awkwardly sitting in the car. She’s literally a crazy person. And wrapping my head and heart around having to deal with this shit for the rest of my life is taking time. But I tell him when and why Im upset and we try and work on it...hopefully in a few years things will calm down and be easier. Who knows. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, it was really hard for me and frustrating for both of us. It’ll be ok someday. 

Lovey Dovey:

The second day we were making out before getting up and he looks at me and says, “so when do we get to have a baby?”. WHAT MAN SERIOUSLY ASKS YOU THAT! I laughed and brushed it off, but he was serious. I think being around Ben made us both want to have one of our own sooner then later...so we’re thinking wedding next year and then a year later try for babies. I’ll be 28 or 29...seems about right. 

Another day he told me, 

“Is it weird that I just had to try really hard not to ask you to marry me earlier today?”

- This is what I’m saying. (Don't worry, I replied you better have a ring first sucka)

And randomly when we were being really sweet...or funny...silly...etc. he would turn to me and say, 

“I just can’t wait to do this forever with you!” 

But the last night was maybe one of the best. He got us this big fancy room at ANOTHER hotel in Tupelo with a HUGE ballin hot tub in the room on a pedestal next to the bed. It was amazing! We’d had some drinks with his friends before (who all loved me thank you very much), and then put on our songs and got into the big tub to snuggle. While we were making out he tells me in between kisses, “I love you so much. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Have kids with you. Get old with you. Just everything.” I almost cried, but held it together until we got into bed and I knew if we had sex I’d just start crying- and that’d be horrible- so I told him and he said. “Oh baby, do you just want me to hold you and we’ll just go to sleep?” So we did. (don’t worry he woke me up kissing my back and telling me he loved me at 5am...a regular occurrence...and we had some sex then. In case you were concerned)

So all of that to say.

I have officially found the love of my life. And he loves me back. And we’re going to live happily ever after (whatever that looks like in the real world). I just love love. 

Note: This realization was not without a break down on our anniversary night, I am not that perfect. But I shall write about that at another time. 

Last moments before we departed for another 5 months. Sigh. 

Until Next Time.

xoxo

HL

One Week.

I am a horrible person, and by horrible I mean, really busy with the new job and maintaining a long distance relationship with the love of my life, while still trying to see friends, not get fat, and see how long I can live on an internship pay for. All in all, sorry for not keeping up. I might make a schedule for myself of themes or something to force me to keep updating. We shall see.

ONE WEEK until I go to the south and see the LOVE of my life!!!

There has been quite a bit of debacle over the last 2 weeks as someone from boyfriends work was injured and had to be immediately sent back to the US, without him there weren't enough guys to cover all the shifts properly and allow boyfriend to take leave too. BUT on Thursday we finally got word that his awesome boss offered to cover for him and got it okayed by all the other bosses (seriously, the military is so much paperwork and disorganization I dont know how they get anything done) so we let ourselves breathe a little and officially got EXCITED for our time together in the southern country. eeeee! You should see our itinerary! Huge family party as soon as I step off the plane, have the baby with us the first 4 days/nights, going to an animal park with a petting zoo, sightseeing a little around Tupelo, Graceland and Memphis for a day/night with a big romantic evening he planned as a surprise for our anniversary, dinners and bowling with friends, and lots and lots of SEX.

Of course the last few weeks had to be littered with baby mama drama to boot, wouldn't want to have a dull moment without that of course. Basically when trying to figure out what they want to do for future custody and a documented money system between the two of them, she freaked the fuck out and refused to make a decision. I am such a nice person, but I can genuinely say THAT BITCH BE CRAY. She's lazy, stupid, overly emotional, dramatic, rude, immature...just everything you dont want in the women you have to be forever connected with. So they've just decided to go to court once he gets back (which I knew they should have done from the beginning because I could see the cray from a mile away) and we're going to try and get as much custody then as we can. Because...she's crazy for other legit reasons too. Dealing with the DAILY drama from her as he tried to get answers about what they want to do was really stressful on both of us. We never really fight, but 2 times he would get irritable and angry with me because he was still reeling from a conversation with her. We worked it out quickly and it was always fine, but its hard when you're so far apart. We also have all this pent up stress from our own work lives and from being apart for so long (5 months!!) that adding the baby mama drama and our trip potentially being cancelled tipped the scale a little too far for my liking. Plus, I just feel like it becomes a little to trailer park drama for me and that is just so not my jam.

However. The dedication to being a good dad, and just the love he has for his son is so precious and different from what I've seen in the media and even my extended family as being littered with dead beat dads who have nothing to do with their kids. Boyfriend has no way to get back to the area where his son lives for the next 4 years as he finishes his military contract. He could easily just send in the minimum amount of child support and have nothing to do with it. But he never has and never will do that. He calls that baby cake EVERYDAY, sends more then he's even required to make sure baby is taken care of, sends presents every month- who is this guy? Although I wish we'd had Ben between the two of us in a few years instead of having to deal with mama drama, the distance, and all the legal junk...I still couldn't ask for a better daddy to be so proactive and persistant in his sons care. I guess thinking about it now, its made me fall more in love with him. I can't wait to someday have kids with this man!

Speaking of which, I've recently been less freaked out about having kids soon and more YOU ARE TURNING 27 ready to get the show started! Oddly, I think after we get married someday boyfriend wouldn't care how soon or later we had them either. We can't wait to be a big goofy family together. And keep wondering out loud who let the two silliest people be allowed to spend all this time together and possibly procreate. Our house will just be shenanigans all the time!

I suppose thats all for now. Work is still the same...taking on more and more responsibilities and getting paid shit so I get to stress about money and having no insurance all the time, its pretty awesome. But I do love what I do and am getting really good at it. I'm nervous about being more vocal about my opinions still since I am still at a temp intern status, but am slowly giving more and more input. It's still an adjustment to be a newbie at this...teaching was like an old sock. I was good at what I did and knew it, not in an over confident way but in a "I don't take shit and have well informed opinions I am pushing" way. I was a leader and proactive in the community. Now...I'm a bit more of an expert in some areas but always feel like Im still learning and can't quite have an opinion about anything. Maybe this will change as I flip my role from intern to a real title and permanent status. Or maybe when I have more knowledge and am an expert in what I'm talking about. We shall see.

And now for a long weekend full of BBQing, sunshine, sitting in bed watching TV, and trying not to have an excitement attack about my ONE WEEK with my love. Oh man. My life.

xoxo

HL

Soon To Be Off & Away!

This is how I obviously assume the deep south with my love to be. 

Except I'd need to sharpie his skin of course. 

I haven't been good about updating here, which makes me sad since I find everything about writing here so refreshing and healthy. However, being a working girl now with new daily challenges, trying to cook and exercise more, all while trying to maintain our lovely long distance relationship...takes so much time. However, I can't complain- I am the happiest I think I have ever been. And I in no way take it for granted.

In BIG recent news I am officially GOING TO THE SOUTH! In one day, boyfriend figured out his passport stuff, got his leave officially approved, and bought EVERYTHING for our trip! Both of our flights, the hotel, and rental car. I am a very spoiled young lady, but he won't let me pay for things and just does it. I am looking forward to spoiling him with his birthday gift and fun treats while we're there- I like to repay in food, booze, and sexual favors obviously. THEN we got really nerdy and decided to make an itinerary of everything we wanted to do by day! Oh man, Elvis' birthplace, the cute little old town, antique fair, a day in Oxford, a day at Graceland and night in Memphis, getting photes done, and apparently he has a huge special evening planned for us as we happen to get to celebrate our 6 month anniversary together on this trip. Plus its right before his birthday and the night we met a year ago...a lot to be lovey dovey about. TO SAY WE ARE EXCITED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

We also had to make plans because baby mama is being a little crazy again (surprise surprise) and I wanted to have the exact days we were going to have babycakes so we and she could plan and things would go smoothly. So we decided after the family party the first night, baby will stay with parents so we can have privacy (HELLO I NEEDED SEX LIKE 4 MONTHS AGO), and then we'll just spend time with them and around town for the next 4 days and baby will stay with us at the hotel! Yeah, I get to play "Momma" for a few days and you know what? I am not nervous or worried at all. He's only home for 12 days and I am there for 9 of them, of course I want baby bear around so he can spend as much time with him as possible. And as I may have mentioned before...it's like I was made for this job. Basically a professional Momma since I was 15, I got this.

However, I am afraid I'm going to be really overwhelmed with everything and that might be hard for me. In one day I am traveling to the deep south and get to experience being in an interracial relationship there, meeting his entire family, seeing him which is omg enough, and then baby cakes, and baby mama...its just going to be a lot. He knows though, and especially with the time change I imagine I am going to be pretty exhausted the first few days. But happy nonetheless. PLUS our hotel has a pool, full breakfast, free wifi, is walking distance to a ton of places, and we splurged for the fanciest room on the last night. Gosh I am just thrilled. He loves me so much. We are so thankful to spend time together, don't even care what we do but everything we get too do is going to be amazing! Just good things upon good things.

Besides being beyond happy about seeing each other soon...everything between us is as perfect as ever. We still talk on the phone for 2-4 hours everyday and if we're lucky we are working at the same time and get to chat all day too! I am frustrated he only gets internet at home and can only use it in the common living spaces which took away our drunken-naked skype dates- but he did find a way to call me from home now for free too so at least we have that. Gosh we love each other. It's so silly.

And then work is going so so well too.  I love my job, am getting good at it, and everyone has been telling my boss I have been doing great and they want to flip me to full time/permanent/more money soon. She even bragged to the CEO about me yesterday! There is so much room for growth there and anywhere else- I feel like I am finally entering a world thats actually productive, lucrative, and always getting better. Plus, my Joan Holloway inspired wardrobe everyday keeps me classy and feeling less like a little novice girl entering a big boys tech world. I got this! How many ways are there to say I am good at what I do?!

Money has been frustrating. I feel like I have never had any. I'll be so thankful when this internship is over and I can make the big bucks...or really just enough to live on and not be scrambling every time I  need something besides food and gas. Do people ever just get married to avoid having to deal with money stress?! Because sometimes I want to. Such a good decision, I know. But then we'd have a free place to live, not only would I have health insurance but it'd be legit and free, and I could actually pay off this debt without being broke at the end of every pay period. Sigh. Someday.

Today my Titi is visiting and we're all going to take the train down to Old Town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo! I just want tacos and margaritas all over my body.

xoxo

HL

The Day I Saw The President.

I suppose I forgot to mention our family friend who does secret security for the president has been trying to get me a job working the Obama campaign. Either traveling with the campaign or based at one of their offices in LA. Step one was volunteering at an event in LA on Wednesday! It was only volunteer, but it was SUCH an amazing experience. The fundraiser was at a soap producers giant ass mansion in Beverly Hills and featured Jack Black and Rashida Jones as speakers, the Foo Fighters playing, and then of course the president speaking! There were only 300-500 people there so it felt very intimate and like we were one big family.

I was a greeter where everyone came in, and since everyone had to go through the same security I got to see all the celebrities and say hello to them! Mila Kunis, Don Cheadle, Herbie Hancock, the bassist from the Foo Fighters, and Wolfgang Puck were the ones I got to greet. Surprisingly I wasn't star struck at all...it was all very relaxed and I felt like I'd been doing this for ages. Maybe I am more LA then I realize. The highlight was definitely when the president spoke, I genuinely believe in everything he stands for, when he speaks and I am with a crowd of like minded people- it was just so encouraging. Plus, his speech was very relaxed and even funny sometimes. I love having a president I feel like I could actually talk to. Unfortunately I had to stand outside from 1:30-8:00 in probably the coldest day in southern California this year (seriously, couldn't have gotten above 45 all day and I was only wearing my cardigan with the rain), so I was pretty exhausted and tired.

I couldn't take pictures at the event, but a cheeky bloke snuck in from an LA based blog and got some good coverage of the event here. I must say, its strange seeing the pictures since I recognize everyone in them and it was such a small group of people there really! Theres a bunch of pictures right where I was working, but I must have been talking to Mila Kunis then because only my boot made it in.

So heres hoping I get an amazing job out of it!

xoxo

HL

Why Not?

Birthday Boy and I are still always chatting online about our lives and even reliving our brief, but fantastic, escapade. We are quickly becoming rather close friends and silly sex talk has turned into serious life, relationships, family, and future talk. He has quite honestly become one of my dearest friends/ex-lovers/?

Yeah thats right. The younger then me Marine from the south who almost threw up on me the first night we attempted to hook up and then 2 months later spent the most amazing time together before he moved to BRASILIA (how do I find these unattainable guys?!).

He is such a LOVELY man I was constantly in shock by how sweet he was with me when we were physically together and then how he continues to pursue and fall for me even after leaving. He knows my struggles with work, friends, roomie, and other things here in Bratislava so he- on his own free will- asked the international school contacts he's found there (working at the US embassy has its perks) and got a bunch of information for me to contact them. He said the teachers are always talking about how much they love working there, the weather and culture are amazing, and to teach English at university level or privately you can make $100/hour (INSERT OMG HERE). Plus he's mentioned more then once, "everything is great, all I need is you!"

Of course everything is telling me no no no. What happens if I get there and him and I don't work out and I'm stuck there? Or if I leave the few friends I have finally made here? South America is not Europe safety wise and I'll still be far from home too.

But.

On the other hand.

Why the hell NOT?

SO WHAT if I get there and we don't "work out"? I'll still be a professional awesome young woman living in the capital city of Brazil. I'll never be 'stuck' anywhere- we all make our own choices. And the few 'friends' I do have here I don't really feel like are my friends at all. We are at the exact same surface level we were when I got here. Besides roomie. But as discussed roomie is kind of crazy and is all wrapped up in her bf and work anyway. When I am having a hard time she doesn't even know how to hug me. As soon as I told her about birthday boy sending me this info and my surprise she was like, "WHY? GO! It'd be amazing!"

Plus, I am kind of over Europe to be honest. I feel like I've "seen it all" and am sick of the ignorant culture. Maybe it'd be different if I were in western Europe, but getting a job there is nearly impossible so why not take a chance and explore South America a bit? I am dying to see Machu Piccu, experience Mardi Grais, dance the tango and eat steak in Buenos Aires....are you allowed to swim in the Rio?

I think its hard for me to imagine doing something so...rash. I never saw my life like this. It was always...go to college, graduate and teach in San Diego, get married, have babies, live by family. And now its like there is this entire...WORLD...I can just do whatever I want to! If I go to Brazil for a few months and enjoy my time with the sweet guy and it doesn't work out? I can just go somewhere else! If I leave Europe to teach in South America and then want to go back? I CAN! If I get over living abroad and want to move back to San Diego- what a concept, get ready- I CAN.

Of course I am still constantly worried about my mum. And I'll still be a long and expensive plane ride away. But then again, I moved here barely knowing one person and look how far I've come? How about moving somewhere to be with a boy I have a serious connection with and already has an established American community? Whats the difference really?

So someone might seriously be considering moving to...Brasilia. Yeah, that just happened.

Thoughts?

xoxo

HL

Failure?

Am I failure if I DO decide to just go home and stay home at Christmas? Now that I've realized I don't really have any friends here, work pretty much sucks, and my living situation will forever include a +1 boyfriend- I am starting to reconsider my choice to stay. Plus the very real issue of missing my mum and another "scan" (cue scary music) on her body in December. Of which the results could be very life altering.

I think what I love is living in a real city and not with my parents (go figure). Walking outside my door and having cafes, stores, even museums at my disposal. I can WALK 5min and be home from the bar. My apartment is beautiful. Although travel is more feasible since I'm already here in Europe, money is such a constant problem it's not like I can really partake in much anyway. And I keep thinking of moving other places but then realize I'll be even more alone there than I am here so what's the point? I know all of this "living in Europe" business sounds absolutely glamourous, and maybe it is if you're in Paris, Madrid, or Italy...but alone in eastern Europe might not be my cup of tea. And moving as an American to those other places is near impossible.

However, what keeps running through my head is "don't give up!" and I feel like if I go home to live with my parents -unemployed again- I will feel even worse. And then again, not much fun to be in Europe with tons of museums and beautiful things to do...and no one to do them with.

When I sit and try and listen to my heart she says, "YES, go home. Do it. Don't even think twice about this one. Go."

So here we are.

Gosh I wish therapist wasn't out for a MONTH on a seminar tour, I'm dying here.

Bon Voyage.

Well its 5:30a on the day I leave. I don't have to go until this afternoon but we all know I don't sleep much the night before I am off and away. Trying to enjoy my last moments in my pillow/memory foam topped bed with a sweet Bella all snuggled up on my side. It's so emotionally draining to be so sad to leave a place but so excited to go back "home" at the same time. One minute you are up excited to see your roomie, friends, go out dancing, have your own flat again, be back in your little Euro city, and the next moment you are down because you are going to miss so many things about being home. I walked slowly through all the stores today taking in all the English words...spoken English...American products and brands where I can read the labels and ask for anything I need...the huge openness of everything...endless options...but mostly, feeling like you belong and everything being familiar. 

I will miss all of that. 

Saying good bye to friends and family again over the last week has also been difficult. I knew I was missing something in my relationships in Bratislava, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Having a history with people and having them know and love so much about you is something I never considered that important. I figured that all but 4 of my friends in socal had moved away so there wasn't really a point in me sticking around either. Now I see how AMAZING it is to have 4 fantastic friends in your city who you have known for years and can be completely yourself with. And how precious it is when your other friends DO come into town and you are able to catch up. It might require extensive driving around the city sometimes...but its worth it. To feel so at home. It's hard for me to want to go deeper with my friends in BA knowing we are all so temporary. We love each other, but besides roomie and I, we don't talk about anything serious going on in our lives or from our past. We just are what we are for the time being. Which is great and lovely, but not better then my loves from home. 

However, I am not happy living at home in the suburbs with my parents. After a few weeks here I got really irritable with the same things I did when I lived here before, so I know when I move back I can't be here more then a month without going out of my mind. So it's time to start saving saving saving. While here I saw a glimpse of what my life would be like if I moved down south in the city. I realized I have an entire group of friends there that I LOVE, there are tons of things to do, its relatively cheap, and far enough away from home so I won't go crazy but close enough I can still come up for family dinner on Sundays. I have been wanting to move down there FOREVER but the timing has never been right, I am hoping in 6 months it will be. 

Things with work are crazy again which is another reason I am considering not returning after Christmas. Everything was getting better in the last few months before I left, but I am about 98% sure I am heading into a shit storm when I get there. SERIOUS people in admin have quit, gotten fired, or are being seriously reviewed and they haven't even officially told any of us. I found out from roomie who is still friends with people from when she worked there. I guarantee they aren't telling us on purpose because they know we wouldn't come back if we knew. They'd rather greet us on the first day back with "so...you might notice some people missing...". PLUS we were paid 5 days extra late this month. We were theoretically supposed to regularly be paid 20 days earlier but legally speaking it was only 5 days late. Its complicated. Either way, theres no excuse for it and its ILLEGAL to pay us late but because we are foreigners and don't know how to report anything we are kind of stuck into getting fucked every month. It's just not a healthy environment with everything being so insecure and up in the air all the time- it leaves me stressed out and anxious which I don't need on top of being a first year teacher in a foreign country. So we'll see how the year goes. 

I am SO excited to go dancing this weekend at our old haunts! I've only been once since I got to socal and am just not used to not going out every weekend. I just love it so much! 

So I guess this is my good bye socal. It feels like I just got here, I can't believe how fast it all went! I will miss so many things about you.

Back to Europe I Go...

xoxo

HL

Adventures in LA LA Land Day 2: The Getty

Seriously, lounging around reading your Google Reader Blogs, watching TV, and snuggling with doggies all day is HIGHLY underrated. Such a lovely day.

Saturday evenings after 5pm The Getty's $15 parking fee is waived and they are open until 9pm- so obviously that means I was there. As much as I love the location and architecture of The Getty, as someone who actually knows their art, I find I am almost a little disappointed in their collection. A few pretty things, but nothing of real note. And their temporary exhibits are always kind of...eh. (read: I am spoiled from the New York & European museums)

But I did enjoy their current photography exhibit featuring Felice Beato. Really enchanting images from when Japan and China were closed to foreigners and photos from a colonized India. Just incredible buildings and people you only read about in text books.

It was just nice to wander amongst the pretty buildings filled with drawings, statues, and photos. Too bad they don't allow photography inside and it was dark out...

Just some snippets...

Love those changing leaves.

More adventures to come,

lovelove.

PS: Currently snuggled in with these two doggie love bugs watching the Constant Gardener and drinking alone. Might bake some cookies. Yep, 25 and single. 

Adventures in LA LA Land Day 1: LACMA

SURPRISE! I am writing to you from my NEW! NEW! NEW! Macbook Pro!!!

Quite the surprise for me too as I just went to go use my computer this morning and got another hard drive error message. I have been up and down with that piece of crap mac book...it just hated life and I just wanted it dead. The Apple store lady was like..."well your hard drive and CD drive and other internal things are not working...plus its like 4 years old...it might just be time for a new one". Mom agreed. So I bought one. Just right then and there. At the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Which took me like an hour to get to because of getting lost and the parking debacle that is "I'm too poor to pay more than quarters for parking LA". Technically I was only supposed to be like 15 minutes away. Oh, the city.

THEN it was time for my adventure at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA)! I took myself on a date to see a preview screening of Rabbit Hole, a beautiful film I've been really looking forward to seeing with Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. Based on a pulitzer prize winning play, it hit pretty close to home for my family, and was so wonderfully acted...a real treat. Seriously, go see it now. Plus there was a Q&A afterwards with the director and playwright, annnnd it doesn't even come out in theatres until next weekend! The ticket included entry to the museum, so I got there early and just got to see the loveliest things.

I must say, one of my better planned days ever...

 The entry way sculpture is just wonderful.

First things first, climb as high as possible and see the LA skyline. Oh PS, there was a wind storm and it was SO FUN!

 A part of one of my favorite HUGE pieces. This is only half. 

 Really neat.

I like to call this, "The Broken Egg Series- A self portrait" ha. 

 I couldn't help it. Yep, thats MJ and his monkey Bubbles. Enshrined forever. 

 Always love me some Warhol.

Then they had this FANTASTIC fashion through the centuries walk through with a dress from every time period. Just amazing. Plus a little creepy.

Then the rooms were pink and mirrored and I was in heaven.

More adventures tomorrow, stay tuned!

lovelove.