Saturday, May 31, 2008

weekend art

"id like to know where you are at all times so i can avoid you, that would be helpful." -Reno 911

This is what I spent my time doing over memorial weekend, SO FUN. my heart was so happy spending hours poured over work that does my soul good. (see below for actual blog)

this is for Annies birthday for her new room:

this is for her pink/white/brown bathroom, its not quite finished yet but these are the parts:

i love it.
i start my summer school class on monday, bleh. im kinda excited because its going to be one of the sweeter classes i get to take but i really wish it wasnt over the summer.

Europe is SO soon. like a little more than a month. i cant believe it...i really need to get my loan situation figured out.

ive been missing my bestie olivia A LOT. especially with this whole boy thing lately, i just wish she was around to talk to and that we werent too busy to talk on the phone like we are. actually, i tried to scheme a way to go up and see her for a long weekend or something before i go to Europe...or even afterwards before school starts. but i cant miss work, and its probably too expensive anyway. i should save my impromptu trip for when i have a huge breakup or have a nervous breakdown anyway...not just because i miss her and i hate boys (for now).

tonight im going to hang out with my old girlfriends from middle school and high school (kinda) excited. we havent been together in a long time. but i feel bad because kelsey is in town for one night and i dont think i can play with her:(

tomorrow i have a super duper long day at work. 730a-130ish p we're doing a huge service project with the kids (its an art project! im in heaven!) and then in the evening i have to come back for about 2 hours because the parents are having a worship night and we're showing the chickens a movie. but i got off 2 hours early on friday, and i think everything will be fun! but its hard to keep ones energy up for the kids when its such a long day. we'll be tired.

ok, im going to play with the girls before i put wormy back in her cage for the evening. they got haircuts and look so funny. bella has such a small head and such a fat body with little legs. its weird to see her not looking like a sheep anymore. i miss my sheepish dogs.
question: who names their dogs worms? im so stinkin weird

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

thoughts and feelings on a date that hasnt called

thoughts and feelings on a date that hasnt called:
1) ive gone back and forth about him calling, right now im at %80 sure hes not going to. i tend to have low expectations in people to avoid being disappointed, its really fun to live my life this way you should try it sometime.

2) now this means, all the nice things he said to me were full of crap which is kinda what i thought to begin with. he was awfully charming, he probably has a black belt in it or something.

3) what a weird guy, why wouldnt he want to go out with me again, im pretty much awesome.

so those are my thoughts. take into account, he did call me the day after for a second but we were both driving (if you know me, you know i suck at driving and talking at the same time), and he said hed call me back later that night. he didnt. and he hasnt responded to my 2 texts. but its going to be ok. living life expecting the worst from people keeps my hopes down and my trust in God up. i know He has a plan for me and someone out there who isnt a tool for me, i just wish it wasnt taking so long to find him.

surprisingly im not really that sad or anything, im more annoyed with him and frustrated with boys in general.

but hope is not all lost. i know hes really busy and hes going out of town again for this weekend so that must be crazy. and i still have a "he didnt take his cell phone to utah" theory. either way, itll be fine. but it was fun to pretend boys liked me. owell, glad that dreams over now.

in other news: today i worked and it was long and i was cranky because i didnt get enough sleep and i forgot my vitamin and was trying not to eat because it was $1 fish taco day after 23opm at rubios and me and annie were going to meet at 4. also because i had something stuck in my right eye all day...i think i should just break down and open another contact lens box. i got invited to a sex and the city premiere after party in Hollywood, that would have been sweet. but for many reasons, im not going. but your so jealous right now and think im really cool. instead, im spending the evening napping and watching harry potter 3, which really isnt as good as the book. they try, but its never as good.

question: when is so you think you can dance on? i know it was on thursday, but what days is it normally ok? i love that show so much it burns!

Monday, May 26, 2008

weekend & deep thoughts

this weekend has been sooo lovely.
its my favorite when all the girls r together.
last night kelsey made us dinner and we watched some crappy sappy movie, however watching cassie fold her laundry was much more entertaining. and annie and i got in a fight because she thought i was trying to steal her crown (literally). and kelsey showed us some more of her yoga poses. and cassie and kelsey put on a performance (soon to be on facebook).

today we're either going on a picnic or having lunch together somewhere else. i try to plan nice things for us to do and no one ever wants to participate, ive learned to go with it. but it makes me not want to plan anything. and i get bored doing nothing all the time...kinda...but last night was pretty fun. hmm.

ive realized some things about myself. especially recently going on a date and watching that sappy movie...PS: I love you. that was it.

1) im afraid of being hurt either by people. by them leaving me or dying or just it not working out. i tried to work on this while i was in Wisconsin, but im so scared of being hurt. i should spend some time meditating on how God is love and fear only comes from Satan. hmm.

2) i dont believe people when they tell me how awesome/attractive i am. im just thinking they're trying to get something from me. i cant think back to an instance when this happened in my life, so i dont know where the feelings come from. but i dont know how to make them go away...i wonder how much it connects to #1 and #5

3) ive been alone for a really long time, by choice. i choose to be innocent and to guard my mind and heart. which i think freaks people out. they think im naive or overprotected or something, which is not true. its a choice, and its a hard choice, but Jesus told me its worth it and i choose to believe Him more than you.

4) when im thoughtful i have a hard time living a normal life. like, i cant get out of my head. i cant do two things at once...deeply think & live at the same time. so friends, if ive been acting weird lately...these are the reasons why.

5) im beginning to realize that this world thinks im beautiful. ive never believed it myself, ive learned to get all my worth from God because i didnt feel it from the world. this has served me well. im starting to remember back on my life and how many strangers and friends and family would just randomly tell me how beautiful i am...apparently this isnt normal. i dont know how to take this. im not sure what to do with this new insight. i guess nothing. ive lived a long time seeking to make my insides beautiful and i try really hard to see the inner beauty of other people. ive cursed Hollywood for making people feel ugly and worthless because of their outside appearance. and i get annoyed with people who know they are beautiful and act horribly to others.

after countless blogs about random crap, you finally got a deep pensive one. savor it. because tomorrow im going to act like this never happened.


Saturday, May 24, 2008


i just checked to see if my grades were posted in my classes yet, some of them had some of my final projects and papers grades posted. IM SO ANNOYED. i worked my ass off the last month of school to turn everything in and i had late nights spending time doing all this work because im a good student like that. the assignments arent even hard, they are just so damn time consuming its such a pain in the ass. so i got a pretty below average grade on my EASY linguistics final! and i have a C in the class and i totally deserve a B at least for all the work i put in...that class was hard actually. i just feel like im wasting time when i do all this work and get shitty grades like that. and then my ridiculously easy technology class i tried to get out off because it was so easy, she gave me an F on the final assignment! i did everything right! shes crazy! it wasnt even hard! no worries, i emailed her about it. bitch. shes crazy actually. i think she hates her life and she would always be on the cell phone during class and be mean to us when we'd ask her questions.

i just hate school, i just want to be done. i should have gotten a degree in the following things BESIDES crappy liberal studies:
1) art education
2) visual and performing arts
3) art history
4) psychology
5) child psychology

warning: dont ever be a liberal studies major. it will ruin your life. people think its easy because its just for like elementary teachers. but you think wrong. i have to take upper division classes and be good at EVERYTHING. not just a focus of interest. everything.

ok thats enough. sorry im so grumpy. i just work too hard in school to get bad grades and it pisses me off when i do.

ok, heres some pictures to cheer us up!


the birthday girl and kelsadilla!

a really awesome picture of me and cass (NOT)

Friday, May 23, 2008

today. Friday. May 23rd. blustery day.

today was a really busy day at work, i had like no breaks and i just barely made it out on time. i didnt even finish everything i could have, sunday morning ill be busy getting ready for church...i was just so tired by the end of the day!

i got a free lunch today at work from pick up stix AND a free dinner for annies birthday dinner fun! we all went to acapulco and it was really yummy and fun. except we were all really tired (we're old now, we work all day and all week and by friday we're just soo tired). we played a fun game and annies and then were all falling asleep so now im home.

eddie izzard stand up is on, Glorious, i havent seen it before. its on the bbc and now i cant go to sleep...hes so stinkin funny! i love British humor, its my most recent phase i think. i miss little britian, i dunno y i havent watched it in so long.

tomorrow im going to Micheals to buy some new supplies and to work on annies birthday gift! its going to be lovely i think, im excited to spend a day working on an art project and having a relaxing day off.

i think ill clean my room too, my drafting table is just covered in junk and i wanna make my gift on it, and the upstairs hallway is still full of my old boxes from moving 2 months ago.

kelsey brought me so many things!
1) my narnia book back! i need it for school, and because i kinda wanna re read it more:)
2) hugs
3) herself
4) dont remember
5) Felicity. season 3!!! yayyyyy

and thank goodness because i have next week my last week off school and ill be thankful to have my lovely Felicity. to keep me busy. im nervous tho, everything ended so well in season 2, this season has to be full of mishaps.

ill upload the birthday pictures tomorrow, for now night night!


PS: date called yesterday to say hey and pretty much how awesome i am. hes in utah for the long weekend so ill keep u posted if we ever go out again.
maybe next week, maybe never, who knows!

PSS: im LOVING the weather, but it makes me so tired and all i wanna do is nap:)

Thursday, May 22, 2008


ok, i know everyones wondering about my date. thank you! heres the list of details for you to all gush over:) first date in more than a year, and first kiss (wink) in 4 years!!! i win!

things you can know:
-he opened all the doors for me (even the car!)
-he paid for everything and got us a really expensive bottle of wine to share at dinner and showed me how to swirl it so it tastes good and showed me the cork and how to know it been stored correctly
-we went to thai food in pb
-then we went to dave and busters
-he won me a big cuddly elephant!
-he won a little dog in the claw game and gave it to a random small child on the way out
-he loves arrested development & the office & will Ferrell
-hes as funny as me, if not funnier;)
-he told me like 5 million times how pretty i am
-hes really sweet and cute
-he loves Jesus
-hes really smart and is into history (what a concept, someone i can talk to?!)

so those are some of the highlights. if your lucky to be one of the people who are close to me, you will get to hear the words between the lines.

boys r so fun!


Tuesday, May 20, 2008


all of a sudden last night i got super sick and could hardly sleep all night because my tummy hurt so much. then this morning i finally threw up, but i dont know if im sick with a little flu bug or if it was something i ate?

either way i still dont feel well. i went to work for a few hours because i was feeling better and i think that was a bad idea. i think i exerted to much energy and ended up leaving feeling pretty yucky by the end of the day. i havent eaten anything all day except i did drink an entire liter of ginger ale and quite a bit of water. mom and dad are bringing me jello and soup now tho:) why am i always sick?!?!?! im so tired of being sick all the time. grrr

in other news! i have a date! a real date! im not going to divulge too much because no one (including myself) is to get our hopes up, lest they be shot down. but i will say that he seems like an awesome guy whos really into me, and thats nice to feel even if the date ends up sucking or something.

im sure ill reveal more tomorrow night after our dates over, all my love.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

today was so stinkin hot. all i could do was either be in air conditioning somewhere or lay in my bed in front of the fan and still be sweating...bleh.

im planning a memorial day picnic for me and the girls! yay!

today i got to teach kindergarten today! SO FUN! except we ran out of lesson and things to do so they got to watch a video for awhile which bummed me out because they come to church to learn about God...not watch a video. but the video was pretty cute, it was like a cartoon Barney type of thing but Christian. they loved it. but i loved it, i love teaching the kids. especially when its a smaller group of kids who actually listen! i love it!

then i came home and found a black widow spider right by my car! it was so crazy! it was dead, but took a picture ill post here soon.

ok, this is how i imagine our picnic:

Friday, May 16, 2008

2 men i forgot in my marriage list

some of the most important and influential men in my life i forgot to add to the list of men i would marry! sorry jermaine and bret. i really do love you.

i just finished my CSET (just subset 1, english and history) it wasnt as hard as the practice tests and ive been doing average on the practice tests and i studied a lot so hopefully ill pass.

today is tamaras graduation BBQ! im excited to hang out with everyone and have free food. grad parties are fun because everyones over 21 and theres free food and usually its a bunch of the persons friends so you pretty much know everyone. its nice.

back to bed, i had to be up today at like 6am and didnt go to sleep until around 2...sleepy esther.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

share your music with me please

so i dont really have the money to spend but i really really want someone to help me procure the following new albums im SO excited for but have no money for...

Bonnie "prince" Billy-Ask Forgiveness
Band of Horses-Cease to Begin
The Hives- Black and White Album
I am not there- soundtrack
Sigur Ros- Hvarf
Cat Power-Jukebox
Buffseeds (i heard they were good so any album would do)
Vampire Weekend
Flight of the conchords
deathcab for cutie (new)
Counting Crows (new)
Ashlee Simpson (new) dont laugh, its for my family camping trip

im so bored with all my music ive been listening to audio books! someone help me!


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Arry Paw'er, ere ar u?

so ive been listening to my harry potter audio books again, and i totally got in a harry mood and REALLY wanted to watch one of the movies, preferably the first one which I happened to have/stole from blockbuster then later paid for it. so i was looking forward to watching Harry in his early days ALL day, if not for a few days. annnd i wasnt feeling good after work so i was even more excited to snuggle in with my doggies and watch arry paw'er.

BUT THEN i couldnt find it. still cant find it. and im SO SO SAD. i even tried the crappy DVR and its not coming on anytime! so i searched and searched but couldnt find it.

so i just got stuck watching american idol which actually was a good one, and now im watching A Prairie Home Companion. ive always wanted to see it, so yay!

i just really really wanna watch harry potter.

Monday, May 12, 2008

current location: Library

i love the library, i just dont think i can speak about how much i love it enough.
i come in the doors today and see a sign that they are showing my favorite movie ONCE on wednesday for free in the little theatre they have here. i mean come on, it was icing on the cake.

and since then ive found 3 CDs to listen to, 3 books to take home, and 2 audiobooks im really excited about.

ok ok, i know im a nerd. but at least im smart;)

so bestie came to visit this weekend! it was mostly a gift for her mom for mothers day that she came down, so i only got to spend a little time with her...but it was soooo lovely. it just feels like home when im with her. like we havent even been a part! except that little part of me that just wants to hug her a long long time. we got big diet cokes and sat and caught up for a few was so so nice. then we watched the finale of survivor with her rents...ive only seen one episode with Tamara a long time ago but it was still pretty nerve wracking to watch the end of such an intense show.

also yesterday little Lukey got dedicated to Jesus! i had to work so i missed it, but it was recorded so im going to watch it one of these days. then we had them over and cassie and Nicodemus too! it was so fun...then cassie made me go to the mall with her (even tho i was so so tired after work) because she wanted to look for a sun dress. she didnt even buy anything! but i got a really cute new shirt:) so at least that was good.

today i slept in and then did all those little things i havent had time to do in forever. like getting registered for school, figuring out my financial aid stuff...which i didnt really figure out actually, running a few errands and ended up here returning my books and getting new ones. i just have one paper left to do, its not due until Wednesday though so im going to work on it then. I would have liked to have gotten it done before hand but ive just had too much to do. i hate having it hanging over my im not quite done with school but it feels like it.

i just finished the Klimt book and now ive stocked up on 3 more historical fiction novels about artists...Mozart and Leonardo Da Vinci...oh and one about Marie Anntoinette so i guess that doesnt count. i love reading.

so i realized a problem with my previous blog about the men i want to marry. well number uno, Russell from Almost Famous doesnt exist. and Sam Beam from Iron & Wine is married with children and lives in Georgia. and josh T and zach galifinaukous both dont know i exist, so that could prove to be a problem.

ok im going to go check out and get home for hungry.

you should know im currently listening to the Labyrinth soundtrack. even though that movie still scares me to death. but david bowie is starting to change my life so i thought id give it another try. i just cant get past his pants in the movie, or should i say tights. and the puppets and the entire plot scares me so much i cant even handle it.

Monday, May 05, 2008

men i would marry

the following men i would marry based on their looks, charms, musical abilities, and humor. oddly ive noticed a common thread among the men i love.

Russell from Almost Famous

josh tillman

Sam beam of Iron & Wine

zach galifinokis funniest man alive


things i saw and did yesterday:

-a clown pulled over to the side of the road fixing him/her? makeup in the mirror.

-a little girl chasing a ball down a large hill...she just kept going and going and couldnt get it until the very bottom. i asked annie awhile later, "i wonder if that little girl ever got her ball?" she replied cleverly, "no, shes probably out in the ocean still chasing it."

-spilt mustard on my old bosses sweatshirt he let me borrow because it was 500 below 0 at the park

-i watched Oprah do a behind the scenes thing of a new show coming out with hidden video cameras with actors doing horrid situations to see if people would react and try to help. i cried watching every single one, they weren't even that sad.
1) a man physically fighting this girlfriend
2) girls tormenting a "loser" girl from school in the park
3) friend seeing her best friends boyfriend with another woman
4) drunk people trying to get into their car
5) a Muslim woman trying to buy a pastry and being told "we dont serve your kind here, get on your jihad camel and get out of here"
i think there were a few more...
i have no idea why i cried every time, but all these women would stop and help the actors and it was so empowering to me as a woman and as a person. knowing Americans arent awful and would stop and was just really amazing.

and im pretty sure i was tired. how the hell did Oprah make me cry.

im still stressed out
sooo much to do this week it makes me wanna throw up (not in a good way)
but im almost done, yay!

*You are my Beloved, my favor rests upon you-God*