Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Bags Are Packed.

I use the term "bags are packed" rather lightly as this really just means the random items I was afraid I'd forget are thrown into the suitcase (bathing suit, sun hat, etc) and all the clothes I am bringing are laid on top...hangers still on. As close as I can be TWO days before I leave. However, tonight is boyfriends last night in Brazil as this time tomorrow night he'll be on his way to the US! YAY!

I am finding myself rather overwhelmed trying to cram 5 days of work into 4 on this short holiday week, AND prepare to go out of town, AND its my busiest time of the month for our project work cycles anyway. The perfect storm (PS how was that ever a real movie?). I am working my ass off trying to get everything done, but its making every day go by quickly.

Really I am writing today to brag more about my amazing boyfriend, today was another one of those "holy crap you love ME. And I just LOVE you!" days. OH MAN. After he royally messed up his trip coming to see me in January by being disorganized and not properly planning, he never wanted to have it happen again. Everything worked out in the end, but we were not amused. So today I was just double checking with him about all of our bookings...multiple hotels, rental car, both our flights, etc. I couldn't even get all my questions asked before he said, "I printed all of our confirmation papers and put them into a folder in order I'll need them and my passport is already in my packed suitcase". UM. Ladies and gentleman, this is the first time in my entire adult life ANYONE ELSE has planned an entire trip for me. I literally have not done a thing except to offer suggestions of things to do and to help remind him to do things. PLUS after he caught a little mishap with the rental car dates I even got a "I just want everything to be perfect. I don't want you to have to worry or pay for anything. I just want us to relax and take care of you the whole time!" 

I am so not used to being spoiled by a man like this- who just does things because he loves me.

Can I keep him?



Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Around the Corner.

Last night boyfriend finally had a productive conversation with baby mama, its been two weeks of just RIDICULOUSNESS right out of the trailer park, and she finally agreed to let us have the baby once boyfriend is here until she gets her shit together...which will probably never we might end up with quite a bit of custody in the long run (yay!). And this means. In about 9 months (ironic?) I will pretty much be a momma. He'll be about 2.5 by then.


Now I tend to be more realistic about these thing in that until this is ON PAPER and notarized with lawyers and the whole deal, I can't really fully wrap my head around it or make actual plans. Because come on, we're dealing with a crazy person here, but still. Some days I get really freaked out about it and that my life is going to end, but most days I just can't wait. Told you my biological clock has been ticking. And boyfriend is just over the moon about the whole thing and about me to boot. We both agree that God had to be the only one who orchestrated the two of us into finding each other. Nothing about us could be more perfect. A year ago we were both whoring around Bratislava, and now we're head over heels in love and SO EXCITED about having a family together...buying a house...just everything. Nothing is completely figured out, we have more than vague ideas of what we want to do, where we want to live, etc...but being in the military and then afterwards working for the government means we could end up living anywhere. Which forces me to just take it month by month.

But still.

Preparing to be a sort of momma to a baby I am about to meet in a few days is a BIG deal.

Is this why God gave me such a mothering heart for all children and particularly for adoption?

We're already trying to be proactive about planning our weeks so we each still have time with friends, our family, alone time, and just with each other. Balancing it all seems impossible. We might hire a nanny...which I find ironic as I was just applying for those jobs 6 months ago. As always, I have this serious need to be a fabulous mom. I've been observing how amazing mommas do it over the years, their tricks into staying amazing in simple and quick ways. I've somewhat already adopted a simple, stylish, and season transferable honing an obsession with my crock pot and quick meals. Plus, trying to get into somewhat of a cleaning routine. I just don't want to be thrown in and burn out. Trying to be as prepared as possible. Trial run in a few days, oh man. We have the baby for 4 days/nights. Couldn't be happier.

So many things.

But for now I am just counting down until I get to be kissed and hugged again, after 5 months of missing the love of my life. (Snuggling with baby cakes at a petting zoo comes in second.)



Saturday, May 26, 2012

One Week.

I am a horrible person, and by horrible I mean, really busy with the new job and maintaining a long distance relationship with the love of my life, while still trying to see friends, not get fat, and see how long I can live on an internship pay for. All in all, sorry for not keeping up. I might make a schedule for myself of themes or something to force me to keep updating. We shall see.

ONE WEEK until I go to the south and see the LOVE of my life!!!

There has been quite a bit of debacle over the last 2 weeks as someone from boyfriends work was injured and had to be immediately sent back to the US, without him there weren't enough guys to cover all the shifts properly and allow boyfriend to take leave too. BUT on Thursday we finally got word that his awesome boss offered to cover for him and got it okayed by all the other bosses (seriously, the military is so much paperwork and disorganization I dont know how they get anything done) so we let ourselves breathe a little and officially got EXCITED for our time together in the southern country. eeeee! You should see our itinerary! Huge family party as soon as I step off the plane, have the baby with us the first 4 days/nights, going to an animal park with a petting zoo, sightseeing a little around Tupelo, Graceland and Memphis for a day/night with a big romantic evening he planned as a surprise for our anniversary, dinners and bowling with friends, and lots and lots of SEX.

Of course the last few weeks had to be littered with baby mama drama to boot, wouldn't want to have a dull moment without that of course. Basically when trying to figure out what they want to do for future custody and a documented money system between the two of them, she freaked the fuck out and refused to make a decision. I am such a nice person, but I can genuinely say THAT BITCH BE CRAY. She's lazy, stupid, overly emotional, dramatic, rude, immature...just everything you dont want in the women you have to be forever connected with. So they've just decided to go to court once he gets back (which I knew they should have done from the beginning because I could see the cray from a mile away) and we're going to try and get as much custody then as we can. Because...she's crazy for other legit reasons too. Dealing with the DAILY drama from her as he tried to get answers about what they want to do was really stressful on both of us. We never really fight, but 2 times he would get irritable and angry with me because he was still reeling from a conversation with her. We worked it out quickly and it was always fine, but its hard when you're so far apart. We also have all this pent up stress from our own work lives and from being apart for so long (5 months!!) that adding the baby mama drama and our trip potentially being cancelled tipped the scale a little too far for my liking. Plus, I just feel like it becomes a little to trailer park drama for me and that is just so not my jam.

However. The dedication to being a good dad, and just the love he has for his son is so precious and different from what I've seen in the media and even my extended family as being littered with dead beat dads who have nothing to do with their kids. Boyfriend has no way to get back to the area where his son lives for the next 4 years as he finishes his military contract. He could easily just send in the minimum amount of child support and have nothing to do with it. But he never has and never will do that. He calls that baby cake EVERYDAY, sends more then he's even required to make sure baby is taken care of, sends presents every month- who is this guy? Although I wish we'd had Ben between the two of us in a few years instead of having to deal with mama drama, the distance, and all the legal junk...I still couldn't ask for a better daddy to be so proactive and persistant in his sons care. I guess thinking about it now, its made me fall more in love with him. I can't wait to someday have kids with this man!

Speaking of which, I've recently been less freaked out about having kids soon and more YOU ARE TURNING 27 ready to get the show started! Oddly, I think after we get married someday boyfriend wouldn't care how soon or later we had them either. We can't wait to be a big goofy family together. And keep wondering out loud who let the two silliest people be allowed to spend all this time together and possibly procreate. Our house will just be shenanigans all the time!

I suppose thats all for now. Work is still the same...taking on more and more responsibilities and getting paid shit so I get to stress about money and having no insurance all the time, its pretty awesome. But I do love what I do and am getting really good at it. I'm nervous about being more vocal about my opinions still since I am still at a temp intern status, but am slowly giving more and more input. It's still an adjustment to be a newbie at this...teaching was like an old sock. I was good at what I did and knew it, not in an over confident way but in a "I don't take shit and have well informed opinions I am pushing" way. I was a leader and proactive in the community. Now...I'm a bit more of an expert in some areas but always feel like Im still learning and can't quite have an opinion about anything. Maybe this will change as I flip my role from intern to a real title and permanent status. Or maybe when I have more knowledge and am an expert in what I'm talking about. We shall see.

And now for a long weekend full of BBQing, sunshine, sitting in bed watching TV, and trying not to have an excitement attack about my ONE WEEK with my love. Oh man. My life.



Saturday, May 05, 2012

Soon To Be Off & Away!

This is how I obviously assume the deep south with my love to be. 
Except I'd need to sharpie his skin of course. 

I haven't been good about updating here, which makes me sad since I find everything about writing here so refreshing and healthy. However, being a working girl now with new daily challenges, trying to cook and exercise more, all while trying to maintain our lovely long distance relationship...takes so much time. However, I can't complain- I am the happiest I think I have ever been. And I in no way take it for granted.

In BIG recent news I am officially GOING TO THE SOUTH! In one day, boyfriend figured out his passport stuff, got his leave officially approved, and bought EVERYTHING for our trip! Both of our flights, the hotel, and rental car. I am a very spoiled young lady, but he won't let me pay for things and just does it. I am looking forward to spoiling him with his birthday gift and fun treats while we're there- I like to repay in food, booze, and sexual favors obviously. THEN we got really nerdy and decided to make an itinerary of everything we wanted to do by day! Oh man, Elvis' birthplace, the cute little old town, antique fair, a day in Oxford, a day at Graceland and night in Memphis, getting photes done, and apparently he has a huge special evening planned for us as we happen to get to celebrate our 6 month anniversary together on this trip. Plus its right before his birthday and the night we met a year ago...a lot to be lovey dovey about. TO SAY WE ARE EXCITED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

We also had to make plans because baby mama is being a little crazy again (surprise surprise) and I wanted to have the exact days we were going to have babycakes so we and she could plan and things would go smoothly. So we decided after the family party the first night, baby will stay with parents so we can have privacy (HELLO I NEEDED SEX LIKE 4 MONTHS AGO), and then we'll just spend time with them and around town for the next 4 days and baby will stay with us at the hotel! Yeah, I get to play "Momma" for a few days and you know what? I am not nervous or worried at all. He's only home for 12 days and I am there for 9 of them, of course I want baby bear around so he can spend as much time with him as possible. And as I may have mentioned's like I was made for this job. Basically a professional Momma since I was 15, I got this.

However, I am afraid I'm going to be really overwhelmed with everything and that might be hard for me. In one day I am traveling to the deep south and get to experience being in an interracial relationship there, meeting his entire family, seeing him which is omg enough, and then baby cakes, and baby mama...its just going to be a lot. He knows though, and especially with the time change I imagine I am going to be pretty exhausted the first few days. But happy nonetheless. PLUS our hotel has a pool, full breakfast, free wifi, is walking distance to a ton of places, and we splurged for the fanciest room on the last night. Gosh I am just thrilled. He loves me so much. We are so thankful to spend time together, don't even care what we do but everything we get too do is going to be amazing! Just good things upon good things.

Besides being beyond happy about seeing each other soon...everything between us is as perfect as ever. We still talk on the phone for 2-4 hours everyday and if we're lucky we are working at the same time and get to chat all day too! I am frustrated he only gets internet at home and can only use it in the common living spaces which took away our drunken-naked skype dates- but he did find a way to call me from home now for free too so at least we have that. Gosh we love each other. It's so silly.

And then work is going so so well too.  I love my job, am getting good at it, and everyone has been telling my boss I have been doing great and they want to flip me to full time/permanent/more money soon. She even bragged to the CEO about me yesterday! There is so much room for growth there and anywhere else- I feel like I am finally entering a world thats actually productive, lucrative, and always getting better. Plus, my Joan Holloway inspired wardrobe everyday keeps me classy and feeling less like a little novice girl entering a big boys tech world. I got this! How many ways are there to say I am good at what I do?!

Money has been frustrating. I feel like I have never had any. I'll be so thankful when this internship is over and I can make the big bucks...or really just enough to live on and not be scrambling every time I  need something besides food and gas. Do people ever just get married to avoid having to deal with money stress?! Because sometimes I want to. Such a good decision, I know. But then we'd have a free place to live, not only would I have health insurance but it'd be legit and free, and I could actually pay off this debt without being broke at the end of every pay period. Sigh. Someday.

Today my Titi is visiting and we're all going to take the train down to Old Town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo! I just want tacos and margaritas all over my body.