Saturday, April 30, 2011


Roomie is having a serious blossoming relationship with one of our friends here, and its so precious and sweet to watch and encourage but alas, I find it is really leaving me with a sense of "Yeah, you are alone". Before, I would see couples together and just miss PAG- I was really sad when I first moved here, but had gotten used to it and just got used to always missing him but knowing we would be together soon. But now...I am really alone. And these little hook ups and guys who are interested in me are really just band aids for a heart that really just wants something more serious.

I never want to admit that I want something serious, I always try to act casual and like I don't care...which is true for guys your just chatting with at the bar. But when I am really honost with myself, I like having someone to come home to, talk with when we go out, dance with, and kiss you and tell you your beautiful on a regular basis. I like having a partner in crime. And I don't think I've ever really gotten to have it...besides PAG for the few weeks before I left. We all know Number 2 was never around for more then just to talk to 5x a day.

Africa messaged me Friday morning and acted like we'd see each other this weekend, but I haven't heard from him and its now 2am Sunday. I might still hear from him within the next few days, he lost his phone the night we met, had final exams this week, and works until 2am on the weekends...but no one would be surprised if he just disappeared. But it's still a bummer since he helped me to not be so sad.

I think also because I felt like my roomie and I were just having a blast being together and taking on the city...but now she has a boyfriend of sorts and I am the third wheel. We've been having such a fun girly time, but now she has him snuggling with her in bed every night and I am alone.

I've been missing home a bit more lately too...but at the same time my brain keeps randomly saying to myself "OH MAN! I love my life here!" so I guess thats a good sign at least.

Alright, time to sleep it off...



Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Pretty Things: Burnt Feather

I heart Etsy.

I think Burnt Feather and I would be best friends.

“When the elephant is young and relatively weak, it is tied to an immovable stick. So later, no matter how large and strong he becomes...he continues to believe that he cannot free himself.

Many intelligent people are like circus elephants. They never question their self-imposed limitations.”- Cold Souls

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Yep, Officially Have A Lover.

Well, Africa is REALLY living up to his potential. I am constantly surprised by him. It started with his sweet facebook messages, compliments galore and sending me romantic and sweet. Then today he came over when he said he would and brought me all these treats! Dessert, chocolate, a box of amazing strawberries he had to get from a special store, cold medicine, tea, and honey because he knows I've been feeling sick. AND massage oil. First he gave me an amazing sensual head and neck massage and then a full body massage with this special oil he brought.

We had a nice time chatting and talking about our lives. He showed me these cute videos from when he was on Slovak TV here showing African cooking and salsa dancing. Apparently he's really good at both and just continues to be so sweet with me. He wants to meet up with us again over the weekend, so maybe he will come dancing with us after work. He works at a fancy place downtown just for extra cash, which will come in handy when we need reservations...

To be honost, I don't feel like I am falling for him like I did with PAG and Number 2. But for now it's nice to have a sweet man pay me attention and treat me like a, the sex is fantastic. Not to mention all his crazy Africa stories, I can't stop asking him questions.

I just hope he doesn't get too attached.

Our lame Easter holiday spent here in B-Town is over, back to work tomorrow- bleh. But I miss my kids and its a short week so hopefully I won't be too burnt out by the weekend. Can't believe I only have May and June left of work! I have a feeling they will go by slowly though...



Monday, April 25, 2011


Creepy guy on FB wrote me this, WHO ARE YOU?! Can you speak English? 

"How are you doing over there?Am new here... Am here to fine a soul mate. pardon my manners,Am Steven Donavan by name,a single father of 1 lovely KID daughter SHIRLEY.i lost my wife in a car accident couple of years ago, i saw your profile so tempting and adorable,so i decided to mail you,hope you will like me and my kid?
Take care of yourself,and always remember that God loves you..."

Another Lover?

It would appear I may take on another lover...

Africa made sure I added him on FB before he left for his Easter festivities and then messaged me today because he wanted to see me again. I am feeling sick and out of it, so I said tomorrow and we've been writing back and forth and its so cute! (he lost his phone the night we met...this happens a lot here actually, people steal shit or it falls out of our guy friends coat pockets at the clubs). So tomorrow afternoon we will meet again, he is going to bring me ginger and honey to chew on for my sore throat (some weird Africa thing that cracks me up), and we'll just chill I guess. I am excited to spend time with someone new, I forget how fun it is getting to know new boys. I missed it. And he seems really social and fun, like he would be fun to go out with us on the weekends for a bit. But we'll see what happens, I know nothing serious can come out of it and I think I kind of like that. Just something light and fun for awhile will be good for me.

Hmm...I should go buy more condoms-they only sell them in packs of 3 here. Its weird.

Tomorrow is also my last day of holiday, Wednesday I go back to work with no breaks until the end of the school year. Bleh. But to end the holiday I am getting a surprise done! You will have to see tomorrow!

Ok, off to live my ridiculous life...



Just In Case...

I know some of my best girl friends have recently taken on lovers and we have been chatting about how it really makes you aware of your panties and sleep wear. Now that someone is finally seeing those under things, they actually matter! I remember the day quite fondly when I realized that I wanted a boyfriend and that if I did- I better get a few things taken care of right now. Panties, sleepwear, and the hair situation. But lets begin with panties...

2 rules. No cutsy patterns and try to stick to cotton for health reasons.

I wear a lot of leggings with tops that show my ass and then when its warm, little dresses, I hate thongs so I wear a lot of these. They are really comfortable, don't show panty lines, and are still sexy time for when the work to bar evening ends and he's waiting for you in bed...

Boys tend to not like nude colors or ridiculous patterns, so I keep it black most of the time unless I need nude to go with an outfit. This way they always match my bras too!

I can't wear most thongs because my ass is big and the sides pull at my hip and then I have hot dog hips, BUT if your going to go for thongs, which I recommend because boys love them, these are great for everyday...

I also have these to wear on lazy days, to bed, or on period days. They still look semi sexy in black (plus, don't show stains) and are so cheap and comfy.

I have posted about night wear before, but in case you need some new inspiration...

My rules: Comfortable, cotton, thigh length, and again-no cutsy or old lady patterns.

Don't be afraid of the little night dresses, even if you live with boy room mates. They are cute, cover everything, and I promise they are just as comfortable to wear in bed as sweats. If you get cold, I just throw on some black yoga pants or leggings and a cardigan over it.

Although I have sited Victorias Secret the most, its mostly because they are pretty cheap. But you can also find great decently priced stuff at...
Marshalls, TJ Maxx, and the like...

Victorias Secret

Nordstrom (Betsey Johnson line is really cute there)


Intimissi (only in Europe though, sorry suckas)

Now go be beautiful even when you are sleeping!



Sunday, April 24, 2011

What Can I Say?

Roomie captured the magic.

So something happened and I brought a boy home last night.

Yeah I know, two one night stands in two weekends= WHO AM I?!

But there was a beautiful African man seducing me at the club (different from the one Thursday night that I kissed, obviously) and we danced and danced and he was kissing my neck and arms all seductively and "purring" in my ear- which is apparently some precious African thing. They say the lions lick you up and down and then purr in your me, its awesome.

I was tired and it was 4am so I invited him back to my first I was just planning on taking it slow and maybe just making out and stuff. But then...oh man, lets just say he is very good at what he does. And PS this is why I now choose black guys every time, they take a lot of time to please a woman and take it really seriously. Plus, they tend to be romantic...I mean, he took my bra off with his teeth. And then would massage my neck and head throughout the entire evening. Major points.

Actually, I don't think this is going to be a one night stand as much as the other one was. Africa lives in Bratislava and is going to school here for engineering. He's lived in the states a lot before and his English is really good...he also speaks French, Arabic, Slovak, his tribal language, and is taking Spanish right now as well. It was nice to speak Spanish with someone actually. So, he's intellectual and is going to school to focus on solar technology to bring back to Africa. We chatted about history and Africa and all kinds of things last night and today. He wanted to make sure I added him on facebook and was already talking about coming back here to give me an "African Massage" and to make me dinner...because yeah, he cooks too. My roomie had one of our friends over last night too...they're having a little mini this morning we were all hanging out in our knickers and it was just really lovely. I made Africa and I toast with nutella and tea and we had breakfast in bed before he had to go because he had Easter plans with a family here. I don't really see this going anywhere long term, but we had a nice time and he is REALLY sweet...and an excellent lover.

Side note: I think I kind of realized it at the time, but it's even more evident now that I've been with other people- the connection I had with PAG and even with Number 2 as being so rare. Sexual energy and having nice conversation with a man is one thing, but the click is entirely another. Although anything intimate is just FUN with almost anyone, with those two it was really like making something beautiful together. And the communication, connection, and emotion together just manifested into this lovely sexual intimacy. I know I am currently acting out because I have been sexually deprived for a very very long time, I am hurt, and because I am craving intimacy with a man. I also know it will pass with time and I will go back to being my normal "waiting for the right guy" kind of girl. I definitely don't want to be one of those girls who always sleeps around and rips her heart a part. Plus, sex hurts and I'm always all sore for days afterwards.

So we'll see what happens with Africa, maybe he'll call and make us dinner and give me a massage-or maybe he won't and I'll just go on with my fabulous life. Either way, I am pretty much happy. I'd rather have PAG in my life at this point and am still missing him, but we're moving on and I am trying to believe there is someone better out there for me. Meanwhile, having some proper sex is really nice.



Saturday, April 23, 2011

My New Family

Remember a few months ago when I was so sad and angry and over Slovakia? I was crying almost every night and was about ready to just come home. Fast forward to within the last month and I have the most amazing friends here, I really must say. My roomie and our other girl friend make quite the trio while our boys make sure nobody gives us trouble and make our sides ache with laughter.

Meet My New Family. Because everyone needs someone.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Back in Black.

Danced on the tables until they closed at 5:30a.

Managed to make out with a pretty black man before leaving. Too bad he couldn't find his coat and roomie saw him kissing another girl right before we left, so he was purposefully left behind.

Got a kebab on the walk home while the sun was coming up.

I find myself looking for the black guys wherever we are. There aren't very many, and they aren't always especially good looking...but for the most part we tend to find each other. Brown girl with an ass and the only one for MILES who actually knows how to shake it...tends to draw them like flies to honey.
And I am happy to oblige.

Although I am still finding myself sad missing PAG, this girl is back my friends. Back in black.



Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Further Thoughts On The One Night Stand...

I decided that next time (if there is a next time, we'll see how my life progresses) I will bring them to my flat where my room mate is across the apartment so as not to hear everything, but close enough so if I shout that I am being raped she can come rescue me.

I decided that I need to buy myself condoms, for the first time (They always just had them!). Keep a box in my night stand and 1-2 in my wallet just in case. London and I could have gone quite a few more times if we had more condoms, and there aren't any 24 hour stores here so this is a must.

It might be wise of me to not rush into sex straight away and prolong the evening a bit...maybe even have an entire weekend or a few week fling to build up to sex and get to know said stranger a bit better. Turned out London used to deal drugs, shot a guy, spent a year in jail, and had slept with a lot of women...things that may have been helpful to know before we had sex. If it makes you feel any better, he told me his whole life story all night like I was his best friend and referred to it as his "old life" so I wasn't worried...however looking back, probably would have been wise to chill a bit. Or hang out more the next day and weekend. Or just not go home with total strangers and build up some rapport with someone before I have sex with them...even if its not going anywhere. Or maybe it's better this way since I don't care if I don't see him again...I don't know the answers to these questions!

Feel free to give suggestions for future debauchery. Even a well placed "your being stupid and are going to end up pregnant or with the herp" is welcomed for consideration.



Sunday, April 17, 2011

Pretty Things: Boys

I've seen these fellows a few times on the Italian street fashion sites, seriously I DIE FOR THEM.

I don't know who they are, or what they do but I want them for myself. 



Welp, Had A One Night Stand...

Yeah, cue the OMG.

But it happened. And to ME?! And it was SO FUN!!!!


Friday night we were at our usual place, Primi, which is this really upscale nice bar that has DJ's so people also dance and its kind of like a mini club. It's my favorite place because the people are pretty and the bar tenders know us and take really good care of us. Anyway, there has been this BEAUTIFUL tall black man whose come in a few times...seriously, we see him and all stop talking and watch him walk by every time we've seen him. My friend tried to hit on him without success last weekend, but Friday night he also had a delicious looking friend with him, London. London is beautiful and brown with these really pretty tattoos on his arms, and a British accent to die for. His family is from Portugal and Angola (Africa) so yeah...gorgeous. Beautiful black man finally noticed that we've all been staring at him and London all night and I could tell he was talking to his friends about us so I asked,
"Are you talking about us?"
"I was just saying that, you girls are always looking at us"
"well yeah...we like you"

Someone was maybe making some proper booty drops and dancing all sexy with her girl friends...which is pretty much my standard at Primi, but this particular night London was apparently watching. So he started chatting with me, bought me a drink, they left to the Cuban club across the street but he made me promise I would stay...and sure enough they came back. At one point Beautiful black man put my hand down his pants so I got to feel his was super random and HILARIOUS. I actually thought that was going to be the highlight of my evening, but things just kept getting better! London and I kept flirting and I think the turning point was when he started smoking (you can smoke inside everywhere here, it sucks) and I said
"Ohhhhh you smoke? Well now your gonna taste all smokey"
Which I actually didn't mean in a flirtatious way, looking back. I was just gonna talk with him about if other girls have complained, just making conversation...but he was splendid and said
"No I don't, try me" and kissed me. Then again. And again.

And then we went to another favorite club of mine.
Got another drink.
Made out some more.

Then it was time to go home.

He was staying in a private room in a hostel literally down the street from my flat. I invited him to my place, but he wanted to go to his so we did. Now, at this point I wasn't so set on sleeping with him. I would have been ok with just making out and messing around, but we were just having so much fun together. We got along really well and he was so sweet...and hot.

So we were making out and messing around and then naked time, and then he was putting a condom on and I was oddly fine with it. I kept waiting for myself to freak out and leave or something, but I was having a blast and just kept going with it. He was really good, I have to say, we went for a long time...after I wore him out (his words, not mine. And not the first time I've gotten them;) we took a break for some falafel and pizza down the street, came back and had some more sex. After the first time he said to me,
"I really want to make love to you, but these beds are terrible...lets put all the mattresses on the floor" So we made a giant bed on the floor out of the mattresses in the empty beds in the room and it was so fun! Then he told me all these crazy stories about his life and we talked and talked until the sun was coming up. It wasn't ever awkward. We both wanted to have sex again but ran out of condoms so we just messed around and then finally feel asleep all snuggled up.

My friends had been texting me all night making sure I was ok...they know me and know I've never done this and have said I never wanted to do this, but were so happy for me because I think I really needed it. They knew where I was the entire time and around 8a my roomie called because she woke up and I wasn't home. After that I couldn't fall back asleep so I just enjoyed snuggling for a bit before putting my clothes on and peacing...while I was getting dressed I hear his hot accent,
"Where are you going?"
"Home. I just live down the street. And I'm so thirsty."

I could have added that I wanted my own bed, but instead I just kissed him and touched his face before sneaking out. I guess I could have stayed and we could have gotten more condoms and had more sex...but I was pretty sore from the evening and probably couldn't have had more sex anyway (sometimes I think there is something wrong with me). My guy friend here said unless he is rude and overt about wanting her to leave with a one night stand girl, he would like them to stay. Snuggle. watch movies and chat in bed, etc. But I hadn't really slept all night and we had spa plans at 2, and I've never really done this before so...I left and was perfectly ok with it.

So that was my fantastic one night stand my friends. There was no exchange of numbers, I will never see him again because he is only here for the weekend, and I really love the freedom in that! Later a part of me wished I had at least exchanged numbers in case he wanted to hang out while I'm in London, which he mentioned wanting to do...but eh. I also didn't want to ruin a perfectly good fling.

I didn't go home with him because I was sad about PAG or even thinking about PAG. I actually have men give me the eye and hit on me almost every weekend, but I just ignored them because I had a boyfriend and/or a vibe and didn't want that. But Friday night I didn't have a boyfriend. Haven't had sex in almost a year. And there was actually some chemistry with a beautiful brown boy here...which never happens. Now, I don't think I am going to make this a regular occurrence or anything but when I woke up in the morning, contrary to popular belief, I did NOT feel bad about anything. I didn't feel guilty, I was just happy and felt sexually relieved for sure. I kept expecting this guilty feeling to come as the days have passed, but so far nothing...I only regret maybe not staying longer and snuggling more and hanging out with him because we had fun together, but I am also ok with the option I chose- sleep.

Although I don't feel guilty or anything, I will acknowledge that it was different then being intimate with someone you love and care about- even with PAG even though we weren't "technically" having sex. Part of me missed the sweetness, the "your so beautiful" comments, the stroking of the hair, etc. But at the same time, it was ok. It was what it was- FUN (And safe!). And it would have been weird to have all that with someone I just met, plus he was still sweet in his own way.

I promise that getting naked with someone and doing the "everything but sex" routine is pretty much exactly the same thing as actually having sex with's just more satisfying in the end. This is not to say making a man your serious about wait for it isn't worth it. Or that sex can't be built up to mean something more with a person you care about. And intimately it is sweeter when its with someone you love. But I can promise that all those conservative friends of yours who somehow think its less intimate to do everything BUT sex are dead WRONG. I was wrong, I see this now. If you don't want to be intimate with someone sexually, then don't take any clothes off. Done and done.

I was kind of hoping to wake up and feel less sad about losing and missing PAG. While I was definitely in a better mood overall, and still am, the hurt and sadness I feel about PAG is still there. It didn't go away. So now I know that any amount of sex with someone who is not the one you love-won't make the hurt go away. Maybe for a little while, but it's still there when you wake up.

So there it is. If you think I'm a skank now in B town- I really don't care. I had such a fun time and was as safe as anyone could be and am so stoked on life! My roomie and I keep saying, "I love our lives!" and its just so true.

So this post is for you London.
Wherever you are, stay there. You were perfect.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Pretty Things: Shakespeare!

I LOVE these Royal Shakespeare stamps! Might have to go to London just to get me some...

Oh wait...I forgot to tell you I am secretly an actress and did a Shakespeare Acting Conservatory summer of yeah, I kind of have a thing for him. 


Thursday, April 14, 2011

I put on my fake eyelashes tonight and took my sick self out for an hour just so I could forget about you for awhile.

I am home now and can't call you to tell you I am here safe and sound.

I had to make myself get out of bed and shower today, because I don't really feel like it matters anyway.

I just get sad and delete my political emails without reading them because I don't have you to talk about it with.

I wonder what your doing and hate that I can't call you to find out.

I see you logged in online but don't have the heart to delete you yet.

I already sent you a post card last week. Hope you feel as shitty as I do now when you get it.

I miss my bestie.

I feel alone and sad here now even when I am surrounded by people I love.

From Slovakia with love,


Pretty Things: Cody Hudson

I have seen Hudson's stuff all over and never knew who was behind such genius. LOVE the modern colors and design. I would coat my walls with you

Cody Hudson.