Progress.

Not sure what to title these anymore, I am writing now so far and few between that an entire update could have so many names. I do miss writing, but by the time I stop moving at the end of the day the last thing I want to be doing is sitting at the computer any longer. I think I will have much more to update once our little bear is here and I am in full momma mode.

I am proud to say his precious room is almost finished! Sadly we don't have a "before" picture when the time comes to do a comparison simply because there wasn't anything in there. Just my old dresser, boxes of our stuff we hadn't unpacked yet, and an ironing board. Literally, we had nothing for him. The bounty of donations and thrift store /cheap finds has been overwhelming. We have so many clothes and toys for him now its surreal. I am just putting the finishing touches on over the next 2 weeks and then am excited for the big reveal. Some of my girl friends said it best when they saw the progress last week "AWWWW and he's never had his own room or things before so he's going to walk in and it's just going to be so special for him!". Exactly. Boyfriend and I are buying our plane tickets this week, including one for little bear. We should all be home memorial day (eeeee!!!).

On weekends when we lazily wake up in the middle of the day, we find ourselves missing him. We know so much of our lazy time just between us will be gone, but adding him to mix for snuggling and laughing just seems so fitting. Contrary to what I thought about having kids (and what I can tell my friends still think)...having your babies around isn't like a chore. Its so much fun! And you dont get to see them all day while at work so every moment together is special and wonderful. And after everything hes been through, we just want to give him the world.

In other news, work has suddenly gotten better. Boyfriend laughs because it seems like every time I want to up and quit it will suddenly get better and I am fine again. Although this time, it's a significant change, they now have me doing training at least 1-2x a week on our various products to different internal groups. Often I am the key presenter and content organizer so its been using my best teaching skills in a really tangible way. I have been enjoying work now for 3 weeks and counting. Plus, last Friday I gave a HUGE presentation to almost the entire company about the site re-design we've done so far. Not only was I the key presenter, but I also organized the entire training, made notebooks for everyone with notes and screenshots to follow along with, followup activities, etc. Afterwards, a few co-workers encouraged me to shmooze with the CEO to see why they are hiring outside the company for a training manager job when I am clearly doing it already and made it known I wanted the position. I have a feeling its the HR lady with a stick up her ass overlooking me, so as soon as I got back to my desk, I set up a lunch for Monday with him. I am nervous! Secondly, I think after little bear comes and I am forced to cut my hours a little, I won't feel so chained to my desk all day there either.

Other wonderful and amazing things...

Blessings...

Meet Cherry, my new sweet whip (yeah I said whip).


Went camping with all my besties!!

Me and the bf hiking

The rest of the cute crew (including Picket laying down hehe)

We are trying to lay low from now until the little bear comes to save money. Three plane tickets, a rental car, new daycare, and 4 days of unpaid leave is expensive! We are both taking the first week off that he is with us to do some fun things all together and get him acclimated. I think on the agenda is the zoo, beach, USS Midway, getting acquainted at the new daycare, and swimming and BBQing with his new grandparents (who might die of excitement until he gets here). We didn't want to try and do too much since it might be overwhelming for him, but just enough that we aren't bored around the apartment all day. I had to put my Disneyland dreams aside until the fall when he'll be a little bigger, more settled, and it'll be less crowded- sigh.

Because of the saving money mode, we decided to do a whole lot of nothing this weekend. Literally, just slept a bunch, snuggled, read, caught up on sexy time of course, watched TV and got drunk at home. It was the first time either of us has spent the weekend not running errands, on a trip, or just busy in SO long we were quite content. Plus, boyfriend may have tried out his new migraine injection just for fun and ended up sick with side effects and an apparent allergy. Then I had to give him benedryl so he could breathe properly, but he passed out all day from those side effects too. It was like a bad movie but also pretty funny...he didn't even have a migraine, he had just gotten them from the doctor that day and was curious and bored so...yeah. This is the man I love.

And with that I shall bid you adieu. Time to bake some sweet treats for our amazing neighbor I shall have to write about another time.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

xoxo

HL

Sweet Givings.

What a sweet weekend boyfriend and I had together. Well, Friday was a bit of a mess when I was running late to work so I was going to drive to the train...but then my old car wouldn't start. So with my injured foot I tried to run and catch the last train I can take to work...and missed it. By then I genuinely didn't have another way to get to work since boyfriend needs his truck and I needed to figure out what was wrong with it. Plus there was nothing going on at work anyway so I called in sick. It ended up being VERY needed as I cried in boyfriends arms later with the "what am I doing with my life? I am so unhappy!" speech that warrants it's own post for another time. I can't even tell you exactly what we did. I really wasn't feeling well mentally and think I really needed the day off. We put up some pictures around our place, my dad came by to try and help with the battery, I cleaned a bit. And otherwise I napped and read and tried to rest. I've been feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated lately...it was so needed. And we didn't realize how little we've seen of each other these last few weeks. 

Saturday we had a day full of errands and adventure together gathering our donations. First we got a big train table filled with train parts and pieces, a little wooden table and chairs, puzzles, games, and other goodies for our bear from my uncle. Then we drove wayyyyy down to pick up the bed which ended up coming with the box spring and a little head board and footer which were from my mom's friends brother growing up- perfect for my vintage preferences. After easter dinner this afternoon my mom popped the fancy Britax car seat we got from our cousins awhile ago into our trunk too, to which as you can see, Bella took to quite nicely ("finally you bitches got me a throne"-Bella). We still need to get organized and paint some of the furniture, but other then a few small things we are ready for our little buddy! Plus we still have more friends dropping off some toys, clothes, and books in the coming weeks. 

I feel so blessed. And have needed to remind myself when I get overwhelmed by all we have to do, the business I want to start tutoring, sorting out our finances and just everything that needs to be done- to stop and remember that God provides. He has provided for us abundantly during our entire relationship and attempt to get our sweet pea. It was always in His timing and plans that were better then ours. I worry about everything all day and today's Easter service helped remind me how generous God has been and will continue to be. Basically, I need to calm the fuck down. (Thats right, I talk about God and say fuck in the same paragraph. What of it?). And continue seeing where good things are happening in every seemingly dark place.

We are so excited! I think boyfriend might explode from happiness. And every time he talks to baby mama she continues to confirm that she wants us to have full custody. She's even planning her next job maneuver already based on us having him. 

xoxo

HL

Everything All The Time.

I feel like my life has become so stressful and overwhelming, exercise has become necessary for survival. I somehow injured the right side of my foot over the weekend and it refuses to get better so I tried to rest it a few days (it's seriously painful even while resting, let alone walking) but couldn't take it anymore and finally just went on the bike for 30min today. I could feel how down and gross I felt everyday this week even though I was still eating healthy and sleeping well. I can't function with my work life being so crazy busy everyday, everything we have to do for little buddy, and never getting to see my love. I've actually been kind of depressed lately.

What kind of life am I living? I work a corporate job I almost always hate, run errands, and clean all week alone. Then try and shove as much fun into the weekends as possible. How is this my life? What choices did I make to get here? It's rather dramatic of course, but still feels real. My job isn't that bad, it's just not my passion and I am working toward my career goals by applying for teaching and tutoring jobs so something is bound to come up. And there's no getting around the bf's work schedule just SUCKING and my life being full of chores and cleaning to support my man who works so damn much. Plus I am tired all the time from constantly being woken up by him coming home at 4:00am and not being able to go back to sleep.

So yes, I am fussy ALL the time. And yes, exercise relives my stress and rejuvenates my energy. Gives me something to do only for myself- for an entire hour. And lifts my mood so I don't want to punch people in the face all the time.

Overwhelmed With Joy

I don't even know where to begin! We are so overwhelmed with joy and blessings beyond what we imagined its hard to even take it all in and attempt to write about it.

My love spent last week visiting little bear and working with baby mama to get the custody agreement signed.

Boyfriend was ecstatic the entire week with the bear. He sent me all these photos of them playing outside for hours and hours at his childhood home doing the things he did as a kid. One text was "I feel like all of my dreams are coming true! I am walking through the woods just talking with my son". I would get teary sometimes thinking of him treasuring every moment with the little love and how little bear must just be having the time of his life getting to spend time with his daddy. He's such a daddy's boy despite being raised by his mother. He wants to call him all the time and anything we give him he carries around well after we are gone and prizes above all else. Even with me! He's told his mom how much he loves me, his parents told me he treasures the books I give him, and he always likes to tell me about everything going on when we call. We love that little boy so much. It breaks our heart to hear the poor choices she makes for his life and how normal it seems to her due to her upbringing. His parents have been a big help but we also found out DHS was called on her by a stranger and random people of low quality character we don't know watch him during the week while she works. It's been painful to say the least.

However, God has been good to us.

By some miracle of God she agreed and signed (with a notary of course) that he could come stay with us until the fall and then she would have him for the school years and we'd have him for the breaks and summer until he was six and started kindergarten, once he turned six we would get him majority of the time from then on. It also included the money, child care when he's with her, and other important things that have been so so hard for us these last few years. She even finally agreed that if boyfriend is deployed or has to leave for military needs while little bear is with us, I will be the custodian until he/she makes arrangements otherwise. This was a big hurdle for us!

We have already been so joyful even about this progress and arrangement. Starting to get his room arranged and picked out what we want for it (once we have the money of course) has been so fun and exciting, after leaving it to sit sad and semi empty these last few months we finally feel like we can get started. Money has been tough, we want to fly out to get him ASAP but three plane tickets and a rental car is a lot of money plus even used car seats and some toys and such that we must have before he comes isn't cheap. But then today happened. Today when we thought we were already so blessed.

Baby mama called to tell boyfriend she thinks we should have little bear full time and she will just have him for breaks and holidays going forward. She knows she can't provide for him like we can and never gets to see him with her schedule. Sweet Jesus. Is this for real? The same hour I got a reminder about the deal from my airlines credit card that I get two $99 companion tickets and a day of free club access if I buy one round trip ticket. They fly from here to boyfriends home town and the dates we want to go aren't blacked out. What the heck? When Jesus was whispering to our troubled hearts, "Be patient. Be patient" is this why? Did He hope her heart would turn like this? Did He know this month the money would work out? Are we being blessed the pants off of?

The tickets alone will still be around $700 so we need to save and sort that out and mom and I are going to make a plan for what we need from now until then for him and work on it since boyfriend works so much right now. And we need to get her to sign a new custody agreement while were there. But all of this to say, our baby is coming home in about a month and we don't have to give him back. I feel like I just adopted a child. We are so happy it's ridiculous!

I am going to be a mommy!

It's Been Awhile...

By the ever wonderful Kurt Halsey

I have wanted to come and pour out my heart, truly I have! And there isn't even an excuse of time since my love is still working evenings and mine are spent laying around watching British dramas and making Trader Joe's dinners. So there isn't a proper excuse other than the breadth of all I feel I'd have to say. And how draining it makes me feel. So I don't even begin.

However, my boss is running late so I am snatching away 15 minutes this morning so try and get back in the game. I miss writing. I miss the time. Hopefully this will kick start me back into the routine of it.

Things are very much the same. His work schedule is still really hard on us and I am still crying here and there throughout the week. Usually Sunday afternoon when he leaves and I know I won't see him again for 5 days, and Thursday evening when I go to bed alone again and just can't take it anymore. I don't think the time apart and alone is really as difficult as the weekends seem to be. We have Friday evening through Sunday afternoon together each week. We don't really want to see anyone else and there isn't enough time to go away for the weekend, take a day trip on Saturday (since he needs to stay on his sleep schedule) to do something, or even see other friends and family who miss us. The last two weekends have been bombarded with invitations to girls nights, boys nights, family nights, etc that we can't deny and want to attend...but then its hurts our time together. And the left behind person gets upset and lonely knowing their love is somewhere else. I know it's better then him being deployed or away in Brazil like last year- this I know. But our little time together is so pressured. And I just feel sad. This is not how it is supposed to be. You aren't supposed to be away from your love like this. It'd almost be easier if he worked away for weeks but then was HOME when he was home and we could be together. It'd be about the same. Except we wouldn't get to sleep next to each other for 3 hours at night. Which isn't very exciting.

So I finally broke down and decided to ask for a half day on Friday's from work. It's been a month and is only getting worse, not better, and I feel like I should take advantage of my flexible work environment while I can. Then at least we'd have Friday afternoons off together and could do things on the weekend if we liked and just the 5 hours more together AWAKE would make such a difference. I don't know why I feel so nervous to ask!

Furthermore, we want to do premarital counseling, some cool couples retreats the base offers and any regular doctors appointments or government hour errands I need to run don't get done unless I take a half day here and there. Why not just have this planned time?

In other news I am still moving my ass and loving my new fitness routine. I literally can't believe my energy levels and how good I feel. If anything it is really helping with the stress and need to stay moving and keep busy while dealing with this change in our lives. Even working out 4 days a week I have only lost 2.5lbs in the last few weeks, but weigh in and take new measurements again Wednesday and expect some more. I'll be honest, choosing non processed, lean proteins, low-carb foods is easier than I thought it'd be. This is the easiest "diet" I've ever been on, which is good since it's not really a diet. Just a life change that's been in the works for a number of years. Slowly but surely cutting out icky things until we've gotten here (except on special occasions and some meals so as not to starve myself of things I like and risk falling off the band wagon entirely). I also broke down and quit cooking full on meals and just get the Trader Joe's semi prepared meals. Their salads and wraps for lunches with a fresh avocado, and fresh marinated lean meats and vegetables for dinner. Throw in some protein shakes for breakfast, nuts, and fruit for snacks and that's pretty much all we eat. Literally our fridge is a pile of salads for each of us hehehe. My stress level from meal planning and preparing went from a 10 to ZERO. Plus our food budget somehow comes up less and less each week too. I even found goat cheese filled ravioli there one carby night for this cow milk allergic lady! I really want to lose a significant amount of weight to at least be where I was a few years ago, but slow and steady wins the race I suppose.

Currently MOVING: 4x/week. 2 miles a day, running 1/2 mile of it. Strength training 3x/week following the run/walk. Arms, chest/back, legs. Killing it.

xoxo

HL

Roses Amongst Thorns.

I feel like God has been so sweet with us lately. I have noticed now in so many recent situations how frustrating or annoying they would have been, but how He provides these little glimmers amongst the clouds.

Like week 2 of my love working the night shift. We are both really struggling with it. He leaves before I come home from work and returns while I am sleeping at 2am. I go to work in the morning and he's sleeping- literally we don't get to see or talk to each other 5 days a week and its SO HARD. I literally teared up leaving for work today and find myself jealous of ALL the other guys whose wives don't work and stay up at night so they have the same schedules. (PS how is that real, why don't you bitches HAVE JOBS). Anyway, enough moaning- I know many other families and couples have it much worse. However, gosh does this make you thankful for the little things.

Like setting my alarm 15min earlier so I can just snuggle and kiss my sleeping boyfriend.

Sacrificing sleep for a 2am catch up and kiss.

Or today after a long busy day at work when I get a "Baby can you get my dry cleaning and bring it to me on base, I need it asap" text. To many people this would seem a hassle. And to top it off, when I arrived they said it wouldn't be ready for another hour. But oh no, what a joy. There was a fun street fair right outside of the dry cleaners I got to walk around and eat dinner at then I got to SEE and KISS and HUG my love and we were both AWAKE. It was 5 minutes of complete ecstasy.

I've noticed it in so many other places too.

Everyone on the train being rude? Look up and theres the beautiful sunset over the ocean rushing by.

Feeling a little lonely and ignored? Suddenly a lunch invite comes in from a co-worker wanting to catch up.

Out of money and paydays not for a few weeks? BOOM tax return hits.

Seriously, all of these have happened just in the last 2 weeks.

There is genuinely beauty everywhere if you just know where to look.

Be present.

xoxo

HL

Content.

I think we've moved past our first few weeks of "growing pains" between us. I am learning not to take things so seriously and he is learning to be more sensitive with me. We haven't had even a minor disagreement in quite awhile and are settling into our routines and time with each other. It's been so so sweet. I've noticed this  shift come over both of us. It's crept up unknowingly and I didn't realize it until this weekend when someone asked how our place is coming along. To be honest, it's about the same. Couch. Small TV. Coffee table. Dining set we rarely use because we like to snuggle and eat together. My old bedroom furniture. Mostly this is due to finances and knowing we'll have more money coming up so we wanted to wait until we could afford the nicer things. I've had my eye on some great pieces at our local consignment shops that I am excited to add to our place when we are ready...but at the same time...we are just really content. We would rather spend $80 on a fun sushi dinner out together, making up for missed dates and adventures, then buy a side table we don't really miss as it is. The lamp is on the floor and it's fine.

Saturday night (after spending $80 on sushi...ahem) we decided to spend the night in to save money. I made us home made pizza dancing around in the kitchen all silly, we got drunk at home on spiked sweet tea, and snuggled up watching movies until we fell asleep. Staying home on a Saturday night cooking and watching movies used to be a once in awhile thing for me. I wasn't happy being home when I knew there was fun things happening a few steps out the door without me. I imagined a time when I had more money and friends and could do more things on the weekends. Suddenly, here we are. Perfectly happy (if not outright ecstatic as seen in my dancing around the kitchen so junky pop music) relaxing at home and enjoying the infinite time with my love. Glad to be out of "the game" of trying to find a man, get a free drink, get some attention, etc. Instead of dressing up in my sexy dresses with heels and makeup, I am home being loved in a little house dress. No make up. Hair up. Flour all over. Happy as a clam.

Still not entirely fulfilled with my job right now. Still frustrated with the long commute and lack of time with my love during the week. Our apartment is a DISASTER and it's driving me crazy. But I am still content. And am choosing to enjoy where I am with my career right now. We don't need no stinking side tables, cable TV, or fancy bedspreads! We are happy just the way things are.

xoxo

HL

Survival Sex.

More on our Vegas weekend family extravaganza to come, but for now to revel in our favorite part of the weekend: the hot post Vegas club hotel sex.

Being in a committed relationship (when your significant other is actually HERE now and not across the world) and living together changes your sex life. It's weird. We've fallen into this pattern of "Survival Sex". After being a part and hot n' bothered for a year, I rightly assumed we'd be doing it ALL the time once we were together. I forgot that we get up at 5:00 AM everyday and didn't realize the daily struggle to have life and time together done by bed time every night. Furthermore, I spent quite a few days a bit upset that boyfriend was "too tired" to do it and thought something was wrong with me. However, now our week nights as we fall into bed (usually at 9:00pm like two old people I might add) we either snuggle for a few minutes before going to sleep in our separate sides of the bed, or we have our survival sex. We call it survival sex because really, you are just doing it to survive. Don't want to be grumpy and irritable all day from lack of boning, so you have some good quick easy missionary survival sex before passing out. But the weekends. OH THE WEEKENDS. The weekends I am surprised we even get anything else done.

A weekend in Vegas was no different. Except this time we were dressed up and drunk in the beautiful club at the Bellagio where we kind of got to pretend we had just met that night. I seduced him and got the "so...do you wanna get out of here?", we stumbled back to the tram where somehow the gods gave us our own car so we could feel each other up the entire way back to our room, and proceeded to have hot heels on, dress pushed up, pressed against the window Vegas sex. But as a bonus its with my committed boyfriend so it's not awkward and no fear of diseases or babies!!!!

After a weekend of two nights at the club and a hotel room all to ourselves, our bodies are thankful for the work week where we can go back to survival sex...or just passing out at 9:00pm. I love my life.

xoxo

HL

A Whole Heart.

The last 2 days have been rough. With my love getting so much crap from his work guys about the whole strip club debacle, he's been irritable and seems angry and frustrated with me. Then to top it off I have been so sick of crazy baby mama always texting him to talk, like they are best friends or something? She's telling him about who she's dating, random life things she's excited about, etc. It might be a little different if she didn't JUST tell him last month that she's STILL in love with him and had a temper tantrum when she found out we were planning on getting married. It's all just so inappropriate and disrespectful to me, and furthermore WEIRD between the two of them. He say's its just until the court papers are signed and then he won't have to be so friendly with her anymore...but it's been like this since we've been together. Can't they just be civil without being this weird friend thing?

Besides her he has these other girls always calling him when their boyfriends are breaking up with them, is making friends with groups of girls at the bar when I am not around, etc. To say I am tired of it would be an understatement.

All of that pent up. All of it sulking around in my heart. I just bottled it up and tried to forget about it, not let it bother me, move on. But of course as soon as he asked me what's wrong I exploded everywhere. Then when we snuggled up in bed later even more came tumbling out. Everything about his frustration over the Vegas and strip club issue, why the other women bother me, why it feels like I still don't trust him when I get upset about it, how I am afraid our issues are "too big" and am scared we won't make it sometimes, even the little issue of the help I need around the house. Even that I haven't wanted to mention because I didn't want to be nagging. All of it tumbled out between us in the dark of our little room. With Bella snoring on the floor beside us.

The sweetest moment was when we were talking about the other girls bothering me, and how sometimes I get worried our issues are too much and we won't make it (I don't have context of what's 'normal' in a relationship or not, who does?). All he said was, "You are the only girl I've ever loved with my whole heart..." and proceeded to tell me he's NEVER had concerns or worries about us. He KNOWS we are going to be together forever. That even though we are having some growing pains of just moving in together and everything in our lives changing, we love each other and always work it out. I don't know why I hold back talking to him about things, there's always some reason or another I rationalize. But then when we finally do talk about whatever it is, he takes everything in stride. Works to identify exactly what I am upset about and how he could do better. Reminds me how loved I am.That it will be ok. We will work it out. Helps that we also got to seal the deal in with a few rounds of sexy time too. It's been awhile since we've been able to because his hip is bothering him a lot after falling down some stairs, it's been hard on us so I hopped him up on ibprofun and we managed to make it through without him keeling over in pain.

After all of that I woke up this morning feeling so refreshed. Like this burden I've been carrying around has been lifted. The sky is clearer. My heart is lighter.

I feel inspired to continue working on being more open with him. The results are always so sweet. Why do we hold on to things? I know I am afraid of being rejected, but he's never done that to me. So why do I continue to cling on to things that are hurting me, why can't I learn?

Tomorrow after work we are off to Vegas for a surprise family reunion for my cousin being deployed in a few weeks. Plus my love has never been, so we can party it up and are glad to spend so much time together this weekend. PLUS he gets to meet my crazy Aunt's who I also haven't seen in a good minute.

Love is challenging everything you ever thought you knew about yourself. In a good way.

xoxo

HL

How Is This A Real Argument?

Please explain to me how this is a real argument? Girlfriend isn't comfortable with boyfriend going to a STRIP CLUB in VEGAS for farewell party for a friend from work, friends from work all give boyfriend a bunch of shit about it, somehow it's girlfriends fault?

Why am I now getting the sarcastic comments, cold shoulder, and meanness? He say's he's not angry with me, but the asshole is still very present and hurtful. I would guess he is just angry and doesn't realize he is taking it out on me like this.

Oh the growing pains of moving in together!

We are having so much fun most days, but moments like these are so exhausting.

How dare my boyfriend and future husband even think it appropriate to ask me if it's okay he go to a strip club? Where has our society fallen to when someone thinks this kind of behavior is perfectly acceptable? Furthermore, how dare I be the "bitch" in the situation by saying "Oh ya know, yeah I do have an issue with you all going to look at naked women dancing while in the backrooms the guys are getting blow jobs and taking the prostitutes home with them. Weird huh." I AM NOT IN THE WRONG HERE. Unfortunately, my love works with all macho boys with confidence issues (Marines) who tease the crap out of each other about anything and have wives who apparently "don't care" which makes the situation worse. But why does it have to be my fault? Why can't he be the one who says "Sorry guys, I'm not into that kind of thing" because HE knows its not okay either. Why do the women have to be the scapegoats and "bitches" here when really it's a morality issue.

What's worse is this is one of MANY upcoming "let's go to the strip club" events my boyfriend now has to work around. His brothers bachelor party, his own bachelor party, etc. It's weird because I don't care as much if they were to go see a sexy show with some boobies or if someone surprised him with a stripper for his bachelor party or something, but a strip club? In Vegas? How am I supposed to ever be on board with that? And why is it expected of me to be?

Luckily, he is taking the heat from work and standing his ground. I am reminding him that OUR family (being us and little buddy, plus any future kiddos someday), we do whatever we feel is right and whatever we want to. If people want to judge us and give us crap, then so be it. I am trying to be prayerful as well, I have moments of weakness when I want to give in "FINE JUST GO" but I know I will be upset. And I know it's wrong. And I know it's not the kind of example I want to give my children. 

So we march on...

xoxo

HL

Challenged.

Love is so sweet.

Honestly, I just love having my man around. I can't believe how nervous I was for him to come and us to be together. Most of me knew it was going to be okay, but the nagging in the back of my head and the weird looks and comments from friends, strangers, and family about our situation left me often considering- maybe we ARE crazy? But gosh do we love life. Every moment together, even when we are fighting or just sitting and watching a movie feels special to me. Being able to check things off of my "do with bf" list every week. It's just such a special time, we feel like newlyweds. 

But boy does living with the man you love challenge you. Not in the way you would think, and the way I thought when people said living together is hard. It's not in the "don't leave your dishes in the sink!" way. That stuff we are figuring out and it never escalates  But in the way that...I am learning so much about myself already that I never noticed or knew before. Frustrating things I need to change in my life. Twice this week, and once in Mississippi I had one too many drinks and insulted my friend or the bfand then the bf accidentally. They both knew that I didn't mean to be so rude, and love me anyway, but bf called me out both times. And I have some serious issues with filtering things I say while drinking. I cried my eyes out both times because I felt so horrible. And hurting the people you love the most is heartbreaking to say the least. The bf told me straight up, "Sometimes I just don't think you filter what you say and realize it's going to hurt people". Damn. 

So I am taking the next steps ASAP. Firstly, limiting the amount of alcohol I drink for awhile. Half because of this and half because I want to lose some weight (more on that later). I am going to try and always stop at two except for special occasions when more might be necessary, such as a long evening event. I am also trying to be more aware of what I say, my tone, when I say things, etc. Apparently sometimes it's not what I say, but how I say it that hurts people or has pegged me as kind of a bitch. Finally, and most importantly as I feel rather overwhelmed by this personality change overload...I am praying. I learned long ago the only real way to make changes is to give it up and actively ask Jesus to do things in your life for you. I want to try and ask Him in the mornings and of course in the moment when I am struggling. If you aren't spiritual like this I understand, but even meditating when you are in tough situations is proven to make all the difference so I am not a crazy person here.

I also want to work on how I react to these situations. I was so upset every time I got called out for being a jerk. Although this is sadly a natural reaction, really I should have responded with a self-realization and change on my part. Not a cry fest and "I'm such a horrible person wahhhh" night. I am doing better now. Even writing this I am thankful for the exposure to the change I need to make in my life.Thankful to the moments when my love sweetly points out something I may want to work on. Thankful to God that these are the reasons he gives us other people so live and love so closely with. To make us into better people. 

I love that I now have a new years resolution that ISN'T about my weight and health. Of course that is a big one too since I gained about 15lbs last year, but I am tired of my outside being my biggest focus. I am thankful for something my inside gets to tackle for awhile. To top it off, I am also feeling drawn to doing some volunteer work with the bf. We both love kids and are really good with them, plus after so much practice in odd and potentially unusual situations, we could do a lot of good things for others and our hearts by doing a little service somewhere. So it would appear 2013 is about making over my inside a bit. Being more loving in what I say and do. And in turn being more loving to my body in what I give and do not give it. Looks like I have some work ahead of me.

xoxo

HL

Home for Keeps.

It's been much too long. Two weeks without writing leaves me itching every morning at work to shove my to do list to the corner and open this sweet blank page to attempt to express how much my life has changed in just the two weeks.

Quickly, a recap of our Mississippi to San Diego adventure. It was sweet to spend time with his family and the baby while I was there. He was able to mostly finalize a custody agreement with crazy baby mama (included plenty of crying and confessions from her on still "loving" him...awkward), but in order to do so, he had to leave me with his Dad and the baby at his house for an entire afternoon. Then the next day did it again to try and get the babies bed from her. So by the time we got to leave to start our trip, we were READY. Not ready to say good bye to little bear, but definitely ready to leave boring Tupelo, being around family ALL the time, and wanted to just spend some time together alone. We get to go get the little buddy at the end of next month or so, which we realized was better anyway. Time to get his room together and sort out day care for while he's here. It was hard to say good bye, especially since I could see he already has some security and attachment issues...not to mention not being on a schedule AT ALL which was baffling to this teacher/nanny. I will be glad when I can be a proper step mommy to him for awhile. We left and drove the entire 24 hours straight to Phoenix. I may have driven for like...6 of it. I was a horrible girlfriend and bf was pretty fussy with me toward the end. In my defense I felt like I was going to throw up most of the trip AND we drove through the night so I hadn't really slept and wanted to kill myself. We made it through! Mostly we were fine with just a few fussy moments as expected.

Afternoons of snuggling

Wearing Daddy's hat on the way to Nana and Papa's

When I gave him his Christmas present which I hear he has now worn out.

This one, KILLS ME.

However, something sweet but challenging happened on the last 2 hours from Tucson to Phoenix. Something I think required my love to be a little sleep deprived. And us to have so much alone time and empty space to fill. The something being: He told me everything he's never told anyone. And from someone in the Marines that's a BIG deal. Just imagine the things Marines have done and seen. The things that give them nightmares. The things that aren't supposed to traumatize them so they don't tell anyone that they do. Those things. All of it. Every last detail, every last emotion, everything. A few details he couldn't tell me since they were classified such as where and what the mission was for, but otherwise it was the first time he had ever been so honest with anyone. Afterwards and even over the next few days he would ask me things like, "So are you sure? With all of those things I told you, you aren't scared to be with me now?". How could he be any further from the truth. If anything, the honesty and trust he had finally built with me after over a year so he could tell me meant more than the content. I explained this and it's sweet to see him believe me now. I promised I would never tell anyone what he said, and I won't. But my love has gone through more than I ever thought.

Being with a military man is challenging in so many ways that are difficult to explain to anyone else not in this situation. We are trying to get together with some of his work friends and their wives so I can have some support and relationships with women I can relate to. Especially since he'll probably be deployed in September (Thank God not February like we originally thought!). I think I will be ok, but having women who feel the same things and I do and can talk about it I think will mean so much. They even have a new club they started which I might join! Most of these women don't work (in fact, everyone in his shop are married and all of their wives DON'T work. It's weird.) so they have time to plan and organize cute things which I will gladly take advantage of!

And so my dear friends, after this long while of being without my love. Being single and frustrated for so long before that. Being so hurt along the way. I am so so SO happy now. Content. Joyful every morning when I get my wake up kiss and cuddle. When I get to cook for him and hug him. When we come home and miss each other after working all day and just want to sit on the couch and snuggle and catch up. I am beyond blessed. And while our love and relationship is so sweet, it has also already challenged me in ways I never imagined. More on that to come.

xoxo

HL

Baby Cake Update.

Last week was rough. The up's and down's on the emotional rollar coaster of us trying to get the baby cake to come live with us was exhausting. After the bad news that the little buddy wasn't coming with us and that we'd have to pay and fight if we ever wanted him to, Boyfriend spent at least three days more depressed and broken then I'd ever seen him. We even got into an argument because he was talking about just giving up, why maybe leaving him with that crazy lady was a good idea, that he wasn't sure he even wanted to spend any more time with the buddy if it meant he'd never get to have him. He was so defeated. I let him spend a day being defeated, but as soon as he started speaking this way I refused to put up with it. To the point, that I knew I didn't want to be with a man who was going to refuse his child only for the sake of his own sad heart.

When I tried to encourage him and tell him he needed to get it together, he got angry with me for a bit. Sometimes he just needs me to let him be upset about things, and its hard for him to have someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with that. I understood his feelings, but to be honest, he only had a week left to spend with the little guy before leaving and not wanting to see him for fear of the heart break really wasn't an option. Not wanting to fight to be the Daddy for your child who desperately loves and needs you wasn't an option. After a few hours of letting him cool off he called me to apologize and explain why he feels so defeated. Then that evening he went to get the little buddy and crazy baby mama was actually being more civil and open to a proper custody discussion again. This glimmer of hope, this little speck of possibility of getting to have him again at least gave us the bandaid we needed to make it through. After all of this, I still don't believe anything until a paper is signed and filed with the court. Boyfriend feels the same and is working on at least getting a semblance of a document signed and filed before we leave. Otherwise it's back to whatever her crazy whim is each day and us saving the $1800 for a proper lawyer.

On one hand we've mapped out the silver lining to this whole debacle. We were planning on having him come with us. We even bought activity books and games for the car trip. We are still mourning when we have to say good bye. But to be honest, we weren't ready. His room is still a pile of my stuff that needs to be organized, we need a new bed for us so we can give him my old one, we have nothing else for him besides some kid friendly dishes. This could have been remedied but it would have had to happen all this weekend with me running around town attempting to put together a toddlers room with our dwindling moving budget. Besides that we don't have his day care sorted or even the military documents and money figured out. None of that can be done until he starts work January 10th, so who knows where money for day care would have come from until that was figured out.

So we are thinking of giving it 3 months, time to save up for a lawyer if needed. Time to get his room and the rest of the apartment put together, have daycare and on base stuff figured out. Plus...time for us just to be together. Adding little bear to the mix would have been wonderful, but of course its an added stressor to two people just starting their lives together. Having a few months "honeymoon" without the child responsibility I think will be important for the foundation of our relationship. Refreshing after being a part for so long. Getting to do all of the fun adult adventures we want to have before we add the sweet little cake to the family. Tiny silver linings we are trying to give to each other when we think of them such as "Well, now we can go wine tasting without having to get a sitter...can go out properly in Vegas...New Years Eve will be a blast..." So I know it'll be ok in the end. It's just been exhausting getting here. And I know those first few hours after we pull away from his sweet face and Mississippi with our empty back seat are going to be the roughest I think we've spent together. I expect my big bad Marine will even shed some secret tears only I am privy to see.

He calls me "Eh-Ter" and tells me he's "playing with Daddy and eating apples"
and so many things. And then I die.

Sweet pictures and phone calls I get from my precious boys.

Just a few more days until I get to see them and snuggle with my loves! 

xoxo

HL

A New Life.

This week marked the beginning of our new life together. Understandably I was MIA all week long being reunited with the love of my life- so now is your epic update. The apartment is beautiful and ours and amazing but equally looks like a pig sty and I am still barely unpacked. I have a feeling it will be a project for awhile. But it's ours.

I have to say, after being long distance for the majority of our relationship I was so afraid of everything falling apart when we lived together. What if things are different? What if we annoy each other? What if he gets sick of me? So many things. Or the classic Miranda from SATC when her bf wanted to move in "Then you will know my sponges smell!! Wahhhh". However. Contrary to all of my fears. Everything was just perfect. We didn't get on each others nerves, actually we couldn't bare to be a part from one another all week. I think I took a nap in the bed while he watched TV in the living room one day (so he won't try and grope me the entire time I am sleeping. Seriously, put on ESPN and then you can get some sleep/function) and after I woke up I ran out to snuggle with him because we missed each other. Seriously, we're obnoxious. But after being a part so long it was like I was whole again when he was with me. That hurting part I had learned to numb and ignore while he was gone was finally full and I didn't want it to end. And I know I sound girly and lame, but he's the same way. He'd count down until I came home from work or went to run errands and would run and kiss and hold me as soon as I got home. He gets fussy when I need to nap or sleep because he wants to talk to me. So I am not the only ridiculous one here. I am sure this lovey dovey will fade eventually, but for now it has been so precious and sweet.

Having someone around to love and take care of me was also such a special treat. He opens my car doors, carries all our bags, tells me to just relax and sit while he gets me a drink or snack, buys me little things, just loves to take care of me. It was so refreshing to not have to do everything alone all the time. He laughs at how thankful I am even for the littlest things, "Baby, I bought you a tooth brush and some almond milk. It really isn't that big of a deal" but it is! No one has done things like that for me since...I don't even remember. And certainly not a boy just because he loves me, EVER.

So we are happy. It was a week of lovey and laughing (seriously). Highlights include...

My surprise night at the Scripps Brit Bed & Breakfast downtown for our first night. A B&B in a huge old Victorian house. Only 7 rooms and no kids allowed. A beautiful breakfast made to order. The service and rooms were just a dream. I wanted to move there...which I exclaimed out loud several times in fact. He picked it knowing I would just love it because "I love old things".

Spending a day running a thousand errands that really just signified us starting our lives together. Getting a shared savings account and a fancy new checking account for me at his military bank. Getting approved and a check for his car loan. Getting him an iPhone and starting our family plan together. Visiting and measuring the apartment. Buying furniture. Getting him to try my favorite fish tacos for the first time. Such a good and productive day where we didn't even get grumpy with each other the entire time! 

Moving into our new place!!! Seriously, the longest day and week ever...but also the sweetest.

Look how handsome my baby is in this one. Oh man!

Not even living in our new apartment for 24 hours before trying out our local bar for dinner and drinks while the bf watched his games and laughed at me for not knowing ANYTHING about sports. We found the Irish bar within walking distance to our place. Our lives are now complete.

Decorating the Christmas tree and house with my parents, brother, and brothers lady friend. Cookies, booze, pictionary, and snuggling. So so nice.

Getting to take my handsome gentleman to my company's fancy holiday party and showing him off to everyone. We got to dance the night away and get so drunk we went back to our room kind of early to eat all of the free snacks in our room, fail at banging, and passing out drunk. Seriously, my soul mate.

Yesterday was our last perfect day together before he went back home for the holidays. An AMAZING breakfast in bed in the hotel post Christmas party laughing and watching Christmas movies together. Spending the rest of the day snuggling in bed and watching LOTR- Return of the King while eating pizza. Pretty much our favorite thing to do ever. Eating and watching movies all day in bed naked is probably the best thing to do in the entire world. We cherish every time we get to do it and know once the cakes come it will be a rarity. 

This morning I dropped him off at the airport as he heads back to Tupelo for 2 weeks until I get to see him again when I go out there after Christmas. As soon as I got back in the car without him it felt weird being alone again. You get so used to being with your person. On the one hand I am happy to be able to get back in my routine and get our apartment together a bit more (the disaster and not being able to find anything is draining me). Finally get some sleep without someone trying to snuggle with me all night (hehe). One the other hand I just already miss him. Thank God he has an iPhone now and isn't in freaking Brazil where the phones and internet only worked sometimes. And these next few weeks as he fights to gets custody of the little bear are going to be rough. I am happy he gets to spend the holidays with his family though. It's been too long that he's been away from them for the holidays. Years and years of being alone. Our last Christmas a part (I hope. Damn deployments.)

So its me and Bella holding down the fort at the apartment. I have a feeling the next two weeks with getting settled, Christmas, the countless parties I have volunteered to host, and the etc. will go by rather quickly. And then we will be together again for keeps. 

Why I Love My BF 12/10/12:
Today I woke up to, "Baby, if I were a hobbit would you still love me?"

xoxo

HL

Sweet Phone Calls.

I just love these calls I am getting from Mr. Boyfriend as he excitedly tells me all about the fun family things he is getting to do and how happy he is!

Christmas shopping with his sister and brother in law for the little buddy. Flying with his Dad and hovering over their house to wave to the buddy who was eating a "pop pop" (Popsicle). Every call just gushing with joy and then the excitement of getting to see me in 1.5 days too. It's always precious to hear your love be so thrilled about life. Especially after being so unhappy in Brazil for so long. For family and community oriented people, being away for so long become less and less of an adventure and more and more of a sad chore. Simple things like a family dinner together, watching your little bear play with his cousins, and going Christmas shopping at American stores with your siblings for all your babies. Such sweeter memories then just another weekend drinking and partying with the same people you only kind of like as last weekend. He even said today, "I forgot how fun it is to do these normal things! And be on a normal schedule!".

While he runs around enjoying his family I am fighting a fun flu that kept up yesterday. I still HAD to do some things today like get the ol hooha waxed, reup on birth control, hair dye, and soup for my fluish self. But then it will be back to bed. Wahhhh

Gosh, despite feeling like complete shit am I excited to see that man.

xoxo

HL

His Homecoming.

Oh, where to begin. I am so thankful for yesterday. When my love was greeted with such sweetness from baby bear. We finally got caught up last night after his family were asleep and he told me everything. Someone may be a little emotional and got all teary eyed as he told me everything that happened. Then I made him tell me it all again.

Baby mama came to drop him off (it included some drama of course, minor compared to the usual, but we tried not to let it damper the mood) and as soon as he saw Mr. Boyfriend he said "Daddy!" and went right to him and let Boyfriend hug and snuggle him.  Apparently he'd been talking about "Daddy" all day. He didn't want to go back to his mama. He didn't even cry when she left. My boys went back into his parents house and played all afternoon. He kept coming over for snuggles from his Daddy (just like when we were last there!), was eating all of these vegetables and good foods without a fuss, and they just played and played. Boyfriend said at one point the exhaustion from not sleeping for 2 days caught up with him so he fell asleep on the floor while baby bear was playing. When he woke up, bear had put a little blanket on him and was all cuddled up next to him (COME ON). He can say a lot more words now but all in the same sweet voice we left him with. "Sorry" and "Sit down" and says to his grandma "Hey Momma". The book I got him with the animals and sounds he still loves. But now he can match the animal pages to the buttons he's supposed to push. 

Seriously, I die for this kid. His heart is so sweet and tender. I was so worried that the upheaval he's been through while we haven't been able to be with him would have crushed his precious spirit. But no. He is so much like my love. It's all of the secret sweet parts of Boyfriend that only I really get to see- but put into a little mini person that looks just like him! My boys are back together again and we both talked last night about this huge weight being lifted off. He's not even here yet and we already feel so much better. He is home. Baby Bear is safe and just as we left him. Boyfriend should get here Monday and our move should go smoothly. Everything is going to be ok.

Well. Almost everything. Today Boyfriend is meeting with Baby Mama to discuss the custody arrangement (actually probably right at this moment). We are expecting her to be her usual self and kick and scream the entire time, so the other plans are to see his lawyer this afternoon if needed and get the court process going. Either way we want a document that says we can have him at least 6 months a year. We are going to do our own amount of kicking and screaming as much as we need to so we can have that little love with us. We've planned on having him. We don't see a future without him. And I am so proud of my man for fighting for that little bear. For going without sleep. Getting up early to take his Mom to work so he can use her car today and get this stuff done. So many things he does not want to do and instead of even procrastinating or pleading for sleep, he is using his first day of vacation to do them all. How much does this speak of his character and heart? Of honor and strength? I am constantly overwhelmed by the heart of the man God has given me. I am the luckiest girl in the world. And the luckiest Momma in the world by the looks of it too. 

Our journey is just beginning.

My Boys. Reunited.

I have such an emotional weekend ahead of me, I can just feel it. Finishing packing for the move, this custody drama, and preparing to see Boyfriend. If you only knew the horrible thoughts a girl has about herself before seeing her love after 6 months. Convinced I am too fat for him now and he'll be repelled by me. How sad is that? I am just fighting and fighting feeling bad about myself. It's stupid when I know how much he loves me, how much he misses A GIRL- let alone the love of his life. That I've really only gained maybe 5lbs since he last saw me, and that my confidence has always out shown my weight issues. Trying to locate where I put that darn confidence as of late.

Getting through work today and Monday are going to be such a chore! I have so much to look forward to, that time is just inching by now.

xoxo

HL

And Then There Were Seven.

ONLY SEVEN DAYS UNTIL I SEE MY LOVE!!! 

AND until I get a mini vacation!! 

AND until  I get to have sex again! SWEET JESUS. 

I am taking a few days off that week for the big move and we have so many fun things planned. It would have already been amazing just to be together and have some vacation time, but then getting to begin our lives together in the first place either of us have had of our very own, plus some family Christmas events, surprises from him, and the work Christmas party too...it's just so sweet. I fear this week shall be one of the slowest of my life. 

I need to fast. Thanksgiving weekend with the family was out of control. I feel like I could eat soup and protein shakes for the rest of the week and be 100% FINE. I bought something saucy to wear for our first big night together and now the idea of stuffing myself into it is horrifying. Good thing he hasn't been allowed to touch another girl for a year and won't even care! Gosh, can you believe we've been doing this shenanigan long distance thing for over a YEAR? And that we haven't seen each other in 6 months? Damn that is love if nothing else.

The blog doesn't look like complete shit now. It's not at all perfect to me and I might actually pay someone to completely redo it all for me this year...I have tried myself and just don't have the time. I barely have the time to write as often as I'd like. So we'll see.

Seven Days. After Six Months. Just Seven Days Now.

Oh man are we ready.

xoxo

HL

Thoughts on Being a Military Girlfriend (and Future Wife)

It blows. Ok seriously, I am not joking it fucking BLOWS. I love how other women like to say to me, “I don’t know how you deal with everything, I would never be able to deal with that.” Oh right. Like I somehow chose to be head over heels in love with a military man and was super excited to sign up for him being gone all the time on potentially dangerous missions, having his dates for coming home changed at the last minute ALL the time, the countless paperwork and bureaucracy we have to work through to get ANYTHING done. I could go on, but you get the gist. I don’t think I am somehow more able to accept and deal with this shit than anyone else, I didn’t go looking for a military guy. In fact, I swore I would never be with one because I didn’t want all of the extra stress in life! But here we are.

However I will say, whenever we get another blow like the one about him being seriously potentially deployed again in February and I tell myself “I AM NOT CAPABLE OF DEALING WITH THIS SHIT!!!!!”. Jesus has some words with me. He reminds me he has given me this man who is so perfectly matched and loves me so deeply. That actually, I am stronger than some other women who genuinely wouldn’t be able to deal with this. I am very capable on my own, I have traveled and lived all over the world, I am independent and used to a long distance love. That he wouldn’t give me this situation if I couldn’t handle it and if it was all bad. That I am supposed to ask Him for help. That I need to suck it up and be supportive to my love because he shouldn’t be comforting me right now.

I think that’s the hardest part. Getting horrible news like today about him coming home later than planned, and having to secretly mourn because he is already so sad. Putting on the “it’ll be ok baby, at least it didn’t get cancelled for longer or post-poned a great deal…” face. I don’t think it will affect his time to come see me, but it will mean he doesn’t get to see baby bear that much longer which I know is very very difficult for him.

I suppose we can thank God for the “perks” such has housing allowances, moving support, free or cheaper priced items and services on base, the health care. But then when I think about it…they aren’t really perks at all. Just the basics of what you need to survive with the crappy pay, schedules and travelling- otherwise no one would be able to do it.

Ok fine there is another major perk. Something growing up in San Diego never taught me. In fact, growing up here taught me the opposite. But military men can have the most precious and sweet hearts. They have seen and experienced a lot of shit in their life. So they value their woman and family like I have never seen in a man our age. I know there are a lot of military men who go the opposite direction and can’t deal with their emotions since they are told by society as men not to have them, and then are trained by the military not to have them even more. Plus the trauma they experience they often can’t even tell you about because of top secret clearances and such. Sharing feelings? NOPE. And now you see how complicated being loving someone in the military is. I have so much respect for wives and families now that I NEVER had before, if anything I thought the stickers on the cars and ridiculous crying scenes at deployments were kind of weird. As in, “You knew he was going to leave! Why are you with a man who you know is going to be gone all the time and now you want to cry about it?” That's not how it works my friends. And I implore you to realize as such when you shake your head at a military family...or at me. Yeah it sucks, but we all know you don't choose who you fall in love with. 

However, if all goes even semi well my love will be with me in 11 days. And then I am not letting him go for as long as I possibly can.

xoxo

HL

Stupid Fights AKA "I Just Miss You"

Toward the end of our last 6 months a part stint we started having the silliest arguments. They were always miscommunications and afterwards we realized...gosh, we just miss each other. Do you know how hard it is to keep this crap up over the phone and sometimes Skype? We have it down now but every once in awhile you just need to see someone's face to know how they are really feeling.

This time was no different and I ended up being the jerk face. My love likes to tell me stories from back when he was in high school. Typically in my head they were stories about how awesome he was 10 years ago and that he, for some reason, needed to keep bragging about it. Usually I just teased him for being Uncle Rico and would remind him that his school was 30 people in an old tanning salon. Give it up. I felt like my bf became a douche right before my eyes telling old "remember when I was the star of the football team babe?!". It was frightening.

After a year he finally called me out on my teasing. And I called him out on being a douche. To which the saddest argument began.

Apparently I am a jerk. He just wanted to tell me stories. And then was SO afraid I would think he was a douche and leave him and got really sad. "I've been trying so hard to not be a douche anymore since I've met you, you haven't noticed?". My dear married friend and her husband gave me some solid advice "guys just like to tell you stories" and I inserted "you are their person". So simple but so true. Who the hell else are they going to tell? And what I thought was douche was really just him wanting to tell me things and make me laugh. "I didn't think I was being a douche, I just thought I was talking to my best friend"---daggers to the heart.

Now I have a bf who doesn't want to tell me anything anymore. Girlfriend fail.

We made up last night and finally got to talk for hours instead of just 20 minutes here or there depending on the day. We were laughing and laughing and are just SO excited to be with each other in TWO WEEKS!!!

This time next week he'll be headed to see the baby bear!! I am so excited for those two, he's been waiting for this real reunion for years. The reunion that will last longer then a week or two. My boys.

Excited for Thanksgiving this week. It's a short and slow week at work and we have family coming into town which will be so sweet. It's going to be hard for me because I am the only one working out of everyone the day before and after, but my boss isn't going to be there and doesn't care when I come in and out which is at least some consolation.

Missing my love.

2 Weeks and Counting...

Sweet vintage Ikea images here.

This time in two weeks I will be putting the finishing touches on packing up my life here. This time in two weeks I will be packing my overnight bag for our rendezvous in a surprise hotel (I am so spoiled) the next night. This time in two weeks I will be getting ready to pick up my long lost love after six months of being apart. Six months of no kisses. No one to hold your hand. No one to tell you how beautiful you look today. No one to take you to the movies or out for dinner. No one to snuggle with.. I can't believe it is so soon now! I mean I really can't believe it!

And now everything is happening so so fast. I have to seriously pack over the next two weeks...thank God I didn't really unpack my life after moving home from Slovakia. My room is somewhat bare with only the new house things I've bought over the last few months even still in boxes and bags. So really its going through my closet and the garage to get rid of everything I can, and cart off to Good Will. This is quite a feat. But after we have everyone in and out over Thanksgiving is when I think I can tackle. It's much less overwhelming to just go though boxes then it is to pack your entire life.

Today I made "our" first trip to Ikea. I am sure the first of many, but the first time I have gotten to buy things for my own place. Everywhere I've lived was with girls who had already been there awhile and already had everything. Which was very convenient at the time...but this is so much more fun. Making a home of our own. I bought a few things over the last few weeks and already had some donations, so it was mostly just filling in the remaining gaps. I know we still need quite a few things and I will be sick of these Ikea measuring cups and spoons and will want the Anthro ones...but trying to be financially responsible means buying things in cash and within my budget...and waiting until I have more money for fancier ones later. I am anxious to just go and get everything though!!

As you can see, I did quite well all on my own.

We are counting down the moments until he is back with baby bear. And then with me. And then all of us together. Neither of us feel like we can breathe correctly until we are finally together. It really is all happening. Make these two weeks go faster, oh please.

xoxo

HL