Wednesday, July 06, 2011

PS I'm Ridiculous.

Whether it's because I like to hurt myself...I am lonely...I genuinely still care...or am just curious.

I wrote PAG to tell him I am coming into town and would love to meet and catch up.

I may have also added in a "Plus, I still think about you."

So yeah...I ignored the shitty way he ended things with me and how I haven't heard from him since and how I am only in town a few weeks before moving back here for another year.

But I couldn't help it! I knew I had nothing to lose and that I do still think and care about him, so it seemed silly to come into town and do nothing. Can't we just stay friends so when we ARE finally in the same part of the world long enough, we can fall in love?

I guess heading home has me thinking.

It's odd to be the happiest I have ever been in my little European city, with my new lovely friends from all over the world, working my dream job...but to not feel totally settled. Still haven't had a real boyfriend for more then a few weeks...we can't really call the Number 2 shenanigan a relationship as much as it was just "fucked up". So sue me if I miss the one man I felt settled with. The one I saw an actual future with. The one I know would have worked out happily ever after if I hadn't moved here.

HENCE Plan B. Stay in contact until we can merge our separate happy lives in the same location.

Easier said then done. Let's see if he even replies.

Ugh, I am the worst.

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