Friday, March 30, 2007


well, i havent written in awhile...which is sad for both of us cause u dont get to hear about my amazing and exciting life, annnnd it means ive been to busy to write.



olivia came and left and it was sooo nice to see her! we got her wedding dress! its amazing! and i got my bridesmaid dress, which is equally amazing and actually looks pretty good. itll look extra good when i lose some damn arm fat and get a fricken tan.

im thinking of going platinum blonde. and im bored with my haircut. but besides thinking about going blonde all over, and being bored with my haircut. i have no ideas. help me. ive never gone red, ive never gone platinum tho either...and i think for the wedding itd be pretty. i dont wanna kill my hair...but i also am only going to be 21 once right?! this is my mind all the time. now u see my ADD mind. arg. i kinda wanna be girly, but not all the time so i like being dark. maybe when i get contacts and my blue eyes show again the dark will look better. i dunno, i should ask Ciara my stylist.

parents are out of town! i miss them, but it IS nice to have their HUGE room all to myself and i feel like i have so much more space. annie is staying in my room and its like we're room mates! kelsey slept over last night, and cassie with me. it was so fun. i really pray someday we can all live together...and if its in a few years we'd probably get along even better cause we'll start to know ourselves more and learn even more respect and good communication. someday. so fun.

Lola and Bella and Scooter and doing good. Lolas a handful, but everyday shes a little better. Bella is sweet as ever.

im starting a diet, probably over the weekend. its from

Shaklee is like one of those Amway type of companies, and Micahs parents have a business through it to support their life as full time missionarys. anyway, her mom lost a bunch of weight on their diet plan called CINCH. and you know how im all into organic and healthy stuff, and this diet is gluten free and dairy free and even tho its not certified organic by the USDA, all their products are tested for all the stuff im concerned about. so im pretty excited about it. and micahs doing it too (i dont know why tho, the girls thin!), and its portable type stuff. so this is my prep for the wedding and for outreach this summer where i usually get pretty sick from food in other countries...i have a sensative body, its kinda ridiculous.
speaking of outreach, donnas going to give me portions of products ordered through her from people who wanna support me. so its a fundraiser type thing to. more on that later tho...i dont know the details yet.

im pretty sure im going. it looks like north east india for about 6 weeks and probably a week before and after in Madison prepping and then recapping. im also going to try REALLY hard to plan a trip down to Bangalore after the time in the NE to see everyone i worked with before down there. i miss them all so much. i still pray for them almost everyday and my life has changed so much from that trip a few years ago. i just love India. to be honost, im kinda cranky about us going to NE DTS leader whos in charge of planning the outreach has a passion for the NE and has gone many times and spends about 6 mon a year there if u added up all her suprise suprise she felt "lead" for our team to go there. BUT im trying to have a good attitude, and i really do trust her and the other base leaders they've proved themselves wise to me time and time again, but im going to be heartbroken if i dont get to the south while im there. After thats planned, ill probably feel really good about going. but also, we're planning on leaving june 11th and so far i havent heard anything about buying a plane ticket or shots or visas or hello ywam, this is a big trip...we need to plan! help me to trust You, Lord. You know the best way, i just want to follow that. Help me.

i think with olivias wedding planning and how sweet her and micheal are, and my lack of love life for the last few YEARS...ive been a little sad about it the last few days. i know logically that i dont have time for a bf, and that its better i dont have someone cause if he was the one we wouldnt be able to get married for at least 2-3 years...and thats the very least...and its hard to wait that long when you love Jesus and arent having sex...and i also know that i dont really go out to places where i would meet eligible men so its not totally out of my hands...i know all that. BUT ive known all that for a few years and im growing tired of it. i just need to focus on those truths and relax...
"boy...where are you?!"

me and micah are going on an adventure this week. we leave tuesday i think...we're going up to LA to meet and play with some of her friends. we're going to do some touristy stuff with a girl from Turkey whos never been to LA before (which is so fun cause i love touristy stuff!) and then other things we dont know yet...haha...thats why its an adventure! im excited to get out of fricken SD and be away from work and school for real. if i stay home i just find work to do, whether its house work, Apple, begin some of the mounds of homework i have, i need to LEAVE. and im looking forward to spending more time with Micah Ficah...i just love her! we're so fun!

ok, back to work now...just 2 hours more!!!

its all happening!
all my love dear ones.

Monday, March 19, 2007

few words

went to a really lovely art show over the weekend with micah ficah.
it was so nice to get out, and spend time with ficah, and be inspired. so nice.
got me feeling like a realy artist...i actually knew the techiniques i was looking at and understood things more. got me excited about my art class again too.

bought new art supplies for our painting unit. i love buying new art supplies.

olivia comes home for a visit on friday! (i think its friday...) i cant wait!!! im looking forward to it sooo much! wedding planning with my best friend!!! so fun!

moms birthday tomm night. nice dinner, family, nice times.

new dog is precious. she loves me best and its so nice to have a new best friend. i got her a new toy lion and elephant, shes so cute with tem. throwing them all funny. pretty sure im going to India for 2 months this summer.ur asking urself, WHY?! and im telling u, TO CHANGE THE WORLD. im also researching setting up a non-profit for the ministry i went to there before, the Literacy Mission Center. They need help, they need someone in the US to come along side them and support them. im pretty sure i am that person. but i need some help filing the paperwork and knowing where to start...anyone?

ive been listening to Harry Potter #3 on audiobook. micah gave it to me, and its pretty much the most amazing thing of my life. i love it. that was my favorite one (until the recent one) and ive already read it twice, plus the the audiobook. i just really like him...i wanna go to Hogwarts so bad and hang out with Harry and friends...and have adventures...*sigh*...then again ive had and will have some pretty kick ass adventure traveling the world and trying to change im the winner in the end.

so im definitly going to bed now and its 930pm. ive been up since 6am so i win.
so sleeepy...

this weeks netflix=
Science of Sleep
Water (india documentary)

cant wait!

got a new book called "The Artists Way"...micah recommended it and it looks really really good. im just not sure i have the time to invest in it right now, so im going to skim it now and maybe invest in it over the summer when i wont be in an art class for 3 months.

im pretty happy. thats nice.

all my love.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

new things!

sorry i havent posted in forever. soooo busy.

the hell week, really was hell week. i hardly got any sleep, and was cramming in homework and studying and projects into every second i could...not so fun.
but right when i was about to lose it, (thursday night) everything became amazing!!!

i got accepted to cal state san marcos! ill be going as a liberal studies major with a depth of study in art this fall! YAY!

i got a new doggie! her names Lola and we 'rescued' her from some friends. habla espanol. shes very sweet and cuddly. bella likes her too. we're all friends and its so fun. yesterday i didnt have class till 515pm and i wasnt working and i needed to catch up on i did, and they both sat with me in bed pretty much all day...we took a break to watch american idol...and then i went to school. so fun to have 'someone' to be with me when im home...i get lonely. they're like my room mates! teehee.

i passed my CBEST! even the math! woot!

yeah, all that happened on thursday night after i got home from my class at like 9pm...crazy. also that week, best friend got engaged! micah came home! jens 21st birthday! it ended up being the best and worst week ever.

now its thursday again. thursdays im at school from 9am-930pm. with two awesome 3hr breaks where all i do is homework...or this. and then i have to work friday mornings at 730am so it pretty much sucks every week.

i got some art projects back. i did well! im not as bad as i think.

for jens bday we went to Dstreet and the saloon. i think im kinda over the whole bar scene, unless i go with friends...which is pretty normal i think. im just not crazy about the type of people who go there...typically i have NOTHING in common with them and most of the guys are just looking for something i aint givin...the girls are all slutty and unfortunate looking...the drinks are super expensive...its just not fun. but, like i said, everytime ive gone with friends its pretty fun. if its quieter and we can talk and be fun and relax...instead of worrying about if our boob fell out of our shirt. actually, if some girls worried about that, itd be kinda nice. seems like they usually want that to happen. stay classy san diego.

its nice having micah home. i missed her a lot. we're so comfortable with eachother we can just sit and do whatever...and we like a lot of the same things other friends of mine dont. im finding that thats how friends are. theirs all different ones that each bring out or encourage different things in us. we need all of them to stay sane and balanced. the good ones bring out the good, the bad ones bring out the bad. friends.

so the people in my art class. somedays i really like some of them, most days i dislike all of them. they're just so weird...they seem really full of themselves but also like thats only a show and they're super insecure. or they move from being over confident and back to insecure all the time. stressful. all the mexican kids became friends and speak in spanish all the time...a few of them hardly speak english actually. its weird. haha, my favorite is this like 30yr old lady who dresses like a 15 year old slutty girl...shes very pretty, but she looks ridiculous. haha, shes funny. the class has hardly spoken to eachother besides who u sit right next to. i dunno, im just not really stoked on it. i dont need help feeling unbalanced thanks.

can we discuss Me Without You for a minute. today ive been listening to old school Catch For Us the Little Foxes as i walk to and from my classes and while ive been studying and stuff. are they kidding?! its so amazing! im just awe...i keep wanting to dance around while im walking, but im too cool for school to do that. he sings like hes wooing this honest, poetic, but almost painful way. and it makes u wanna dance and scream all at the same time. in fact, sometimes i do, teehee.

read his poetry and then listen to the song. cause just when you think it cant get any does. oh it does.

all my love dear ones.

"Torches Together" -Catch For Us the Foxes
Me Without You

Why burn poor and lonely?
Under a bowl, or under a lampshade,
or on the shelf beside the bed
where at night you lay turning like a door on its hinges
(first on your left side, then on your right side, then your left side again).
Why burn poor and lonely?
Tell all the stones we're gonna make a building.
We'll be cut into shape, and set into place
or if you'd rather be a window,
I'll gladly be the frame.
Reflecting any kind words,
we'll let in all the blame
(and ruin our reputation all the same)
So never mind our plan making.
We'll start living!
Anyway, aren't you unbearably sad?
Then why burn so poor and lonely?

We'll be like torches!
We'll be like torches!
We'll be like torches!
Oh, we'll be torches together, torches together!
We'll be like torches!
We'll be like torches
with whatever respect out tattered dignity demands.
Torches together, hand in hand.

Why pluck one string?
What good is just one note?
Oh, one string sounds fine I guess, and we were once 'one notes'.
We were lonely wheat, quietly ground into grain
(What light and momentary pain!)
So why this safe distance, this curious look?
Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book?
Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?
Strum the guitar!
Strum the guitar!
Strum the guitar!
Strum the guitar!
With no beginning, with no end
Take down a guitar and strum the guitar!
Strum the guitar if you're afraid,
And I'm afraid and everyone's afraid
and everyone knows it, but we don't have to be afraid anymore.

You played the flute but no one was dancing,
You sang a sad song and none of us cried.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

the week from hell

is this week.

its true.

working for loker 24hrs.
midterms and projects due in all my classes.
supposed to work for apple for 15hrs.

but the good news is that its wednesday and the weeks half over! but not really cause, i still have 2 hours of work here and then awful math class and then i have to finish my art project and psyc project...bleh.

but the other good news is that i can do all that art homework along with next top model (last week sucked, hopefully it will get better)...LOST...and if im still working, The Illusionist. i got the illusionist from netflix along with little miss sunshine, which i watched last night which was so good! loved it, i knew i would...i was just gone while it was in theatres and havent had the chance to rent it yet.

annie might be getting a bella dog! wouldnt that be AMAZING!

yesterday i got the Friends delux version of the game "scene it" for a dollar! thats right, $1.00. amazing. im going to win...except i suck at small details so maybe not.

micahs home! yay! but i still havent had the chance to see her (see my busy week above) so im hoping we can find some time this weekend. saturday night my dads taking me to see the secret garden by lambs players and im excited cause i think they made into a musical and i spend most days being 12 years old, so this shall be enjoyable.

last night i ate beef and it made me sick. obviously. so i said no to the ice cream (dads bday) for obvious reasons.

brother got a real haircut and is looking for a new job. keep ur ears open, hes very qualified and can pretty much work 5 days a week except T/TH when he attempts to go to school. also, micah and tisha are both looking for temp work for a few months...they're very qualified in office type work and prob wont take less then 12$ hour, nor should they!

still no word about my outreach this summer.

BEST FRIEND OLIVIA IS ENGAGED!!! im the 2nd happiest girl in the world! 2nd to her of course.

i dont know if i wanna get my credential in california. the schools here suck and they're very political and crowded and CA has the most requirements for teachers so the credential program is a bitch. maybe i should move to washington and get my credential there? BUT if i get it for CA then i can move anywhere and ill have all the requirements, except in a few states i would have to take like one class or something. being a teacher is awesome, i can teach wherever i want.

i just wanna be done with my BA so i can MOVE ON.

PS: boy moved away and ive forgotten all about him. obviously.


Friday, March 02, 2007

im starting a fashion line

i decided.
not because im super fashionable, but because i have good ideas. after all, i am an artist;)

so this evening i took a break from people (actually my family had plans but then broke them and i didnt feel like going out after my nap after work so...)
and watched Running with Scissors
and drew sketches of my ideas.

yeah, im awesome.

so the movie.
i really wanted to see it, but it kinda freaked me out. i thought it was supposed to be funny, but it was only depressing. i think because it hits close to home with me and crazy people. im afraid im going to turn out like the mom...minus the lesbian part. its the weird fear that i have about being a mother and not being able to handle all the stress and all my issues coming back. its not a totally irrational fear. so the movie freaked me out.

i just realized something. thats how satan works, especially with me. because he knows my weakness is the fear of being crazy. and theirs a grain of possibility in the fact that i could go crazy when im stressed and have kids and theirs not escape. and hes sticking hot pokers into my sore spots.
get behind me satan.

ok, moving on cause i just revealed a lot about myself and considering the last blog was about M&M's this is a lil too much for the audience.

bella is the most amazing dog in the world. shell just sit and look at me all cute telling me she wants some attention. or she'll "snuff" if she wants to eat or go outside. so smart! annnd she understands the words "wanna go outside?" and "wanna eat?" and "go potty bella" and "wanna go for a walk?" and "get down" and "go out" and "come here"
of course it could all by voice inflexion and the energy in my voice. but then i wouldnt have a best friend, now would i.

im going to buy a lot of shoes this weekend. im excited.

still trying to figure out spring break trip options. i know who i wish i was going with and where. even multiple trip ideas with different friends and destinations...sadly none of them are to be. as of right now that is...

my parents leave soon. well not really...less then a month tho.

mid terms next week. DEATH.

tomm i get my toenails done! going to see amazing grace!
i LOVE saturdays!!!

Thursday, March 01, 2007


peanut M&M's will be the death of me.
recently discovered and purchased by my mother from cosco, we know have enough in the house to survive off of for a year.

im already addicted and its a problem.

bella just told me to take the giant bag downstairs cause its to loud and scary...i think im going to listen to her and also drink a gallon of water to even the handful i just ate.

PS: i got my hair done and i look good again

this weekend me and cassie r going to see Amazing Grace and im excited. historical story! period movie! God! human rights! im all in!

i think that boy moved away again. im sad i lost my kinda new friend who was kinda a jerkface...

ok, that was my last M&M


we're secretly evil.
we put an addictive chemical in ourselves to make u crave for it nightly!