Sunday, December 02, 2012

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Independent

As I've been cleaning and getting ready for our big move this week, Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent" keeps coming on my fun playlist. Yes, Ne-Yo inspired this post. But really the entire theme of the song is something I am not sure many women understand as something being truly attractive. You can call it "being independent" or just the simple HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Some key points...

How do I rescue myself? How do I not be a shit show? Surprisingly this is actually pretty simple but unfortunately if I have to explain this to you I don't think you will ever get it. But I shall attempt anyhow.

  • Don't put your life on hold waiting for some imaginary Prince Charming to come and save you from your debt, going nowhere career, crappy living situation- insert here the thing you think will be better once you are married or meet "the one". No one is coming to "rescue" you, the idea of this supposed rescue is a bunch of crap that the media and stories fed to us as young girls convinced us of. If anything, you are your own Prince Charming. You have to rescue yourself. And furthermore, no quality man is going to want to fix you all up. (If he does then run, because he has his own rescuing issues he needs to work through and will probably leave you once he finds you unfixable OR has rescued enough. Then the fun is over. Seriously, don't be the girl who needs fixing) 
  • Get a career. Not a job. Working at the gas station or Starbucks are jobs, not careers. If you want to make them a career then thats perfectly fine but quit being lazy and ask your manager what you need to do to get promoted and work from there. Do you want to seriously be with guys who work at gas stations? Yeah, well the good ones don't want to seriously be with you either. Sometimes we need to do things in the short term just to make some money and are going through a hard time- which is understandable. Just as long as thats not where your goals and aspirations stop.
  • Living situation. Are you in your late twenties and still living at home? Do you live in a crappy apartment with a weird room mate? Once again, sometimes extreme situations mean that these experiences are temporarily necessary- I get it- I've been there. But as long as thats not your long term plan. That you are working toward something bigger and better where you can host a lovely gentleman and not be embarrassed by the crap everywhere or your parents in the next room. NOT ATTRACTIVE. Nothing is more attractive then a woman with a great place she takes care of all her own.
  • Sadly being an alcoholic shit show all the time while out or home is oddly not attractive. If you keep wondering "where are all the good guys?!" while you probably scared them away while you were throwing up that one night, spilling stuff everywhere the other night, slept with that weird guy another night, and took your top off last night. Sorry, boys don't like crazy. Crazy is reserved for when you are with your girlfriends or when he's stuck around awhile and doesn't mind taking care of you every once in awhile when you've accidentally had too much. Even with a mixed group of friends this isn't really appropriate  Where do you think you are going to meet guys? Friends of friends obviously. And don't think they aren't going to tell everyone about that thing you did over the weekend. Once again, we've all had our moments. I know I've had mine. But let's make these experiences the exception and not the rule shall we? Try and be a lady. Boys tend to like that. 
If you are having a hard time meeting "good men" it might be because you've scared them all away with you not having your shit together. You don't have to be a perfect high powered office employee or something. Just be the kind of person you would want to be with. Would you want to stay over at a guy's house who has 15 cats and never cleans his place because he's too busy working at Burger King? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Make a plan to not be a shit show. Doesn't have to be too intense, just one step at a time. If you don't want to, then quit complaining that you can't find a guy. And don't be surprised when you get stuck with a guy who works as a bus boy with 3 kids from 3 different women. You attracted what you put out. 



No comments: