Sunday, December 23, 2012

Baby Cake Update.

Last week was rough. The up's and down's on the emotional rollar coaster of us trying to get the baby cake to come live with us was exhausting. After the bad news that the little buddy wasn't coming with us and that we'd have to pay and fight if we ever wanted him to, Boyfriend spent at least three days more depressed and broken then I'd ever seen him. We even got into an argument because he was talking about just giving up, why maybe leaving him with that crazy lady was a good idea, that he wasn't sure he even wanted to spend any more time with the buddy if it meant he'd never get to have him. He was so defeated. I let him spend a day being defeated, but as soon as he started speaking this way I refused to put up with it. To the point, that I knew I didn't want to be with a man who was going to refuse his child only for the sake of his own sad heart.

When I tried to encourage him and tell him he needed to get it together, he got angry with me for a bit. Sometimes he just needs me to let him be upset about things, and its hard for him to have someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with that. I understood his feelings, but to be honest, he only had a week left to spend with the little guy before leaving and not wanting to see him for fear of the heart break really wasn't an option. Not wanting to fight to be the Daddy for your child who desperately loves and needs you wasn't an option. After a few hours of letting him cool off he called me to apologize and explain why he feels so defeated. Then that evening he went to get the little buddy and crazy baby mama was actually being more civil and open to a proper custody discussion again. This glimmer of hope, this little speck of possibility of getting to have him again at least gave us the bandaid we needed to make it through. After all of this, I still don't believe anything until a paper is signed and filed with the court. Boyfriend feels the same and is working on at least getting a semblance of a document signed and filed before we leave. Otherwise it's back to whatever her crazy whim is each day and us saving the $1800 for a proper lawyer.

On one hand we've mapped out the silver lining to this whole debacle. We were planning on having him come with us. We even bought activity books and games for the car trip. We are still mourning when we have to say good bye. But to be honest, we weren't ready. His room is still a pile of my stuff that needs to be organized, we need a new bed for us so we can give him my old one, we have nothing else for him besides some kid friendly dishes. This could have been remedied but it would have had to happen all this weekend with me running around town attempting to put together a toddlers room with our dwindling moving budget. Besides that we don't have his day care sorted or even the military documents and money figured out. None of that can be done until he starts work January 10th, so who knows where money for day care would have come from until that was figured out.

So we are thinking of giving it 3 months, time to save up for a lawyer if needed. Time to get his room and the rest of the apartment put together, have daycare and on base stuff figured out. Plus...time for us just to be together. Adding little bear to the mix would have been wonderful, but of course its an added stressor to two people just starting their lives together. Having a few months "honeymoon" without the child responsibility I think will be important for the foundation of our relationship. Refreshing after being a part for so long. Getting to do all of the fun adult adventures we want to have before we add the sweet little cake to the family. Tiny silver linings we are trying to give to each other when we think of them such as "Well, now we can go wine tasting without having to get a sitter...can go out properly in Vegas...New Years Eve will be a blast..." So I know it'll be ok in the end. It's just been exhausting getting here. And I know those first few hours after we pull away from his sweet face and Mississippi with our empty back seat are going to be the roughest I think we've spent together. I expect my big bad Marine will even shed some secret tears only I am privy to see.

He calls me "Eh-Ter" and tells me he's "playing with Daddy and eating apples"
and so many things. And then I die.

Sweet pictures and phone calls I get from my precious boys.

Just a few more days until I get to see them and snuggle with my loves! 



Be- A Hostess.

Quite a week I found myself in, being the only local lady with her own place these days I was happy to host everyone in town for the holidays. Even my gentleman is back home for the holidays, so I found myself in a perfect position to host a bunch of girls nights. Unfortunately I still had to work all week and managed to get really sick early in the as lovely as this week was, I had to be hyper organized and prepared for every evening (three in one week- crazy!).

A few lessons learned and am glad to pass along...

Be in love with your crock pot and rice cooker.
I planned what I would cook as a main course a week in advance so all of my shopping was done. Then I just had to get up 30min early each day and put everything in the crock pot for that evenings party. I'd recommend the following which are tried and true recipes that are always a crowd pleaser:

Garlic Clove Chicken
Not for vegetarian crowds of course, get the pre-peeled garlic clove packs for this to save time, and have everyone else bring a salad, veggie side dish, and an appetizer. Seriously delicious.
Refried Beans and Spanish Rice
Perfect for a vegetarian or vegan crowd, I also provided tortillas and salsa but had everyone else bring another Mexican inspired dish or taco bar toppings. Really yummy, and everyone loves a taco bar.
The first night when my produce was still fresh I was smart and didn't offer to make the main dish. Genius. Just made a lovely salad and enjoyed the main course brought from another guest.
Splurge for cute paper ware.
I love the environment, so I don't traditionally use paper ware but I just found that hosting three times in one week meant three clearing and rinsing, three dishwasher runnings, three emptying, and three resetting the table sessions. On top of cleaning up after the party, it was just too much. Target has some cute paper ware thats even compostable (so it won't take a million years to decompose in the landfills of course). Go for it. You will be so glad you did.

Compostable plates
Pretty, but non compostable
Cute and festive plates (without being obnoxious)
Good booze, good music.
Get your favorite drink fixings with enough to share and invite everyone else to bring something too. Most people bring red wine, so I try and provide something else top shelf. A great playlist you can have on lightly in the background and don't have to fuss with is also a must have.
Try some of these favorites of mine.

Loved being a hostess, looking forward to doing it again once the bf and I are both back in town after the holidays. A sort of "meet the long distance boyfriend" evening where I might even splurge and make all three courses! More tales of being a real adult to come...



Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hey Life, Thanks For All The Shit.

Well one moment she agreed to everything for the half custody. We just needed her to sign the paper. The next minute she refused to sign or let him have him at all and our lawyer said to go through the courts will cost $1600- which we don't have. Plus she wouldn't even be served papers until January after the holidays...too late for him to come with us. The lawyer was also honest and said with what we have on her we couldn't get full custody- we need more dirt. But we at least want half and then in a few years could show we offer him a better life and get him for the school years.

I think the boyfriends heart has literally broken in half. He is so depressed he doesn't even want to move. Our last option, file for her stealing his identity and hope she gets arrested (that sounds horrible, but it's the name of the game. And it's all true) will be what he tries to do today. Which I had to make him get his ass up and out of depression long enough to do.

I can't tell you how painful it's been. I keep walking by his bedroom and tear up saying good bye to the memories we were planning on building with him. Now it hurts too much to even think about it all. It also puts all of our life plans on hold. I refuse to save for a wedding and engagement ring when the baby is our priority. Not to mention furnishing the rest of the apartment, paying off my debt, and the new car I desperately need. It frustrates me we have no one to help us. I feel so alone. And jealous of my friends that have parents who paid for these big weddings, new cars, new furniture, school, etc. None of their moms had cancer which wiped out their family savings. Boyfriends parents aren't any better off, in fact he gives them a little money each month. So here we are. Two love birds stuck in the brambles.

Suddenly a court house wedding seems so attractive.

I am so thankful I found the love of my life. And I am excited for our life together. But at the same time days like this make it so hard. This isn't the life I imagined for myself...fighting for custody, police departments, money problems...etc. And yet, here we are.

I am praying so much for Jesus to intervene right now. So much.



Monday, December 10, 2012

A New Life.

This week marked the beginning of our new life together. Understandably I was MIA all week long being reunited with the love of my life- so now is your epic update. The apartment is beautiful and ours and amazing but equally looks like a pig sty and I am still barely unpacked. I have a feeling it will be a project for awhile. But it's ours.

I have to say, after being long distance for the majority of our relationship I was so afraid of everything falling apart when we lived together. What if things are different? What if we annoy each other? What if he gets sick of me? So many things. Or the classic Miranda from SATC when her bf wanted to move in "Then you will know my sponges smell!! Wahhhh". However. Contrary to all of my fears. Everything was just perfect. We didn't get on each others nerves, actually we couldn't bare to be a part from one another all week. I think I took a nap in the bed while he watched TV in the living room one day (so he won't try and grope me the entire time I am sleeping. Seriously, put on ESPN and then you can get some sleep/function) and after I woke up I ran out to snuggle with him because we missed each other. Seriously, we're obnoxious. But after being a part so long it was like I was whole again when he was with me. That hurting part I had learned to numb and ignore while he was gone was finally full and I didn't want it to end. And I know I sound girly and lame, but he's the same way. He'd count down until I came home from work or went to run errands and would run and kiss and hold me as soon as I got home. He gets fussy when I need to nap or sleep because he wants to talk to me. So I am not the only ridiculous one here. I am sure this lovey dovey will fade eventually, but for now it has been so precious and sweet.

Having someone around to love and take care of me was also such a special treat. He opens my car doors, carries all our bags, tells me to just relax and sit while he gets me a drink or snack, buys me little things, just loves to take care of me. It was so refreshing to not have to do everything alone all the time. He laughs at how thankful I am even for the littlest things, "Baby, I bought you a tooth brush and some almond milk. It really isn't that big of a deal" but it is! No one has done things like that for me since...I don't even remember. And certainly not a boy just because he loves me, EVER.

So we are happy. It was a week of lovey and laughing (seriously). Highlights include...

My surprise night at the Scripps Brit Bed & Breakfast downtown for our first night. A B&B in a huge old Victorian house. Only 7 rooms and no kids allowed. A beautiful breakfast made to order. The service and rooms were just a dream. I wanted to move there...which I exclaimed out loud several times in fact. He picked it knowing I would just love it because "I love old things".

Spending a day running a thousand errands that really just signified us starting our lives together. Getting a shared savings account and a fancy new checking account for me at his military bank. Getting approved and a check for his car loan. Getting him an iPhone and starting our family plan together. Visiting and measuring the apartment. Buying furniture. Getting him to try my favorite fish tacos for the first time. Such a good and productive day where we didn't even get grumpy with each other the entire time! 

Moving into our new place!!! Seriously, the longest day and week ever...but also the sweetest.

Look how handsome my baby is in this one. Oh man!

Not even living in our new apartment for 24 hours before trying out our local bar for dinner and drinks while the bf watched his games and laughed at me for not knowing ANYTHING about sports. We found the Irish bar within walking distance to our place. Our lives are now complete.

Decorating the Christmas tree and house with my parents, brother, and brothers lady friend. Cookies, booze, pictionary, and snuggling. So so nice.

Getting to take my handsome gentleman to my company's fancy holiday party and showing him off to everyone. We got to dance the night away and get so drunk we went back to our room kind of early to eat all of the free snacks in our room, fail at banging, and passing out drunk. Seriously, my soul mate.

Yesterday was our last perfect day together before he went back home for the holidays. An AMAZING breakfast in bed in the hotel post Christmas party laughing and watching Christmas movies together. Spending the rest of the day snuggling in bed and watching LOTR- Return of the King while eating pizza. Pretty much our favorite thing to do ever. Eating and watching movies all day in bed naked is probably the best thing to do in the entire world. We cherish every time we get to do it and know once the cakes come it will be a rarity. 

This morning I dropped him off at the airport as he heads back to Tupelo for 2 weeks until I get to see him again when I go out there after Christmas. As soon as I got back in the car without him it felt weird being alone again. You get so used to being with your person. On the one hand I am happy to be able to get back in my routine and get our apartment together a bit more (the disaster and not being able to find anything is draining me). Finally get some sleep without someone trying to snuggle with me all night (hehe). One the other hand I just already miss him. Thank God he has an iPhone now and isn't in freaking Brazil where the phones and internet only worked sometimes. And these next few weeks as he fights to gets custody of the little bear are going to be rough. I am happy he gets to spend the holidays with his family though. It's been too long that he's been away from them for the holidays. Years and years of being alone. Our last Christmas a part (I hope. Damn deployments.)

So its me and Bella holding down the fort at the apartment. I have a feeling the next two weeks with getting settled, Christmas, the countless parties I have volunteered to host, and the etc. will go by rather quickly. And then we will be together again for keeps. 

Why I Love My BF 12/10/12:
Today I woke up to, "Baby, if I were a hobbit would you still love me?"



Sunday, December 02, 2012

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Independent

As I've been cleaning and getting ready for our big move this week, Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent" keeps coming on my fun playlist. Yes, Ne-Yo inspired this post. But really the entire theme of the song is something I am not sure many women understand as something being truly attractive. You can call it "being independent" or just the simple HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Some key points...

How do I rescue myself? How do I not be a shit show? Surprisingly this is actually pretty simple but unfortunately if I have to explain this to you I don't think you will ever get it. But I shall attempt anyhow.

  • Don't put your life on hold waiting for some imaginary Prince Charming to come and save you from your debt, going nowhere career, crappy living situation- insert here the thing you think will be better once you are married or meet "the one". No one is coming to "rescue" you, the idea of this supposed rescue is a bunch of crap that the media and stories fed to us as young girls convinced us of. If anything, you are your own Prince Charming. You have to rescue yourself. And furthermore, no quality man is going to want to fix you all up. (If he does then run, because he has his own rescuing issues he needs to work through and will probably leave you once he finds you unfixable OR has rescued enough. Then the fun is over. Seriously, don't be the girl who needs fixing) 
  • Get a career. Not a job. Working at the gas station or Starbucks are jobs, not careers. If you want to make them a career then thats perfectly fine but quit being lazy and ask your manager what you need to do to get promoted and work from there. Do you want to seriously be with guys who work at gas stations? Yeah, well the good ones don't want to seriously be with you either. Sometimes we need to do things in the short term just to make some money and are going through a hard time- which is understandable. Just as long as thats not where your goals and aspirations stop.
  • Living situation. Are you in your late twenties and still living at home? Do you live in a crappy apartment with a weird room mate? Once again, sometimes extreme situations mean that these experiences are temporarily necessary- I get it- I've been there. But as long as thats not your long term plan. That you are working toward something bigger and better where you can host a lovely gentleman and not be embarrassed by the crap everywhere or your parents in the next room. NOT ATTRACTIVE. Nothing is more attractive then a woman with a great place she takes care of all her own.
  • Sadly being an alcoholic shit show all the time while out or home is oddly not attractive. If you keep wondering "where are all the good guys?!" while you probably scared them away while you were throwing up that one night, spilling stuff everywhere the other night, slept with that weird guy another night, and took your top off last night. Sorry, boys don't like crazy. Crazy is reserved for when you are with your girlfriends or when he's stuck around awhile and doesn't mind taking care of you every once in awhile when you've accidentally had too much. Even with a mixed group of friends this isn't really appropriate  Where do you think you are going to meet guys? Friends of friends obviously. And don't think they aren't going to tell everyone about that thing you did over the weekend. Once again, we've all had our moments. I know I've had mine. But let's make these experiences the exception and not the rule shall we? Try and be a lady. Boys tend to like that. 
If you are having a hard time meeting "good men" it might be because you've scared them all away with you not having your shit together. You don't have to be a perfect high powered office employee or something. Just be the kind of person you would want to be with. Would you want to stay over at a guy's house who has 15 cats and never cleans his place because he's too busy working at Burger King? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Make a plan to not be a shit show. Doesn't have to be too intense, just one step at a time. If you don't want to, then quit complaining that you can't find a guy. And don't be surprised when you get stuck with a guy who works as a bus boy with 3 kids from 3 different women. You attracted what you put out. 



Saturday, December 01, 2012

Sweet Phone Calls.

I just love these calls I am getting from Mr. Boyfriend as he excitedly tells me all about the fun family things he is getting to do and how happy he is!

Christmas shopping with his sister and brother in law for the little buddy. Flying with his Dad and hovering over their house to wave to the buddy who was eating a "pop pop" (Popsicle). Every call just gushing with joy and then the excitement of getting to see me in 1.5 days too. It's always precious to hear your love be so thrilled about life. Especially after being so unhappy in Brazil for so long. For family and community oriented people, being away for so long become less and less of an adventure and more and more of a sad chore. Simple things like a family dinner together, watching your little bear play with his cousins, and going Christmas shopping at American stores with your siblings for all your babies. Such sweeter memories then just another weekend drinking and partying with the same people you only kind of like as last weekend. He even said today, "I forgot how fun it is to do these normal things! And be on a normal schedule!".

While he runs around enjoying his family I am fighting a fun flu that kept up yesterday. I still HAD to do some things today like get the ol hooha waxed, reup on birth control, hair dye, and soup for my fluish self. But then it will be back to bed. Wahhhh

Gosh, despite feeling like complete shit am I excited to see that man.



Friday, November 30, 2012

His Homecoming.

Oh, where to begin. I am so thankful for yesterday. When my love was greeted with such sweetness from baby bear. We finally got caught up last night after his family were asleep and he told me everything. Someone may be a little emotional and got all teary eyed as he told me everything that happened. Then I made him tell me it all again.

Baby mama came to drop him off (it included some drama of course, minor compared to the usual, but we tried not to let it damper the mood) and as soon as he saw Mr. Boyfriend he said "Daddy!" and went right to him and let Boyfriend hug and snuggle him.  Apparently he'd been talking about "Daddy" all day. He didn't want to go back to his mama. He didn't even cry when she left. My boys went back into his parents house and played all afternoon. He kept coming over for snuggles from his Daddy (just like when we were last there!), was eating all of these vegetables and good foods without a fuss, and they just played and played. Boyfriend said at one point the exhaustion from not sleeping for 2 days caught up with him so he fell asleep on the floor while baby bear was playing. When he woke up, bear had put a little blanket on him and was all cuddled up next to him (COME ON). He can say a lot more words now but all in the same sweet voice we left him with. "Sorry" and "Sit down" and says to his grandma "Hey Momma". The book I got him with the animals and sounds he still loves. But now he can match the animal pages to the buttons he's supposed to push. 

Seriously, I die for this kid. His heart is so sweet and tender. I was so worried that the upheaval he's been through while we haven't been able to be with him would have crushed his precious spirit. But no. He is so much like my love. It's all of the secret sweet parts of Boyfriend that only I really get to see- but put into a little mini person that looks just like him! My boys are back together again and we both talked last night about this huge weight being lifted off. He's not even here yet and we already feel so much better. He is home. Baby Bear is safe and just as we left him. Boyfriend should get here Monday and our move should go smoothly. Everything is going to be ok.

Well. Almost everything. Today Boyfriend is meeting with Baby Mama to discuss the custody arrangement (actually probably right at this moment). We are expecting her to be her usual self and kick and scream the entire time, so the other plans are to see his lawyer this afternoon if needed and get the court process going. Either way we want a document that says we can have him at least 6 months a year. We are going to do our own amount of kicking and screaming as much as we need to so we can have that little love with us. We've planned on having him. We don't see a future without him. And I am so proud of my man for fighting for that little bear. For going without sleep. Getting up early to take his Mom to work so he can use her car today and get this stuff done. So many things he does not want to do and instead of even procrastinating or pleading for sleep, he is using his first day of vacation to do them all. How much does this speak of his character and heart? Of honor and strength? I am constantly overwhelmed by the heart of the man God has given me. I am the luckiest girl in the world. And the luckiest Momma in the world by the looks of it too. 

Our journey is just beginning.

My Boys. Reunited.
I have such an emotional weekend ahead of me, I can just feel it. Finishing packing for the move, this custody drama, and preparing to see Boyfriend. If you only knew the horrible thoughts a girl has about herself before seeing her love after 6 months. Convinced I am too fat for him now and he'll be repelled by me. How sad is that? I am just fighting and fighting feeling bad about myself. It's stupid when I know how much he loves me, how much he misses A GIRL- let alone the love of his life. That I've really only gained maybe 5lbs since he last saw me, and that my confidence has always out shown my weight issues. Trying to locate where I put that darn confidence as of late.

Getting through work today and Monday are going to be such a chore! I have so much to look forward to, that time is just inching by now.



Wednesday, November 28, 2012


The more I find out about our new place, the more I realize what a perfect home it will be for us. My Dad wanted to drive through the neighborhood over the weekend after we all had brunch. As we drove through I saw even MORE sweet things now walking distance from our place. A park with a jungle gym is literally 3 blocks down the road and up against a LAGOON. To which I realized...oh my, WE also live up against the lagoon! The picnics, walks, play dates, and adventures to be had just continue to overwhelm me with how perfect this is. Just when I think I am already so excited. So happy.

Then we drove to where the train is. It is a bit of 10+ minute walk from our new place but is next door to a new waffle truck box restaurant type of place. Something I thought almost too cool for Carlsbad until I realized...whoa, Carlsbad IS cool. So many new bars (even fancy wine and French bars!) have opened in the area and it just feels so us. Boyfriend keeps saying, "Why are we allowed to live walking distance to sushi, pizza, taco bell, and bars?! Who is allowing this?!".

I can't wait to share pictures of the new apartment as we get settled. We are going to pick out furniture for the living spaces on Tuesday and have it delivered Thursday. Our first place. All ours.

Also. He is leaving for Tupelo tonight! Finally they got his paperwork together and bought the ticket today. Gosh are they disorganized. He was supposed to leave MONDAY. Ridiculous. So tomorrow mid-morning my love will be in America. He'll have the baby so we'll know baby bear is alright too. And just 5 more sleeps now until I will be wrapped up in strong arms and kissed over and over again.

I went through 5 boxes last night! Success!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

And Then There Were Seven.


AND until I get a mini vacation!! 

AND until  I get to have sex again! SWEET JESUS. 

I am taking a few days off that week for the big move and we have so many fun things planned. It would have already been amazing just to be together and have some vacation time, but then getting to begin our lives together in the first place either of us have had of our very own, plus some family Christmas events, surprises from him, and the work Christmas party's just so sweet. I fear this week shall be one of the slowest of my life. 

I need to fast. Thanksgiving weekend with the family was out of control. I feel like I could eat soup and protein shakes for the rest of the week and be 100% FINE. I bought something saucy to wear for our first big night together and now the idea of stuffing myself into it is horrifying. Good thing he hasn't been allowed to touch another girl for a year and won't even care! Gosh, can you believe we've been doing this shenanigan long distance thing for over a YEAR? And that we haven't seen each other in 6 months? Damn that is love if nothing else.

The blog doesn't look like complete shit now. It's not at all perfect to me and I might actually pay someone to completely redo it all for me this year...I have tried myself and just don't have the time. I barely have the time to write as often as I'd like. So we'll see.

Seven Days. After Six Months. Just Seven Days Now.

Oh man are we ready.



Friday, November 23, 2012

Under Construction!!

Excuse my dust! I am redoing the blog (have been meaning to do this for AGES) it currently looks horrible, so give me a few days to spruce her up over the holiday weekend. 

All my love!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thoughts on Being a Military Girlfriend (and Future Wife)

It blows. Ok seriously, I am not joking it fucking BLOWS. I love how other women like to say to me, “I don’t know how you deal with everything, I would never be able to deal with that.” Oh right. Like I somehow chose to be head over heels in love with a military man and was super excited to sign up for him being gone all the time on potentially dangerous missions, having his dates for coming home changed at the last minute ALL the time, the countless paperwork and bureaucracy we have to work through to get ANYTHING done. I could go on, but you get the gist. I don’t think I am somehow more able to accept and deal with this shit than anyone else, I didn’t go looking for a military guy. In fact, I swore I would never be with one because I didn’t want all of the extra stress in life! But here we are.

However I will say, whenever we get another blow like the one about him being seriously potentially deployed again in February and I tell myself “I AM NOT CAPABLE OF DEALING WITH THIS SHIT!!!!!”. Jesus has some words with me. He reminds me he has given me this man who is so perfectly matched and loves me so deeply. That actually, I am stronger than some other women who genuinely wouldn’t be able to deal with this. I am very capable on my own, I have traveled and lived all over the world, I am independent and used to a long distance love. That he wouldn’t give me this situation if I couldn’t handle it and if it was all bad. That I am supposed to ask Him for help. That I need to suck it up and be supportive to my love because he shouldn’t be comforting me right now.
I think that’s the hardest part. Getting horrible news like today about him coming home later than planned, and having to secretly mourn because he is already so sad. Putting on the “it’ll be ok baby, at least it didn’t get cancelled for longer or post-poned a great deal…” face. I don’t think it will affect his time to come see me, but it will mean he doesn’t get to see baby bear that much longer which I know is very very difficult for him.

I suppose we can thank God for the “perks” such has housing allowances, moving support, free or cheaper priced items and services on base, the health care. But then when I think about it…they aren’t really perks at all. Just the basics of what you need to survive with the crappy pay, schedules and travelling- otherwise no one would be able to do it.

Ok fine there is another major perk. Something growing up in San Diego never taught me. In fact, growing up here taught me the opposite. But military men can have the most precious and sweet hearts. They have seen and experienced a lot of shit in their life. So they value their woman and family like I have never seen in a man our age. I know there are a lot of military men who go the opposite direction and can’t deal with their emotions since they are told by society as men not to have them, and then are trained by the military not to have them even more. Plus the trauma they experience they often can’t even tell you about because of top secret clearances and such. Sharing feelings? NOPE. And now you see how complicated being loving someone in the military is. I have so much respect for wives and families now that I NEVER had before, if anything I thought the stickers on the cars and ridiculous crying scenes at deployments were kind of weird. As in, “You knew he was going to leave! Why are you with a man who you know is going to be gone all the time and now you want to cry about it?” That's not how it works my friends. And I implore you to realize as such when you shake your head at a military family...or at me. Yeah it sucks, but we all know you don't choose who you fall in love with. 

However, if all goes even semi well my love will be with me in 11 days. And then I am not letting him go for as long as I possibly can.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Stupid Fights AKA "I Just Miss You"

Toward the end of our last 6 months a part stint we started having the silliest arguments. They were always miscommunications and afterwards we realized...gosh, we just miss each other. Do you know how hard it is to keep this crap up over the phone and sometimes Skype? We have it down now but every once in awhile you just need to see someone's face to know how they are really feeling.

This time was no different and I ended up being the jerk face. My love likes to tell me stories from back when he was in high school. Typically in my head they were stories about how awesome he was 10 years ago and that he, for some reason, needed to keep bragging about it. Usually I just teased him for being Uncle Rico and would remind him that his school was 30 people in an old tanning salon. Give it up. I felt like my bf became a douche right before my eyes telling old "remember when I was the star of the football team babe?!". It was frightening.

After a year he finally called me out on my teasing. And I called him out on being a douche. To which the saddest argument began.

Apparently I am a jerk. He just wanted to tell me stories. And then was SO afraid I would think he was a douche and leave him and got really sad. "I've been trying so hard to not be a douche anymore since I've met you, you haven't noticed?". My dear married friend and her husband gave me some solid advice "guys just like to tell you stories" and I inserted "you are their person". So simple but so true. Who the hell else are they going to tell? And what I thought was douche was really just him wanting to tell me things and make me laugh. "I didn't think I was being a douche, I just thought I was talking to my best friend"---daggers to the heart.

Now I have a bf who doesn't want to tell me anything anymore. Girlfriend fail.

We made up last night and finally got to talk for hours instead of just 20 minutes here or there depending on the day. We were laughing and laughing and are just SO excited to be with each other in TWO WEEKS!!!

This time next week he'll be headed to see the baby bear!! I am so excited for those two, he's been waiting for this real reunion for years. The reunion that will last longer then a week or two. My boys.

Excited for Thanksgiving this week. It's a short and slow week at work and we have family coming into town which will be so sweet. It's going to be hard for me because I am the only one working out of everyone the day before and after, but my boss isn't going to be there and doesn't care when I come in and out which is at least some consolation.

Missing my love.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

2 Weeks and Counting...

Sweet vintage Ikea images here.

This time in two weeks I will be putting the finishing touches on packing up my life here. This time in two weeks I will be packing my overnight bag for our rendezvous in a surprise hotel (I am so spoiled) the next night. This time in two weeks I will be getting ready to pick up my long lost love after six months of being apart. Six months of no kisses. No one to hold your hand. No one to tell you how beautiful you look today. No one to take you to the movies or out for dinner. No one to snuggle with.. I can't believe it is so soon now! I mean I really can't believe it!

And now everything is happening so so fast. I have to seriously pack over the next two weeks...thank God I didn't really unpack my life after moving home from Slovakia. My room is somewhat bare with only the new house things I've bought over the last few months even still in boxes and bags. So really its going through my closet and the garage to get rid of everything I can, and cart off to Good Will. This is quite a feat. But after we have everyone in and out over Thanksgiving is when I think I can tackle. It's much less overwhelming to just go though boxes then it is to pack your entire life.

Today I made "our" first trip to Ikea. I am sure the first of many, but the first time I have gotten to buy things for my own place. Everywhere I've lived was with girls who had already been there awhile and already had everything. Which was very convenient at the time...but this is so much more fun. Making a home of our own. I bought a few things over the last few weeks and already had some donations, so it was mostly just filling in the remaining gaps. I know we still need quite a few things and I will be sick of these Ikea measuring cups and spoons and will want the Anthro ones...but trying to be financially responsible means buying things in cash and within my budget...and waiting until I have more money for fancier ones later. I am anxious to just go and get everything though!!

As you can see, I did quite well all on my own.

We are counting down the moments until he is back with baby bear. And then with me. And then all of us together. Neither of us feel like we can breathe correctly until we are finally together. It really is all happening. Make these two weeks go faster, oh please.



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Be: Healthful.

I made a decision over the weekend. One I wanted to make awhile ago but didn't have the funds. Now that I am an adult with a real adult job, cook mostly at home to be healthy, am back in America with bountiful health food stores and fresh produce, plus I will soon be cooking for a man (and hopefully a little buddy too)...therefore, we are going to officially switch to organic as much as possible!

There is no reason not to, my grocery shelves are full with delicious looking local organic produce, meats, and anything else I could want. I know it will be a slow transition but I think it is just so valuable. AND once we get settled I am going to sign up for an organic CSA box so we can save money on some fruits and veggies every month and support our local farming community! I think we will be spending a lot of time at home the first months whether he leaves again on deployment or having to be creative and make new things seems like something that would be fun to do based on whatever we get in our box that week.

So I began today with my "I spent all my money in Vegas" grocery run for bananas and almond milk. Organic were the same price as regular! Lucky me. I also decided to just suck up the extra money I know it is going to be each week and just shop at Trader Joe's like I want to. They have everything I want and its healthy and easy to whip their dinners together...I was in denial that I just don't have the time or energy to cook after work all day. So it's time for acceptance. Instead of just planning on cooking and then ending up eating Rubios fish tacos 3x/week...ok that hasn't happened quite yet but it easily could.

In other news I got our gas and electric set up to go on when we move in AND got our renters insurance today!! Tried to also do the internet but have to wait until we actually move in apparently. Now just need to get Bellas vaccination records and our drivers licenses copied and we can officially move in! In...UM...19 days?!?! eeeeee!!! And my baby will be here with me in less then that!!! Oh man I am just going to float away...



Monday, November 12, 2012

Pretty Things: Les Miserables.

Oh I die for this book, play, movie. And now this NEW movie/musical with the all star actors singing LIVE in the film! Plus this is secretly one of Boyfriends favorites movies and musicals of all time too, so the fact that we get to see it together gives me goosebumps. Enjoy the spread Annie Leibovitz did for Vogue.

I just can NOT wait until Christmas day.



Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Home "Owners"!!!

I took the morning off yesterday to get the money and application sorted. I kept trying to go after work but with them only being open standard business hours, and me working over an hour wasn't happening.

I turned in the application and deposit and got the email shortly after telling us we'd been approved and can start moving in December 1st!!!

Yeah that's right. Less then a month and I will finally have a place of my own. A place to decorate and fill with the wares I choose. A place for snuggling and laughing. A place to have little bear when we are so lucky to have him. A place to bang my love after being apart for 6 MONTHS. A home of ones own.

To say we are excited is an understatement. Neither of us have had our own place before like this, he's always been in the military and I've always moved in places with people who'd already been there awhile. This is different!

I just want to run to the store and go shopping and buy everything, and as tempting as that is I am trying to hard to pay off debt and only want to use cash I have free for everything which is forcing me to wait until the next pay check, but it's still so exciting!!

My parents have been driving me crazy though. Which is timely I suppose now that moving (for the last time- for real) is so near. Every evening they like to ask my a million questions about our plans, and I would entertain them if they weren't the most ridiculous questions EVER and they are asking me like I am 19 and didn't think of these things. Such as, "what are you going to do about money?!" And "what happens if you break up?!" Etc. Really guys? Don't think we've thought all that through? We've been saving for 6 months for this and thought about every angle. They tend to treat me like a teenager all the time and it drives me crazy, these are days when I miss my freedom of being in Slovakia doing whatever I wanted and they had no idea the entire time. This final move should help push us back into that direction. Oh parents.

So clean out those cupboards! Send us your house wares! We have like...nothing...

So exciting though!!

Monday, November 05, 2012

Apartamento (update!)

Well despite being super stressed out about our life I am now on my way to the apartment we've decided on! It's still just the application phase and we need to be approved (which is a little nerve wracking), but something exciting happened already!

I went to look at this property last week, it was a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom that was upstairs with no balcony or anything for $1800 with a 3% military discount. We'd have to move in 2 weeks because they wouldnt hold it any longer then that which was overwhelming but we were going to deal. I wasn't super excited about it, but it was a beautiful complex with a nice gym and pool and great the unit wasn't all brand new but had been updated and included a washer and dryer plus the walk in closet I've always wanted. Not perfect but the best I'd found so we decided to apply.

Bad news they'd already rented it out. GOOD NEWS is they had a downstairs unit with a porch area close to the pool for only $1750 available December 5th!!! The one of 2 days I was already going to take off work because boyfriend will be in town! AND NOW we can move together!!

So I am on my way to get our deposit and apply the shit out of this apartment. It's been ripe with complication over him not being here to sign the form, the time change going to 6 hours between us which makes talking through a form and getting the necessary income print outs "fun". But the property managers are being nice about it all and helpful. And I feel so very blessed to have what seems to be an even better then I thought possible opportunity come up. If this works out we can check a big item off our list.

Please approve us!!

These Next Few Weeks Are Going To Suck Balls.

Yeah you read that right. These next few weeks are really really going to suck balls. Lets start referring to them as "The Dark Weeks" because holy crap.

As boyfriend prepares to move home, fight for custody of little bear, move into our apartment, get a new car, all our's just too much. The amount of paperwork and stress for even just one of those things is enough to put people on edge but we have to do it all in a mere few weeks. Being a little project planner I made us an excel sheet of everything we need to do and by when according to person and priority. But I think it worked to overwhelm us as much as it did organize us. I am trying to just focus on what I need to do one day at a time and encouraged him to do the same thing. But it's hard. I'm
not sleeping very well and were both fussy all the time.

The upcoming deployment news didn't help. Now we feel even more crunched for time. Time to get things done and time to enjoy each other. I foresee the next few weeks of us not taking much oddly. We both have so much to do and end up just going over it again and again and try and encourage each other to not be stressed out when we are stressed out too. To his credit, he has a lot more to do then I do. I think some of the stress could have been helped if they had properly done a written custody agreement between the two of them while he was last home (or HELLO- when he was born) but I think it's hard for him to get anything done being out of the country and her refusing to talk about anything. I think even if he's just able to get half custody until he's school age notarized that's be a win. Otherwise we have nothing to give to the military to get our off base housing and nothing in case something happens to either of them. It's so ridiculous. I know he's tried so many times and has gone back and forth until he was ready to throw the phone across the room with her crying about nothing on the other line to try and get out of dealing with anything. Arg.

But one thing at a time.

So today we are focusing on finishing our apartment applications and I am going to turn them in (eeeeee!). Once that's done and we get approved I can focus on getting the last of our things and packing. One step at a time.

He spent the weekend being sad too. We literally both spent Saturday not talking and just being alone and sad and overwhelmed.

Told you, The Dark Weeks. If we can make it through this we can make it through anything!

Sunday, November 04, 2012


I think these kinds of signs are stupid and will NEVER have them in my home. 
Yeah thats right, Mrs. Grumpy, pleased to meet you.
Everyone is doing the "Today I am Thankful For..." exercise up until Thanksgiving. Which as sweet as it is, being in the mood I have been in this week my mental response to their posts has been anything but kind. Which means I probably need to start doing it. Ugh.

I know Jesus (or whatever spirituality you subscribe to) wants us to get out of our heads and look around. Experience gratitude not for the loss of things in our life but for the flood of good. Especially when I remember the feeling coming back from India and being truly thankful for every little thing I had. Running water. Toilets. Toilet paper in bathrooms. Bathrooms in public places that weren't holes behind a little wall. Living in a country that cares for its people. Ice. Cold drinking water. Screens on windows. Air conditioning. I could go on and on. Things I never thought were blessings being in a first world country but SO are. This doesn't even touch the horrible life stories we heard of abuse, rape, HIV, babies being left, etc. That opens up a whole new drawer of thankfulness.

So since it is annoying me so much it probably means I need to do it. To stop making this all about me and my love leaving again, as terrible as that is, and start shifting my thinking and realize even in this I am blessed.

However I will spare you the blog posts and keep it at the twitter level. @blackandlashes

Begrudgingly I go to write my first one...arg.



Saturday, November 03, 2012

Trying On Acceptance.

Trying to be more accepting today as I enter my last day I've deemed as "mourning" my love being deployed again in February. I am tempted to rush around and do my errands, turn in this apartment application, clean and cook and fuss...but I know I need to be still. And sit here in being sad, frustrated, afraid, overwhelmed, and angry. I've busied myself all week so I could get through each work day without being that girl crying at her desk (mission accomplished). But now I know it's time to be still.

Especially because I can feel the deep depression bout coming on. That little grey cloud has been following me around from time to time and I know because whenever I get upset or even happy about anything it whispers in my ear, "Nothing matters anymore. Why care? Nothing matters." and that scares me. That is the true signal I am depressed...when I genuinely don't want to get out of bed, work, dress up, do things I enjoy, be excited about anything at all because my brain keeps telling me "Who cares, nothing matters anymore". However, I think this is a normal part of my grieving process. I am not too afraid of falling into a serious depression yet...just want to be cautious and try and put some parameters around myself since I know the path it can lead to. And one of the parameters I know to give myself is time and place to be sad and angry and feel everything I am feeling. Then when it's over and I am doing something else like work or spending time with friends, I am fully present and not holding back tears the entire time because I haven't properly let myself feel anything.

So here we are.

God has blessed me with a weekend of almost nothing to do. I am procrastinating my errands and chores until tomorrow so today is mine to spend eating moms pancakes, reading, thinking, and sitting in my feelings. I've been thinking in a way...this is bigger then just the upcoming deployment. I think I am grieving a whole slew of things I thought would happen in my life that are now not to be. Being with a military man means everything about me always comes second. And that realization is perhaps even more difficult to deal with. The things I gain from my love outweigh the things I am having to give up, I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Plus I am exhausted. The work week was extremely stressful. Plus this news keeping me tossing and turning every night. Plus having things to do after work everyday has left me drained to say the least. This week I am looking forward to getting a massage. I knew I needed it. Getting my nails and feet done. And taking a half day on Friday to go with some girls to Vegas. I am hoping that will be the last thing I need to finally shake this icky feeling.

I am thankful for today.



Thursday, November 01, 2012

Words To Describe.

It's taking everything in me to actually sit down. still. and write this all down.

Because every time I stop moving I get to thinking. Get to crying. Get to inching closer and closer back to bed. And writing it down means it's real. I don't know which "stage" of grief I am in...but it would appear to be some weird mix of all of them where one minute I am fighting the truth by staying busy and pretending nothings happening and the next I want to punch the military in the face, until suddenly I realize I am crying.

In case you just joined us. The love of my life is coming home to me from his deployment so very soon, just a little over 4 weeks now. We've been a part for over a year now but did spend a week together in early June. Which doesn't feel that long ago now but does at the same time. When he's finally back in my arms it will have been 6 months. And oh the plans we've made! Looking for an apartment together! I have a list on my phone of all the places I want to take him! His son will hopefully be joining us! Everything was busy but exciting and sweet and felt like a happy ending to this prolonged distance of death.

And then.

There always seems to be an "and then" with me. Nothing can ever be easy.

Anyway. And then.

We found out he's scheduled to be deployed again in February for another 6-8 months.
And here I have to catch my breath.

To say I wept for our future and life together as it disappeared like a puff of smoke would be an understatement. It was more of a sobfest on the floor of my room after 4 gin and tonics and some cookies.

I pleaded with God. PLEADED.
"Please don't make me do this, I can't do this, why are you doing this?! Why mine? Why do I have to be alone? Why does this have to be so hard? THIS ISN'T FAIR."

I know I will get to the point of acceptance and will be excited for our time together while we have it. I know I will eventually be optimistic that at least he's not going to the middle east. That he's alive. That I am so sweetly loved and taken care of. But those day's haven't come yet. I am not ready for them. I am barely ready to talk about anything with even my closest friends. Still processing letting go of every memory I had built up making with him. And with our sweet little bear. Every adventure. Our big engagement. Waking up with each other every morning. Every moment I was so looking forward to is gone gone gone. Plus the realization it's always going to be like this. My life will always come second to his career. My aspirations and wishes can never be a priority. And what's worse, I can't complain about it because it's not his fault and I don't want him to feel guilty. I have to pretend to not be sad and be the bigger person every time he is sad. So much to give up.

How do you even attempt explain all of that loss to someone else? Furthermore, how do you tell your friends and family that you still love him and want to be with him even though he's going to be gone again? I feel alone. Then I know the questions of what we are going to do will start and I have barely enough energy to make it through the day let alone formulate a plan to answer everyones questions and judgements. My mother is the worst, she's supportive which is sweet but pesters me for answers and I just don't have them yet.

I have big plans of mourning my future with my love all weekend. I told myself by Sunday afternoon I need to have snapped out of it and get my shit a little more together.

So many things.



Monday, October 29, 2012

When you find out that after over a year of being apart, he'll be home for 6 weeks and then gone again for 6-8 months.

You read that right.

When you find out that after over a year of being apart, he'll be home for 6 weeks and then gone again for 6-8 months.

There are no words.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Those Discussions.

Those discussions you never imagined having in your life. Let alone now.

Like when randomly it comes up that the man you're planning a life with is 100% firm on spanking his kids while you are quite the opposite and have plenty of justification as to why. We talked about it for a good 30 minutes last night after one of our usual silly 2 hour conversations about tv shows, funny videos, our day, etc.

So maybe "those" conversations with your significant other weren't about "to spank or not to spank", but I'm sure you've discussed something similar. Something that makes you step back and go...whoa...I'm OLD. And it's a little more tricky for us since he already has a son coming into the relationship. So does he just get to make all of the decisions for little bear and I have to go along with it? But we are both the primary care givers. And there has to be consistency between the two care givers and I refuse to spank so...see where it gets tricky?

By the end we weren't angry with each other, just frustrated. It's funny learning the different way we communicate with each other. We do best with these kinds of serious disagreements by taking a break for awhile and then coming back to talk about it again later. Usually we go a work day or so worth of time away from the topic and come back refreshed and with new perspectives. Plus, we are reminded to show grace to one another because we love each other so much so therefore we MUST make it work.

I wonder how this will work out when we live together. We do really well with telling each other what we need and the other not being offended by it so far. Such as, "I need to not talk about this anymore and to watch tv alone for awhile" ha. As silly as this always works. We're hoping this method keeps things sustained when we get frustrated with each other an can't just "go" anywhere.

Another bonus is that we don't really ever argue. In the last year I can say we've disagreed and kind of argued about maybe 3 things and always fixed it shortly after. Usually I frustrate him, he gets fussy with me, then we break and have time to think, and he apologizes for being a jerk face and I apologize for being frustrating. Boom. End. I would say for a couple who is struggling with long distance, very different upbringings, and baby mama drama that's pretty damn good.

So instead of buying a some more single and fabulous something or would appear its time for us to invest in some parenting books. I have a lot of experience in this area but need to brush up...while he could use the new knowledge to broaden his perspectives too.

As I always say...being an adult is weird.



Monday, October 22, 2012

Good Eyebrows. Good Times.

Don't get me wrong, I love plucking my eyebrows as much as the next girl. Every morning I have my little routine... Saturday I spend as long as I want and relish every minute. I don't wax mine because it makes my skin angry, but I know those ladies usually swear by eyebrow pencils between waxes. However, I still LOVE my new eye brow pencil and I will tell you why for the following reasons!!

1. Don't have to pluck everyday anymore. Saves me like 10-15 minutes every morning!

2. The look is much more dramatic and I can totally see a difference in how it shows off my features.

3. It takes maybe 5 seconds?

4. Apparently you can do these up more dramatically for special occasions or nights out. Haven't mastered this yet.

All in all, kind of obsessed with my eye brow pencil and encourage you to have your nearest make up counter fit you for one.

(PS this is not part of the lazy day weekend make up routine!)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Apparently Obese.

Oh did you know that according to the "always accurate" BMI index Ms. Christina Hendrix and I are considered obese? YEP.

So fun huh!
As mentioned before, I gained about 10lbs since I moved to Slovakia and back...I really just wanted to lose that and maybe 5lbs more. However...I've been on weight watchers more or less for 3 months now and totally sucking at it. Have gone up and down and am settled at the same weight now that I was when I began. With less then 6 weeks now until the bf gets to see me naked again after 6 long months (eeeeeee!!!), I kind of wanted to feel sexier then I did before. More comfortable in my own skin than I usually am. This has been a struggle.

Since I know I am not what I usually am, I am super self conscious about everything and am SO NERVOUS about him seeing me and thinking I look worse then I did before. Even though I am the same as when we were in MS together...I am being ridiculous. And a man seeing ANY woman he loves and is allowed to bang after 6 months isn't going to care AT ALL...but still.

So there I was. Feeling like crap. Getting my gym stuff together. Trying to get my shit back together. Trying to meal plan until my head was spinning....When birthday night happened. When the above picture happened.

When I remembered, DAMN GINA! YOU'RE A HOT PIECE OF ASS!!!

After not getting dressed up like this for awhile...after having NO ONE compliment or look at me (I work with all nerds)...I kind of forgot? And I forgot that socal is obsessed with looking like this:

When really my man (and most men outside of our little socal bubble) prefer my booty and boobies WAY over a stick thin blonde. Even if he wasn't with me he wouldn't go for that. This is hard to comprehend, let alone remember. In fact, after I met his friends in Tupelo they told him later "that chick is fucking HOT man! I would do her!" which although crass, isn't that how every girl wants to be described? Sexy. Hot. Beautiful. Desirable. 

I am really close to just canceling my weight watchers subscription and continuing to just make healthy choices almost everyday, but I genuinely think it makes me aware and at least maintain my current weight so I am sticking with it. Trying to say good bye to my nagging voices though. I always thought I'd have more confidence when I got older and these nagging voices would go away...and they've definitely gotten quieter. But they are still there. I suppose for all of us they always will be in some sense. Also hoping after I have my man around and SOMEONE noticing when I wear a new dress...or telling me I'm beautiful...or desiring me everyday...will help with this little blip too.

Girls are funny aren't we? Somedays I feel like the sexiest kitten around...and the next I want to wear sweats to work and cry. 



Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Another Reason to Skip Sleep- New! Cat Power.

Cat Power is nothing new, she's been around for ages. BUT her newest album Sun is something worth talking about. From the opening songs which have a more upbeat and lighter nature than her previous albums, but as it continues its the same old Cat Power dredging up every emotion you've ever tried to stuff down. Her voice and the mixing is superb- yet again.

I've put my favorites onto our Spotify playlist.



Monday, October 15, 2012

Is Anyone Good At This?

Is ANYONE good at being an adult? I am single + fully employed and still feel like I am a failure ALL the time.

Nothing is ever clean...

always behind with laundry...

my dogs have fleas and allergies...

everything is messy and forever cluttered...

I ate gross lean cuisines for lunch all last week because I couldn't get my act together and go shopping...

Even with doing that, I've been on weight watchers 3 months and haven't lost a single pound...

I dont exercise...


I keep pin pointing it to my commute being an hour each way...then extremely busy 8-5 work being a social person means life things are always slipping through the cracks. I don't know how people DO this!!!

I guess when I think of people I know with clean houses and lots of home cooked meals...they don't work full time. And others who exercise and such work from home or aren't as social as I am. But how is everyone else DOING this?! After errands or happy hour I don't get home until 7 or later and then am exhausted! Saturday and Sunday I refuse to get out of bed until 12 because I am so tired. Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and didn't wake up until around 10a. This is getting ridiculous.

I am guessing I need to try and find time between getting up at 5:45a for work and getting home after 7 to exercise (?!) which will help with energy...and bring back my grocery and crock pot skills?

I am mostly afraid that since I can't do this all myself, how the heck am I supposed to do it with a husband and babies someday? Unless your a stay at home momma, which I would love to be...but even then cooking and cleaning and babies AND taking care of yourself?

Being an adult is a lot of work.

Being an adult woman is a lot of work.

Hoping things get easier with a partner in crime. Taking care of myself and my boys during our holiday was pretty easy...real life is happening in a mere 6 weeks! It'd be nice to not be the only one in charge of meals and cleaning everything...thats for sure. It's all happening.



Monday, October 08, 2012


Happy Birthday to Me! I simply can not believe another year has passed. Twenty- Seven. The number always seemed so high to me. I felt like I would have so much more of my life together by now...not necessarily in a good way. I guess I am kind of glad I am not as "adult" as I thought 27 was. I'm still single, still love going out, work to live and not the other way around, listen to good music, wear cute clothes, have more confidence in myself every year that passes. The list goes on. 

Last year I recall we decided to call twenty-six "The Year of Wonder" and oh my it was! I think thats about when my crazy partying days started to surprisingly come to a close as Mr. Boyfriend and I started our accidental long distance love affair. Where at the time I thought "wonder" was going to be more dancing on tables 5 nights a week and having meaningless affairs with various men...wonder took me on a completely different route than I ever expected. In fact, gosh its so much better. I found the love of my life. I am working on applying to our very own beautiful apartment in a part of the city I am excited to live in and it includes our little buddy. I'm not stressed about money. Or my mothers health. I've completely changed careers and while I don't love it 100%, I am trying to learn to like it for right now. What a serious wonder its in fact been.

Can't twenty-seven be the year of wonder too? This is the year everything is going to happen. Mr. Boyfriend and I are exactly 8 weeks away from moving into our apartment together (eeee!!!). We are going to get engaged and plan our wedding this year. I turn into a momma for his mini me. It's All Happening!

Ah- there is is.

"Twenty-Seven: It's All Happening"

I was so busy feeling sorry for myself this birthday I was overwhelmed with surprises! I was feeling a bit 16 candlesish with friends not being able to celebrate my birthday party I planned (as usual), my brother opting out of the family night, work forgetting and I had to beg my brother to take me out for lunch, I guess I just usually had lots of little mid week outings of friends wanting to celebrate with me or take me to lunch or something and this time it was much more minimal. Part of growing up. I dont think it helped that the one love I'd like to celebrate with is currently deployed to Brazil...just as an added bonus.

Oh, plus I had awesome PMS which makes for a very teary birthday.

ANYWAY. After all of that ridiculousness a few of my girls met me for a drink at my favorite wine bar the night before...

 The day of my mum made me breakfast and I treated myself to some Starbucks...

 Then my sweet family took me out for AMAZING Russian food down in San Diego. Spending time with them is always a treat. Plus, come on theres a sweet succulent baby involved. 
Look at him!!! GAH!

Plus flowers from friends galore, birthday calls, videos, and treats. I felt so loved. Next weekend I am arranging a dinner and dancing night with everyone to celebrate my favorite way...gosh I've missed dancing.

So here is to twenty-seven, "It's All Happening!"