Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wanna Freak Out Your Boyfriend?

Wanna freak out your boyfriend? Then consistently bring up how scared you are about the future and/or how frustrating being long distance is (as applicable). Of course the first handful of times he'll comfort you as usual...but by about the 3rd time in a week he'll begin to get nervous and you'll feel like an asshole for making him as insecure as you. Voila! Freak out successful.

Now don't worry, I realized how ridiculous I was being, apologized and everything's fine now, but the future is always just so up in the air with us it stresses me out. We pray everyday he'll get posted in San Diego in October, otherwise what are we supposed to do then? Just keep loving each other in different places and never get the chance to spend enough time together to see if it's the real deal? End things and try and move on? The options are overwhelming. And we were already supposed to know where he'd be in the fall by now, so this "any day now" news leaves me nervous.

Its funny to hear the long distance friends encourage me with "you got this!" and all the rest look confused and bewildered at how much we love each other, how much we trust each other, and how we make it work so "easily". He just put in his time for leave at the beginning of June for his dads 70th birthday family celebration! He's insisting on buying my ticket and already has the entire trip planned (including driving routes) and saved for- it's pretty much the cutest thing ever. I have to remind myself, boys don't fly girls out to meet their ENTIRE family unless they are pretty dang serious.

There is this HUGE part of me thats nervous we're going to have to live together if he doesn't get posted here.'ll be the only option and our families will kill us. And I know it's my adult decision and I can do whatever I want to...but I am such a compliant child it would be very hard for me to go against something my parents have been SO adamant about since I was young. Guess it'd be worth a few therapy sessions- ha.

New job is still going well, yay! Learning so much and getting paid Friday means I won't be so stressed out about expenses and bills all the time. Borrowing money from parents simply for gas to get to and from work for the week was a definite low point- glad this is over. And my hours vary from 24-32 right now as I am learning the projects/procedures but soon I will take them over full time like a real adult. However, I feel like after 1-2 months I'll already be doing beyond the intern level of work and am not sure how and when the transition to a real job will take place, I don't want to get screwed over...good thing my boss has my back. I find myself anxious to be done with the initial learning and actually have ownership for activities and projects however small.

Been thinking lately how growing up isn't nearly as lovely as I thought it'd be.

But I think we have a ways to go.



Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Pretty Things: Frieda.

Photo images of Frieda held until Diego Rivera passed away, now on display. Some snippets... 



Favorite Things: George Lois

I am sure by now you've picked up on my obsession with Mad Men. Today NPR put out an article about the gentleman who inspired the Don Draper character, George Lois. Got me wondering about his work. Left me feeling inspired by his clever play on words matching with the images.

He did an entire campaign of these...

Lovely, right?



Working Girl.

Well friends, it finally happened. I am a working girl! Ok, not that kind of working girl- but I do have a real job and AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT! They only started me 3-4 days a week until I get the hang of things and they'll bump me up to full time, and THEN hopefully I'll get the big promotion from intern to a fancy title on salary and the whole deal. But until then I am enjoying being in the training environment, getting to know the company and my new co-workers, and getting a feel for what I'm going to be doing there in the short term and long term. 

Read if you want to know what I actually do: Basically I work for THE top company that puts those product recommendations based on your purchase/click/whatever history on the sides of major retail websites. I am in the "Product Management" department...which is like 3 of us...right now as an intern but should be able to be an associate product manager within the year (I hope). And we act as the in-between from what the client wants and what the software developers can and will do. So I am mostly with the software developers, but my department are the outgoing and extroverted ones since we have to do presentations, demos, meet with clients sometimes, etc. And I don't have to know the intricacies of the technology too much, but somewhat enough so I can lead and push projects, explain things to clients, understand lingo, etc. Someday I will be a big girl.

The people I work with are all really nice, except my current cube mate, which I find ironic, and while the developers are pretty nerdy on my floor and in my department, at least they aren't THAT nerdy and mean or awkward. Very easy going and friendly. Plus my boss in the product management department, mentor, and woman I work with very closely is AWESOME. She is slowly becoming my idol. 

Today I ate biscuits and gravy with sausage and a mimosa. And then chips and a margarita for dinner. Finally dessert was 2 gin n tonics. Haven't exercised in almost a week. Fail. BUT I was glad to spend time with friends today and barely even spent money! I forget how good for my soul all of my girls are. 

I can't WAIT to go shopping for new work/life clothes when I get a few paychecks under my belt. I've been wearing the same crap for years without a refresh, everyday I cringe having to pick something out. More incentive for healthy eating and exercise though! 



Friday, March 16, 2012

Keeping A Routine.

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If being unemployed for 2.5 months has taught me anything, its been to keep a routine. After the initial few weeks of laziness, weight gain, semi depression, and frantic job applying- I've finally managed to find a sense of routine in a few important areas I hope to continue doing when I start working again (Monday! Yay!).

1. Make an amazing breakfast everyday. In fact, use all this new found time to cook and eat healthy.

  • Instead of eating crap and being lazy everyday, wake up and make an awesome breakfast of eggs, veggie sausage, and toast. I make breakfast sandwiches, omelets with leftover vegetables, amazing scrambled eggs, etc. I've gotten so good and fast at it, I know if I wake up just 15 minutes earlier a day I can eat an amazing healthy breakfast full of protein that keeps me full until lunch! 
2. Get fresh air and exercise everyday. 

  • After you eat your awesome breakfast, but before you shower (yes, you're unemployed. But no, that doesn't excuse you from showering) GO OUTSIDE. Even if its cold. Walk around the block or neighborhood, if you have a dog bring them too. I've also been adding strength training, a bit of yoga, stretching, and somedays cardio right afterwards (just workout videos in my room btw, you know I cant afford no gym membership). My goal was to get it all in under an hour so I could do it before work everyday once I go back. And sure enough, here I am a week into it and feel weird if I don't do this everyday. I don't need to go into the benefits of regular movement in our lives, you already know, but for me I already feel 10x more awesome. 
3. Clean a little everyday.

  • Yeah, this one kind of sucks, but it's important. I usually do it after I exercise while I'm drinking my protein shake and muddling around the house. A little vacuuming, dishes, laundry, picking up...I guess I realized I'd rather do a little each day then all on the weekends once I go back to work. And it's true, once I get home from work if I don't sit down and just keep moving for 20+ minutes things look 10x better most of the time. 
4. Find something productive, do it everyday.
  • Mine has been writing everyday. Either it was here or working on my book, but everyday I try and spend writing. Such an excellent habit to take on as a writer. However, if you want to work on your art, sewing, baking, whatever craft. Do it. At the end of the day you will feel like you accomplished something instead of just re-watching an entire season of Ally McBeal. 
SERIOUSLY finding these bits of routine everyday has helped me not go insane. Plus, I am not spending money and at the end of the day when someone asks me what I did that day, I have some legitimate things to say. Not to mention I feel healthier, more balanced, happy, and secure. If you're still looking for work, put it into the routine for 2 hours a day or a few days a week and then be done with it. Otherwise you will obsess and then depress like I did, which didn't really help anything in the end anyway. 

So whether you are part of the 8.3% of unemployed Americans like me, or just feel like your daily life is lagging a bit, do consider adding some of these to your routine. Protein for breakfast, exercise, fresh air, keeping things clean, and being productive never hurt anyone. 

Now I am going to go take my own advice. 

Have a lovely day!



Thursday, March 15, 2012

Somedays Are Just Needy.

Most days I find I am pretty well balanced, especially with Mr. Boyfriend. I am ok with how our crazy long distance relationship is, everywhere our future could go, and that if anything happens and we don't work out I'll be fine and just continue being single and awesome.

But for some reason. Somedays I just feel needy.

Unfortunately for Mr. Boyfriend this manifests itself as me asking him things like "So...are you sure you want to do this long distance thing with me? How do you know?" etc. Luckily, my boyfriend is amazing and just answers all sweetly and genuinely and then sends me lovey dovey songs which help calm my ass down. Whenever I think I'm being crazy he gently reminds me, "Crazy is stabbing me with a pencil repeatedly. Or me visiting you in the metal hospital. Or in rehab. Or you hitting on me when you're 8 months pregnant from another guy. Or bringing pictures of me to my hometown trying to look for we have experienced with my exes. You my love, are NOT crazy" 

I don't know why somedays women's insecurities just come bursting out. It might also be because I am dating an ex player...I just keep waiting for him to go "WTF am I doing waiting for this girl? I could get any of these girls! Peace out." Which leaves me rather nervous from time to time. But he keeps reminding me how much he loves me, how happy he is to wait for a girl he thinks is the most amazing girl he's ever met, how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and doesn't want to fuck this up, etc. I know in my head every guy was either a "player" or in the real world just "a normal guy" who dated lots of girls, played the game, was ridiculous. Especially if they are as beautiful and sweet as my man is, I'm sure women just threw themselves at him (and still do). Which is why he even made me wary at first and I kept shooting down all his player moves...and in turn is why he liked me so much. But every player eventually finds the girl of his dreams and settles down for her quite willingly. Otherwise we'd have all bachelors.

So now I wonder. Is the reason I can't fully accept his affection for me because I don't see myself as a woman even worth doing that for? I just can't believe that he would be so excited and ready to settle for lil ol me. After Number 2 playing me, I guess I just never saw myself as a woman worthy enough to have a player (or any social and dating man) settle with. I wasn't that girl. Not that special. Finally I feel like I've gotten over my issues of feeling like theres something wrong with me and thats why I can't keep a man...have found an amazing man...and just can't accept it. Of course guarding my heart and not being ridiculous is still important, but accepting that I am worth having this man love me and want to be with me appears to be the next step.

So, as I said. Somedays are just needy.



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Pretty Things: Gwyneth for Lindex

Sometimes my friend Cassie is Sweden sends me cool things and we discover our common affection for Gwyneth Paltrow as being the princess of awesome. And sometimes its through this gorgeous clothing company Lindex using Gwyn (yeah, we're on a nickname basis by now) to promote their fun and colorful "Modern Preppy" line. I'd recommend going to the website yourself to watch the fun behind the scenes video with our girl for some serious color, pattern, and wardrobe inspiration.

Some sneak peeks...

You're welcome.



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Part Time Blues.

Well my new boss called today to say "Yay! Your background check is done! But we're still trying to find you a desk and computer so you won't start until Monday. OH...and you are going to be part time. At least for the first few weeks."

Since I've already freaked out about the relatively crappy pay and then again about money recently looking at my account balance vs. my bills for the rest of the month...this didn't sit well with me. Luckily we both made it clear that it was short term thing, she understood my concern (ESPECIALLY since they had initially told me full time!), and said it would probably only be for about 3 weeks. Brother further explained to me that it kind of makes sense since the first few weeks are just going to be intensive training anyway. But I just turned down a nanny position for $20 cash per sneaking this in there after I took the job was a bit of a low blow. AND from the first lunch I ever had with my now boss to my start date on Monday will be a month. So I am frustrated. And genuinely stressed about money and how to afford all these bills...the wedding I'm the basics I can't really cover. It's so stressful.

I decided to continue my new exercise regime today to deal with the stress (what? not eat and drink your troubles away?! Blasphemy!) which is going well. I decided just to do things I like and can do in an hour or less so when I start work I can do it in the morning. I take Bella for a walk just for vitamin D, fresh air, and it gets my heart rate up a bit so I can stretch and do some yoga real good afterwards. Then I am just doing 3 arm exercises 3 sets each one day, or 3 legs, back, etc. Done and done. Not too difficult. Except I was going to attempt the P90X leg/back routine today and literally laughed at the first exercise. I believe my words were, "Im not doing this shit!" so I turned it off and just did some lunges and squats. Can barely walk now- therefore I was correct in my assumption that P90X would have been WAY too hard. GOAL: lose 10 lbs in 8 weeks so I can be even a little under the weight Mr. Boyfriend met me at, AND be even better at sex since Ill be in better shape! Oh you know me, everything always comes down to being about sex doesn't it.



Monday, March 12, 2012


OH MAN long distance can suck sometimes, as I mentioned yesterday, OR sometimes it can be so so sweet! Received a surprise package from Mr. Boyfriend today containing wine, mini baguette crackers, nuts, chocolate, and an olive tapenade! His little note said something to the tune of, "To celebrate your new job with...I'm so happy for you!".

Now, lets just say Mr. Boyfriend and I don't work out. Something horrible happens and we have to part ways (my chest feels like its caving in just thinking about it). All the same, future men have quite the gentleman to compete with. Sending me romantic presents all the time? Are you kidding? 

I want to keep him!

And as I stress about how in the world I am supposed to pay more bills this month and afford wedding shenanigans for my friend, with my pretty much empty bank account- I feel that wine and a phone date with the love of my life tonight are just what the doctor ordered. I need more booze in my life to deal with stress. Seriously. 

OH! I started a new exercise and healthy eating regime today! Stemmed from "Oh shit, you're seeing Mr. Boyfriend in two months? Pretty sure you've gained at least 10lbs. Dammit." Plus my skin is really angry about something. 



Sunday, March 11, 2012


This weekend was chalk full of family fun celebrating my parents 50th birthdays with everyone. Today while everyone met again for brunch, I was the only one without a significant other. Now, well this doesn't usually bother me just felt like my Mr. Boyfriend was missing. The feeling always seems to come around with family events, because he would fit right in like an old shoe...and I am the only single cousin left and can feel my parents breathing down my neck about it. I wasn't thinking about it as much as they were apparently, since everyone kept asking me about him- its like they sense this false uncomfortable feeling they assume I must be feeling being "The only single one! And at 26! Oh my!" Maybe what they mistook for discomfort was really the deep deep void one feels when their love is 5654 miles away. Of course I miss him...its like I'm suffocating when he isn't around or I don't talk to him. But sadly one just gets used to it. The "missing" is so deep it's just always in the background of every place you go, everything you do, every couple you see. To the point that when you are finally reunited with your love, it finally feels like you can breathe again. Like you had no idea all this time everything was in black and white, because suddenly color has made life come alive. 

So yes, I miss Mr. Boyfriend. And yes, it manages to come more into focus when you point it out or when I see couples doing anything together. But really, I always miss him. In a way no one can really understand unless they've also done the long distance game. 

Only 8 weeks until I see him though! And the countdown is what keeps you sane. 



Why Am I Allowed To Bake Cakes?

Seriously, every time I try and make a proper cake it ends up falling over/melting/being weird in some way. Double layer cakes and I are now officially ENEMIES. However, THIS time I've pinpointed my failures and instead of writing how to make an awesome home made cake- this is going to be a "How To Not Fuck Your Cake Up". Also, you can laugh at my failures.


-Always check that you have ALL your needed ingredients before beginning. Physically look...otherwise you end up having to go to the store in the middle of baking because your room mates surprise! -ate the eggs you thought you had.

-I learned this last time, take your butter out before you begin baking if it requires room temperature butter. DONT melt it in the microwave because it makes your recipe all sticky and angry. I put mine outside in the sun for a cheatsies though.

-If parts of the cake are angry and falling, use tooth picks to hold them together. Do NOT just put them together and frost it you will see why.

-WAIT UNTIL THE CAKES ARE COOLED COMPLETELY before frosting anything. Seriously.

I used Martha Stewert's Versatile Vanilla Cake recipe because it seemed relatively easy and her picture looked so pretty. Turns out its also SO FREAKING DELICIOUS. You're welcome.


1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature (more if you want to butter your pans instead of spraying them like I did)
2.5 cups all purpose flour (or equivalent of cake flour)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1.5 cups sugar
2 large eggs
3 large egg yolks
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup low-fat buttermilk

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

2. In a large bowl using an electric mixer beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. With the mixer on low beat in eggs and yolks one at a time. Beat in vanilla. Alternatively beat in flour mixture and buttermilk, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Mix well until combined.

3. Divide batter between pans, smooth tops. Bake until cakes pull away from the sides of the pans, 32-35 minutes. Let cool in pans 10 minutes then run a knife around edges of the pans and invert the cakes onto a wire rack. LET COOL COMPLETELY (this is key my friends, key)

4. Place one cake, bottom side up on a cake stand. Using a table knife, spread top with frosting. Top with remaining cake, frost the top and then sides.

I couldn't figure out how to make her delicious looking whipped frosting recipe (hold the metal bowl over the boiling water but dont immerse it? WHAT?) so I just used the butter frosting recipe on the back of my powdered sugar bag. However, due to how the cake turned out, as you will see, I am NOT recommending it.

Uh. Yeah. Melting droopy angry birthday cake for my parents 50th birthday party. SEE why I need toothpicks and to wait until its all cooled to frost it. Not to mention a better frosting recipe. Damn. BUT I will say, it tasted so good and the cake inside is 10x better then any box cake so it wasn't a complete failure. Plus if you are a beginner baker, cooking for family who will eat any kind of cake and only minorly tease you is the best audience.

Now go spread your new found wisdom on some poor defenseless cake.



Thursday, March 08, 2012

Goodbye Unemployment.

Well it finally happened!

Today I got an official offer from an awesome internet software company! My brother really hooked it up, and I will be going in as a full time paid intern working with this fantastic woman. The idea is to get me trained on the technology (hopefully within a few months) and help them out with a few projects in the process. Then I should be able to move up into (hopefully) product management.

It's scary transitioning from teaching into something I've never done before. To be perfectly honest, I'm having a hard time sleeping because I'm so worried. What if I don't like it and regret changing careers? What if I'm not good at it and they don't like me? Annie "tried" to ease my worries with "Well there's probably going to be a few month period where you don't like it and want to quit/go home and cry everyday after work, but it'll get better!" Isn't she so helpful? Ha. However, I didn't feel like that when I was SO stressed at my last new job in Slovakia, in fact I was freakishly perky and hyped up everyday for the first few months. I'm surprised my co-workers didn't think I was crazy actually. With this job I do think the first few months of the internship will be difficult since its so different from what I was doing before. But if I can master the basics of understanding the technology stuff, then I get to move into a product manager position where I am mostly working with their all the different major corporation clientele. It would be working with people, doing presentations, teaching, etc. All the things I am good at! So its not quite as scary of a jump as it could be, but the transition gets me nervy. 

Filled out all the paperwork and scanned it back to them so they can do my background check and hopefully get me in there to start next week! The pay isn't very good according to my standards, but according to a paid intern standards its like a miracle and more then I made subbing so I'm not complaining. AND I still get to go visit Mr. Boyfriend and meet his family in May without any vacation issues since I'm just hourly. 

So life takes me in an entirely other direction once again, but I am just so excited about it! And to top it off Mr. Boyfriend is just so proud of me and adores that I am so driven and hard working. I suppose I find it really encourages me to step out of my comfort zone a bit knowing hes on my team rooting for me. 

It's all happening!



Eggs: The Best Recipe Of Your Life.

I am a huge advocate of straight up protein in the morning. It SERIOUSLY makes you wake up, keeps you full until lunch, and gets the "I hate mornings" mixtape running through my head to turn off. Most of the time I get up an entire 30min early just to make myself breakfast (and a lunch for later)! Eggs are my go to because they are fast, delicious, and easy. Now, its recently occurred to me that my mother is a fantastic cook. Especially in the last 5 years she took a few cooking classes, read a few books, watched too many Gordon Ramsay shows...and just has all these tricks and recipes up her sleeve she can whip out at any time. Including (drum roll please) THE MOST AMAZING SCRAMBLED EGGS OF YOUR LIFE. I'm not exaggerating. Prepare yourself.
As You will now learn how to make the perfect scrambled egg.

Its as easy as watching this. Seriously, its a 4 minute video I watched twice and got it by heart.

Now don't be afraid. You can do this.

Things You Need:
-3 eggs
-creme fraiche
-salt and pepper

*optional: chives, basil, any other veggies you'd like on the side

Now Do It
1. As you hopefully saw in the video (seriously, 4 minutes is worth it for the most amazing eggs of your life) say goodbye to your frying pan and bust out a pot and spatula. Before your pot is even on the stove crack your eggs and add a bit of butter to it. THEN put it on the heat and stir it with the spatula

2. Now the fun part! After a bit, start to take it on and off the heat. Just hold the pot above the burner while stirring or move it to another burner. KEEP STIRRING. Never give up on stirring!

3. You will see them forming mmmmm now at the end add your bit of creme fraiche and stir that deliciousness in there too.

4. Fold in your chives or basil. Add salt and pepper now (not before!).

5. Enjoy the most amazing eggs of your entire life.

Now I havent done the full on breakfast like he does in the video, but I plan to get me some tomatoes, mushrooms, and a bit of sourdough for the weekends when I have more time too.

So thank you mom for making these on the weekends. And thank you Gordon Ramsey for inspiring the best scrambled eggs of your life.




Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Unemployment Staycation

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Still unemployed? Going insane clawing the walls of your house? Well let me introduce a little something called HOUSE/DOG SITTING. Maybe this has already occurred to you, or maybe a little light bulb just went off in your head but house/dog sitting is a legit way to make some money that most people can not commit to. Think about it, most people have busy jobs, kids, spouses, or all three and can't do house sitting. AND then the single college students who could do it can't really be trusted because they'd drink all the booze and quite possibly set the house on fire. Enter you. Single, fabulous, lots of time on your hands, and need some extra money. Bonus if you aren't allergic to pets! 

Thank God my unemployment should be ending next week (yayyyy!), more details when I have them, but this is officially my last week of the nothingness. Luckily my amazing friends asked me to house and dog sit their gorgeous house and snuggly puppies on the hill in north LA for a few days. Not only do they pay me, but also reimburse my gas for coming up here, and leave me with a stocked bar and kitchen for me to help myself to. Which is perfect timing since my car needed a lot of work this week and left me broke. I had big plans of hitting the free museums all within half an hour of here, but with gas being what it is and parking for each being $15 I decided to have a real staycation and make the most of my few days left of freedom. 

Parts of a Staycation
-Doggies for snuggling, making sure you get a walk in everyday (outdoors! fresh air! heart rate up!) and are forced to shower afterwards. Also brush your teeth for good measure. 

-A TV show season you can get addicted to or one on Netflix Instant. As you can see I am IN IT with Battlestar Galactica. A wise choice.

-Snacks and booze. I have British treats and digestives too, score!

*Bonus* crafts, reading, a big bathtub with bath products, records, and/or a private backyard for naked sun bathing are also fun and FREE additions to your staycation. 

So start hitting up your rich friends or just friends with animals and see if they (or their other rich/animal/plant housing friends) what someone responsible and awesome to help them out. Kennels are quite expensive and kind of traumatic for dogs so everyone would rather have a sitter. Even if its just $10-$20/day, better then nothing per day!



Tuesday, March 06, 2012

First Comes Love...

Too bad I'd have to sharpie his little face and hands the night before our fictitious wedding.

Now, Mr. Boyfriend and I are both well aware that from the outside our relationship looks like two crazy people had a weird fling in Europe, now talk everyday for hours, and are in love? WHAT???

I know. He knows. In fact, sometimes we lie to people about our relationship just to avoid the judgement you think we can't see or hear in your voice. I get frustrated with people who feel like they have the right to have an opinion about us and how long we will last. I know I've mentioned this before, but being out of my culture, friend, and family circle...I realized how many kinds of relationships are out there. And how unfair it is of me to think people won't last just because they didn't "do it the right way". Who made up the right way? But with all of that being said, we do know we don't want to rush into things. We're trying to keep a sane head on...but its just really hard when you love each other so much you want to get married and start your life together tomorrow! Crazy kids.


Last night he not only brought up again how I'm the girl of his dreams and he thinks I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with (I know, swoon) but also how he's been secretly saving money for our future life together and thats one of the reasons he hasn't been going out lately. Also why he hasn't been going out lately? He doesn't want to mess things up with us and would honestly rather be home skyping with me while we fall asleep looking at each other. Um. Did I just...wait, did I just transform an ex player by simply being myself? Did that just happen? Yes, yes it did happen. Its a miracle!

To be honest I still find myself waiting for him to cheat on me and break my heart no matter what he says. Which is horrible. I trust him...I do, but I am also trying to guard my heart a bit after all the crap I've gone through with men. And we have 6 more months of this distance. Well, only 2 until we see each other again so at least we get a break, 6 more months isn't horrible, but its still awhile. I don't think I'd worry about the cheating as much if he was in the states. I just know how the international community and Brazilians are, that matched with the long stretches of not seeing each other makes the physical sex need pretty horrible to say the least.

But I may have showed him the wedding venues I wedding board on pinterest...and we picked out our colors. Among other things. Whats even better is that my behavior was encouraged by Mr. Boyfriend. So Yeah. We're awesome.

Everyday I just wake up so happy! And literally sing like Snow White as I go throughout my day because I feel like sunshine is coming out of every pore of my being!

Ok, enough nausea inducing lovey dovey for you today.



Monday, March 05, 2012

Unemployment Whoopie Pies

I have been wanting to make Whoopie Pies for a few years as soon as I saw them on a blog and died of cuteness. However, I found the recipes to be more time consuming then I usually am able to allot for baking (and I get bored after too long) and filled with a few odd ingredients I never wanted to buy. SO when I found a $3 Lemon Whoopie Pie Kit at Home Goods where you only had to add oil, powdered sugar, an egg, and some milk I was IN. I already had all the other ingredients! Therefore it was in the category for an "Unemployment" baked good. They had a few other cheap kits for fun things to make I might stop by and get some more!

Stop by your local Home Goods to try and find yourself a $3 kit if you're unemployed like me, OR order one off Amazon. Or homemake your own! There is also a vegan recipe that looks lovely.

This is all you need!

Mix yoself up some whoopie.

YOU DO NOT NEED A SPECIAL PAN to make whoopie pies! Just put down some parchment or wax paper and little 1 TB scoops on each pan. After they were done I matched weird shaped ones with other weird ones so they could be friends match.

 Voila! Deliciousness! I made these for my dads 50th birthday today! They are almost already gone!

"I love baking and talking to my bf on the phone at the same time! Unemployment didn't completely suck today!"

So go make some whoopie!



Sunday, March 04, 2012

To Live.

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I was telling boyfriend last night as he drunkenly skyped with me after getting home from a party where he didn't let the girls hit on him (drunken skypes with your hot boyfriend are pretty much my favorite thing) about the budget I worked on if I get the jobs I am waiting to hear from. I figured out my expenses and then how much I'd be able to pay off on my debt or save each month so I could move out and therefore how many months until I could move out and have everything in order. It was about 5-6 months which I told him is perfect timing for when he'll be moved back into the US. Whether or not he's in southern California, we'll want privacy when we're together anyway. And he'll need time to get his life back in the US in order after not living here for 5 years so I don't think his place will be suitable for a lady like girlfriend to stay at for awhile. Although, a bed with clean sheets is a bed. 

Anyway, we were talking about it when he asked the question.

"So, I know you don't want to do the living together before getting married thing...but I've been thinking and I will basically have free rent because of the you know thats always an option. But then we would never get anything productive done hahaha"

There was more. But that was the jist. 

So YEAH my boyfriend pretty much just asked me to live with him.

As of right now, I am still not into the living together before being married thing...mostly just because my parents would be really upset about it and probably give me no money or support me getting married after that and I just would rather not deal with it. Its not like I need to live with him so it seems silly. Plus the bigger question, um HELLO isn't that a bit quick? Well, it doesn't feel like it for us...but in the real world where everyone else lives it would be ridiculous. And I don't want to mess things up between us, I'd rather do our thing separately and spend more time together and then just get married like normal people. Although, I've been noticing how "abnormal" all couples really are these days. And really, I should just be able to do what I want at 26 years old. Let's just say I am not opposed to the idea and I think if we were engaged and had a wedding planned I would be more then happy to do it, but otherwise whats the point?

Either way it was pretty flattering. Now not only does my ex-player no longer engage with girls at the club, but he's asking me to live with him in the near future? And then proceeded to send me the link of the studio he wants to take pictures of the two of us when we're visiting his family in Mississippi?

A definite keeper. 



Friday, March 02, 2012

Secrets Out.

Well, surprise! I've been secretly working on collecting my writings from the past few years into a book of some kind and am hoping some lovely person will publish it. As I edit and put things together in the evenings while chatting with Mr. Boyfriend while he's at work...some of the secrets have come out. Well, like all of them. Every ridiculous story and every boy experience I just finally ended up telling him about. It's been over the last few weeks and they're so funny looking back we just laugh and laugh, but it wasn't easy to tell him. No one wants to tell the man they'd potentially like to marry how many men they've slept with... or about that one time they peed in a gutter. But as I am getting closer to having it sent in to potential publishers (eeeee!) I knew it was better he knew everything now instead of having to awkwardly read it later.

Plus, I don't mean to brag...but boyfriends kiiiind of amazing. Luckily the snippets of his past he ventured to tell me are SO much worse then even my worst stories. Seriously, boys are gross. Especially when you're in love with a beautiful ex-player. More importantly, it's really just been more like telling my best friend about my life. He doesn't judge me...just laughs generally at how silly my adventures have been...and thinks I'm cute for being so self conscious about it. "Seriously, THAT'S what you're embarrassed about? Oh jeez could I tell you some stories...".

I haven't revealed the blog to him yet though. I like having a safe place to write without thinking he's always reading it, and can share when I feel like I'm ready. But he is definitely the first man I am not horrified at the idea of showing. We are and have been so honest with each other about everything I don't really have any secrets to even worry about keeping. And what may be better is that even things on here about him he encourages me to keep in the book copy! "You have to include everything babe, I dont care, and otherwise it isn't the whole story!"

What am I supposed to do with this guy?!



Thursday, March 01, 2012

A Girls Life.

Nope, will never look like a Victorias Secret model

As I find myself having a hard time getting used to having Mr. Boyfriend gushing over how beautiful and hot I am all the time, my mind has begun to rattle with "Why is this so hard for me to hear and believe?" And when he talks about how he sees himself in the mirror vs. how I see myself, the clear difference between men and women is evident.

What Mr. Boyfriend Sees:
How awesome he is and checks out his (HUGE) muscles to see where he needs to make improvements. Thats it. Seriously.

What Girls See:
"Damn my thighs are out of control, I need to stop eating, why does my stomach DO that, I need to get my hair done, I need to go on a diet, I need to exercise more, are those MY pores, I look so tired, I need to go on a diet, why can't I look like Beyonce, I wonder if people notice my arms are so flabby, I should start running, maybe I'll go on a fast..."

If we're being honest, the more self confidence I have gained in the last year the voices in the mirror have lessened, changed, or sometimes don't even come around. Instead of "damn your fat, you need to go on a diet, no man will ever love THAT" she's gotten a little nicer with, "I think I may have gained a few pounds...hmm yeah I did...ok, time to eat a little healthier and actually move my ass a bit". So it would appear at 26 we've finally made some progress in how we see ourselves. I'll admit, I've recently realized I've grown up with quite the body dysmorphia. Watching Biggest Loser with Annie I admitted I used to think (and still sometimes do) that I looked similar to their before pictures.

Literally, her mouth hung open in shock. "UH, NO". 

But can you blame me? The only women I've ever seen are either Victorias Secret models plastered everywhere OR people with "weight problems" as contestants on shows like the Biggest Loser. No one was on TV just for being normal sized. 

It's hard to explain to men why we are the way we are with our bodies. Thank goodness women's self esteem issues have been brought out into the media spotlight a bit more in recent years with the Dove Self Esteem Campaign, more normal sized models getting media time, and more articles and books being publicized about young women's bodies. Growing up in southern California where we are OBSESSED with how we look and being healthy, I find its hard to keep the balance between obsession over weight loss diets, exercise regimes OR just doing whatever. I am always caught between two extremes. I'm sure many "yo yo dieters" can fist bump me on that one; going all extreme for a few weeks or months and then getting burnt out and miss french fries and are sick of counting calories or points so its back to only semi giving a shit. Currently I am trying to get back on track of eating healthy 70% of the time (or during the week) so that 30% of the time or on the weekends I can indulge in someones birthday cake, carbs, and excessive alcohol consumption. Even as simple as that sounds, its not easy. So I've decided to add a little exercising to my regime too. And since I'm poor and unemployed that really only equals "Unemployment Walking" and/or "Awkward Weight Lifting With Old Crap You Found In Your Parents House". But when I do have a job one of my first exciting purchases is going to be a yoga studio month pass. I've noticed that even my 70% healthy eating and just walking or yoga genuinely helps fight off my depression, anxiety, stress, and lets be honest- I want to be more bendy and sustainable for sex.

So I suppose, finally at the ripe old age of 26 we're finally focusing more on just being healthy and have realized we will never look like Gisele...and perhaps more importantly, don't even want to.



Favorite Health Inspiring and Body Image Loving Sites

Hungry Girl: Healthy eating for real women

Girl With Curves: Style blog for real women

Goop: I just love Gwenyth Paltrow's website, all about a well rounded healthy lifestyle