i watch too much tv.

all i do is go to work.
go to my classes.
during my breaks i sleep in my car or do homework.
i come home and take bella for a walk and eat something.
then i do more homework.
sleep more.

and watch too much tv.

since when did i get into american idol?
im totally hooked, its ridiculous.
and americas next top model? who am i?!

actually, im not too excited about ANTM, i dont think any of the girls are very pretty and the ones who are pretty have really ugly insides (attitudes)...and the judges get on my nerves, especially tyra. ill try again next week and if i still dont like it ill give up on it. last season was so good. im ridiculous.

american idol?! WHO AM I?! but all the black girls can sing sooo good! its amazing! i want them to do well so they'll make a record and i can buy it...all the white girls need to hurry up and get voted off so the real competition can get started. actually, i guess im not that bad cause i only can stand to watch it on tivo cause ryan and judges and even the contestants annoy me...haha

i even tivoed the Oscars and got all into that too...well, kinda. none of the movies nominated i wanted to see or saw...except Pans Labyrinth and marie anntoinette...the others werent really my kind of movies so i passed on seeing them. EXCEPT i realllly want to see little miss sunshine, i was MIA when it was in theatres and its on my netflix cue so we'll see what happens with that. i also wanna see The Illusionist...looks really good and i heard it was good and edward norton is my lover.

im lonely.
i dont have any friends.
except on weekends.
i just want some nice christian girls (not "christian" girls, like real people who are actively pursuing the Lord) who have some similar interests as me and we all live together and study together and take trips and take care of bella and cook and clean and watch stupid tv together and are fun.

but no.
instead i hang out with my dog all the time and watch too much tv and hate school and work and go shopping instead.

goodtimes.


i just like her. shes cute and pretty and happy. and can sing pretty too.



caridee was the best.

I NEED A LIFE

weekends are the BEST

cause cassie comes home and plays with me!

and its like...

all week being thirsty and just wishing for a drink of water...

and then she comes and its like taking in a big refreshing drink of amazingly thirst quenching water...

and church was so good tonight, God is just so amazing and constantly overwhelming me with everything He has for me.

ive been watching american idol lately, WHO AM I???!!!

currently im watching TiVoed Oscars and thats funny cause i love Ellen, and i love movies, and i love pretty dresses...who am i?! silly

ok i am cracking up cause ellen is so fricken funny...

bleh im tired of school...i don wanna go anymore...

RAINY DAY!

skipped school cause i havent all semester and my classes suck and i wasnt up for a 12hr day there...so im just going tonight to psyc (see how i did on my test!) and stayed up late last night watching LOST with annie and bella and had a few drinks...so fun! and today we got to sleep in and go out to lunch and now we're watching a kinda lame movie, employee of the month.

i love dane cook

and i really love bella...shes snuggly and funny...

i dont wanna go to school anymore...lets boycott...but i do like my psyc class on thursday nights and i should be graduating with my AA sooo soon...*sigh*...bleh school bleh.

shopshopshop

shopped all day.
played with old friends all night.
watched my favorite shows.
laughed and laughed.
ate good food.
feet are killing me.
the santa anas are amazing me.
my dog is being cute.
im really tired.
that boy hasnt called yet.
im starting to get annoyed again.
i think this is his last chance.
for real though.

love love.

marie antoinette

such a fricken good movie.
i saw it opening night, and bought it the day it came out. then downloaded the soundtrack while looking for costumes for future halloween parties. (not gonna happen i dont think, altho i may buy a cheap wig and wear an old prom dress and gaudy jewelry...its quite awhile away so im not to worried;)

not to mention my lover Jason Shwartzman is in the movie. love.



marie antoinette


i was always pretty interested in her. ive read her biography a few times, went to versaille a couple years ago (yes, its as gaudy as the movie portrayed it...actually i remember being there and being annoyed with how out of touch with reality they were cause its SO extravagent...pride screws the whole world up)

i actually have a postcard pack i bought from there with pictures of the different rooms and the hall of mirrors and stuff. i didnt go to her retreat tho, it was quite a walk and supposedly nothing too exciting...but now im so bummed i didnt go. i think we also went to her jail cell where she was kept for a few years...that was crazy. that poor girl, she was like my age...crazy.

anyway.
today i worked a lot. super busy. as soon as i got home at 4pm i had a snack and then went to sleep until 9pm.

guess whos coming into my office next week to meet with one of the tenants in my office?! (the tenant is the ambassador from panama and will actually be running for prez of panama soon...crazy right) DONALD TRUMP. ok so i dont like donald trump, but hes going to be in my lil office...ill get him coffee...crazy right! and apparently hes come in before since the ambassador doesnt meet with anyone but CEO's of companys. and on friday i was helping the guys with copying things and getting them coffee and stuff, and the guy they were meeting was so nice...kept saying thank u over and over and calling me sweetie...apparently he was some prince from africa!!!

this is my life.
i make copies and get coffee for royalty. awesome. and that awful man donald trump.
haha

anyway,
my much awaited long weekend is finally here!!!

hmm...

valentines day

wasnt today, but it was yesterday. i thought i would tell u about mine.

well i made an amazing dinner of pasta and chicken and salad, and those amazing cookies u cut the dough and cook them for dessert. boy cameover and brought me roses! and we ate in the nice dining room with the roses gleaming from the center of the table. then we ate cookies and drank wine and watched Garden State and cuddled on the couch with Bella of course. then he kissed me and told me he loved me and went home a little early cause we both had work this morning. perfect!!!

ok fine, none of that actually happened...BUT i decided that it would have been the perfect valentines day if there was an actual boy who was as lovely as he is expected to be. how low maintenance am i?! i am awesome. and cause then the present from me is dinner and the present from him is roses and we dont have to be poor or disappointed! *sigh* maybe next year.

but actually, i wasnt sad at all and im not now either. i really was fine, and all these cute people had flowers and balloons and i just liked it and thought it was so sweet. i love love. its just a testament to how God has worked in my life to the point that i dont feel like a need any boy...im quite fine with being single for now (most days;) and ive grown sooo much from these few years of just me and God. He's raised the standard tho, so the boy for me has a lot to live up to.

on that note. im about 85% sure that a lovely boy likes me. theirs so much involved tho to why i dont think it will work...but i just really like spending time with him...he makes me feel good about myself (in a healthy way, not in an unhealthy way)...and treats me like a lady...and makes me laugh...and good conversation...and either way, its just nice to have a new guy friend who enjoys to do things my current friends dont...
if nothing else, its another example of attributes i know exist in men in the world. all is not lost!

i think my boss is having an affair with the girl who works for his company and kinda works with me. it makes me nervous and gets on my nerves. basically my nerves are shot. haha, but only when i think about it or when they act weird...otherwise i just enjoy my time at work away from school...and all i have to do is make copies and pay bills for a lovely 12$ an hour.

i got monday off work!!! but NO ONE is home this weekend.

maybe the boy...

ill keep u updated.
cause i know u care if uve read this far;)

lovelove.

long week

sorry i havent posted in awhile. nothing much to report i guess.
just working and schooling.

saturday morning me and melissa took the gigantic CBEST. its a test for future teachers, basic reading writing and math skills. pretty easy, but sooo long (4hrs) and random crap u havent done since early high school or even junior high. california really needs to get their education system for preparing teachers together. its sooo confusing and the weirdest type of testings and types of degrees and its the state with the most requirements to teach and the worst schools. aRRg.

last night me and cassie watched my favorite movie of all time, Almost Famous. ive seriously seen in a million times, and everytime its amazing. i cant even say anymore cause my words arent good enough.

i should get the special edition pack that came out a few years ago.hmm


still nothing about valentines day. to be honost, im going to be working all day and then class and then lots of homework for thursday...soo...
but marie anntoinette comes out tuesday so maybe that will be my gift to myself. good movie too.

it was nice to spend more time with cassie. we're fun.

i went to breakfast today with old friends from santa fe! so fun! i was so exhauted and groggy that im suprised i made it through! it was nice to see them and catch up, and im excited that we might play again next weekend. yay! friends!

church tonight was really good of course. i need to work on my passion. my excuse to God was that im so tired and busy, which is true. but He told me that His love isnt tiring or meant to be more then i can handle, and that being passionatly in love with Him makes everything else in my life easier to handle. so im going to work on that tomorrow. i love Him. and i forget how much He loves me.

i need to be nicer to people in my mind. i dislike a lot of people and keep thinking that if i move out of friggen socal itd be better, but i don kno. i just need to be loving.

so thats all.

and PS: im so tired i dont kno how im functioning right now. im going to bed at 9pm and i dont care what u say behind my back! paying attention in church was rough. im going to read my rolling stone and say good night thank u.

vday survey

2 posts in one day cause i have 1/2 a day off:)

[01] Is there anyone you like at the moment?
yeah, kinda

[02] Have you ever given or been given roses?
yes, years and years ago

[03] What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
gardenstate or the notebook

[04] How many times have you honestly been in love?
1

[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
kinda. i believe that theirs many people we're perfect for and who are perfect for us, but God knows who the final answer will be.

[06] Do you think that you should put your friends first?
my friends first in what?

[07] Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeah, it sucks

[08] What do you think about long-distance relationships?
good and bad at the same time. u get to know the person really well in some aspects but its super hard to be away from them, and u dont get to know when in other aspects. so it depends on the people of course.

[09] Your thoughts on online relationships?
haha-this is me laughing-haha

[10] Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger?
five years older always. younger would never work.

[11] Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
yeah, all the time...its confusing and i dont like it

[12] Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
not always. if he is a christian and willing to work out things with God and me, then he gets ONE more chance. otherwise, none.

[13] How many kids do you want to have?
as many as we can afford. i only want to give birth to one or two, but then i want to adopt bunches abd bunches!!! india, thailand, china, africa, south america...i cant wait!!!

[14] Do you usually fall for the right boy/girl?
considering ive been single for like 3 years or so. lets go with no.

[15] What is your favorite color?
pink and black. sometimes green, but not to wear

[16] What are your views on gay marriages?
o gosh. for me this is more difficult to answer then it is for 'normal' people. i love all people, but practicing homosexual activity is a sin just like any other sin. (ex: stealing, cheating on ur spouse, abuse, addictions to things, ect...)i try not to judge homosexual people because of their choices, so when its my choice i dont vote for gay people to have the right to marriage because of my beliefs. BUT i also understand that not everyone shares my beliefs, so i dont expect people to understand or agree with me.

but on a governmental basis, i see that having some states say gay marriage is legal and in others its not, is silly. its either all or nothing. what if they move? what about federal vs. state laws?

with all things considered i dont think gay marriage is a good thing. but i love gay people, i have lots of friends and lots of ex-gay friends (which is a whole nother discussion)

[17] Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you re-marry? no, id like to think that id be to distraught over losing the love of my life and best friend.

[18] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
6th grade i think...aww memories

[19] What song do you want to hear at your wedding?
whatever "our" song is, but i want it to be kinda ecletic, not a typical corny one. maybe a damien rice one thats not angry or depressed. maybe a coldplay one. oooo iron and wine...aww itll be nice...

[20] Do you think that someone likes you?
sometimes. but sometimes im sure they dont. like right now. arg.

---
im not yet excited for vday. no boy. no plans. nada. and its been this way for too long. someone come and sweep me off my feet already.

lovelove.

TONIGHT!!! TONIGHT!!!

NEW LOST TONIGHT TONIGHT!!!

stupid producers think its fun to cut the season in half and make us all wait for the final 9 episodes. good thing i had season 1 to comfort me during this wretched time.

im a dork.
but im excited.
annnnd im excited to see annie after shes been gone for days and days...

im going to get some wine...
ooo and we'll eat pei wei!

just like oldtimes!!!

just a few hours more...

another reason i dislike school

today in my literatue class he read us a poem that ended up being about some guys erected penis. and the one we're studying for homework is about some lesbian questioning her sexuality.

all professors care about is using their podeium to preach to their classes about their political, philosophical, and anything else they can get away with, to influenciable students in their classrooms.

constantly i have to be on guard for what my professors are trying to convince me of whether its about evolution, christians known beliefs in things (like how supposedly all christians hate gay people...well heres the thing professor...), philosophical things, iraq and government issues, pretty much everything.

it sucks. most days i wish i went to a christian school, but this week ive been thinking about how in a christian school they wouldnt even teach questionable material, rather then teaching a christian perspective to questionable material.
if i had to choose, id choose to NOT live in a christian bubble, but it gets exhausting having to either argue in class, or even just keep tabs on my own mind to not believe what they say or then i have to go home and research what i believe in so im not confused.

im also worried about when im a teacher and have to teach in schools to kids. the public school system is horrible with this kind of liberal atheistic crap and im nervous. but i dont have any good experiences with christian private schools either...cause im not super conservative about a lot of stuff either. so maybe teach to a family or in a charter school or something in between public and private. and of course my dream of teaching art to kids in india. and teaching art to american study abroad students in italy. and teaching english abroad too. *sigh* i cant wait to be done with school.

lovelove.

manic monday

today.
pondering and thinking about moving out.

i think i can afford it now, working 30hrs a week and school seems to be balancing well. im worried about the next 2 years in school tho, it'll be my major classes and preparing to graduate, so im worried that ill get to stressed trying to balance school and work. school comes first and i get emotionally sick when i work too much. i also dont want to get distracted, but i need friends. its hard to be alone all the time.

the other issue is my doggie. she would be devastated if i left. and equally upset if i took her away from mom. and i cant leave her. so i dont know how to handle that either. but i cant stay here forever. maybe ill just wait for the opportunity to come up and then see what happens. like, if someone has an open space or something...then ill see what God says about those things. but not go looking for it. even tho im so tempted.

that stupid boy wont call me. and i miss him and hes leaving soon and i just want to hang out and laugh.

im watching MTV "engaged and underage", shes getting her first bikini wax for her honeymoon. awkward. her future mother inlaw and sister in law are doing it for her. haha
the grooms family is really cute and christian and excited. they waited to have sex and its cute.

aww i cant wait to get married. well, i can. but still, when the time comes its going to be so fun! but until then, im fine without a husband. but i really do want some more boys in my life. even just guy friends, all this alone time is getting ridiculous. i need male attention.

at dts i remember learning that women need at least 20 non-sexual attention a day. like, a hug, a pat of the back, an affirmation, attention, ect...
i need that.

i like movies. its weird. i tried to tivo my fav movie breakfast at tiffanys, but the tivo is broken. i really need to get cable and tivo in my room. i offered to pay for it, but its all confusing and needs special attention.

i graduate with my AA this spring!!!

i think i need to apply for that soon...hmm

what i did today

slept.
all day.
im ridiculous.

nothing else sounded appealing.
and my weeks are so stressful, i deserve it.

went to bed at midnight.
woke up at 930.
church from 11-1230ish.
lunch till about 130pm
slept until 6pm.
i am awesome.

tomorrow i start all over again.
i boycotted my homework today, ill just do it tomorrow. or maybe a little right now.

tomorrow i reception all day, ill probably have lots of time to work on my homework there. and then math class. and then homework for tuesday.

so if im not going to visit olivia in oregon. i need to think of another place to go and other people to go with.
im thinking new york. but thatd be more money cause its not just a flight and food then, id also have to pay for the place to stay and all the stuff i wanna do.
i think id have enough money tho.

we'll see what happens.

lovelove.

PS: colts won woo?! dont care

bleh school bleh

long week.

i got paid! yay! but now i think olivia might be coming down here the sametime im planning to go up there? so now i dont know if ill be going to see her during spring break. maybe i can go to san fran then, or even the beloved new york which i have yet to grace my precense with.
either way, i need to buy a ticket soon if im going anywheres.

today is my saturday. a much celebrated event. the only day off ive had in 2 weeks! sundays is like a half day off cause i get to sleep in usually, but then i have homework for hours and hours and then church for awhile and then have to go to bed early. so i dont count it.

im not sick anymore! woot! just a little flemmy.

in about an hour im going to be meeting with the lovely melissa to 'study' for the CBEST im taking next weekend. we're both taking it at the same place and same time! hooray! it shouldnt be too hard since its just very basic reading and writing and math skills, but its looooong and goes ALL day. so next saturday night ill be ready for a drink for sure;)

kelsey and annie are up in san fran for the weekend visiting jordan. im sad, i wish i could have gone. but i cant miss work or school for that long, especially since i just started 2 weeks ago and i work at the receptionist job only 2 days a week and cant miss both of them. it was just to crazy. but i love san fran and it would have been so fun! i know we'll go again soon.

last night me and the german went to chipotle and to see the painted veil. (how long have i been waiting to see that movie?!) i liked it lots. but i thought naomi watts had some really weak scenes where she was supposed to be very strong, and her costumes didnt really go with her character...but it was one of the better movies of last year, so i was really glad to see an actual good movie for once. and it was only rated PG13 so i didnt have to witness any gnarly sex scenes which is always very upsetting.

i wonder what im going to do tonight after i play with melissa. i know who i want to hang out with, but thats a secret. ill tell u in a few weeks.

what am i going to do for valentines day? i havent had a valentine in years...sad face. maybe ill get dressed up and get tanked. haha no. maybe annie will take me on a date;)

they're selling a hot pink camera at wal mart within my price range. im pretty sure i need to tap that.

today i stayed in bed until 3pm. i woke up at like 10am and just read all day, and then took a little nap. now im up and have to go meet melissa soon! i think im going to take my fat dog and my fat self for a walk. fresh air. birds.grass. those things.

i promise im more interesting then this blog may suggest.
take me out for valentines day and ull find out. hehe

lovelove.