Why Hello Ms. Migraine.

I am not one to get migraines. In fact, if we are being honest I hide my female friends on Facebook who are always posting about having them. Not that I doubt they get them, but why are you constantly posting on Facebook about it? So now other peoples migraines tend to annoy me? This is getting weird.

Anyway, today upon waking after plenty of sleep I felt awful. Maybe it was because I haven't exercised for 2 days, or maybe it was the GIANT lobster lunch I had yesterday (it was amazing though, really)...either way my entire body hurt and I just couldn't snap out of this weird sleepy out of it feeling. To make a long story short, by about 12:30 despite my best efforts it came and conquered. To the point that I had to leave work and almost threw up crying all the way home. AWFUL.

This made me realize the truth behind it all:

Damn girl, you really are too stressed out. You need to calm the hell down. 

I can't pin point exactly what has been causing me to have such a hard time relaxing. But work has been really stressful and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, after telling my boss last week I was overwhelmed and almost cried in her office...this week I was somehow volunteered to take on another HUGE project management task?! Now not only is it more work I don't have time for, but it's more of the project management stuff instead of PRODUCT management which is more what I want to be doing (and was told I would be doing). Instead, I just feel like the development teams administrative assistant bitch just updating their work items, making spread sheets, planning meetings, BLEH. Product management is more creating products, talking to clients about what they want and turning it into documents and projects. Instead I am still having the projects handed to me and the developers, then end up just doing the admin for them while they are being worked on. My "to do" list is always super long and everything on it is important. So yes, work has been frustrating. Plus, SUPER BUSY AND CRAZY...which isn't always typical but for some reason just has been lately. I'm not the only one. We're all stressed out there right now. Hoping things will calm down soon...but soon is still nowhere to be found.

Ok but besides work, everything is fine? Of course being in a long distance relationship isn't easy and sometimes ends up being more draining trying to catch up with each other despite our schedules and the time change...but he fills my life with so much joy I wouldn't trade it for anything. So I don't know whats wrong exactly besides what I yelled crying home in the car today:

I just feel like work sucks up ALL of me and then I have nothing left for myself, friends, family, or anything!!! WAHHHHH.

So I have been exercising and relaxing in the evenings and weekends to try and offset my busy week days. Attempting to eat healthy most of the time. Take my vitamins. Etc. Somedays are better then others.

And no, unfortunately I can't blame hormones.

But speaking of hormones...Today I went for my yearly gyno and got started on the process of getting my IUD! WOOHOO! Found out some pretty awesome (and some not awesome) things about it including 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, good for up to 5 years, as soon as its removed you are fertile again, and after a few weeks or months of spotting you get maybe 2 periods a year with it!!! Plus my insurance will pay for a lot of it, plus if bf splits it with me then thats the cheapest 5 year birth control I've ever heard of!

However. Tipped the scales at the doctors today. Back up to 200lbs. HOLY CRAP HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. Now a little of that can be bloating and the ridiculous lobster lunch yesterday...but not much.

SO this weekend has been dedicated to...wait for it...

COOKING.

Yeah I know. Not very fun. BUT I just printed the August low fat/weight watchers menu from Once A Month Mom and did all of my shopping and veggie cutting last night and it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was actually kind of nice to do something I enjoy (shopping and cooking) without being tired, crabby, and starving after work (bonus! everything for almost an entire month only cost $120 BOOM!). However, today is the big cooking day so we'll see how that goes. As weird as this sounds I feel like I am preparing to be a mom this weekend. I found their menu for a month of toddler friendly foods and bookmarked it for when my boys get here, then got SUPER excited about their healthy kid friendly options (little Mac n Cheese cups! Home made french toast sticks! Corn dog cups! Come on, how can that not be SO cute). And I have to say, boyfriend lets me tell him all about it and I think just continues to fall more in love with me as I've opened my entire heart to not just him- but his mini me too.

And the more I think about it, the more I know God has been preparing me for this. For this man and this little bear. The girl who loves children and finds "raising" them effortless and enjoyable. Who wanted to adopt a bunch of babies. Not every girl would be able to jump into something like this...especially with all of the baby mam drama (which has been non existant lately btw, as we wait for her to get subpoenaed). And I am NOT perfect and struggle sometimes with different aspects of my life I am going to be giving up...but especially after spending a week with those two in June- it really is going to just be wonderful. Different. But wonderful.

In fact, you should probably be following my New House pin board here. IT'S AWESOME and most everything on there I AM going to get, so its not as much an inspiration board as it is a book mark of purchases to make board (hehe).

More to come later after the epic cooking day...boyfriend has made some interesting future life career choices known to me which has left me struggling to say the least.

Enjoy your Sunday.

xoxo

HL

A Home of Ones Own (Big News!)

Well some lovely things have occurred!! 

After not hearing from the potential room mates all week. And boyfriend beginning the paperwork for his extra off base pay he gets a month before he starts work January 10th, and again hinting, "well you could just live with meeeeeee". I finally made the decision I am sure you all knew was coming (but I didn't!!).

This winter, boyfriend and I have decided to live together. 


I KNOW.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

But heres what happened. I thought through the backlog of reasons I had for not wanting to...and realized I was being kind of ridiculous. So in an effort to explain myself, here are the reasons I initially didn't want to and how I rebutted them in the end (yay adult self).

Reason 1: If we live together our parents won't approve and we don't want to be disrespectful.
Over the last few weeks oddly enough both of our parents have separately suggested we consider living together to save money, help with baby cake, and prepare financially for our future. Just now I told my parents and they were a little worried about how things were going to go with the recent baby mama drama which is understandable, but then my mother said "well, I would prefer if you didn't live together" just based on their old school values to which I replied, "yeah well I'm almost 28...not 20...and an adult so..."


Reason 2: My friends and family won't take it as seriously when we get engaged and married.
This one is funny since it just suddenly occurred to me that I take ALL of my friends weddings seriously and am SO EXCITED about them pledging their love for a lifetime together if they lived together for 2 weeks before or 2 years before...so this is a ridiculous reason. AND the only reason we're waiting to get married is that bf wants his two best friends there who are deployed until spring 2014 and we want to save money so we can have an awesome wedding. Perfectly valid reasons. Plus, if people want to be judgmental they dont have to come. People who really love you - aren't judgmental.


Reason 3: Boyfriend will already be adjusting to a new city, new job, having his son full time, and being back in America. I don't want to add another stressful element and risk ruining something between us. 
Now this one was very legit and my main reason for not wanting to live together before we were at least engaged (knowing I'd be engaged by the spring...so literally a few months after he gets here...hahaha). I told boyfriend this again recently and he really just laid it out for me. Made it so simple. Don't you think if anything it'd make it easier for me to adjust...having you to come home to?Already if I've had a bad day I call and talk to you about it and calm down...now you will get to actually BE THERE. And it'd make our lives less stressful because we'd be saving money, not having to go back and forth, and you'd always be around to help with baby bear" etc. 


He was right.


When I let myself actually think about living with him? SO EXCITED. And when I vetted "the worst that can happen"...oh darn we break up and I have to move out? It would be hard, but come on, I have an adult job and can do my own thing if I need to. I have found learning to think and live co-dependently with him has been much harder then when its just me. Difficult for me to let go of my "I'm a strong single woman!" security blanket.


The hardest part actually wasn't telling my parents who hear me talk to him for hours every night, see how happy I am everyday, hear about our wedding plans, and met him when he was here in January. Nope, the hardest part was telling the girls. My girls who have never met or even talked to him I know must worry. I get so anxious thinking about what they must think about my "crazy" decision...but know its just their perspective. And its a valid one. Just from a place of love. And that they want the best for me. Plus they don't really ever say it outright in their out loud voice, so I know they are trying. I know everyone will love him though. I am genuinely not worried about it at all. And it seems so normal to bf and I to just jump right into all the social things I already do with everyone...we forget how everyone else is going to feel having never met him or spent time with us together. In a nutshell, its as awesome as I am alone...10x more awesome somehow. We have SO MUCH fun.

So since we decided yesterday (don't know how I made it through work all day) I've been looking at places we'll be able to afford now with both of our incomes, how much we'll be able to save each month (OMG SO MUCH), and made a big list of all the things we already have and a list of things we need to for sure get before we move in, then a list of things we can get soon after but aren't imperative. TOLD YOU I was getting my life organized. Now that I've decided to "sacrifice" and live at home for a few more months the money I get to save I can put toward all the things we need...the trip we want to take...paying off debt...savings...OH MAN! PLUS the thought just occurred to me that if we move somewhere walking distance to a train station I can take public transit to work everyday and we could live with one car to save even more money.

SOME STUFF HAPPENED AND I BECAME AN ADULT.


But besides money. Of course we are all lovey dovey about everything too. Waking up with him everyday...eating dinner together...talking in person, instead of skype...even just getting to watch movies together and snuggle. We don't take anything for granted. Simple things like that are so special to us because we haven't really been able to do them much over the last year. Plus all of our plans for trips to Palm Springs, Vegas, Arizona to visit his brother, Europe, Belize, Brazil...we have a long list that's completely doable to us. Even with baby bear. I am so happy.

I feel like everything was so hard for so long with my mom being sick, not being able to find work, money stress, family deaths, frustrated with my relationships with men. Just so many things. I am SO HAPPY now but struggle to ignore the nagging "don't get used to this. Its going to suck again soon". I am finally beginning to let it go and realize...life doesn't have to be horrible...it can be ok and awesome...life can really truly be beautiful. Not going to lie, boyfriend has helped a lot. Not because I finally have a real one...but more because I know when the shit storm does come again I have the emotional and financial support just in case. Security. But again, accepting it after being "single independent woman!" for so long is happening slowly.

Gosh, I should probably start writing more again.

xoxo

HL

Keeping A Routine.

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If being unemployed for 2.5 months has taught me anything, its been to keep a routine. After the initial few weeks of laziness, weight gain, semi depression, and frantic job applying- I've finally managed to find a sense of routine in a few important areas I hope to continue doing when I start working again (Monday! Yay!).

1. Make an amazing breakfast everyday. In fact, use all this new found time to cook and eat healthy.

• Instead of eating crap and being lazy everyday, wake up and make an awesome breakfast of eggs, veggie sausage, and toast. I make breakfast sandwiches, omelets with leftover vegetables, amazing scrambled eggs, etc. I've gotten so good and fast at it, I know if I wake up just 15 minutes earlier a day I can eat an amazing healthy breakfast full of protein that keeps me full until lunch! 

2. Get fresh air and exercise everyday. 

• After you eat your awesome breakfast, but before you shower (yes, you're unemployed. But no, that doesn't excuse you from showering) GO OUTSIDE. Even if its cold. Walk around the block or neighborhood, if you have a dog bring them too. I've also been adding strength training, a bit of yoga, stretching, and somedays cardio right afterwards (just workout videos in my room btw, you know I cant afford no gym membership). My goal was to get it all in under an hour so I could do it before work everyday once I go back. And sure enough, here I am a week into it and feel weird if I don't do this everyday. I don't need to go into the benefits of regular movement in our lives, you already know, but for me I already feel 10x more awesome. 

3. Clean a little everyday.

• Yeah, this one kind of sucks, but it's important. I usually do it after I exercise while I'm drinking my protein shake and muddling around the house. A little vacuuming, dishes, laundry, picking up...I guess I realized I'd rather do a little each day then all on the weekends once I go back to work. And it's true, once I get home from work if I don't sit down and just keep moving for 20+ minutes things look 10x better most of the time. 

4. Find something productive, do it everyday.

• Mine has been writing everyday. Either it was here or working on my book, but everyday I try and spend writing. Such an excellent habit to take on as a writer. However, if you want to work on your art, sewing, baking, whatever craft. Do it. At the end of the day you will feel like you accomplished something instead of just re-watching an entire season of Ally McBeal. 

SERIOUSLY finding these bits of routine everyday has helped me not go insane. Plus, I am not spending money and at the end of the day when someone asks me what I did that day, I have some legitimate things to say. Not to mention I feel healthier, more balanced, happy, and secure. If you're still looking for work, put it into the routine for 2 hours a day or a few days a week and then be done with it. Otherwise you will obsess and then depress like I did, which didn't really help anything in the end anyway. 

So whether you are part of the 8.3% of unemployed Americans like me, or just feel like your daily life is lagging a bit, do consider adding some of these to your routine. Protein for breakfast, exercise, fresh air, keeping things clean, and being productive never hurt anyone. 

Now I am going to go take my own advice. 

Have a lovely day!

xoxo

HL

Favorite Things: Z Gallerie

I've always avoided going into the Z Gallerie by my house. Mostly because I didn't have my own place to furnish and just by the look of it could see it was totally my kind of place and I'd end up leaving frustrated I couldn't get anything.

However.

As we're getting closer and closer to getting a real adult job, being able to pay off debt, and move the heck out of here I allowed myself to venture in and BE AMAZED. 

Wouldn't this be perfect in-closet dresser?! It was on sale for only $100! 

I may have also found my dream couch...

It has a big matching chair and is SO SOFT AND CUDDLY I didn't want to get up!

But then we also found this, which is every mans DREAM.

uh yeah. Mom and I electrically reclined and also didn't want to get out again. When I told Mr. Boyfriend about it he was like, "Can we get it NOW?!" 

I also loved this headboard but in a different color...

And this little bowl for jewelry was only $10! I might have to go back and get me one!

I know this is a bit of an eclectic group of things, but I couldn't just post pictures of the entire store now could I. You just have to venture there and see for yourself...

xoxo

HL

Favorite Things: Yesterday.

Forced myself out of the house to buy some necessary things so my room won't look like such a shit show. Before and After shots to come as I am still working on things. But some inspiring, although not purchased, finds.