Monday, August 29, 2011

Threes Company.

Well, if I felt like the third wheel before, this is certainly a new level of wheel. Being back in Bratislava has been amazing. I am so happy here having my own space, being back in the city, spending time catching up with the roomie, and just loving life. But while I was gone something happened and the roomie and her bf went from being kind of in a relationship/fighting all the time, to being all in love and can't get enough of each other and now I pretty much live with BOTH of them. Actually, I really do. He goes home once a day to get some clothes or eat...but then is here the rest of the time. It might be different when roomie and I are both back at work too, but being with them 24/7 has upgraded my third wheel lonelyish feeling to something pretty serious. He's replaced me as her best friend, and before it was her and I are the besties, and then him...but something happened while I was gone so now I practically feel like a visitor in my own flat. And it's not necessarily because I want a boyfriend like that so badly, in fact, Africa has been barking up my tree lately and I'm only kind of interested. Even if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't want him over every single night. And it kind of bothers me in terms of personal space and money. Like, roomie and I split groceries. But now we're planning dinners for 3 a boy who eats a lot...and I am expected to pay for part of that. 

And now they don't really like going out much anymore and just stay in and watch movies together snuggled on the couch. Real fun for me.

So I am kind of sad I have lost the special time roomie and I had together of being fun and single living in Europe together. She's making life plans with the boy now and I don't know how the three of us could possibly go live and work somewhere all together. 

If I didn't put enough pressure on myself to have a boyfriend before, it's certainly reeling itself now. And just when I was starting to embrace my fun single hood too...




Friday, August 26, 2011

Favorite Things: Mad Men (Late on This Train, I Know)

Ok ok ok I know I am way behind but I already knew the basic story line and had seen quite a bit of it through the years as my parents LOVED it. But I already watch too many shows to count and wanted to watch it from the beginning so I am just now getting on board!

Decided to spend today in the AC (96 outside with enough humidity to make you wish you were DEAD) and watch too much TV enjoying the last of my summer holiday. About half way through season 1 now, but was already addicted after episode 1! Everything about it screams ME. Vintage, pretty dresses, men in suits, gin and tonic, Joan Holloway working it, gossip, not to mention sexy time. Oh, I just LOVE!

My goal is to lose my tummy (or just wear proper undergarments like I'm sure she does) to have Miss Holloway's amazing figure. But actually now that I do some googling...I have her same bust and waist size, my hip isn't far off either which is fine with me on account of the booty that gets me so much attention these days. So wow. I'm feeling pretty hot and sexy all of a sudden today! Just add some heels and I'll be the one turning heads! Screw you anorexic Slovak girls!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Home Again, Home Again.

Arrived here yesterday evening after traveling for 14+ hours, ripping off half my toe nail (seriously, bled all over baggage claim), and attempting to sleep sitting up since my chair wouldn't go back. One of my friends here picked me up which was SO nice since I had 2 giant heavy bags plus a carry on and there was no way I could navigate the buses and walk back to my flat without help. I have to say, being back feels good. I think it's definitely the fact that I have my own place and space, and that everything I need is just a walk outside my air conditioned flat. For instance...last night I was SO tired but we had no food, so I just walked outside my flat, got cash from the ATM, and walked across the street to get fresh delicious mushroom pizza from one of the 5 pizza windows on my street for 1.70 euro. Then today I got a ton of fresh tomatoes, peaches, and a cucumber from the farm stand downstairs for 1.30 euro. I thought she was joking when she told me the price.

As soon as I arrived I was already undecided again about coming back in December instead of staying for the year. I've gotten used to the annoying things about living abroad so it really just feels like home now. But work issues are actually pretty serious, so I'll probably be ready to high tail it out of here by then for work reasons alone. So many emotions. So little time.

Roomie gets back in a few hours. I can't wait to see her!

Uploading pictures from the summer to share soon,



Monday, August 22, 2011

I'll Be Seeing You.

Friday night was PAG and I's last night together. We were going to go down to Coronado where we had one of our first dates and the best Mexican food of my life, but at the last minute he texted me and asked if we could just go somewhere by his work since he'd been up since 5am and was preparing to go out of town too. So we went and got some other amazing Mexican food (complete with made by your table guacamole and finished off with fried ice cream and home made whipped cream- he spoils me), and of course had a great time talking and catching up. We genuinely get along so easily and are so attracted to each other, it constantly frustrates both of us we can't try and date for real in the same city. He was going to go to LA after dinner, but decided to get up early instead and ran home and told me to drive slowly so he could finish some work and pack before I got there. We snuggled, messed around, watched some TV, and slept all wrapped up in each other like we always do. This time I actually slept most of the night! Something I never do with him! I think I finally got used to being held so tightly at I was really tired. In the morning neither of us wanted to get up. He held me so tightly and kept kissing me all sweetly on my face while I scratched his back and we just sat there. When we said good bye out at the car we were both so sad. We just kissed and hugged...I definitely got teary and I think he may have also...he complimented me up to wazoo...finally I just had to go. And with a "I'll be seeing you" and a blown kiss I was off and away again.

It was all too familiar.

But the last few weeks have also shown me some of his true colors. Unanswered texts, unreturned phone calls, disappearing again, waking up at the crack of dawn and working until late at night and therefore being constantly tired, some of his beliefs too, were all red flags I am glad to be documenting. I don't want or need another Number 2 on my hands, or worse: who I become when I have a Number 2 on my hands. An emotional mess. But its difficult to tell how he really is since I am not permanently here. Could just be a busy time and his frustration with me leaving. I'll never know until I am really here. So I decided to back off while I am gone and see if he decides to pursue me at all and see how I feel about him too. Sadly, I have the feeling he won't contact me. He's always "so busy" and it's difficult for both of us to want to put anything into feeling something when it just can't work right now.
We'll see what happens.

One more thing. I think us not spending too much time together while I was here was a really good thing. We still obviously care about each other, but didn't spend so much time investing in each other only to have me leave again. This was more his lead then mine...we all know I am always all in even if it means hurting a lot later (which isn't necessarily better)...but in the end I see the value in it. We both still know something is there, but aren't a hot mess while apart.

I am SO curious to see if anything is still there when I move back. Until then...back to being single and fabulous in my little Euro city, and I'm so excited about it!



Bon Voyage.

Well its 5:30a on the day I leave. I don't have to go until this afternoon but we all know I don't sleep much the night before I am off and away. Trying to enjoy my last moments in my pillow/memory foam topped bed with a sweet Bella all snuggled up on my side. It's so emotionally draining to be so sad to leave a place but so excited to go back "home" at the same time. One minute you are up excited to see your roomie, friends, go out dancing, have your own flat again, be back in your little Euro city, and the next moment you are down because you are going to miss so many things about being home. I walked slowly through all the stores today taking in all the English words...spoken English...American products and brands where I can read the labels and ask for anything I need...the huge openness of everything...endless options...but mostly, feeling like you belong and everything being familiar. 
I will miss all of that. 

Saying good bye to friends and family again over the last week has also been difficult. I knew I was missing something in my relationships in Bratislava, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Having a history with people and having them know and love so much about you is something I never considered that important. I figured that all but 4 of my friends in socal had moved away so there wasn't really a point in me sticking around either. Now I see how AMAZING it is to have 4 fantastic friends in your city who you have known for years and can be completely yourself with. And how precious it is when your other friends DO come into town and you are able to catch up. It might require extensive driving around the city sometimes...but its worth it. To feel so at home. It's hard for me to want to go deeper with my friends in BA knowing we are all so temporary. We love each other, but besides roomie and I, we don't talk about anything serious going on in our lives or from our past. We just are what we are for the time being. Which is great and lovely, but not better then my loves from home. 

However, I am not happy living at home in the suburbs with my parents. After a few weeks here I got really irritable with the same things I did when I lived here before, so I know when I move back I can't be here more then a month without going out of my mind. So it's time to start saving saving saving. While here I saw a glimpse of what my life would be like if I moved down south in the city. I realized I have an entire group of friends there that I LOVE, there are tons of things to do, its relatively cheap, and far enough away from home so I won't go crazy but close enough I can still come up for family dinner on Sundays. I have been wanting to move down there FOREVER but the timing has never been right, I am hoping in 6 months it will be. 

Things with work are crazy again which is another reason I am considering not returning after Christmas. Everything was getting better in the last few months before I left, but I am about 98% sure I am heading into a shit storm when I get there. SERIOUS people in admin have quit, gotten fired, or are being seriously reviewed and they haven't even officially told any of us. I found out from roomie who is still friends with people from when she worked there. I guarantee they aren't telling us on purpose because they know we wouldn't come back if we knew. They'd rather greet us on the first day back with " might notice some people missing...". PLUS we were paid 5 days extra late this month. We were theoretically supposed to regularly be paid 20 days earlier but legally speaking it was only 5 days late. Its complicated. Either way, theres no excuse for it and its ILLEGAL to pay us late but because we are foreigners and don't know how to report anything we are kind of stuck into getting fucked every month. It's just not a healthy environment with everything being so insecure and up in the air all the time- it leaves me stressed out and anxious which I don't need on top of being a first year teacher in a foreign country. So we'll see how the year goes. 

I am SO excited to go dancing this weekend at our old haunts! I've only been once since I got to socal and am just not used to not going out every weekend. I just love it so much! 

So I guess this is my good bye socal. It feels like I just got here, I can't believe how fast it all went! I will miss so many things about you.

Back to Europe I Go...



Sunday, August 21, 2011

Favorite Things: Maybelline Falsies Mascara

Ok, you all know I don't typically endorse random products. I might blab about my opinions on fashion and show you pretty things I love, but THIS mascara is AHmazing! I was using their "Lash Blast" before (the orange bottle Drew Barrymore promotes) and decided to venture out with this and OMG. We all know I love fake eye lashes but putting them on is a pain in the ass, I am serious when I say this mascara gives the same effect! Don't forget your eye lash curler first, and 2-3 coats on this and you are GOLDEN. 

So excited! 

Friday, August 19, 2011


Reading old blog posts and being home makes me think of Number 2.

I wanted to check his Facebook and see how he's doing even though its SUPER private.

And what do I see?

Default picture.

An ugly blonde girls face, with him kissing her from the side.

For some reason my stomach did a somersault and I was left breathless.

REALLY? After everything with me? After all of the "I love you, but I don't want to be anything serious with you because I am leaving" discussions? HER? Besides, aren't you on your way or already in South Bend for your precious graduate school? Were you able to suddenly make an exception for this ugly girl? REALLY?

OMG I am so pissed.

Deep breathes...
Remember the hoards of men literally head over heels for you right now. In multiple countries.

Remember the beautiful and sweet PAG who you get to spend another precious night with tomorrow. Despite all the drama, I love him and am pretty sure he loves me too. And he is still 10x better then Number 2.

Remember how getting over Number 2 was one of my reasons for moving abroad and how it was the best decision I ever made because I am SO happy there and found so much of myself in the experience.

It was just such a shock!

I need to get out of here. Back to BA where the single men flock to me like the salmon of capistrano.

Favorite Things: Mad Men Fashion

Um. YEAH. I am DYING for the new Banana Republic Mad Men inspired line
A little contrived, yes, but absolutely beautiful and inspiring? YES.

What Not To Wear: The Lazy Look

Ok, so I've been working on my wardrobe and style over the last few years, but especially after I lost 35 pounds and entered the working world I've been able to heat things up. Most recently I had to add balancing fashion, the different weather seasons, and euro fashion in Slovakia. Nothing bothers me more (and is something you can NEVER get away with in Europe btw) then when women don't dress their best. I don't necessarily mean always in a dress and heels, but I feel like a bunch of women have gotten on this train of if they aren't working then they just wear sweats or jeans and t shirts all the damn time. Often, even work clothes will be too casual, outdated, or inappropriate in the name of "comfort". And whats funny, is that wearing a little dress with cute flats...or with tights in the winter and a sweater...maybe some tailored jeans and a pretty just as easy to put on and be "comfortable" as those horrible oversize sweaters and ugly jeans. 

Everyone has a different style, and I don't in any way think everyone should dress like me (in fact, please don't), but lets start trading out some of those t-shirts, jeans, and sweat pants...for something a little more feminine. That shows off your hot body. Makes you feel beautiful. And is still comfortable. Deal? 

Some Helpful Guidelines:

Invest in some classics. Make them staples in your wardrobe. 

I wear my black pencil skirt a million different ways year round. A must for my wardrobe. 
Find your staples and wear them OUT.

You don't always have to be "on trend". Some staple dresses, trousers (if thats your thing), properly fitting jeans, and nice tops you can mix and match with each other is plenty. Think of how many different places and ways you can wear a piece before you buy it. For instance, I have very few dresses that are only really appropriate for work. The rest of them I can wear year round and dress up for work with a nice sweater, undershirt, tights, flats, etc. Or skankify for going out by taking off the tights and undershirt and adding some sexy time heels and some jewelry. I might not wear the outfit on the same day from work to drinks, but I get way more use out of my wardrobe this way. Especially when you could only bring one suitcase to move to Europe with you...

Quit being lazy.
 Ok, she's a super skinny celebrity, but she's also raising a bunch of kids and working around the world year 24/7. Still, she has a "staples based" wardrobe and just throws things together for an effortless put together look. My hero. 

There is no excuse for looking like you just crawled out of bed when you go to your friends house, dinner, work, anywhere. I don't care how cold it is, how many kids you have, how early or far you have to walk to work, really it shouldn't matter. If you fill your wardrobe with easy to match and wear items, I promise it will make everything easier! I have a fairly simple work wardrobe...a black pencil skirt, tons of day and night dresses, some pretty tops, a pair of flats, a pair of boots, and a pair of low heels. Plus hoards of black warm leggings and black tights. Thats pretty much it. For work I just throw one of those things together half awake, and for casual I just wear leggings and a nice top. Done and Done. Note: I wake up at the crack of dawn, commute to work via public transit in the winter with transfers, and work with 3-5 year olds all day. If I can do it, so can you. 

Comfort Doesn't Have To = Sweats.

This comfy looking top and trousers is about 100x cuter then those sweats you're wearing.

For around the house, I find my little cotton dresses and negligee pretty comfortable, but if you don't then try and explore outside of your sweat pant and jeans and t shirts rut. Some properly fitting jeans, a cute top, and cardigan will always beat out some baggy trousers and a sweat shirt. Seriously, retire your sweat shirts for at home wear only please. And NOT if you want your man to be at all attracted to you. Sorry, but its true. It's really just a matter of changing habits, reach for something else...or just throw out all your ugly stuff so you have no choice like I did. 

You Don't Have To Spend A Lot of Money.

Yeah, this dress is $15 and I can think of a million different ways to wear it.

I mean...unless you want to. But I've been a poor college student and now poor teacher all my life and manage just fine. In America we have TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Nordstrom Rack, and other designer discount stores which I live for. There are also always Thrift stores. H&M is FINALLY getting big here and surprisingly if paired right, Ann Taylor Loft is also really cheap. Just be careful of putting things together correctly because most of their stuff is really "Mom" or "Old Teacher" style which definitely isn't me. But some of my favorite skinnys, skirts, and accessories are from there too. And of course Forever 21 and Macy's have some great things. Find your favorite stores, looks, shapes, colors, styles, etc...and stick to it as long as you like.

I believe in you all. Look as beautiful as you feel. Yeah, that was cliche, but its true. You can do it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

No, I DON'T Want To Be Your Mistress?

Last night Africa and I got into a riveting debate about his "marriage for a visa" situation. It's actually my idea for him, I suggested awhile back he talk to his EX about getting married so he could stay. And he said "She is still always trying to get in contact with me. And she loves me so much she probably would. My African friend suggested I do the same thing. But I don't want to lose you."-which threw me off initially since we aren't really that together and hadn't talked in ages...but anyway. 

Last night he told me he was meeting with his EX today, and that they would continue to meet until he felt comfortable asking her about the marriage thing. So I obviously started feeling weird about it...since she loves him and hes kind of leading her on to get the visa, and I don't want to be the other woman, annnnnd the entire situation is just a bit much for me. Especially when I have so much of my own shit to deal with. However, he got kind of mad at my concerns. He felt like it was going to be fine, he could manage both of us, and I was making it more complicated then it really was. He was also angry that he though I had said I would be ok with it...when actually I had said I didn't know how I felt about it and that we'd have to see. Pretty sure a lot of this gets lost in translation too, he sent me this long thing and I had such a tough time deciphering it. Finally he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore until I was there because "you are complicating things". Pretty sure EVERYTHING is complicated about this situation... but all I see is a boy who wants 2 girls at once. 

How is this my life?! How are FIVE of my girls getting married next year and I am dealing with THIS?! Although, it is a really funny predicament. I keep giggling to myself at Africa's thinking "everything's going to be fine! You're complicating things!" attitude. Um, well of course you think that...your VILLAGE was all siblings from your father and his 7+ wives. Ridiculous. 

Stay tuned to my ever adventurous love life. Good Lord.



Pretty Things: Anna Karina

This Chanel model and nouvelle vague actress has me feeling inspired today...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Something Shiney...

Welp, FIVE of my bestest girl friends are now engaged and getting married in the next year.


Unfortunately after my initial "OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! YAY! I LOVE BEING GIRLS! I LOVE WEDDINGS! SO FUN!" we go straight for the:
"Fuck me, not only am I alone but I am probably going to have to go to all these weddings alone because no one likes to give plus ones anymore and I'll get to be one of the only single ones there too. Better bring my own gin and tonic. Dear God, fuck my life."

I know I am in one wedding for sure if I am back living here in the spring, and otherwise I am luckily not in any bridal parties. Except...besides spending an exorbitant amount of money and time for your friends wedding, being in the bridal party means it goes unnoticed that you don't have a date and that's just plain luck.

I need to go back to Bratislava and get my single lady dance party on because I am suddenly all self conscious about being single when normally I dont even care. Damn you San Diego and your marriages!

Time to start channeling...

And to regularly look at this self portrait I took of myself to remind me how hot I am. 

Hey, its my blog...I'm allowed to whine about all my friends getting married and post pictures of myself if I want to!



Monday, August 15, 2011


This airplane picture of me circa 2008 exhibits exactly how I feel regarding flying. 

In one week from today I will be back on one of those Godforsaken planes, starving, uncomfortable, sleep deprived, squished, and rubbing my swollen ankles while flying across America...the Atlantic...and western Europe back to my little Bratislava.

I thought it wasn't until Tuesday, but its actually in ONE WEEK. Well less, now that Monday is basically over. Starting to feel sad. Everything just happened so quickly!

Anyway, I've been thinking about how much I've changed in my "old age". I used to LOVE flying, packing, getting everything together for a trip. The entire experience energized me and gave me a high on life.  NO LONGER. Now I want to sucker punch flying in the back and then shoot it in the face. The entire experience of waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and dealing with cranky, smelly, rude people the entire time. THEN you have to sit in a sardine tin can and pretend you aren't claustrophobic and starving for 14 hours, meanwhile you lose feeling in your feet and your ankles swell beyond recognition, and all you want to do is get some fucking sleep but your aching neck keeps waking you up. Then you're cold, then hot, then cold, then the douches around you want their windows and lights on.

I think I might just get drunk on gin and tonic and pray I pass out...or die.

I mean, at this point I really don't know what else to do.

SUCH a ridiculous week trying to get my job stuff together for when I get back plus seeing everyone and doing everything before I head back to BA. To Do lists and calendars EVERYWHERE.



Sunday, August 14, 2011

Pretty Things: Convoy

Convoy is a blog that should be visited by you everyday.

It's simply BEAUTIFUL.

Also, Happy Sunday. Hope yours was as amazing as mine. Complete with BBQing at the park, drinks, wiffle ball, snuggling, and Firefly. Sad summer is coming to an end though.




Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I've had an abundance of time...but have been so depressed and overwhelmed with everything going on I couldn't bear to write. So dramatic, I know. But by now you know this is how I roll. Either its the pill/hormones that makes me crazy town or its just me. But every once in awhile...usually on average every 2 months I just have these horribly low days where everything in life is just too much and I don't want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, eat, nothing. Just sleep and cry and be depressed. It's pretty horrible, but I don't want to be on meds for something I have learned to deal with. I just give myself time limits on being in bed, make myself shower and eat, try and socialize even if its just me watching TV with a friend, and make sure to get sunshine and fresh air. Eventually the cloud goes away and I am ok again. Sometimes its triggered by stress, which is what happened this time.

Let's rewind to last Friday which I spent smiling ear to ear wrapped in PAG's arms until the morning when neither of us wanted to get out of bed. Everything is perfect and I get a "I'll call you later" when I left. Cue 5 days of not hearing from him. We chatted a tiny bit on gchat on Sunday, but only for 5 minutes and then he logged off. I made myself promise to try not to contact him, because I have been so confused about how he feels about me with this on and off stuff. By Thursday with no word I was tired of being so depressed and anxious all the time, so I emailed him. The email basically contained the important basics...either you don't like me, aren't making me a priority, or something else and you're being a jerk by ignoring me and not talking to me about it. You know I don't deserve this. I still think you're an amazing person and I wish we could be friends even while I am gone... thats about the gist.

THEN that afternoon Africa calls me and we talk for an hour or so about some serious things going on in his he might be deported because no jobs will give him a work permit so he might have to marry his ex gf...but he doesn't want to lose me? And how he misses me? Um...ok, I haven't heard from you in a MONTH. I am hanging up with him and am literally saying good bye when PAG calls.

I'm so so sorry. It's just too hard. Every time I'm with you I want to invest more in you and then am reminded you're leaving again. And I don't want to hold you back while you are there, I want you to go out and have fun, but then I am unhappy not being able to be with you or a rescue phone call away and I worry about you. You're beautiful. You're smart. I love being with you. We would be together if you lived here. This is just how it is right now. Can I see you one more time before you go? Again, I am so sorry for hurting you. I don't mean to do it, I just shut down because you're leaving. You don't deserve it. 

We don't know if we'll be able to talk much while I am gone...he says he doesn't ever want to hear about me seeing other guys and its bound to come up and its too hard, but we can maybe try. Afterwards Cassie calmed me down with Realistically, he's not going to find the love of his life in the next few months, its going to be ok. PAG had said something similar too. On the one hand I feel 10x better having understanding and semi closure with him. But on the other hand am struggling with this dual life I feel like I am leading. Crazy party time in Europe vs. wanting to be more secure and settle in socal. This week I fill out the paperwork because I was accepted into a local sub system here...which is the reason why I left in the first place to teach abroad- nowhere was hiring here. But now they are! And now I have all these friends and living opportunities downtown where I would be much happier living. Plus with so much family stuff going on and my impending departure, I have been feeling drained to say the least. It's all just a lot to process.

I finally feel like we can officially say I am definitely and completely in love with PAG. It's just baby love, new, silly, and sweet. But the more that I let myself say it out loud and acknowledge that its more then just infatuation, the more I realize how true it is. And the sadder it makes me to be away from him.



Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Favorite Things: Beirut

This is nice.

I've been waiting for a new album from Beirut for awhile, and FREE via NPR for a bit is my very favorite part about our government.


Monday, August 08, 2011

Hello My Name Is: Crazy Town

So someone has been super psychotic lately and that someone might be me.

Ok, I DO have some serious stress in my life with trying to make future plans in case my mom has to get treated again in the fall...or if I want to come back in the winter...or what is going on with the boy. But instead of thinking rationally and calmly like normal me would do, I'm all anxious and depressed about everything. Its like...a serious problem. I haven't been wanting to do anything lately which is always the sign for me that a serious depression dip is looming. Therefore I think we can safely say my birth control pills are the cause of the crazy.

While in B-town I got off of them because of the hassle of being abroad and I figured I wasn't going to have sex (hahahahaha) and the over analyzing voices in my head slowly stopped running me around in circles and keeping me up at night thinking. I was calm, collected, fun, not dramatic, and NORMAL. Now I've been back on them and feel like a nut muffin again.

Now to figure out if I should pay American prices and figure things out here which is equally a hassle dealing with insurance, or venture back to the Slovak doctors who hardly speak English and put me on the same pill I told them makes me crazy (and that I wanted to try another one), but with a different name.

Examples of crazy from the past who is rearing her head now:
-over analyzing EVERYTHING with PAG to the point that I am not enjoying our time together. I cant just accept things as they are. I want to know everything thats going to happen and emotionally I am up and then down depending on if and what I heard from him that day. Um, not the normal me to say the least. And being off the pill for a handful of days and I already feel better.

-my mind SWIRLS at the thought of moving back here full of stress about a job, car, apartment, family, boy, anything and everything is a huge anxiety mess!

-As I said earlier, loss of interest in things I normally would like to do. I just want to sit around un showered in my bed watching tv all day. Not normal. Sometimes everyone likes to do that, but not normally everyday...

So crazy town needs to get herself figured out. I have dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life and keeping it in balance is KEY.

Friday, August 05, 2011


Hey gentleman, can we stop falling in love with me please?
And can the one I actually want let himself fall?

The other day Africa and Z both were trying to FB chat with me at the same time...Africa's started with "Hey Gorgeous"...and then just now some random guy in Vegas who I made it very clear to that I was trying to work out things with PAG, added and messaged me on FB. Random guy in Vegas REALLY liked me, but I just kept trying to give him the brush off without being too mean.

I just can't get these men to stop falling for me.

And the one I DO want I can tell is still hesitant to get involved with me as I am leaving again...

Although we do finally have plans for tonight, and we skyped for 2 hours last night- but I havent seen him in 10 days. Ridiculous.

Pretty Things: Fall H&M Line

Finally the gods blessed my little town with a proper H&M so I don't have to stock up whenever I am in Europe, however when I went in the other day I almost died. Their ENTIRE fall line is so absolutely fantastic I AM IN LOVE. Sometimes I think I design for them in my sleep because of how in tune to my exact style they are. But then they'll come out with something totally ridiculous, like their entire previous summer line- ew, and I remember we aren't married quite yet.

Some favorites I have to snag before I head back to Europe for the fall...

This skirt is SO this season its not even funny. Plus, how comfortable, girly, and cute is it?!

Love me some stripes

My other affair, polka dots, to pair with my bf leggings

FINALLY a fabulous belted coat not made out of wool or down so I can wear it! 

Another bf sweater to wear with bf leggings. I'd add a necklace and wear with boots so I can go to work and everyones convinced Im NOT basically wearing pajamas.

Also comes in pink. Can't you just see my little teacher self wearing this with a black skirt? I know.

More, "not pajamas". 


Yeah thats right. B&W polka dots AND my favorite dress shape. I DIE.

Love the colors, wearable year round.