Saturday, April 30, 2011


Roomie is having a serious blossoming relationship with one of our friends here, and its so precious and sweet to watch and encourage but alas, I find it is really leaving me with a sense of "Yeah, you are alone". Before, I would see couples together and just miss PAG- I was really sad when I first moved here, but had gotten used to it and just got used to always missing him but knowing we would be together soon. But now...I am really alone. And these little hook ups and guys who are interested in me are really just band aids for a heart that really just wants something more serious.

I never want to admit that I want something serious, I always try to act casual and like I don't care...which is true for guys your just chatting with at the bar. But when I am really honost with myself, I like having someone to come home to, talk with when we go out, dance with, and kiss you and tell you your beautiful on a regular basis. I like having a partner in crime. And I don't think I've ever really gotten to have it...besides PAG for the few weeks before I left. We all know Number 2 was never around for more then just to talk to 5x a day.

Africa messaged me Friday morning and acted like we'd see each other this weekend, but I haven't heard from him and its now 2am Sunday. I might still hear from him within the next few days, he lost his phone the night we met, had final exams this week, and works until 2am on the weekends...but no one would be surprised if he just disappeared. But it's still a bummer since he helped me to not be so sad.

I think also because I felt like my roomie and I were just having a blast being together and taking on the city...but now she has a boyfriend of sorts and I am the third wheel. We've been having such a fun girly time, but now she has him snuggling with her in bed every night and I am alone.

I've been missing home a bit more lately too...but at the same time my brain keeps randomly saying to myself "OH MAN! I love my life here!" so I guess thats a good sign at least.

Alright, time to sleep it off...



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