Thursday, September 27, 2012

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Confident

Found on Pinterest. 

Being confident sounds simple, but it's probably harder than even the first ideal "Be Attractive".

Because you can throw on a hot dress and tons of make up but still feel horrible about yourself- and men will still be able to tell. Maybe even more so if you look like you just walked off the street. And they will use your lack of confidence against you. To hook you in. Sleep with you. Then peace out before the sun comes up. And if you are just having fun and don't want a boyfriend then thats ok too, but be very honest with yourself about this. Most women I find who say they don't want anything serious are lying to themselves and everyone else because they don't think they can find someone serious so they just give up and pretend like its fine. Don't be afraid to want something serious. It's not weird. Just be honest about what you want. Whatever kind of gentleman you would like, let's attract him because of how smart, funny, and awesome you are NOT because of how your boobs so slightly hang out of your dress every night and how easy you look.

Being Attractive is a huge step in the direction of having confidence, but then even the most beautiful of girls still sell themselves short. I can't tell you exactly what you need because every woman is different- but I can try and point you in the right direction. You have to take it from there. I promise, the men will follow.

  • Ask yourself, What do I deserve? Why do I think that?
    • To the first question literally the only valid answer is "Someone who treats me well. Makes me laugh. Has fun with me. Wants to care for me. Shares similar values." Seriously. That's it. So if your answer was different then this- its time to reassess. 
      • Are your expectations too low? Do you not feel like you deserve this or that a guy like this really exists out there for you? Typical men issues are weeded out by this simple description. For example: If he's a bum without a job and smoking weed all the time then that means he doesn't care for you, who cares if he's funny and cute. Case closed. Explore why your expectations for yourself are so low. Was it how someone treated you in the past? What someone told you? Do you think you are a lower level woman and therefore deserve a lower level guy? Every woman deserves this. Even if she's messed up before. She can fix herself and start fresh. I repeat, every. woman. deserves. this. 
      • Are your expectations too high? Is your list of "wants" filled with physical looks, intensive spiritual values, weird hang ups on meaningless trivial things? Then give it up. No wonder you haven't found a guy, he doesn't exist. Just follow the simple guideline and it'll become clearer who is and is not a good one. But more importantly, why are your expectations so high? Ask yourself and think about it. Is it because of how you were raised or because you are using these as excuses to not get to close to someone? Are you afraid of getting hurt so you put up these defenses? Figure out why and try and fix your perspective on who and what you want. There are amazing men out there who are not Prince Charming or Mr. Perfect. They have pasts, issues, baggage, and drama just like you do. But they are still amazing and it's worth it. Just like you're worth it. 
  • Practice Being Content
    • This connects to Being Attractive, but like I said you can be the most beautiful girl in the room and still lack confidence which makes you easy prey for men. They can tell by the way you carry yourself and/or the skanky outfit you wore tonight that you need attention because you have low self esteem. (PS I wear sexy outfits to go dancing in all the time just because I like the attention and feel pretty, but not because I am trying to get a man. Big difference. And the hottest I've ever looked has been when I was trying to impress Mr. Boyfriend)
    • If you are practicing the aspects of Being Attractive and feel good about yourself then Being Confident should come naturally, but sometimes it doesn't. There's always someone prettier, smarter, sexier, insert issue here- in the same room as you. But you have to learn to be content with who you are. Of course we always want to strive to be a better person, thats why we read and take care of ourselves...but you will never look like Scarlett Johanson or Beyonce and you have to find that place inside of you thats ok with that. That feels amazing just the way you are. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just practice being content in where and who you are now. 
  • Fake It
    • Sounds odd I know, but somedays we just don't feel good about ourselves. Screw it, some MONTHS we don't feel good about ourselves. While you actively try and get yourself out of the rut, just fake your confidence level as being high. Of course we don't want to overdo it, but "fake it till you make it" always rings true with this one. After pretending for a little while you'll start to really feel it and be back in the game before you know it. 

I've been through all of this lady. Confidence is the hardest, but the most important. There are plenty of books on self esteem and worth out there you can look into too. But men are SO attracted to confident girls, even more then the hot but obviously desperate ones. You know how I got Mr. Boyfriend to stick around? I laughed at him trying to hit on me because it was so ridiculous and I had enough confidence to not fall for it. They'll call you beautiful just to weaken your knees- I promise!

How do you feel confident?




Monday, September 24, 2012

Another Reason To Skip Sleep- The Civil Wars

Ok so this duo isn't new, but they are to me. Apparently they won a grammy? For folk so I suppose this is why they are still a bit under the radar. But I can't find them on NPR or Pitchfork which are both places I regularly find new music. So if you are like me and haven't heard of these lovlies- boy are you in for a treat! Their stripped down two person folk duets kind of KILLS me. I haven't stopped listening since I found them last week and I'd highly recommend searching for these guys on your Spotify. 

Favorites include:
  • Safe & Sound
  • Poison & Wine
  • Barton Hollow
  • 20 Years

What do you think?



Saturday, September 22, 2012

We're Waiting For You.

I have been missing our sweet little buddy. It was his second birthday last week. We can't wait to be with him for keeps and never miss another birthday.

To Our Little Cake,
I am sorry we missed your sweet little birthday. I saw the few pictures of your Mickey Mouse cake and pinata- it looked like a nice little party in the park and nana and papa said you had a fun time. I saw that you didn't want to get off of papa's lap and I hope it's because he reminds you of your daddy and their warm home. It's hard for your daddy to not be with you. I know it makes him very very sad, but he tries really hard for you to know him by calling all the time and sending you all the gifts we can. We picked out your birthday present together and were so glad to hear you liked it!! I can't wait to play with it with you at nana and papas house. Then we can pack it up in the truck and move you and daddy out here to live where I am from so we can be a little family! We are so excited!!! I am finding a lot of fun things we can do together when you are here with us. Library, Disneyland, the beach, aquarium, movies and music outside, picnics, the zoo, all kinds of things! I feel lonely without my boys with me. Daddy and I didn't want to leave you in Mississippi, but it's only for a little while longer. We talk about you all the time. You like to tell Daddy about "spongebob" and everything you are doing at daycare. Your hair is longer now and even curlier and makes us laugh. You've gotten taller and bigger just since we saw you in June and it makes us a little sad because we feel like we are missing everything.

My Boys.

I know it will be strange to be with your momma there and then come live with us here...but it is going to be better. Your momma loves you, but adults make things complicated. Whatever happens- remember we love you too and can't wait to get to have you with us. I know I will never be your "real" mommy, but I sure do love you as much. And I hope someday you will too.

Right now I am looking at places where we can live and finding fun things for your new bedroom. We were thinking of doing it with airplanes because your Daddy works on planes and loves them and your papa flies them! I am trying to find a place where Daddy and I can walk you to the beach to play on the weekends...I also secretly want to take Friday's off work so we can play together...something I am working on but don't tell Daddy yet.

This is how little you were when we last saw you in June-
I can already see you've gotten bigger little buddy!
We can't wait to see you baby bear- just 9 more weeks until your Daddy gets there and then I will feel much calmer knowing both my loves are together again! And I don't think Daddy would even be able to write down how EXCITED he is to finally have you.

See you soon baby bear, we love you!!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Girlfriend Fail.

Remember that one time when you finally give in and show your boyfriend the blog.

And he reads everything you initially wrote about him and you feel like shit.

But- it had to be done so I don't feel like I'm living a double life with the man I love. Luckily it won't affect the integrity of my honesty here...I just said some not perfect things before we really got to know each other and feel like a jerk face.

However, I do tend to be more dramatic about these things then he does. He loves me.

It's only temporary as this little bloggy blog is getting a major re-design! New name! New format! New posts! So fun!

Hopefully getting some things for the big changes together this weekend- it's quite an undertaking.



Thursday, September 13, 2012

Rough & Ready.

I suppose it's been a rough week.

I kept almost crying all the time and could NOT figure out why when I realized...

Well your great aunt died. The embassies are being attacked in the middle east and your boyfriend works as a MARINE at one in South America. Your phone died and when you bought a new temporary one it also died so now you have no phone to talk to said boyfriend. And to top it all off its hormonal girl week to boot. 

No wonder you are so fussy.

Finally broke down and poured myself a tall gin and tonic this evening.

Been letting myself have naps and even 2 diet cokes this week.

BUT we are getting excited for our fun Christmas plans as we prepare for my love to come HERE in only 11 weeks!! Right now the plan is for him to go home and see the baby bear and get the full custody papers and such in swing, come see me here the next week while we BANG and secure an apartment, then he'll go back to his family for 2 weeks for Christmas and I'll go out there the day after Christmas for a day or so before we all pile in his truck and drive to socal stopping in Phoenix along the way for new years and to visit his brother. Our first family trip! Of course we couldn't resist staying a few days in the hotel we stayed at when he came to visit me last year...and The Peabody in Memphis for my first night there like we did in June...we are such old romantics. I don't know what we are more excited about, getting to BANG after 6 months or just being next to each other. Even something as simple as getting to sleep in bed and wake up next to each other is SUCH a sweet precious thing to us.

So there are so many adventures to be had. I will taking a road trip from the deep south with a 2 year old and my long distance boyfriend to move into our apartment here together. And I am no longer worried about how we will get along or manage or whatever, just SO HAPPY! And...minorly stressed out about the logistics of everything...mostly having to do with money for it all and custody. We are both saving like crazy but my medical stuff was expensive. Getting custody will be expensive. Flights, hotels, gas, snacks and activities for my new 2 year old (eeee!!!)...all costs money. I suppose worrying about it now doesn't help anything. Constantly trying to learn that lesson of living in the present....



Monday, September 10, 2012

Worth It.

How do you know it's worth it?

After boyfriend and I have little arguments or "serious discussions" as I like to call them, we both walk away frustrated with ourselves, each other, and even somewhat panicky like "Oh jeez are they going to break up with me over this?!" or in my case, "Are we going to have to argue about this forever?! Do I really want this?!"

The Difference. 

After spending the weekend not getting to talk much due to our schedules we finally caught up Sunday evening and both came to the table with new talking points.

Me: I think I need to give up some control over inserting my opinions and solutions having to do you and baby mama. Someday I will get to have a bigger say but right now its the most stressful time between you two as you sort this out, and right now I think you are right in that I should back off.

Boyfriend: I've been thinking about how I make rash decisions without thinking them through and then you get frustrated with me. I attribute this to my military training, but I am going to work on it because I can see how it effects decisions I make in my life and upsets you.

The difference between the relationships that don't last and the ones that do is this: when you truly love someone and want it to work, you figure it out. You don't just throw in the towel and say screw it I'm finding someone else. Instead, you care enough to think about how you could be better in the situation. Try and make changes. Care.

Every time he does this with me I am shocked. I got a little teary eyed when he just started the conversation with, "so I've been thinking about what you said..."- I have a man who values me SO much he will do anything to not lose me. I know for a fact he's never been like this with any other woman...cared enough to make it work. And all of those words were before he went into his spiel about missing me so much and how distance really does make the heart grow fonder because everyday he realizes more and more how much he loves me. I know. I'm dying.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. I am not used to being loved by a man so completely in this way (but who is? Until you're lucky enough to meet the one you keep...). But I will admit, now that I've let this understanding of just choosing to make it work because you love the person...I am less afraid of living together. Afraid may not be the best word, worried perhaps is better. Less worried. We won't ruin everything and hate each other unless we let ourselves. Or realize the bad outweighs the good and it isn't worth it. Then maybe we'd go our separate ways. And it'd be ok.

But none of the fears I have will ever come to fruition unless we let them. And then we only have ourselves to blame when things fall a part.

Also, I've recently become obsessed with vanilla wafers and home made iced tea. I'd highly recommend both at the same time sitting outside.



Saturday, September 08, 2012

Too Sweet For Rock n Roll

"You're too sweet for rock n roll"- Penny Lane, Almost Famous

I sometimes think I am too sweet to watch and hear about such intense things in the world. After taking a 6 month hiatus from watching The Wire in the middle of season 4 due to overwhelming plot lines and emotions I finally finished the season this week. It took a lot to get me to watch again. And days later I find myself still haunted by everything I saw and felt. There was crying, night mares, and a complete re-evaluation of my entire life.

Yeah I'm not joking. Some random fictional TV show you may not of even heard of had that much of an effect on me. Boyfriend told me I should just stop watching it if it makes me so upset... but for some reason I feel like its somehow my duty to keep watching. Basically the show is widely considered one of the best ever on television, by HBO from a few years ago, and over 5 seasons takes you deep into inner city Baltimore. The drug world, the flawed education system, the police, even up to the mayor and government. All more realistic then you would care to see. And considered realistic even by real inner city Baltimore people. Why did this affect ME so much?

I've been wondering the same thing.

Because it's real. Because it's the real lives of so many people. Because it reminds me of my mother and where she came from. And furthermore, reminds me why I became a teacher and wanted "to change the world". Suddenly I find myself working in white upper class corporate America creating products designed to sell more shit to other upper class white people. Getting excited to go to work to contribute to nothing significant was beginning to wear on my heart before I watched the show, but now I think one of the nails on my career coffin is beginning to be nailed in. I don't feel like I need to up and quit my job and join the peace corp or something, but I can give money to organizations that I know are changing the world and make my plan for a future time when I can do the same.

I guess when I think about it, Boyfriend and I are working really hard to get baby bear away from crazy baby mama asap and want to adopt kids in a few years too. I am already taking steps to get out of debt and pave the way to be able to stay home with all my babies we give homes to. Until then- separately God told each of us we need to be doing something now, so at minimum we are both looking into where we want to give our 10% every month. I chose India of course. When he gets here and we are settled we can look into where we want to give our energy and time too. And boyfriend and I both have a heart for kids and living in other countries so we've already talked about where and what we want to do.

Being patient and seeing that where I am at is where I am supposed to be continues to be a struggle I suppose.



Monday, September 03, 2012

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Attractive.

Yeah I know.

It's ridiculous I even have to write this. But, alas- here we are.

I am continuing to come across women who just don't understand why they can't get a boyfriend, dates, positive male attention, have a man stick around for longer then a few weeks, etc.

After being around the block a little, and seeing how crazy and complicated women make this. I would like to venture some suggestions, the first of many.

1. Be Attractive

This is about as casual as I get.
Just leggings, a top, and some flats.
Pretty nbd.
First lets cover the basics, I understand not all of this is intuitive for some women for various reasons. But being attractive doesn't mean you always need to looking like you walked out of the pages of a magazine- but at least attempting to come close helps. A basic list:

  • Shower every morning so you don't smell like sweat and ass.
  • Showering before a date or interacting with men.  
  • Wear some make up when you leave the house. (see below for simple practical tips)
  •  THROW AWAY your ugly and old stuff. Seriously, take it to good will and go shopping. Try to wear cute and feminine clothes. 
  • Shave. Did you know you can train your hair to not grow as fast? I only shave my legs 2x a week in the summer and its totally fine!
  • Do your hair. You can also train your hair to not get greasy after a day, I only wash mine 2x/week but it looks nice everyday.
  • Take care of your nails. They don't have to be fancy, but I spend $40/month to go twice a month and get them done so they always look nice. I figure it into my budget and its important to me because I am taking care of myself and it's an after work appointment thats not a horrible errand or cleaning or something. Just for me. 
Seems pretty simple, but you can't be lazy and have to make some effort everyday. My few things I always have that make me look "together" and feel confident no matter what I'm wearing are diamond earrings (faux $12 ones from Target, seriously), I always have my nails done, and I don't wear sweats or pajama type clothes out of the house. Replace your relaxing weekend sweat suit with actual presentable options like leggings and cute tops or comfy dresses and sandals. I own ONE zip up hoodie I ONLY wear around the house when its cold. Why? Because you never know who you are going to meet and when. I have men flirting with me all the time everywhere I go, if I wanted to- one thing could lead to another and those could be dates. And of course someday when you have been together awhile you can start to relax a little if you want to (men do this weird thing where they think you are BEAUTIFUL all the time...its super weird), but until then the goal is to attract. So do it!

I know if you are not feminine it makes it intimidating to try and learn all the make up tricks, what to wear, etc. But start slow, and heres some tips:

  • Visit an Ulta or make up counter and they'll give you a head start. I don't wear a ton of make up but what I do wear- makes a difference. Something simple you can do quickly every morning and a few extras for nights out and special occasions. I buy good products that last me a long time and don't hurt my skin, but start small if you have to. Youtube videos are also a free resource on how to apply. 
  • Visit a hair salon and have the stylist work some magic, buy and learn how to use the products they did. Continue buying and using them!! THIS IS KEY. DONT BE LAZY! But this is also coming from a girl who dyes her hair at home to save money, and only washes it two times a week to save money on products/dye and I know how to style it so it still looks good. If you get up a little earlier 2x/week and do a good job on your hair, it'll last a few days!
  • I am not skinny. I have an hour glass figure and am short. I scrape the bottom of the barrel to spend money on clothes. And yet, I have a pretty decent wardrobe and know my body/what will and will not fit me in stores so shopping is quick and painless. Read some fashion blogs. Figure out your body shape and which stores cater to it. Just because a store carries something in your size doesn't mean it'll look good. Same for whats "in fashion", might not look good on your body and thats ok. If you have NO clue then just visit a store you like and have an associate help you- its what they do.
  • Treat yourself well. Eat healthy most days. Exercise a few of those days. Being healthy and caring about yourself is very attractive. 
I might add some links to tips on this eventually, but for now get up a little earlier. Make an effort. Don't be lazy. THEN tell me boys aren't talking to you and we'll address the second installment coming soon!



PS I am not perfect. I am not judging. I just felt like women maybe didn't realize that step ONE is looking and feeling amazing all the time so wonderful men can be attracted to you. The proof that being attractive works?


Why did I ever feel like this was appropriate? 
Why did I ever wonder why I couldn't get dates or boyfriends?


Still not skinny. Still not expensive. STILL SO MUCH BETTER.
Guess who had more dates then she could handle and got an amazing almost-fiance out of it?

Being attractive. Works. 

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Attractive (this one!)

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Dear Booze, We Need A Break.

Dear Booze,

I love you. We have been very close friends for so long now. But we need a break as every time I have more then two servings of you, it feels like you are ruining my stomach lining. 

I am only taking this break in hopes we can make up again soon.

I will always love you.


Yeah. Thats happening. SAY IT ISN'T SO?! I know. But about two weeks ago I was going through some SERIOUS stomach pain though for about a week. So bad I was barely eating for days, had to go to the doctor, get a cat scan, and am now on super strong prescription strength anti acids for 3 months. I don't know why I was surprised when I went wine tasting last weekend and got super sick afterwards (no one else did quite as bad, and I didn't drink more then I should normally be able to handle). Then last night at another party I only had my normal gin and tonic...and yes I was drunk- but again, it wasn't more then I should normally be able to handle. Who was throwing up in their friends bathroom for the second weekend in a row? Uhhhh YEAH. Not fun. I'm too old for this shit. 

So it finally occurred to me. Hey crazy, remember how your stomach is really angry and you have to be on medications for it for 3 months? WELL MAYBE you should try and cut out the excessive drinking habits EH?! 

Luckily the big events are over for the next few weeks until Kathleen's wedding and then my birthday, but still- all of the happy hours, bowling 'team' I might join with some friends from work, dinners and drinks with friends- alcohol is such a big part of my life. The idea of going cold turkey without it is a little ridiculous. So we are going to work on having a 2 drink limit for awhile until my lil tummy can calm down. 

And to avoid being THAT girl puking in the bathroom every weekend and wasting Sunday recovering.