Friday, June 29, 2007

hello.iamindia.

hi loves. im copying my supporter emails here. will try and always do it. we'll see how the computer time is.

lovelove.

Hello from Megalaya, India! Well, we’ve been here for just about a week and I thought id write my first email to get things started right!

To begin with, we had some flight problems when we were first trying to leave last Monday. Due to bad weather and missed connections, we didn’t end up leaving until last Wednesday and arriving here in Shillong, Megalaya very exhausted Friday evening. Just to give you an idea of the trip:
-I flew into Madison, Wisconsin 6/16
-we were supposed to fly out 6/18 but ended up staying in Madison until 6/20
-flew from Madison to Chicago
-flew about 15 hours non-stop from Chicago to New Dehli
-12 hour lay over in the Dehli local airport
-flew 2 hours to Guwati which is in the state Assam
-drove 3 hours up the mountains to Shillong and arrived here around 5pm 6/22

I feel like I’m still recovering! I can’t believe Dawn, my outreach leader, makes this trip 3-4 times a year!

But now we’re here! Yay! It is so beautiful here! Very different from the south where I was last time! It is very humid here (none of our clothes will dry!) and it’s the rainy season so it rains for a few hours every day, but its also very cool weather here while the rest of India is burning up! So we’re very thankful for that! The people here also look very different then the rest of India, because it is so close to china the people look like very dark Chinese…basically a mix of India and China, absolutely beautiful of course! Ive seen some of the most beautiful men and women ive ever seen here! It is very hilly and green and the houses all look like sweet little country cottages. Its quite clean and because it is a “Christian” state their aren’t any random animals walking the streets like in the rest of the Hindu states. I forgot how much white people get stared at in India, thess and yuna on the team fit in perfectly (phillipino and Korean), while me and Kelly don’t at all…its already quite old to have people staring at us wherever we go, especially when its mostly men here.

I suppose like me you are wondering why ive come to a “Christian” state to do an outreach and why does YWAM have a base doing evangelism here at all? Yes, I was wondering the same thing. Welllll…although this is a “Christian” state, it is just like the United States and other western countries where many many people say they’re Christian or grew up in a Christian family and go to church but don’t really have a personal relationship with the Lord. YWAM has a Discipleship Training School here to help take students deeper and most importantly to get students from the surrounding nations to come and deepen their relationship with the Lord, get excited about missions, and go home and evangelize in their home where missionarys aren’t allowed or wont be as effective. YWAM Madison (where I did my DTS and who im here with) have a passion for the unreached nations surrounding Megalaya, these nations are officially closed to missionarys and some are even closed to tourists. I encourage you to look on a map, find the north east of India, find Megalaya and see the nations around it. I cant name them in email due to security reasons (that’s how intense it is), but these nations are in desperate need of the gospel and are completely closed to it. This is why Megalaya is so key! And I am excited to tell you that YWAM Madison and Megalaya have teams planting bases and even baptizing a few Christians in these unreached nations! God IS moving!

So Esther, what are you doing there?! Well im glad you asked! The city Shillong is a university hub (thanks to the Christians it seems, most of them are named after Saints), students from all over the north east come here…many of them from the surrounding unreached nations. YWAM Shillong feels God has made it clear to them that its time to start a campus ministry to disciple the “Christian” students and even evangelize to the visiting ones so they will hopefully go back to their country and have a ministry there. YWAM Madison has a campus ministry also, and are helping YWAM Shillong to pioneer their new campus ministry…that’s my team! We’re the pioneers! Although YWAM Shillong knows its time to begin a campus ministry, they aren’t really sure where to start, so they have us here to get things started gathering information and finding out the needs of students here. We’ve come with a fully open schedule, trying to be really sensitive to the Lords leading in what we’re to do here. Dawn has tons of connections here and theirs lots of opportunities to do ministry here with those connections, however the leadership for this outreach really felt like this was to be a very personal outreach, not a “program” doing skits in the streets or speaking to established groups who already have speakers and there isn’t as much of a need for us. So we very prayerfully consider all of our options people give us, and are trying to be really sensitive to the Lords leading in where we go and what we do.

Ok, that’s a big summary of what im doing here! Heres some highlights from the past few days and upcoming plans!

Past few days:
-meeting with the different ministries here we have connections with and planning events we can be a part of in relation to college ministry

-prayer and intercession for the different colleges here and deciding where and what we are going to be doing there

-spent 3 days at Shillong College which is a secular government college here. We’re working with a local woman named Ayophy who has a developing campus ministry. She helped us put together some survey questions and got us permission to go the college and ask students there the questions. The questions are more of a conversation starter, ive hardly used it actually…we want to really get to know the students and even develop deep relationships so we can really get to know their needs and/or encourage them with our own testimonies. The information we gather we’ll be passing on to YWAM here so they know how to progress with their ministry..hopefully we’ll be able to connect the students we meet with YWAM permanent staff in Shillong so they can be further discipled. Praise God we’ve already met a student from one of the closed nations surrounding Megalaya, he said theirs quite a few more here!

-another ministry that past YWAM Madison teams have worked with, is a ministry started by a local man named Uncle Miller…sorry I don’t know his first name…in India we just call our elders Uncle or Auntie, I love it! Listen to his ministry, it will amaze you just like it did me. God provided his family a huge 3 story house (it really was one of those random financial miracles). So the bottom floor he has a school for underprivileged children in the neighborhood (he charges a very little fee so the poorer kids can still go to school). The entire second floor is a hostel for college students and he has weekly ministry times they can attend. Then the third floor is where he and his wife and 4 children live, PLUS the 15 orphans hes taken in over the years. Not to mention hes a pastor at a church in the area also! Amazing! Last night the hostel girls had a meeting and we came and shared some testimonies and Kelly my outreach leader, lead some worship with them too. We were just invited to dinner and to sit in on the group time, but Uncle had other plans for us;)

Upcoming plans:

-we have 3 more schools we feel God wants us to do the survey at and prayer walk on. We will visit each school for a few days within the next few weeks. Please pray for our time there, building relationships, YWAM Shillong pioneering, openness in the shy students here, and a boldness in us to talk to people we don’t know!

-on Sunday our little team is leading the entire service at Uncles church. Me and Yuna will be teaching about 100 kids up to 6th grade. Thess and Kelly will be teaching the other 100 kids 7th grade and up. Then we will lead the childrens worship time, and then I will be giving a seminar to the Sunday school teachers about teaching, kids, and encouragement. In the afternoon the adults have service and Dawn will be preaching on grace, and me and Yuna will be sharing testimonies. Its going to be a really big day, please pray for divine energy and an openness in the children and adults to what God is saying to them through us.

-we also have quite a few other student groups we are going to be speaking at through Ayophy’s ministry and other local churches. Please pray for these meetings and building of relationships.

Other prayer:
-we’re all feeling pretty tired and sick, thess came with a very bad cold and had to go to the doctor here to get some medicine…now I think Yuna and Kelly are getting it. Because we all share a room and are always all together, of course the germs are traveling easily! Praise God I don’t feel sick yet, and I haven’t had any stomach problems either. But please pray for continued protection and for the rest of my team to stop getting sick!

Thank you so much for your prayer and support! Im sorry this was so long, but in this first one I wanted to give you a good summary of what we’re going to be doing, so from here on out I hope they’ll be shorter!

Our God is a God of the nations! Praise Him!

In His love,
Esther

Dear Friends!
Hello from Megalaya, India!
Well, we’ve been here for just about a week and I thought id write my first email to get things started right!

To begin with, we had some flight problems when we were first trying to leave last Monday. Due to bad weather and missed connections, we didn’t end up leaving until last Wednesday and arriving here in Shillong, Megalaya very exhausted Friday evening. Just to give you an idea of the trip:
-I flew into Madison, Wisconsin 6/16
-we were supposed to fly out 6/18 but ended up staying in Madison until 6/20
-flew from Madison to Chicago
-flew about 15 hours non-stop from Chicago to New Dehli
-12 hour lay over in the Dehli local airport
-flew 2 hours to Guwati which is in the state Assam
-drove 3 hours up the mountains to Shillong and arrived here around 5pm 6/22

I feel like I’m still recovering! I can’t believe Dawn, my outreach leader, makes this trip 3-4 times a year!

But now we’re here! Yay! It is so beautiful here! Very different from the south where I was last time! It is very humid here (none of our clothes will dry!) and it’s the rainy season so it rains for a few hours every day, but its also very cool weather while the rest of India is burning up! So we’re very thankful for that! The people here also look very different then the rest of India, because it is so close to china the people look like very dark Chinese…basically a mix of India and China, absolutely beautiful of course! Ive seen some of the most beautiful men and women ive ever seen here! It is very hilly and green and the houses all look like sweet little country cottages. Its quite clean and because it is a “Christian” state their aren’t any random animals walking the streets like in the rest of the Hindu states. I forgot how much white people get stared at in India, thess and yuna on the team fit in perfectly (phillipino and Korean), while me and Kelly don’t at all…its already quite old to have people staring at us wherever we go, especially when its mostly men here.

I suppose like me you are wondering why ive come to a “Christian” state to do an outreach and why does YWAM have a base doing evangelism here at all? Yes, I was wondering the same thing. Welllll…although this is a “Christian” state, it is just like the United States and other western countries where many many people say they’re Christian or grew up in a Christian family and go to church but don’t really have a personal relationship with the Lord. YWAM has a Discipleship Training School here to help take students deeper and most importantly to get students from the surrounding nations to come and deepen their relationship with the Lord, get excited about missions, and go home and evangelize in their home where missionarys aren’t allowed or wont be as effective. YWAM Madison (where I did my DTS and who im here with) have a passion for the unreached nations surrounding Megalaya, these nations are officially closed to missionarys and some are even closed to tourists. I encourage you to look on a map, find the north east of India, find Megalaya and see the nations around it. I cant name them in email due to security reasons (that’s how intense it is), but these nations are in desperate need of the gospel and are completely closed to it. This is why Megalaya is so key! And I am excited to tell you that YWAM Madison and Megalaya have teams planting bases and even baptizing some Christians in these unreached nations! God IS moving!

So Esther, what are you doing there?! Well im glad you asked! The city Shillong is a university hub (thanks to the Christians it seems, most of the universities are named after Saints), students from all over the north east come here…many of them from the surrounding unreached nations. YWAM Shillong feels God has made it clear to them that its time to start a campus ministry to disciple the “Christian” students and even evangelize to the visiting ones so they will hopefully go back to their country and have a ministry there. YWAM Madison has a campus ministry also, and are helping YWAM Shillong to pioneer their new campus ministry…that’s my team! We’re the pioneers! Although YWAM Shillong knows its time to begin a campus ministry, they aren’t really sure where to start, so they have us here to get things started gathering information and finding out the needs of students here. We’ve come with a fully open schedule, trying to be really sensitive to the Lords leading in what we’re to do here. Dawn has tons of connections here and theirs lots of opportunities to do ministry here with those connections, however the leadership for this outreach really felt like this was to be a very personal outreach, not a “program” doing skits in the streets or speaking to established groups who already have speakers and there isn’t as much of a need for us. So we very prayerfully consider all of our options people give us, and are trying to be really sensitive to the Lords leading in where we go and what we do.

Ok, that’s a big summary of what im doing here! Heres some highlights from the past few days and upcoming plans!

Past few days:
-meeting with the different ministries here we have connections with and planning events we can be a part of in relation to college ministry

-prayer and intercession for the different colleges here and deciding where and what we are going to be doing there

-spent 3 days at Shillong College which is a secular government college here. We’re working with a local woman named Ayophy who has a developing campus ministry. She helped us put together some survey questions and got us permission to go the college and ask students there the questions. The questions are more of a conversation starter, ive hardly used it actually…we want to really get to know the students and even develop deep relationships so we can really get to know their needs and/or encourage them with our own testimonies. The information we gather we’ll be passing on to YWAM here so they know how to progress with their ministry..hopefully we’ll be able to connect the students we meet with YWAM permanent staff in Shillong so they can be further discipled. Praise God we’ve already met a student from one of the closed nations surrounding Megalaya, he said theirs quite a few more here!

-another ministry that past YWAM Madison teams have worked with, is a ministry started by a local man named Uncle Miller…sorry I don’t know his first name…in India we just call our elders Uncle or Auntie, I love it! Listen to his ministry, it will amaze you just like it did me. God provided his family a huge 3 story house (it really was one of those random financial miracles). So the bottom floor he has a school for underprivileged children in the neighborhood (he charges a very little fee so the poorer kids can still go to school). The entire second floor is a hostel for college students and he has weekly ministry times they can attend. Then the third floor is where he and his wife and 4 children live, PLUS the 15 orphans hes taken in over the years. Not to mention hes a pastor at a church in the area also! Amazing! Last night the hostel girls had a meeting and we came and shared some testimonies and Kelly my outreach leader, lead some worship with them too. We were just invited to dinner and to sit in on the group time, but Uncle had other plans for us;)

Upcoming plans:

-we have 3 more schools we feel God wants us to do the survey at and prayer walk on. We will visit each school for a few days within the next few weeks. Please pray for our time there, building relationships, YWAM Shillong pioneering, openness in the shy students here, and a boldness in us to talk to people we don’t know!

-on Sunday our little team is leading the entire service at Uncles church. Me and Yuna will be teaching about 100 kids up to 6th grade. Thess and Kelly will be teaching the other 100 kids 7th grade and up. Then we will lead the childrens worship time, and then I will be giving a seminar to the Sunday school teachers about teaching, kids, and encouragement. In the afternoon the adults have service and Dawn will be preaching on grace, and me and Yuna will be sharing testimonies. Its going to be a really big day, please pray for divine energy and an openness in the children and adults to what God is saying to them through us.

-we also have quite a few other student groups we are going to be speaking at through Ayophy’s ministry and other local churches. Please pray for these meetings and building of relationships.

Other prayer:
-we’re all feeling pretty tired and sick, thess came with a very bad cold and had to go to the doctor here to get some medicine…now I think Yuna and Kelly are getting it. Because we all share a room and are always all together, of course the germs are traveling easily! Praise God I don’t feel sick yet, and I haven’t had any stomach problems either. But please pray for my continued protection and for the rest of my team to stop getting sick!

Thank you so much for your prayer and support! Im sorry this was so long, but in this first one I wanted to give you a good summary of what we’re going to be doing, so from here on out I hope they’ll be shorter!

Our God is a God of the nations! Praise Him!

In His love,
Esther

PS: ive attached some pictures for you all to see! the name of the pictures should explain what they are! the picture of us getting sweets, the boy in the picture is our "guide" provided by Ayophy, its one of her students she disciples from church. His name is Robby and he takes very good care of us! ill be taking more this week and ill try and keep sending them! hopefully you'll be able to put faces together with names and ministires ill be talking about! God bless you!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

im still in wisconsin

our flight got delayed due to weather on monday
and we couldnt get on another one until today (wednesday)

but its been realllly lovely to have more time to prepare teachings i havent had time to prepare.
more time with the team.
more time in fun madison, the weathers been beautiful and sunny and cooool.
i really love the YWAM base here, the people on staff are so sweet and really fun and interesting. i think its funny cause when people think about being in a mission organization, i dont think theyd think of YWAM Madison. i mean, the people arent stuffy or weird.

really interesting, enjoy normal people things, passionate about what they do but in a way thats not offensive or over the top like a lot of other mission organizations kinda run...often others are too intense and culturally invasive. not all of course, a lot of them are amazing and work too.

im reallly excited about our outreach. is different then anything ive ever done before and different then anything a lot of organizations have ever done before. our outreach is going to be mostly discipling a nominal christian area by simply building relationships. we're going to do a few other things to...but no corny skits in the streets or anything cliche like that. just getting to know people hanging out...and maybe talk about Jesus if it comes up (which it will cause we're being led by Him every moment!) were preparing to be sensative to listening to the Holy Spirit when we're walking around or conversing with people. we're intentional, but not over the top. building relationships and being who we are, and letting God use His style of ministry with our personality. we will also probably end up preaching in some bible studies and churches too, thats what we've been preparing while we've been here. full teachings and testimonies we can share formally or informally.

and the weather there is going to be all cool and nice. almost kinda cold...i may even need to wear a sweater!

our last 2 weeks will be in another state, where my friend Subash is from! there we'll be teaching at their DTS and doing mercy ministries...i hope hope hope with kids!!! ive made friends with all the kids ive been around here...i miss kids...

we did some homeless ministry in downtown madison yesterday. YWAM works with a woman who makes a meal and brings it to a park. last year when i was here there were like 10 people coming to eat, now theirs like 50! they pray and some YWAMers go and help serve and build relationships to better show Jesus in relationships rather then preach at them. they've made huge strides and a lot of them are christians and they're helping them get their lives together physically as well. im not really good at homeless ministry...im still learning to be compassionate on them and i get frustrated that all the men stare at me...so i played with some of the homeless kids...they were so fun. and their parents are awful to them and are either yelling at them or ignoring them...so i was glad to show them Jesus just by being sweet and playing with them nice.

ok, time to pack up the car and get ready for the airport!

lovelove.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

WISCONSIN!!!

hiiiii

well here i am on my matress on the floor, with my almost packed suitcases next to me, in a room for 20 girls. so fun. seriously.

today we had team meetings all day and it was so fun! it was a lot of us getting to know eachother and learning about where we're going. im soooo happy. yesterday and this morning i was still kinda getting used to things around here, and remembering how things roll. but now im so happy to be here and feel so comfortable. i missed my base and my friends and my room and everything! i like my team and leaders a lot, which is good cause we're going to be together non-stop for 2 months! yikes! i can already feel one team member (the one i thought) getting on my nerves...she goes on and on in sharing time and half the time i have no idea what shes talking about or understand her cause of her accent. and she always relates everyones sharing back to her and her stories and blah blah blahhhh. but outside of sharing, when i can understand her, she is so nice and fun so i hope its ok.

in other news. i went to a country wal mart in wisconsin! so fun! i got to see all kinds of different people and i wished my mom was with me so we could people watch! it was ridiculous!
i also sat next to a kinda older lady on the plane who kept rocking out to her ipod and it was SO annoying. thats one of my pet peeves. i understamd that u really like ur song, but come on. i slept the entire 4 hr ride! the whole thing! sooo good.

and ive been learning more about where i am going. the hotel we're staying at is going to be kinda nice, i get my own bed and sheets and we have a bathroom with a western toilet and shower and fresh towels! we can also get room service so cheeeeap prices and some american food! but we're also bring some food with us, so i really didnt need to stress as much as i did! our outreach is VERY different compared to other typical outreaches as this is going to be VERY relational. we're going to be doing surveys around the colleges to see what the needs are for the students there so the YWAM base there knows what direction to take with their ministry, but the surveys are kinda more of a jumping off point because we're encouraged more to connect with the people we're talking to and even leave and go grab coffee together or hangout and show Jesus in just being rather then handing out tracks or have super intentional conversations. im excited about this, its a totally new way of doing missions and i think its going to kick. its a totally new way of doing missions for YWAM too, everythings so new! yayyyyy

ok thats enough, i have teaching to prepare and want to email my supporters and have school stuff to look up.

hopefully ill have internet time there! woot!

all my love dear ones.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

things

well i leave on saturday!

heres the thing, i dunno how the internet will be there. and im going to be spending the alloted email time emailing my supporters (which is probably you anyway:)
so if im able to post those emails along with some pictures on here, maybe thatd be possible. or maybe ill have tons of time and just blog it up all the live long day! i just dont know. so in preperation, if youd like to recieve emails while im gone and hopefully pictures, please send me your emails address:

esthermkerr(at)gmail(dot)com

and ill put you on the list! yay! ok, enough business...

currently im at worky work for my laaaasssttt day here! crazy! thursday and friday are going to be spent shopping, packing, spending time with family, friends, eating my last Ricos Justin burrito, csusm orientation (ill get my class schedule! yay!), ect. thursdays FULL of errands, im thinking its going to take forever, but i have such good lists it might go pretty fast...and the crowds arent too bad midday on tursday i hope.

today at work we're having a little party! annie is coming by, Lucy the preggers who worked the opposite days as me for awhile, my boss, and andrea of course! im kinda excited cause we've all never hung out not-working. but its so casual here already, it wont feel weird or anything. i love my silly office job...im going to miss everyone and everything and im excited to come back in august hopefully if my school schedule isnt shitty.

THINGS TO DO WHEN I GET HOME AUG. 4TH
-read harry potter and watch the new movie ASAP
-get a manicure and pedicure
-eat Ricos
-get my hair re-colored and cut
-go shopping for much needed new clothes
-take a loooooong shower
-sleep in my own bed with my doggies
-talk and love my dogs as long as possible
-go walk on the beach
-play wedding with olivia
-find a date to the wedding so i dont have to dance alone
-start going to the gym again
-drink a lot of soy milk and diet coke (neither of which they have in India...kinda)


2 months.

uhhhh have i mentioned that im so fricken excited to go be in Wisconsin a few days before and after the india outreach?! seriously cant wait! my darling Annemarie is picking me up from the airport, and then i get to go to my little countryside YWAM base and see my leaders and sweet friends and old room and im so excited. i miss everyone a lot, and i miss my little countryside, i miss downtown madison a lot too but i dont think ill get to go there until i get home from india...and even then the chance is slim since its about 30min from where the training base and airport is. annnnd joejoe and Alex miiight come up too so id get to see them! its just really exciting.

im going to miss my family and friends here a lot too...but really, we're all working so much i think id only see them weekends anyway! i dont like summer in san diego anyway...i mean, i like it before all the highschools and schools get out and the kids and slutty 15 year olds arent EVERYWHERE yet. i wont miss fighting with crowds and tourists just to go grocery shopping, i wont miss constant traffic, i wont miss looking out my office window wishing i was swimming in my own pool with my girls or on a grand adventure and NOT working. ill be on my grand adventure thanks.

i miss palm springs. those are REAL vacations, the best kind.

ok thats enough, im going to read now and get paid for it.

all my love.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

o my love

today was lovely! i got to spend it with Olivia! the whole day! so fun!

got to sleep in (yay!) and then we went to a bridal type show of all these different vendors up in this fancy resort in newport. it was put on by the magazine that works in my office, i got free tickets (normally 65$ !) so that was fun. we looked cute and got some ideas for the wedding, and some other free little goodies and snacks, and people kept asking "and whos getting married?" and it was fun to have Olivia be my bestie getting married. so fun!

then we went to downtown disney and walked around and i went to the bathroom like 5 million times and i ate a veggie pannini that was 12$ and we looked at all the princess stuff in dland and talked and talked and talked. it was LOVELY.

im so excited for the wedding, and sad im gonna be gone and miss all the prep and fun. but it'll be ok.

i have to say, after the bridal show and talking about boys and relationships most of the afternoon...i was reminded of how lonely i am for a good boy. i wanna be wooed.

where are you boy? im really fun, and love jesus a lot, and im kinda cute, and some people say im funny...i think we'll have a really good time.

so im a little sad tonight, so im gonna post my pictures and go to work and run errands for the rest of the week...

and oh yeah, leave for wisconsin on saturday and maybe go to india on monday. i know right.

(heres also a picture of me and kitty and ficah at the mewithoutYou show. we're so cute)

all my love.




Friday, June 08, 2007

some news

heres some important news.

i decided that i like guys with beards.

not only guys with beards, but beards are a definite plus.

its been something ive been analyzing for awhile, its official now.

guys in beards. yes.

in other news:
brothers moving back home for awhile so he can get some financial stuff together and get his own apt. (deposits are a bitch!) so that means that im leaving just in time! otherwise id have to share a room, and im just no prepared for that yet.

i like sharing rooms, but i need to be able to have my own space...even if its just the bathroom or something...and i wouldnt have that. and brother is AWFUL and keeping the bano clean...im glad ill be missing that.

so we'll see how things are when get home.

its all happening!

lovelove.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

mewithoutYou

i got to meet aaron. hes just as lovely in person.

remember after rent when i was sad cause i felt like id bonded with the characters/actors and that we'd become friends and suddenly were being ripped apart? well i feel like that again today, only worse.

being around pretty sweet indie people made me miss my friends too. vpdq, you are missed. i found myself unconciously looking for you at the show and remembering when i went to see Umbrellas with u all there 2 years ago. come home.

so i decided im going to take Miss Penny Lanes advice:
"I always tell the girls, never take it seriously
if you never take it seriosuly, you never get hurt
you never get hurt, you always have fun
and if you ever get lonely,
just go to the record store and visit your friends."


i miss my friends.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

ponders on pretty people

ive been thinking about "pretty" people, in accordance to a societies standards, which differ from country to country and state to state...ie: whats "pretty" in one place isnt in another, ect.

i think their lives are really difficult, and i dont think we really ever address that as people or as a culture.

think about some things with me.

when we think of the most "beautiful" we usually think of hollywood. most of these people have been divorced numerous times, have children from tons of different marriages, their entire job is to look good so all their time and money goes into this, and if we're being totally honest, lets look at their addictive personalities in the world of drugs, drinking, and sexual relationships. sound like an insecure person to you? yeah, me too.

but lets step out of hollywood for a moment, lets look at just your everyday people you see who take your breath away cause they're so "pretty". Their beauty is not only typically relative (see above) but also completely out of their control, its all genes. Genes God gave them, totally out of their control and totally negotiable. (Besides in sourthern california and other metro cities where a lot of this comes from having money and time to frequent the gym and surgury)

not only is it out of everyones control but Jesus', but it can be a blessing or a curse. usually in my life ive seen it in people as a curse. The unearned attention these people get for their looks works almost opposite against them in their self confidence, all the "pretty" people ive seen are extremely insecure and have serious issues concerning how they view themselves. they've been told indirectly or directly that their worth is based on their looks, the attention they get is only for their appearance and draws other self centered people with no depth to them either which makes sincere relationships of the same sex or opposite sex almost impossible to find. they also live in the knowledge whether conciously or unconciously that their looks are fleeting and will go at any moment, this gives them extreme self doubt and anxiety. Always having to be "on" and look good when going out or seeing people, i imagine its exhausting.

of course we're human beings, just like we see art pieces and creation as beautiful, we're going to see certain peoples appearences more beautiful to us then others...we're able to appreciate ones looks as "beautiful" without even necessarily being physically attracted to them. for example: ive seen lots of really beautiful guys that i have NO interest in, they arent "my type".

no one deserves to be treated any differently because they are LESS attractive or MORE attractive in your view.

our worth does not from from how we look, how smart we are, how physically fit we are, where we're from, what we do for a living, how much money we make, how many service projects we do, ect.

our worth can not be earned or lessened, gained or lost.
our worth does not differ from person to person.

we have have worth for simply BEING.


from the ugliest to the prettiest, BE WHO YOU ARE, BELOVED.

its all happening

i leave for wisconsin in 10 days.

i leave for india in 12 days

im meeting aaron weiss from my favorite band, mewithoutyou, tomorrow evening. im going to try and woo him with my boobies and charms. then dance the night away, alone.

going up to victorville tonight with micah to go see Tisha and her gang up there. we're trying to make it by their bible study time, we're staying with vegans, we're going to a mewithoutyou potluck the next day (where the wooing will occur). needless to say, im excited.

i picked up about a week of extra days from work, so now i wont be poor when i leave for india. Jesus loves me.

currently: i have the hiccups

my cousin comes on saturday. shes going to stay in the guest room until i leave and then be in my room for the entire time im gone and then if all goes well, the guest room will be hers...forever after that. shes 17. she needs a job, any ideas?

have i ever told u that we call my new dog Lola, worms. in fact i rarely if ever call her Lola. Worms is much more typical. she doesnt have worms, ewwww...no, its because in the Richard Scary childrens books their a snake named "Lowly Worm" and my mom started calling her that...obviously we've shortened it. often u will hear my mother shout from downstairs. "ESTHER, DO YOU HAVE WORMS?"

Monday, June 04, 2007

today

i went to work and wrote u a long blog all about everything, then it got so busy that i had like 10 windows open and was closing a bunch and closed the one with the bloggy:(

im NOT rewriting it today, prob tomorrow.

after work i came home and listened to mewithoutyou and painted my nails black, and whats left of my nails on my left hand.

im booooorrreeeedddd

Friday, June 01, 2007

spiriual warfare

so i dunno if its because im sick and feel like crap todos los dias, pero i havent been very excited or looking forward to my india trip lately. but i cant figure out why...because its not like i feel like im going to be missing anything here, i mean, ive thought that all through:
id work 5 days a week, be very wealthy but bored and tired and lonely cause id have no time or energy to play
id have evenings to play with girlfriends, IF theyre available
i probably would take an art class for summer school or something
i wouldnt go anywhere or do anything except work and hang out in boring socal

so i mean really, im not missing much. but for some reason i don wanna go.

so thats why im pretty sure its spiritual warfare...cause i fricken love India! usually...

today i worked and it was sooo busy! a lot had built up cause no one had come in for the last few days (all the receptionists were sick! all the backups, everyone!), but i came in a little late and left a little early cause im sick...and being busy helped the day go by faster. got to read a little Rolling Stone in between busyness...goodtimes.

then i came home and was so so tired, so i went and layed down and fell right asleep...soo good. mom woke me up around 7pm cause they went out and ive been watching CRAP tv eversince...friday night television is just really awful, theirs seriously NOTHING on the hundreds of channels i have. ridiculous.

bella and lola have been keeping me company, they're so fun.

i miss my friends and i wish i could have gone out and did something tonight, but im still pretty sick.

imagine the worst headache of your life, so u cant even move ur body to fast or itll rattle ur head and make u wish u were dead. (poet!)
anyway, thats how it feels.

and u cant taste anything! not even marie calendars apple pie with whip cream!

not to mention my hepititus shot arm hurts like a bitch too.

im just a mess.

BUT im alive.