Thursday, July 28, 2011


PAG asked me today when my fun Vegas weekend with Annie came up,
"Do you ever think we're in different life stages?" (further explanation was requested) "Like, how you're so excited to go to Vegas with Annie this weekend...and I would have 5 years ago..."

Which led us into a conversation about how, actually, we're in the exact same life stage. I was too scared to tell him "UH, aren't you trying to find someone to be serious with, marry, buy a house, and have babies with?! Because OBVIOUSLY so am I!". Instead I decided it was a good time to go into the speech I've been preparing for a few days about how much I like him, how despite what he may think I am not some crazy party girl and that I actually do want something serious, how sorry I was for my behavior in April that led him to ending things, etc. We talked a lot. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss over video chat...I was hoping to get into it while we were snuggling in bed or something...but the time was then.

I really have been thinking about my life lately. How I do want to put roots down somewhere. How ready I am for something serious. Romance. Marriage. House buying. Babies eventually. The whole deal. And how fucking around in Europe is fun, but not fulfilling. And not getting me any closer to the things I actually want. (and PS I feel too old for my crazy behavior there anyway)

I am annoyed by his lack of making time for me though. Tonight he's going to meet friends for a bi-weekly get together, which is super cute and fine, but I am going out of town for 3 days, have hardly seen him all week, and he cant make sure he's done by 9 to spend some time with me?

I am starting to feel like I am chasing after him, which is rather draining and not appropriate. But maybe I need to look at it differently. I kind of fucked I am laying it all on the line now...if he wants me, he wants me. Otherwise I need to start convincing myself that it's going to be ok and that there ARE other amazing people like him out there who DO want me.



Favorite Things: Rilo Kiley

Although I got the news 2 weeks ago or so, I was listening to one of my all time favorites the other day and it finally began to sink in.

Rilo Kiley broke up. 


I wasn't in love with their last album, but was waiting...and waiting...and waiting for a new one. In the meantime I listened and watched their 2007 show on NPR and tried to get into their side projects Jenny & Johnny, The Elected, etc.

Sadly, Blake declared it officially over. Therefore this post is dedicated to one of my favorite groups of musicians. And one of the coolest girls in music. You will be missed.
(And PS in my humble opinion, your new "side projects" aren't as good as RK, just saying...)

Here's hoping for a reunion tour and album.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Like Button.

Some eclectic things I liked today...

These images from Afghanistan. NPR reported about them rebuilding the ancient Buddha's that were built into the cliff walls. Amazing. 

This concert poster from my favorite musician.

These tops from Mod Cloth.

And these images from Nicolas Gooden.

Well, It Was About Time...

Monday night when PAG still hadn't made plans to spend time with me and I had hardly heard from him, someone may have freaked out, sat in bed and journaled and cried, drank, then texted Annie "why doesn't he love me?". To which she about you come hang out with she sat there while I bitched about WHY he is being such a jerk face. I'm not sure what the world would do without the Annie's. 

Tuesday I had reasoned we were done, I decided not to be depressed and took myself to the library (which is full of weird people, btw), when all of a sudden...PAG is trying to gchat video with me?! 

Cue surprise and confusion.

Basically he was being all cute and flirty and sweet, "just wanted to see my face", wanted to make sure Im not hanging out with other boys, and apologized for being so busy this last week. 
He asked if I was free later and said he would try and see me then if he could. 

Talk about being confused. And freaked out since the "I'm too busy for you" conversation spread out over a YEAR with the EX left some serious scars. 

However, around 9p he calls to see what I'm up to because he's in the area and wanted to stop by and say hello. I was at Annie's (wasn't going to wait around for his ass) and told him to come by since she just lives down the block and was going to bed anyway. Cute car make out--high school style--some catching up, then I was in tow to his house for another night of kissing and cuddling. I wanted to talk to him about some serious things...but we were both tired and...kind of it will have to wait I guess.

PS Annie gave me some sound advice in regards to me and PAG. Because...since I actually like him...and since he actually likes me...we tend to get a little crazy. 
"I just feel like you both need to calm down, you need to not tell him about any other men and he needs to not go MIA all the damn time". 
Sound advice, Annie, sound advice. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Favorite Things: 20x200

First of all, sorry for not posting about everyones favorite 20x200 a LONG time ago. I've known about it for ages, but sometimes little me just book marks cool things to share for later...and then a year+ goes by and she stumbles upon it again from someone else and- oops.

20x200 is one of my FAVORITE design sites, and by now since I've been sitting on this so long, it's already one of yours too. Where else can you get limited edition prints for $20?

I've rounded up some current favorites to inspire me for the day, but peruse them yourself to get an awesome "WOW! Only $20!" out of today...



Monday, July 25, 2011

A Dream.

What is it about that person. Every time you are with them things go fuzzy around the edges, no one else exists, and it feels like your chest is going to explode from happiness for no apparent reason. Is it even real? I am beginning to feel like last Monday with PAG was a dream. That our entire epic few week winter romance and post long distance late night conversations weren't even real at all. Sometimes I have to read old posts on here to even believe that everything happened in real life. 

The up's and down's of actually letting yourself care about someone is exhausting (hello and welcome to my life), but damn is it worth it. Since I am learning that real love is much deeper and takes longer to build then the dreamy fuzzy feelings I typically attribute to being in love, lets just say that passion and romance. And exploding hearts. And kisses in the rain. And waking up with someones arms around you kissing the back of your neck. And melting when he looks at you and tells you you're beautiful. And that smile when he texts you that he misses you. 
Are Worth It. 

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Make time for me?

Finally I texted PAG Friday evening with a,

"So are you just swamped with work or do you not want to see me again?"

His response was immediate and verified he's been super busy all week and that hes sorry, he's been used to the single life. We discussed the weekend since I was hoping he would have time then, but he's going to a lecture in LA all weekend and promised to make it up to me next week. Not sure how to proceed on this one, he's always been super busy even when I was here before and when we were long distancing while I was in Europe. Now, I'm in town after being gone for 6 MONTHS and he couldn't even spare more then one night for me in a week? And do I really want to mess with someone who doesn't know how to manage their stress and time?

However. Let's not get all cra cra just yet. Just because I came into town doesn't mean he can stop his life for me again, and would it even be wise to do that? It would be all intense again and I would leave and then what. Maybe it's better to spread things out a bit anyway. Plus, I know hes right about being used to being single. He's an introverted 30 year old whose been very single and working his ass off in physics for how many years?

So this got me thinking.

Where is the balance between being an awesome single person who works hard, plays hard, travels, enjoys life- and doesn't need a significant other to do it- BUT fills their schedule so full that when a great person does come along...they don't have time for them. They work long hours, have activities everyday after work, and their weekends are booked with fun or work things way in advance. The contrary is those sad single people who just work and come home, watch tv, eat a lean cuisine...maybe have some friend plans on the weekend or just clean their flat...basically Liz Lemon. So where is the balance?

PAG is not the only guy I know in this situation. We all know I have dated other men who were "too busy" for valid reasons to spend as much time with me as I felt appropriate. Men who worked long hours, had serious gym schedules, were studying for the GMAT, were finishing their PhD, preparing to run a marathon, fill in the blank here. And I have guy friends who tried to date women who were leading the same kind of lives and they tried to pursue them but booking 2 weeks ahead of time wasn't very appealing. Where could anything go if they didn't even have time to date?

I suppose we all know the answer. Fill your schedule as much as you want with the things you love. When the right person comes along, you're supposed to MAKE time for them. But I just don't know how to proceed when these boys tell me they really really like me, but that they are just busy for now and to give them a break and they promise to make it up to me...

With that being said, dating sucks. I'm so over it.

Sad Day.

Peace out girl.

I am still obsessed with your first album, and was still waiting for more...

Drugs suck. Don't do them. 

Favorite Things: Pinterest

Ok, so I have been on the pinterest bandwagon for quite awhile. Back when she was just a little baby beta pinterest and you had to request an invite and such, but I found that I liked posting things on my blog better so I only did a few things and then let up to focus on the bloggy blog.


I can't possibly blog all of my favorite things I come across, often they just end up bookmarked in my browser and sadly forgotten about. Plus, all of a sudden I come home and everyone whose anyone is obsessed with pinterest and now I have people I actually know on there! So fun!

So all of that to say, although I'll still be posting pretty things and favorite things on here- join me on pinterest! I promise you'll love it!



PS oddly enough many of my recent pins have been wedding based...such a weirdo.

Friday, July 22, 2011

No Ones Surprised.

Ok, it's not like PAG is ignoring me per say...he responds to my little texts and emails nicely and timely.

It's just that I haven't received anything from him first, and NOTHING from him regarding weekend plans. I knew Monday night was tough for him because of work, so I assumed the lack of plans with me for the rest of the week was because of this. But now that it's Friday, and still NOTHING, I am starting to be sad again.

I don't know why I expected more from him, it's almost mean of me to try and expect something from him when I am leaving again. But the way he acted on Monday convinced me he was seriously interested again. I didn't initiate anything except "catching up over dinner", everything else was in his court, and everything else included sweet sensual time together.

So I am a bit sad. Preoccupied. And anxious.

Plus, it seriously makes me reconsider staying in Slovakia for more then the next few months. Why would I stay somewhere where I can't really put roots down? My heart is ready to be serious with someone (even if its not PAG), start working up on a long term career somewhere, save money and settle a little more...instead I am running back to a place where I have one actual bestie who is also just floating from thing to thing like an unsatisfied 19 year old trying to "find themselves", a partying lifestyle which is rather fun but not at all useful, and a job that is insecure and stressful. All while trying to navigate men who are there even more temporarily then I am. I guess turning 26 in the fall and having nothing to show for it also has me thinking. Arg.

Of Course.

Keeping a condom in your wallet seemed like a great idea at the time.

Until your wallet fell open all over the floor during check out at the grocery store. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Pretty Things: Wedding

One of my best girls from high school got married over the weekend (the first one of us, quite a big deal), I just stumbled across her engagement photos and OMG I fell in LOVE!!!!

They're so cute and local, love the love...

What Is This Feeling?

"What is this feeling? So sudden...and new?" -Wicked

I know some of you have been left wondering how dinner with PAG went the other night...
I was SO nervous going into it, I didn't even know if I was going to be able to eat because my stomach was so anxious. But as soon as we saw each was easy. We had an amazing dinner catching up and 3rd question in from him is "So do you have a boyfriend back there now?" to which I honestly told him I'd been dating but couldn't find anything serious because everyone was there temporarily and it was difficult. He told me he'd been dating too, but nothing serious also. After a perfect dinner he asked if I wanted to see a movie too, so he looked up the movie times and we laughed our asses off watching Horrible Bosses and snuggling. He held my hand...and then kissed me a few times. And it was extra cute because it was where we had our first date...then we kissed outside by my car which was where we had our first kiss in the rain so many months ago. So precious you want to throw up, I know.

He asked what else I had to do that evening or morning...I said nothing...want to come over and wish me good night? And away we went...into a night of more perfection. Still no sex, because we actually like each other, hehe...but snuggling and some quality messing around may have been involved into the wee hours of the morning. You get ONE intimate detail about this one,
"I missed your kisses"
was said to me quite a few times, and every time made me swoon. Other precious things were said too, but they are all secrets I get to keep for now.

In the morning he let me sleep while he got ready for work then woke me up with kisses and snuggles because his guest house isn't situated so I can leave easily without him. On the way out he kissed me more and more and saw my flat tires and said "I'll fix those for you" everything was lovely. Really lovely.

Yesterday I got a morning text "Thanks, sorry for the early wake up". And later when I texted him how his day was going, I didn't get a response until hours later and all it said was "good n tired lol". I know he's extremely busy with work right now, I could tell he was a bit stressed out and I kept him awake so he got very little sleep, but I guess I was hoping for more then that. In the past he was VERY attentive and sweet, and now he's just being more distant all of a sudden. Which only confuses me because during our actual evening together, neither of us were distant.

So we have no more plans yet to see each other. We didn't talk about anything serious during the course of the evening. And needless to say, I'm all stressed out about it.

This feeling is so unfamiliar though! These past months with all of my Euro lovers I didn't care if they called or not...I mean, I did but I didn't stress about it. It was more of a "They better call or they can kiss my ass" attitude (I know, such girl power) and now I'm all anxious and stressed out over this one. What is this feeling? So sudden...and new? I think I might ACTUALLY like this one.

FAIL Lady. First step with boys is to not care and not get anxious about it. Boo me.