Wednesday, April 30, 2008


still stressed out about my life.
still exhausted.
still overwhelmed with how much i have to do in the next 2 weeks.

cleaned my house a little today. tomorrow the cleaning lady comes and im SO EXCITED. the house has been almost unlivable for about a month. you can see the dirt piles on all the floors. i didnt even want to cook in the kitchen anymore...bleh. i moved back into my room today too. i finally put up my posters and things so its like i actually live here again.

i dont know what to do about next semester. im at such a crossroads. i dont want to constantly be stressed out for the next 2 years+, but i also dont want to leave my friends and have wasted this year on classes i didnt need. im concerned that im going to make the decision to leave my program right now only because im stressed out right now... but really, ive felt like this all semester. i just dont like my major or the teaching program. i just want to work with kids and teach them things, it doesnt have to be for the state. i want to teach art mostly or theatre or music or work in a childrens library reading stories and doing puppets for the kids...theres so many jobs i can think of that I would love to do besides being a stinkin just so tired for fighting so hard to do something im only half hearted into. tomorrow i meet with my advisor, shes crazy and kinda mean sometimes so im not looking forward to meeting with her...yet another reason why im over my program. we have ONE advisor and shes totally weird and too busy to ever meet.

my parents come home in less than a week, im excited. i miss them and im sick of brothers loud playstation playing all night. and im sick of the dogs waking me up at 630am usually helps me with them throughout the day, by myself is a lot of work. especially since Worms is insane.

im excited tomorrow is Thursday! its my sleep in, homework, appointment, errand day. mostly homework though. i have SO much to do tomorrow its not even funny.

today was rough. i was supposed to go to school for 830a to meet with my movie partner, but i just couldnt get out of bed. my entire body hurt and i didnt technically have to be at school until 1130a. so i cancelled and got some more sleep but the rest of the day i was still a zombie and had to take ibprofun for my body and headache. i get this weird body and headache whenever i dont get enough sleep and/or im stressed out. so i came home and cleaned and then napped and rested for an hour or so. i immidiately started to feel better as soon as i let myself lay down and quit worrying about all the homework and papers and projects i have to do tomorrow.

i need to get my oil changed...theres just no time!

im reading this awesome book about the artist Klimt. my parents brought his work home for the house and a calendar for me and i just love him. the book is from the perspective of his protegee and kind of his muse/best friend/kinda lover? shes the girl in his most famous painting. he was a total weirdo guy who painted all these semi-scandalous pictures, but hes amazing! he was from Vienna so im hoping to see some of his work while me and cass r there.

ok, off to read my book.
thats him and her. this is painted using gold leafs too! incredible!

this came up in google. i will now go dream about owning this phone. ...*sigh*

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

today wasnt so bad!
i got sleep in! yay!
i went to school from 1130-4 and it was pretty boring and long and i wanted to kill myself, but whatevs...

then me and annie went down to PB to meet up with her friend for sushi and drinks. it was pretty fun, but i didnt have anything in common with the friend so the conversation was kinda boring sometimes. but the food was yummy and the margaritas were good too!

then we came home and watched american idol, which its SO ridiculous that carly got voted off since she was SO much better then dredlock guy...stupid america.

tomorrow im going to do a reading inventory thing with a kindergardener at my professors school. it wont be that bad, but id just really rather not do it. owell.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008


i feel so blessed. ive been trying to get back on track with God and my quiet times lately, and i just love Him!

i was so overwhelmed and stressed out and down about life, God totally turned it all around as soon as i asked him too. it wasnt like my circumstances got any easier, but God totally gave me the strength and energy and focus to get through everything. Hes also given me such an attitude and heart makeover. i can feel my insides turning and changing into a new a fresh person. its awesome.

ughhh me and annie got sushi tonight and for some reason i am SO sick from it. i never get sick from sushi! but i have heart burn and my tummy hurts real bad...i havent gotten sick from food in SO long. weird.

ehhhh i don wanna go to school tomorrow...blehhhh

its been so nice not having my 830a class...i dont have to be there till 1130 from now until the end of the semester! it makes my crazy schedule somewhat bearable.

Monday, April 21, 2008

back in the undertow

blehhh im so stressed out again...

the end of the semester is always so crazy...i think just this week and next week are going to be rough but then i should be in the clear.

eharmony is kinda sucking...i have a ton of matches but the ones who want to communicate with me are frankly, ridiculous. there are some sweet looking guys on there, but they dont like me apparently:( so im frustrated but whatever, i tried it and whatevs.

work is great! still getting used to everything, sooo busy all the time. i love my job tho, its such good experience for when im a teacher and such.

i went to a small group pre-meeting 2 weeks ago at the church im working at...i was hoping to get connected to people my age since its been hard at calvary. literally, there were 3 other people there my age. it was kinda freaky actually. there are some other younger people, but they're all married and have children. its weird. anyway, i met this really lovely boy ive been daydreaming about. we kinda connected because there were so few young singles there, hes so pretty tho! hes an arabic translator in the marines at pendelton. hes done really soon and hes almost done with his BA in something medical...and he wants to be a doctor! hello dream boy! he seemed interested in me at the thing which was nice. afterwards i tried to write him off thinking i would never see him again, but i randomly saw him sunday in the courtyard when i was running around doing my kids stuff...we said hi but i wish i could have talked longer. its nice to have a crush on such a lovely boy.

Europe is all ready! i got everything booked awhile ago, and i have our day to day itinerary done for most of the cities too. we just need to buy our Eurail pass...when we have money...and then we're on our way!

the weekend before me and cass leave, all the girls r going camping which will be SO fun. we're going to beach camp! all of us! yay! its nice to have things to look forward to besides being done with school. i have summer school this summer which SUCKS. i have two weeks in between my current semester and the summer class...its just an upper division art class, but still...nobody likes summer school.

alright, i should rest now after my long day and 4 hours of homework...


Tuesday, April 08, 2008

im crazy!

so im about to join eharmony. not like tomorrow or the next day, but right after i write this blog. before you think im crazy, listen to my very logical reasoning. i literally do NOT meet guys. i work with all married people and i go to school with all girls and im so busy i dont have time for outside activities! and even my church is too big to actually meet people. so im doing it. and i actually feel pretty ok with it.

so i filled out the free part of it and was reviewing my matches (i got like 20 matches within like 10 minutes!) just checking it out, and i really liked some of my matches. i really want to meet them! so im doing it! yay! ill keep u updated with how things thinking it could either be really awesome, or totally suck...we'll see.

im loving my new job! its still just admin stuff, but its fun admin stuff! and i also get to make up dances to songs, communicate with the kids, and teach and work with them on sundays...i just love it!

im so so sick...i just got back from the doc and finally got some antibiotics. but he gave me something to help drain my nasal passages and chest and now im all coughy...bleh.

GREAT news. me and cassie bought our Europe tickets and i have almost ALL our hostels booked...i did the last 4 today and im waiting to hear back from them. in italy im trying to stay at monastaries and in amsterdam im trying to stay at the YWAM im excited! now i just need to keep savin for the train ticket and then the rest for the actual trip! i cant believe were really going! and today i told work im going to be gone, its all happening!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

nothing clever

gosh, so much has been happening!

over the weekend i moved back home. i was so grumpy about it that i just kinda threw things into boxes and labeled them with funny names...annie came over and "helped" and got me in a good mood sometimes. while i was packing she layed in my bed and i got her hooked onto Felicity, mwahaha. but then the next day when i actually moved she was a big help. pretty much i would have gotten nothing done if it wasnt for her. i think the mix of my ADD and not wanting to move...i just kept getting distracted or would think we were done and it was a good time to sit on the couch for awhile and shed yell at me to get up and back to was so funny.

so most everything is in the living room of my parents house now...i have my furniture in my room and thats about it. i wanted to unpack more but i first had to clean out my closet (which looks amazing now) and then i got distracted with Oprahs special on Freeganism. and yesterday i worked my new job!

sunday was my first official day and it was really fun. it was half observation and tailing the director around as she would tell me things i would normally do, and then during 2nd service the volunteer didnt show up for the 2's and 3's class so i got to help in there. it was so cute, i forgot how much i miss kids. and they just love you so much, like 5 of them wanted to sit on my lap at one time all the time so we had to bargain with 2 on the lap and two clinging to my arms right next to me...hehe. and we danced, and read a story, and did a craft, and had a snack, and played was so great. i got to play in the nursery with the little ones awhile too...i just love kids, lalalala. but yesterday i just worked in the office, which is still pretty sweet. i do the same kinds of things as my old office jobs except its better because its about kids and ministry stuff. its REALLY weird how its pretty much the exact same job as the one i had at Seacoast except its a little more advanced (mostly because im more advanced than i was then) and i get paid double! yay!

and now im sick. yesterday i woke up with a sore throat but i thought it was just the dry weather and my allergies from cleaning and dust and stuff, then around 11am my neck started to ache, then around 1pm my entire body started to ache and i felt all clammy and awful. so i spent the rest of the day in pain and drinking so much water thought i would explode, i stopped to get some theraflu on the way home (i had the exact same symptoms as the box said, crazy!), and went to bed from about 7pm until about 10am.

im trying to get better because i need to unpack, work, and do homework over the weekend all before monday!

but for now im just going to drink water, heat up a steaming cup of theraflu, cuddle with the doggies and watch Felicity. after i catch up on Americas Next Top Model and American Idol of course.


PS: i think its important to note that i just spent 30min of my life researching summer camps i could teach art to kids at. but then i saw that u also have to be a full time counselor and pretty much sign your summer away and decided against it...i just really want to teach art and ive GOT to find ways to do it! arg