Thursday, January 31, 2008


so ive been feeling really really extra grumpy lately about life and friends and school and everything.

but ive been praying about it and working on it because i want to be better.

and yesterday and today ive been happy and enjoying life! yayyyyy!

yesterday i actually LIKED school. weird right. i learned so much and i felt engaged the entire time which is unusual since usually im really tired and irritable and hate the world.

and today im working and im really tired and have quite a few things on my mind, but im still happy! yay!

Jesus loves me.

annnd tonight is a big night.
Pay Day
Sushi Day

yayyyyy...i just wish i had more energy and didnt have to work again tomorrow (yuck!) but then its the weekend and i can catch up on sleep again then.

this week at work has been boss is out of town (which always makes me and annie a little more relaxed but a little stressed at the same time because hes not here to ask questions too) and he didnt leave me a ton to do. usually im trying to fit days of work into a day and half of time and im always really really busy...but not this week. i took my time on things and got everything done and its just nice.

ok friends.
be happy!

off for my evening of FUN


Monday, January 28, 2008

well today is the first real week back to school. it totally sucks as expected. today in the middle of class as she was explaining our assignments for the semester, i turned to my friend and wrote her a note:

"im just really overwhelmed right now"


so i never realized how difficult my school was and how well respected my program is. so im basically in the credential program already, i take credential classes and do observations already. i just do it at the same time as taking my BA classes. PLUS being a teacher in CA is a lot of work already, PLUS my school is in the top for the state, PLUS i suck at school. no wonder i complain all the time.

so things are looking up for me moving out in the spring. it seems so weird to be saying that and feel so good about it.

im planning on taking out a loan and moving in with annie, and hopefully jordan in late spring/early summer. itll be long term for me, ill be moved out until im done with school...and then beyond! im a little worried about annie and jordan falling through since they both have ever changing lives (typical of us youngsters) and their plans tend to change a lot. so i thnk im going to make sure i have enough in case i need to rent alone suddenly or whatever. just in case.

im also taking out some so me and cass can for sure go to europe this summer (and ill have my bills paid for while im gone to!) i have a lot saved up already (thanks to selling my dads books on amazon! yay!) but europe is just so expensive with our economy sucking so much. i doubt this will happen, but i pray our dollar goes up before then.

so far our list of places is (in some kind of order):
-scandanavia (stockholm, maybe copenhagen and helsinki too)
-switzerland (zurich and/or geneva)
-spain somewheres

if we do 3 days in each place + travel time, we should be gone about 6 weeks or less. im excited!!!

today i got really excited about cooking for myself. i bought this "healthy" box of gluten/wheat free pasta+sauce+ just add chicken type of things. i cooked everything myself and was really proud of myself. i even added garlic and some salt mix to give it some flavoring (it was really bland!) little did i know that this "quick and healthy meal in a box!" had enough sodium in it that half way through the meal my heart started to hurt. that cant be good. i wa starving so i ate a lot of it and my heart still hurts. its weird.

now i feel bsd because i feel like i wont ever find easy things i can make myself. i need advice people. give me some simple cheap recipes i can make one night and take leftovers to school/work the next day too. and i only eat chicken/turkey/tofu and no milk products and light on the white carbs.

do u see my predicaments!

have we ever discussed he genius of this show (see below;) i love it so much it makes my heart hurt less!

oh, and this is a photobooth shoot i did last night while i was really busy doing homework and watching crappy tv.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

for kelsey

The "I've come to realize" survey.

2. I've come to realize that, when I talk:
i babble about random crap

3. I've come to realize that, I love:
my dogs because i dont have any even potential men in my life

4. I've come to realize that my true friends:
call me out on my crap

5. I've come to realize that I've lost:
hope in people

6. I've come to realize that I hate:
coffee. today i brewed starbucks on my new coffee maker and its gross. so im officially switching to tea...for real now.

7. I've come to realize that marriage is:
suprisingly not what i want right now. u just have to be friends with ur husband and seclude urself and be all boring and adult. no thanks, i wanna hang out.

9. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
disappointed in people

11. I've come to realize that the last time I truly cried was:
when i left india and my heart hurt because i fell in love with all my friends there. they are just so fun!

12. I've come to realize that my cell phone:
will be upgraded to an iphone in october. (excited)

13. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
im really angry because im not a morning person...and because lola cant sleep past 7am...EVER

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:
i pick out an outfit for the next day. it makes the morning process faster...

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
a lot of things...if moving out is going to actually happen, boys, friends, dogs, and its really hot in my room

17. I've come to realize that I get on MySpace:
annoyed because i hate all the Ads and virus'

18. I've come to realize that today:
was really relaxing and instead of feeling like i "wasted the day" i shouldnt, because i got to hang out with the girls, and rest before things get busy again next week.

19. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
have a hard time falling everyother night

20. I've come to realize that school is:
a horrible waste of time designed to torture people and waste their money and time

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow:
is going to be a long day...with homework which i havent done in forever and keep forgetting i have to do it

1. What is your full first and middle name on your birth certificate?
Esther Marie

2. Who sleeps in the same house as you?
mom dad brother lola bella

3. Who was the last person you have seen?
cassie just left

4. you see your boy/girl friend kissing another person, what do you do?
probably have some sort of an anxiety attack

6. Last time you were attracted to someone?
today watching flight of the conchords:)

7. Right now do you prefer a Strawberry Milkshake or a Banana Cupcake?
neither thank u. but i did have ice cream from cosco with nuts and it was AMAZING! i havent had ice cream in ages (for reasons i am not experiencing)

8. Is your phone within a meter radius of you?
uhhh yeah...actually i shld find it, i think i left it on the floor

9. Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?

10. What are you wearing?
grey sweats, old band shirt with huge holes in the armpits

11. What color is the thing you are sitting on right now?
cream sheets

12. Are you doing this just because you're bored?
yes yes i am. and because im not tired yet

13. What is bothering you right now?
how i put to much hope in the people in my lives. and i get disappointed in them and its not fair to them or to me.

14. How did you bring in the New Year?
makin out with a really hot fashion designer in new york (lies)

15. Was last New Year's enjoyable?
heck yes

16. I'll betcha miss someone right now?
a lot of people actually.

17. What does your last text message say?
still havent found my phone

18. Can you text 60 words per minute?
probbly..i have a sidekick and i pretty much am awesome on it

19. Are you high?

20. McDonalds or KFC?
well considering the mcdonalds people know me becuz i always come and get ginormous diet cokes and chicken nuggets there...i would have to say

21. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts?
no thanks

22. Target, Wal-Mart or K-Mart?
target is the best. wal mart and k mart are for ghetto people. but not in other parts of the country, which is so funny to me.

23. What color is your shirt?
black with white detail

24. Is that color your favorite?
light wood

25. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
maybe, theres nothing i really wanna see. this year sucked for movies, except juno and the darjeeling limited and pans labyrinth

26. Do you have cancer or diabetes?
not yet

27. How smart do you think you are?
i think im a little to smart and it gets me down

28. Can you surf?
i think surfing is kinda lame to be honost

29. Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
not really, unless its really good. im a bit of a movie snob i have to say

30. If you were given $100, would you spend it, or save it?
save it for europe! yay!

31. If there were a large spider in your room, would you stay?
no, id just kill it right away. im really good at it

34. Would/could you ever become a vegetarian or even vegan?
ive done both and its not very sweet. u dont lose weight and u dont feel any better...however my allergies have gotten a lot better now that ive cut out a lot of foods, so thats lovely

35. Where are you right now?

36. Do you like anybody?
not really. its sad.

37. What is your desktop picture?
jason shwartzman.

38. Can you draw?
yeah. i need to work more at it though, i wanna be really good

39. Do you like shopping?
LOVE it. its weird actually, but it totally puts me in a good mood when im stressed or tired and the shopping place isnt busy...oh gosh im in heaven then

43. Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
since ive already been to paris and i really wanna go to japan, tokyo please.

44. How about Melbourne or Rome?
i didnt like rome, melbourne please

45. Do you have a guitar in your house?
yeah, but despite my attempts to build up callouses, i just cant play it. (my fingers hurt, yeah well now ur backs gonna hurt becuz u just pulled landscaping duty)

46. Are you listening to music right now?
no, the tv was on earlier and my brain gets sick of noise by about 7pm

47. Who else is in the room with you?

48. In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
hoodies are soft and cuddly and u can store things in the pocket and hid in the hood. jackets are uncomfortable, awkward, and useless once indoors.

49. Can you make balloon animals?
yes actually, a clown taught me when i was young (serious)

50. How often do you get onto myspace?
once per day at night or at work.

51. How long can you go without your mobile phone?
ive gone without it for months before (traveling) but i really really didnt like it. i never knew what time it was and i felt so helpless if something bad happened.

52. Do you have any enemies?
kinda...i few people in the world dont like me. but i dont hate them back, it just makes me sad.

55. What does your tenth inbox text say?
still havent found it...but i think i recently cleaned them all out anyway

56. How much cash is in your wallet?
i dont really carry around cash...its a horrible habit

57. Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
yes, a few

58. Who was your Last compliment From?
the fashion victim at work complimented my purse and im trying to figure out how i feel about it.

59. When was the last time you were truly happy?
when i found a bunch of sweet deals last weekend shopping. i am the worlds best shopper.

60. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
yeah i think its really good for some people, and ive seen it work quite a few times

61. What are you thinking about right now?
im getting sleepy and how this survey should be called "sleep aide survey--guarenteed to fall asleep by the end of the survey or ur money back!"

62. When is the last time you made someone else cry?
i cant think of anything. i try not to be mean to people.

63. Who last called you pretty?

64. What last made you sad?
peoples lives

66. What made you laugh a lot last?
me and the girls making fun of each other all day. its the BEST!

67. Do you know anyone called Lucy?
cute girl at work. weird girl at school.

69. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
my hot new years fashion designers bed (lies)

70. What are you doing tomorrow?
kids church, deposit money in the bank, buy new ipod at best buy, homework (bleh), nap?, my church, more homework

watchin 90s teen movies

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

your gonna need to see this

this would be my amazing new cousin Luke (aka best friend) with photography by my amazing friend Lauren.

it will change ur life aka make u wanna have babies and/or come play with lukey.



Friday, January 04, 2008

current location: oregon coffee shop

hello friends.
well i made it here. oregon with the bestie! yayyy...
my flight was nice and uneventful. i wasnt lonely at all and enjoyed people watching in the airport and on the flights. people are weird. i find i get stared at a lot, im pretty sure its cause im so beautiful...hahaha...

so bestie and husband picked me up from the airport and we drove the lonnnnnggggg way home (almost 2 hours). which was fine because we got to catch up and that was so so nice. i really like olivias husband micheal, hes so sweet with her and a genuinely nice and caring person. we have some stuff in common too which is nice.

olivia showed me EVERYTHING in her apartment, its so cute. they have it decorated really lovely and modern and colorful and cute. and they have my artwork up in the bathroom! i feel so honored! we stayed up nice and late watching snipes of blades of glory, laughing, and catching up even more. so nice.

today we all slept in until like 1130am. then Micheal got ready and went to work and we took forever laying around the house, getting ready, eating, talking about their fish babies, drinking diet coke...u know, the usual.

then we exchanged gifts and i got a build a bear!!! and her names poop and shes wearing a polka dotted dress! olivia is so good to me.

we finally left the house and ran some errands with olivias friend anna and visited husband at work...ect. now were at some coffee shop famous in oregon, called Dutch Bros. and olivias filling out job applications, and annas chillin.

corvallis is really cute. its this little university town that reminds me a lot of madison wisconsin, except in madison its freezing snow and here its really cold rain all the time. its kinda depressing with all the dark clouds and cold rain 24/7...its soooo colllddddd.

ok, now some coffee shop pictures for ur viewing pleasure:

me being happy and silly, cause look whos sitting next to me...


yay! together again! as it should be!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

horrid news

today my parents broke the news that we arent going to new york.

im so so so soooooo sadddd

i have been looking forward to this trip for MONTHS and never thought we werent going to go. im so so bummed. i had it all planned out what i wanted to do and what i was going to pack and everything!

now yet again new york has escaped me.

maybe we'll go for spring break when its a lil warmer there.

in other more happier news, last night was new years eve, hello 2008!

me and cass went up to kels to go to a party her roommate kerry and friends were having. it wasnt super fun for like the first 2 hours, but then lots of people came and id had a few drinks so it was lots more fun then. we danced the night away to such sounds as fisherspooner, air, regina spektor, oasis, the sounds, deathcab, ect. you know, a legit dance party NOT to shit music. yayyyy!!! and a cute boy danced with me and enjoyed my company for awhile, which was a nice change a pace. its been awhile since ive given myself the opportunity to meet fun boys. im just to busy with all my crappy school and junk. i dunno if anything is going to happen, but it was nice to feel attractive and fun for a few hours. annnd cass and kels and some other fun people there were really lovely to be with to! we danced it up real good and laughed and had a lot of fun. needless to say, 2008 started out great! (im ridiculous with all my slogans.)

in other news, im pretty sure me and cass r going to backpack europe for quite a few weeks this summer. its giving me something to look forward to as im getting REALLY sick of socal, especially now that new york is out of the question. i have a deal with my dad that im selling thousands of his old book (literally, thousands.) and hes paying for the shipping on amazon. and i get to keep all the profits! so between that and the extra day of work at the office and my apple or art job i should be able to afford the couple thousand dollars for the trip. i love europe, i miss culture and traveling so much. ive been stationary for far to long. heres the tentative list of where we are going. its kinda in order, but subject to change based on flight prices, train prices, where cassie wants to add to the list, ect.

paris 4 days
amsterdam 3
berlin 3
copenhagen 2
stokcholm 2
maybe a day trip to helsinki 1
budapest 3
vienna 3
zurich and/or geneva 3+
venice 2+
rome 3
florence 3+

id like to try and fit in ireland and england, but its difficult. someday id like to go to ireland, but i dunno if its this trip. i love planning trips, its real fun.i already have planned what we'll do in the places ive already been to, paris, rome, and florence..and the other cities ive already researched ideas. im such a freak. but if i dont have anything to look forward to, i go crazy.

i leave thursday to go see olivia! im so excited!

i have so much to do tomorrow its not even funny. traveling is fun, but it is rather stressful.

happy 2008