Sunday, December 23, 2012

Baby Cake Update.

Last week was rough. The up's and down's on the emotional rollar coaster of us trying to get the baby cake to come live with us was exhausting. After the bad news that the little buddy wasn't coming with us and that we'd have to pay and fight if we ever wanted him to, Boyfriend spent at least three days more depressed and broken then I'd ever seen him. We even got into an argument because he was talking about just giving up, why maybe leaving him with that crazy lady was a good idea, that he wasn't sure he even wanted to spend any more time with the buddy if it meant he'd never get to have him. He was so defeated. I let him spend a day being defeated, but as soon as he started speaking this way I refused to put up with it. To the point, that I knew I didn't want to be with a man who was going to refuse his child only for the sake of his own sad heart.

When I tried to encourage him and tell him he needed to get it together, he got angry with me for a bit. Sometimes he just needs me to let him be upset about things, and its hard for him to have someone in his life who doesn't let him get away with that. I understood his feelings, but to be honest, he only had a week left to spend with the little guy before leaving and not wanting to see him for fear of the heart break really wasn't an option. Not wanting to fight to be the Daddy for your child who desperately loves and needs you wasn't an option. After a few hours of letting him cool off he called me to apologize and explain why he feels so defeated. Then that evening he went to get the little buddy and crazy baby mama was actually being more civil and open to a proper custody discussion again. This glimmer of hope, this little speck of possibility of getting to have him again at least gave us the bandaid we needed to make it through. After all of this, I still don't believe anything until a paper is signed and filed with the court. Boyfriend feels the same and is working on at least getting a semblance of a document signed and filed before we leave. Otherwise it's back to whatever her crazy whim is each day and us saving the $1800 for a proper lawyer.

On one hand we've mapped out the silver lining to this whole debacle. We were planning on having him come with us. We even bought activity books and games for the car trip. We are still mourning when we have to say good bye. But to be honest, we weren't ready. His room is still a pile of my stuff that needs to be organized, we need a new bed for us so we can give him my old one, we have nothing else for him besides some kid friendly dishes. This could have been remedied but it would have had to happen all this weekend with me running around town attempting to put together a toddlers room with our dwindling moving budget. Besides that we don't have his day care sorted or even the military documents and money figured out. None of that can be done until he starts work January 10th, so who knows where money for day care would have come from until that was figured out.

So we are thinking of giving it 3 months, time to save up for a lawyer if needed. Time to get his room and the rest of the apartment put together, have daycare and on base stuff figured out. Plus...time for us just to be together. Adding little bear to the mix would have been wonderful, but of course its an added stressor to two people just starting their lives together. Having a few months "honeymoon" without the child responsibility I think will be important for the foundation of our relationship. Refreshing after being a part for so long. Getting to do all of the fun adult adventures we want to have before we add the sweet little cake to the family. Tiny silver linings we are trying to give to each other when we think of them such as "Well, now we can go wine tasting without having to get a sitter...can go out properly in Vegas...New Years Eve will be a blast..." So I know it'll be ok in the end. It's just been exhausting getting here. And I know those first few hours after we pull away from his sweet face and Mississippi with our empty back seat are going to be the roughest I think we've spent together. I expect my big bad Marine will even shed some secret tears only I am privy to see.

He calls me "Eh-Ter" and tells me he's "playing with Daddy and eating apples"
and so many things. And then I die.

Sweet pictures and phone calls I get from my precious boys.

Just a few more days until I get to see them and snuggle with my loves! 



Be- A Hostess.

Quite a week I found myself in, being the only local lady with her own place these days I was happy to host everyone in town for the holidays. Even my gentleman is back home for the holidays, so I found myself in a perfect position to host a bunch of girls nights. Unfortunately I still had to work all week and managed to get really sick early in the as lovely as this week was, I had to be hyper organized and prepared for every evening (three in one week- crazy!).

A few lessons learned and am glad to pass along...

Be in love with your crock pot and rice cooker.
I planned what I would cook as a main course a week in advance so all of my shopping was done. Then I just had to get up 30min early each day and put everything in the crock pot for that evenings party. I'd recommend the following which are tried and true recipes that are always a crowd pleaser:

Garlic Clove Chicken
Not for vegetarian crowds of course, get the pre-peeled garlic clove packs for this to save time, and have everyone else bring a salad, veggie side dish, and an appetizer. Seriously delicious.
Refried Beans and Spanish Rice
Perfect for a vegetarian or vegan crowd, I also provided tortillas and salsa but had everyone else bring another Mexican inspired dish or taco bar toppings. Really yummy, and everyone loves a taco bar.
The first night when my produce was still fresh I was smart and didn't offer to make the main dish. Genius. Just made a lovely salad and enjoyed the main course brought from another guest.
Splurge for cute paper ware.
I love the environment, so I don't traditionally use paper ware but I just found that hosting three times in one week meant three clearing and rinsing, three dishwasher runnings, three emptying, and three resetting the table sessions. On top of cleaning up after the party, it was just too much. Target has some cute paper ware thats even compostable (so it won't take a million years to decompose in the landfills of course). Go for it. You will be so glad you did.

Compostable plates
Pretty, but non compostable
Cute and festive plates (without being obnoxious)
Good booze, good music.
Get your favorite drink fixings with enough to share and invite everyone else to bring something too. Most people bring red wine, so I try and provide something else top shelf. A great playlist you can have on lightly in the background and don't have to fuss with is also a must have.
Try some of these favorites of mine.

Loved being a hostess, looking forward to doing it again once the bf and I are both back in town after the holidays. A sort of "meet the long distance boyfriend" evening where I might even splurge and make all three courses! More tales of being a real adult to come...



Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hey Life, Thanks For All The Shit.

Well one moment she agreed to everything for the half custody. We just needed her to sign the paper. The next minute she refused to sign or let him have him at all and our lawyer said to go through the courts will cost $1600- which we don't have. Plus she wouldn't even be served papers until January after the holidays...too late for him to come with us. The lawyer was also honest and said with what we have on her we couldn't get full custody- we need more dirt. But we at least want half and then in a few years could show we offer him a better life and get him for the school years.

I think the boyfriends heart has literally broken in half. He is so depressed he doesn't even want to move. Our last option, file for her stealing his identity and hope she gets arrested (that sounds horrible, but it's the name of the game. And it's all true) will be what he tries to do today. Which I had to make him get his ass up and out of depression long enough to do.

I can't tell you how painful it's been. I keep walking by his bedroom and tear up saying good bye to the memories we were planning on building with him. Now it hurts too much to even think about it all. It also puts all of our life plans on hold. I refuse to save for a wedding and engagement ring when the baby is our priority. Not to mention furnishing the rest of the apartment, paying off my debt, and the new car I desperately need. It frustrates me we have no one to help us. I feel so alone. And jealous of my friends that have parents who paid for these big weddings, new cars, new furniture, school, etc. None of their moms had cancer which wiped out their family savings. Boyfriends parents aren't any better off, in fact he gives them a little money each month. So here we are. Two love birds stuck in the brambles.

Suddenly a court house wedding seems so attractive.

I am so thankful I found the love of my life. And I am excited for our life together. But at the same time days like this make it so hard. This isn't the life I imagined for myself...fighting for custody, police departments, money problems...etc. And yet, here we are.

I am praying so much for Jesus to intervene right now. So much.



Monday, December 10, 2012

A New Life.

This week marked the beginning of our new life together. Understandably I was MIA all week long being reunited with the love of my life- so now is your epic update. The apartment is beautiful and ours and amazing but equally looks like a pig sty and I am still barely unpacked. I have a feeling it will be a project for awhile. But it's ours.

I have to say, after being long distance for the majority of our relationship I was so afraid of everything falling apart when we lived together. What if things are different? What if we annoy each other? What if he gets sick of me? So many things. Or the classic Miranda from SATC when her bf wanted to move in "Then you will know my sponges smell!! Wahhhh". However. Contrary to all of my fears. Everything was just perfect. We didn't get on each others nerves, actually we couldn't bare to be a part from one another all week. I think I took a nap in the bed while he watched TV in the living room one day (so he won't try and grope me the entire time I am sleeping. Seriously, put on ESPN and then you can get some sleep/function) and after I woke up I ran out to snuggle with him because we missed each other. Seriously, we're obnoxious. But after being a part so long it was like I was whole again when he was with me. That hurting part I had learned to numb and ignore while he was gone was finally full and I didn't want it to end. And I know I sound girly and lame, but he's the same way. He'd count down until I came home from work or went to run errands and would run and kiss and hold me as soon as I got home. He gets fussy when I need to nap or sleep because he wants to talk to me. So I am not the only ridiculous one here. I am sure this lovey dovey will fade eventually, but for now it has been so precious and sweet.

Having someone around to love and take care of me was also such a special treat. He opens my car doors, carries all our bags, tells me to just relax and sit while he gets me a drink or snack, buys me little things, just loves to take care of me. It was so refreshing to not have to do everything alone all the time. He laughs at how thankful I am even for the littlest things, "Baby, I bought you a tooth brush and some almond milk. It really isn't that big of a deal" but it is! No one has done things like that for me since...I don't even remember. And certainly not a boy just because he loves me, EVER.

So we are happy. It was a week of lovey and laughing (seriously). Highlights include...

My surprise night at the Scripps Brit Bed & Breakfast downtown for our first night. A B&B in a huge old Victorian house. Only 7 rooms and no kids allowed. A beautiful breakfast made to order. The service and rooms were just a dream. I wanted to move there...which I exclaimed out loud several times in fact. He picked it knowing I would just love it because "I love old things".

Spending a day running a thousand errands that really just signified us starting our lives together. Getting a shared savings account and a fancy new checking account for me at his military bank. Getting approved and a check for his car loan. Getting him an iPhone and starting our family plan together. Visiting and measuring the apartment. Buying furniture. Getting him to try my favorite fish tacos for the first time. Such a good and productive day where we didn't even get grumpy with each other the entire time! 

Moving into our new place!!! Seriously, the longest day and week ever...but also the sweetest.

Look how handsome my baby is in this one. Oh man!

Not even living in our new apartment for 24 hours before trying out our local bar for dinner and drinks while the bf watched his games and laughed at me for not knowing ANYTHING about sports. We found the Irish bar within walking distance to our place. Our lives are now complete.

Decorating the Christmas tree and house with my parents, brother, and brothers lady friend. Cookies, booze, pictionary, and snuggling. So so nice.

Getting to take my handsome gentleman to my company's fancy holiday party and showing him off to everyone. We got to dance the night away and get so drunk we went back to our room kind of early to eat all of the free snacks in our room, fail at banging, and passing out drunk. Seriously, my soul mate.

Yesterday was our last perfect day together before he went back home for the holidays. An AMAZING breakfast in bed in the hotel post Christmas party laughing and watching Christmas movies together. Spending the rest of the day snuggling in bed and watching LOTR- Return of the King while eating pizza. Pretty much our favorite thing to do ever. Eating and watching movies all day in bed naked is probably the best thing to do in the entire world. We cherish every time we get to do it and know once the cakes come it will be a rarity. 

This morning I dropped him off at the airport as he heads back to Tupelo for 2 weeks until I get to see him again when I go out there after Christmas. As soon as I got back in the car without him it felt weird being alone again. You get so used to being with your person. On the one hand I am happy to be able to get back in my routine and get our apartment together a bit more (the disaster and not being able to find anything is draining me). Finally get some sleep without someone trying to snuggle with me all night (hehe). One the other hand I just already miss him. Thank God he has an iPhone now and isn't in freaking Brazil where the phones and internet only worked sometimes. And these next few weeks as he fights to gets custody of the little bear are going to be rough. I am happy he gets to spend the holidays with his family though. It's been too long that he's been away from them for the holidays. Years and years of being alone. Our last Christmas a part (I hope. Damn deployments.)

So its me and Bella holding down the fort at the apartment. I have a feeling the next two weeks with getting settled, Christmas, the countless parties I have volunteered to host, and the etc. will go by rather quickly. And then we will be together again for keeps. 

Why I Love My BF 12/10/12:
Today I woke up to, "Baby, if I were a hobbit would you still love me?"



Sunday, December 02, 2012

How To Get Boys To Like You- Be Independent

As I've been cleaning and getting ready for our big move this week, Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent" keeps coming on my fun playlist. Yes, Ne-Yo inspired this post. But really the entire theme of the song is something I am not sure many women understand as something being truly attractive. You can call it "being independent" or just the simple HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Some key points...

How do I rescue myself? How do I not be a shit show? Surprisingly this is actually pretty simple but unfortunately if I have to explain this to you I don't think you will ever get it. But I shall attempt anyhow.

  • Don't put your life on hold waiting for some imaginary Prince Charming to come and save you from your debt, going nowhere career, crappy living situation- insert here the thing you think will be better once you are married or meet "the one". No one is coming to "rescue" you, the idea of this supposed rescue is a bunch of crap that the media and stories fed to us as young girls convinced us of. If anything, you are your own Prince Charming. You have to rescue yourself. And furthermore, no quality man is going to want to fix you all up. (If he does then run, because he has his own rescuing issues he needs to work through and will probably leave you once he finds you unfixable OR has rescued enough. Then the fun is over. Seriously, don't be the girl who needs fixing) 
  • Get a career. Not a job. Working at the gas station or Starbucks are jobs, not careers. If you want to make them a career then thats perfectly fine but quit being lazy and ask your manager what you need to do to get promoted and work from there. Do you want to seriously be with guys who work at gas stations? Yeah, well the good ones don't want to seriously be with you either. Sometimes we need to do things in the short term just to make some money and are going through a hard time- which is understandable. Just as long as thats not where your goals and aspirations stop.
  • Living situation. Are you in your late twenties and still living at home? Do you live in a crappy apartment with a weird room mate? Once again, sometimes extreme situations mean that these experiences are temporarily necessary- I get it- I've been there. But as long as thats not your long term plan. That you are working toward something bigger and better where you can host a lovely gentleman and not be embarrassed by the crap everywhere or your parents in the next room. NOT ATTRACTIVE. Nothing is more attractive then a woman with a great place she takes care of all her own.
  • Sadly being an alcoholic shit show all the time while out or home is oddly not attractive. If you keep wondering "where are all the good guys?!" while you probably scared them away while you were throwing up that one night, spilling stuff everywhere the other night, slept with that weird guy another night, and took your top off last night. Sorry, boys don't like crazy. Crazy is reserved for when you are with your girlfriends or when he's stuck around awhile and doesn't mind taking care of you every once in awhile when you've accidentally had too much. Even with a mixed group of friends this isn't really appropriate  Where do you think you are going to meet guys? Friends of friends obviously. And don't think they aren't going to tell everyone about that thing you did over the weekend. Once again, we've all had our moments. I know I've had mine. But let's make these experiences the exception and not the rule shall we? Try and be a lady. Boys tend to like that. 
If you are having a hard time meeting "good men" it might be because you've scared them all away with you not having your shit together. You don't have to be a perfect high powered office employee or something. Just be the kind of person you would want to be with. Would you want to stay over at a guy's house who has 15 cats and never cleans his place because he's too busy working at Burger King? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Make a plan to not be a shit show. Doesn't have to be too intense, just one step at a time. If you don't want to, then quit complaining that you can't find a guy. And don't be surprised when you get stuck with a guy who works as a bus boy with 3 kids from 3 different women. You attracted what you put out. 



Saturday, December 01, 2012

Sweet Phone Calls.

I just love these calls I am getting from Mr. Boyfriend as he excitedly tells me all about the fun family things he is getting to do and how happy he is!

Christmas shopping with his sister and brother in law for the little buddy. Flying with his Dad and hovering over their house to wave to the buddy who was eating a "pop pop" (Popsicle). Every call just gushing with joy and then the excitement of getting to see me in 1.5 days too. It's always precious to hear your love be so thrilled about life. Especially after being so unhappy in Brazil for so long. For family and community oriented people, being away for so long become less and less of an adventure and more and more of a sad chore. Simple things like a family dinner together, watching your little bear play with his cousins, and going Christmas shopping at American stores with your siblings for all your babies. Such sweeter memories then just another weekend drinking and partying with the same people you only kind of like as last weekend. He even said today, "I forgot how fun it is to do these normal things! And be on a normal schedule!".

While he runs around enjoying his family I am fighting a fun flu that kept up yesterday. I still HAD to do some things today like get the ol hooha waxed, reup on birth control, hair dye, and soup for my fluish self. But then it will be back to bed. Wahhhh

Gosh, despite feeling like complete shit am I excited to see that man.