Tuesday, April 12, 2011

So Here We Are...

Let's see, what day is it? TUESDAY.

Last night I called again with a...
"I am upset in regards to your weird ass email and not responding to me...so either you should contact me to end things appropriately OR just contact me to make things right if it is a misunderstanding. I am upset, you should want to fix it"

kind of thing.

Finally received a gchat text back "I am in LA busy all day. talk soon". To which I responded, "can I at least get a thumbs up or down? Kind of freaking out here...rightly so."

And of course, a response to that would just be too much to ask.

Friends consensus says I should just end it on my end instead of waiting for him to do it for the following reasons:
1) Not responding to me for days on end with no excuse is just rude and disrespectful. Especially when I am clearly upset about something, if you actually care you should take 10min to try and fix it. No one is THAT busy. Melissa: "Did he eat? Did he pee? Then he has time to at least text you something."

2) Long distance is really hard. I am going to be gone for several more months and every other week worrying if he cares about me or not based on the rate of contact on his end is exhausting to say the least.  Why not live up being single and enjoy my super fun "rich in Europe" life? Without worrying and being sad all the time. Why not make out with some of these hot guys who <3 me in the bars and clubs EVERY weekend? Why wait for someone who is being a jerk face?

My buts...
-I dont like being single. I dont like dating or trying to find guys at the clubs and stuff. I like having an awesome boyfriend, even if he is across the world. I dont want to be alone again. Its scary.

-As odd as things have been lately, we do have a connection. When we found each other we were both shocked that each other existed. Every time I hang up with him even now, I feel so lucky to have found someone so smart, sweet, and comparable to me. He was serious marriage material, which freaked me out at first, but I was getting used to the idea of marrying him and living happily ever after. Plus, I was SO attracted to him AND he was so respectful...after Number 2 I didn't know men like him existed.

-Why go home back to socal if I have nothing to go home to? Sure I miss my family and few friends still left in the area, but he was my only real reason for going home for good eventually. And this my friends, is a scary thought.

-I keep blaming myself for moving here and for making friends and being so social every weekend. Right when I finally met the perfect guy I had to move across the world. And to top it off, make awesome friends and go out like a crazy person every weekend. Even though I am well behaved, how is that supposed to make a relationship work?

-Telling your friend to end something and actually being the one to do it is a big difference. I just keep waiting for him to explain and for me to forgive him and for things to go back to normal. Even though I know I shouldn't be waiting, at the same time writing a "well, fuck you then" email just isn't in my nature.

So here we are. Just waiting. Like an idiot. On top of it all I am extremely sick and have been home from work, so the waiting feels even longer. I guess I'll give him until tomorrow. And then what?

I am sad. And feeling lonely and homesick. And am actually sick. And eating digestives in bed so there are crumbs everywhere.

Stay tuned...



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