Friday, June 29, 2012

She Works Hard For The Money.

WELL some stuff happened and you are now officially no longer hearing from an intern, but rather an Associate Product Manager!!! Who would have ever thought?!

I was thinking about how in the last year I've been a teacher, almost a nanny, an intern, and now this- crazy! Tomorrow I sign the final offer, we had to go back and forth a bit on the pay since they tried to screw me initially but its final now and we'll even send a blurb out to the entire company tomorrow too! I DID IT! I shmoozed my way into an internship (thanks to my brothers persistance and recommendation), worked my ass off for shit pay, and have gotten my promotion and pay raise! eeeee!!! The great thing is that I am already doing parts of that job already and just continuing to build onto it, I think in a year or so I wouldn't be an associate anymore even. It feels so good to work hard and be good at what I do again. Starting out has been intimidating since it was such a new world of words and phrases, tech lingo, databases? business requirement documents? partner calls? OH MAN. And now I am fully engaged and involved in everything. For the most part I understand what everyone is talking about and am finally able to speak up in meetings, ask appropriate questions, direct conversations, etc. I am far from perfect and am continuing to develop my "business woman" skills- but we're getting there!

A world away from teaching. I miss the babies sometimes...but I think mostly I just miss teaching and presenting. Which I will be doing a lot of with this job soon too, so I think it'll be fine. And I do miss the kids and crafts and fun every once in awhile- but am excited to do that with my own babies (and boyfrends lil guy) in the very near future. I have to say having job security, being more mentally challenged, working with adults, having more time and energy, more pay, etc...are outweighing any of the things I sometimes miss about teaching. The lack of vacation time has been hard to adjust to though, BUT the vacations when I do take them are real vacations...and not "2 weeks off- but most of it is just getting over being sick and working from home anyway because theres tons to do and you have no money". Teachers barely get holidays. Boyfriend and I are already planning a Mexico trip once he gets here, some long weekend trips to Palm Springs, visit family, Vegas, etc. I'm so excited!!!

AND the best part is my stint of living at home again (and for the last time- thank God) is almost over! I am hoping for a Sept 1 move out date to give me some time to buy the few things I am still in need of before moving (like sheets for my bed...ahem), first months rent, deposit, savings, etc. AND THEN I will be starting to test drive cars and get ready to buy a new car too! A bit nervous about finding an awesome living situation. Its really important to me to live in a cool area where theres life and things to do within walking distance and such- plus a great room mate. I miss roomie in Bratislava and my downtown city life there sometimes. But then 5 nights per week I am busy with friends anyway...and real friends, not just acquaintances to party with- so I am much happier here I suppose.

...still having a hard time adjusting to missing boyfriend all the time. Life just feels...odd...without him here. And so it makes me angry when I see other couples loving life...and sad because I am always the off woman out. I know its only a few more months...but still. Going from being with the love of your life 24/7 to barely having time to talk on the phone is quite an adjustment. I am sick of the distance and just want it to be over. Less then 5 months...BLEH.



Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Breakdown.

As much as I'd like to say I'd forgotten about this, I haven't. I still think about it when I recall our trip because I suppose I still feel so horrible about what and when I brought this up.

For some reason, before the trip and for the first few days we were together something in my heart just started to FREAK OUT. This tends to happen to both men and women...the harder we fall in love the more scared we find ourselves of getting hurt. Some try and ruin things at this point, but I haven't really gotten to this point before. I never knew how terrifying it really was. And I'm sure some of this has to do with Boyfriends skanky history and cheating on girls or dating multiple girls without telling the others...typical early 20s guy stuff but not typical that I would be the game changer. I was the one who got hurt before, remember? This is all a bit new for me.

So after we had this amazing day together at Graceland, lunch on beale street with the live music and lovey dovey looks all afternoon, I'd opened the Tiffanys necklace he got me, we made some sweet sweet lovin...he was showering and I was in the bathroom talking to him and just finally said it:

"Sometimes....sometimes I get freaked out that you're going to do something to fuck all of this up. Not like...tomorrow or something...but even just someday. And I get scared." 

You should have seen his face. It was like I punched him in the stomach. I almost cried right then (but don't worry I did later).

It was hard to explain how I was feeling because it wasn't entirely because of his past I was scared, it was more because of how many couples I see fall apart later and how I am just afraid he's going to do something to hurt me and then all of this loveliness will go away. I don't know if I could handle it. The deeper I felt I was falling, the more scared I was getting. We went back and forth a bit, I had a hard time explaining myself, but his face being so fallen and sad prompted the ending of the discussion...

Me: Are you really mad right now, I'm sorry I just needed to say it...

Boyfriend: No, not mad...just frustrated I guess. I mean...look where we are. I did all of this for YOU because I love you SO MUCH and I wanted to show you. Baby, I got you Tiffany's. I saved for months to be able to do all of this for you. And I understand being scared in the beginning, I do, but we've been together (officially) 6 months. 6 MONTHS. When is this going to go away? I don't know what else I have to do to prove to you...I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you....

And he hugged and kissed me a lot.

While he was getting ready in the other room, I cried secretly in the bathroom. I felt horrible for potentially ruining our night and making him feel bad after all he did for me. For being ridiculous. And way too analytical instead of taking everything in that was happening and processing it as wow, he loves me I decided to go into crazy land of ABORT! ABORT! You are falling too far and will get hurt someday by this amazing man!!!!

So I apologized for bringing things up right before our big anniversary dinner and calmed the hell down  before we embarked on what ended up being one of our best nights ever together. And that was when I decided to let it all go. To stop hesitating about my feelings for him and our future simply because I am afraid of getting hurt (or of looking like weirdos to other people) and to just keep falling more and more in love with him and our future plans. I just made the decision right then and have kept it. I took in all of my feelings for him and all of his feelings for me. I let myself be excited about our future and not equally scared. I left the "Miss Independent- I Dont Need A Man- Dont Get Dependent" attitude and am just enjoying being in love.

My head and heart have since thanked me. And I'm sure without knowing it, boyfriend does too.



Sunday, June 17, 2012

And To The South We Went.

Well I am not completely sure where to begin. 

Everything. Was. Perfect. 

Ok, well not everything...but the important things were

We got to a rocky start with my flight having been booked for Friday morning instead of Saturday morning as we both thought...and LITERALLY almost not being able to even go (thank God for airline miles). Plus a hiccup with the rental car on his end being an extra $600 we hadn’t budgeted for. And some fun baby mama drama thrown in just for good measure. 


Besides all of that, it was genuinely the best week of my life. And the happiest I think I’ve been in a very very long time. 

So lets just start at the beginning. 

The Arrival:

What greeted me at the airport! DREAMY. 
I can’t explain to people never having been in long distance relationships the fear and genuine concern over how the reunion will go every time. Of course you talk to them for hours everyday and love them so much, but all of those doubts come up the days before you’re going to see them. And the moments before are just like butterflies all over your body Will he still think I’m pretty? Will it be awkward? Did I get fat? Does my breathe smell? The list goes on. But as soon as I saw him waiting for me at baggage claim in his full uniform (a surprise for me hehe), it was like every fear, anxiety, concern...just disappeared. And there was my best friend, favorite person in the entire world, and the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen just waiting for me smiling as wide as I was. I may have teared up kissing him and touching his face for the first time after 5 months (but don’t tell bf that). And then just like that- we were walking hand in hand back to our car like no time had passed at all. In fact he even said on the way, “You know its funny, I missed you so much, but now that you’re here...I feel like I just saw you yesterday...and we’re here on vacation together” He was right. It was like we’d never been a part. 

Meet The Family:
Not only was this a big trip of us seeing each other after so long, but also because I was going to meet his family and son. AND by the way- the only girl to ever do that (besides baby mama...which was by force...and everyone hates We picked up the Baby Cake and went over to his parents for Sunday lunch. I got to meet his sweet country parents and one of his sisters, brother-in-law, and nephew. Can I gush about Baby Cake for a minute? Because OMG. He spent almost the entire trip with us...besides my first and last night, and the 2 days we were in Memphis. I went into everything thinking it was going to be stressful, busy, and hard for us to not only try and be a couple, but now be a couple with a 1.5 year old. Oh boy was I wrong! We had A BLAST with that baby! He has this super sweet and tender personality like his daddy and just loved boyfriend so much he wouldn’t even let him put him down for the first 2 days. We would just hang out in the hotel room in the mornings, got him some toys and I brought him some books with noise buttons on them. Just snuggled all up on the bed playing, reading books, singing songs, messing around...SO MUCH FUN. One afternoon I took him swimming while Daddy took a much needed nap- I think I died of awesomeness!!! Turns out, being a mom isn’t that bad and is actually kind of amazing when you have a sweet baby! Plus boyfriend and I have the same parenting style and easy going personality, so it made everything go pretty smoothly. Baby Cake wasn’t perfect and of course had his moments, but it was always fine. In fact, the times we didn’t have him we totally missed him and would talk about him a bunch the entire time!
His parents and family were very nice too. Just good ol sweet southern folks. I got the full southern hospitality with a GIANT Thanksgiving style lunch on Sunday and more delicious food thereafter. We spent the first few days there in the evenings with the baby and just all hung out together watching movies...playing with him...boyfriend took me for a little walk around their big property (I saw a herd of cows!) and taught me how to shoot a gun (not at the cows)...just an all around sweet and relaxing time. Oh, and Boyfriend said his parents loved me of course. Apparently this morning his momma said to boyfriend, “So she’s the one huh?”- to which of course he replied yes. Teehee. 

Adventures Had:
In the afternoons when we had the baby we just did small things around Tupelo and ran errands he needed to do while home on leave. One day we went to where Elvis was born and got to see his little house, church, and a cool museum. Another day he just drove me the slow way around the town on the way to his parents so I could see the little towns, pretty houses, forest, country, etc (its beautiful there by the way). My last day we went to the Natchez Trail which is this old trading route from Tupelo to Nashville thats not a state park with a little museum and such. And one day we just went to a neighboring city with the air force base so he could renew his military ID and the baby and I played outside and watched the planes. I got to see a lot of the area and we just spent time together in the car singing along to the radio, eating junk food, and being SUPER silly all day. Easy. 

Our first family breakfast with the book I got him that he wouldn't put down :)

Snuggling at Elvis's Birthplace. We had such a good time.

On Wednesday we went to Memphis to go to Graceland and that night he had a big surprise planned for me that he’s been playing for months now. It may have taken us like 4 hours to get there because our directions were wrong and it may have included having to pull over and ask a policeman where to go, ending up in Arkansas on an exit with only a shack for fireworks and a turn with arrows pointing TO each other, and finally seeing the signs telling us where to go to which we both responded “FUCK YOU ELVIS! YOUR HOUSE SUCKS BALLS! YOU LYING WHORE” and since we’d missed our ticket pick up time and were afraid we’d get rejected boyfriend responded, “if they tell us we can’t get in, I swear I’m going to...I don’t know...fart in their little window and then hold it shut!!!”. UM YEAH, it was hilarious. Finally we got there, and I must say, we had a great time. The house was super cool and interesting, basically just a big party house with kooky themed rooms. And then there were all these extra things with his costumes and items from movies, concerts, his wedding, all the awards, concert was really well done. And then an entirely other area where we got to go inside his planes and see all the cars he had. Boyfriend loved it too! We just had so much fun being together, I think having something cool to do was just a big added bonus. 
For a late lunch we found a patio with two old black guys singing the blues and drinks and BBQ were to be had. It was the only day with perfect weather. And we sat outside drinking, eating delicious food, listening to good music, and being happy. 

Outside Graceland

Drinks and live blues outside in perfect weather with the love of my life.
I think I was shooting rainbows out of somewhere. 

The Big Surprise:
After Graceland he took me to my surprise. He arranged it all to go along with our official anniversary. Plus it happened to be a few days before we met a year ago in Bratislava, and almost his birthday. Plus just the fact that we were together- we had so much to celebrate. We drove into downtown Memphis and pulled up to this beautiful hotel called The Peabody, which is apparently super famous as being the place to be in the delta area. It was a big old hotel from the 1800’s with stained glass, fountains, old elevators, doorman, just this amazing gorgeous vintage hotel I DIED for alone. THEN I found out theres ducks who live in the fountain in the lobby that made the hotel even more famous because tourists come just to watch the march of the ducks everyday. So we go to our room, and not only is it HUGE but then I am greeted with champagne and flowers and an itinerary of the rest of our evening! Then we got into our big cozy bed and exchanged gifts. Prepare yourself.



In exchange I gave him a pretty great gift for his birthday of a framed authentic signed Jerry Rice picture...which is his IDOL and he had the same reaction to his gift as I did to mine. Shock. Eyes welled up. Couldn’t talk. Just kept saying “I love you so much” over and over again. It was pretty sweet to say the least!!!

After some hot sex we took a nap and got woken up by VIP turn down service...which we were already in the I just took the chocolate dipped strawberries and cakes instead so we could have them with our champagne while we got ready for our hot date!  There was a hotel mix up with the restaurants, so instead of the French place we ended up at the Italian place. My man in his gorgeous blues and me looking like a perfect 10. Everyone down there love and deeply respect the military, so people were just randomly coming up to us and thanking him for his service, wishing us a good night, etc. We had some kind of weird deal with the hotel for the dinner, so we ordered crab cakes, surf n turf and a big fancy bottle of wine. Then they and they ended up bringing us extra lobster and the manager came by at the end to let us know our entire meal was taken care of!!! This is what I’m saying! 

What I got to look at all night. Who loves ME dearly. 
Then we went to Beale Street, which just walking down the street continued to get us attention, and landed at BB Kings to listen to a blues band. We had just sit down when a nice guy came up, thanked boyfriend for his service, offered to buy us drinks and added us to his tab for the rest of the night! Needless to say we got wasted. 
I suppose I am leaving out a key part to this epic evening. The entire night we’d be sitting across from each other, holding hands across the table, staring into each others eyes and smiling big goofy lovey dovey smiles. Every time someone came up to serve us (or buy us free drinks) they’d say “sorry to interrupt” because it was so clear we were just constantly having these moments all night. I asked him about that night later and he said he remembers just thinking over and over again how much he loved me and how excited he is to spend the rest of his life with me. I die. 
Then he slow danced with me old school style. 
Are you floating yet? 

Don’t forget the part of the evening when we drunkenly stumbled back to the room, he turned on this kooky 80’s song we laugh at all the time that has a dance to it, got naked and danced around the room to the song before collapsing in bed all snuggled up for the rest of the night. Didn’t even have sex, just passed out drunk. Oh man, we’re awesome. 
After a big breakfast brunch (where I tried grits for the first time!) we went to Oxford to see Ole Miss and the cute little town before heading back to Tupelo. 

Yeah, sorry if you threw up, but it was perfect. And I deserved it. 

Documenting our ballin room before breakfast. He's so dreamy! 
Of course there was baby mama drama...she hasn’t been paying for day care even though he sends her money...they got into it when we were dropping off the baby the night before we went to Memphis...cue Jerry Springer scene screaming at each other in a gas station parking lot while she’s holding the baby and I’m awkwardly sitting in the car. She’s literally a crazy person. And wrapping my head and heart around having to deal with this shit for the rest of my life is taking time. But I tell him when and why Im upset and we try and work on it...hopefully in a few years things will calm down and be easier. Who knows. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, it was really hard for me and frustrating for both of us. It’ll be ok someday. 

Lovey Dovey:
The second day we were making out before getting up and he looks at me and says, “so when do we get to have a baby?”. WHAT MAN SERIOUSLY ASKS YOU THAT! I laughed and brushed it off, but he was serious. I think being around Ben made us both want to have one of our own sooner then we’re thinking wedding next year and then a year later try for babies. I’ll be 28 or 29...seems about right. 

Another day he told me, 
“Is it weird that I just had to try really hard not to ask you to marry me earlier today?”
- This is what I’m saying. (Don't worry, I replied you better have a ring first sucka)

And randomly when we were being really sweet...or funny...silly...etc. he would turn to me and say, 
“I just can’t wait to do this forever with you!” 

But the last night was maybe one of the best. He got us this big fancy room at ANOTHER hotel in Tupelo with a HUGE ballin hot tub in the room on a pedestal next to the bed. It was amazing! We’d had some drinks with his friends before (who all loved me thank you very much), and then put on our songs and got into the big tub to snuggle. While we were making out he tells me in between kisses, “I love you so much. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Have kids with you. Get old with you. Just everything.” I almost cried, but held it together until we got into bed and I knew if we had sex I’d just start crying- and that’d be horrible- so I told him and he said. “Oh baby, do you just want me to hold you and we’ll just go to sleep?” So we did. (don’t worry he woke me up kissing my back and telling me he loved me at 5am...a regular occurrence...and we had some sex then. In case you were concerned)

So all of that to say.

I have officially found the love of my life. And he loves me back. And we’re going to live happily ever after (whatever that looks like in the real world). I just love love. 

Note: This realization was not without a break down on our anniversary night, I am not that perfect. But I shall write about that at another time. 

Last moments before we departed for another 5 months. Sigh. 

Until Next Time.