Sunday, April 28, 2013


Not sure what to title these anymore, I am writing now so far and few between that an entire update could have so many names. I do miss writing, but by the time I stop moving at the end of the day the last thing I want to be doing is sitting at the computer any longer. I think I will have much more to update once our little bear is here and I am in full momma mode.

I am proud to say his precious room is almost finished! Sadly we don't have a "before" picture when the time comes to do a comparison simply because there wasn't anything in there. Just my old dresser, boxes of our stuff we hadn't unpacked yet, and an ironing board. Literally, we had nothing for him. The bounty of donations and thrift store /cheap finds has been overwhelming. We have so many clothes and toys for him now its surreal. I am just putting the finishing touches on over the next 2 weeks and then am excited for the big reveal. Some of my girl friends said it best when they saw the progress last week "AWWWW and he's never had his own room or things before so he's going to walk in and it's just going to be so special for him!". Exactly. Boyfriend and I are buying our plane tickets this week, including one for little bear. We should all be home memorial day (eeeee!!!).

On weekends when we lazily wake up in the middle of the day, we find ourselves missing him. We know so much of our lazy time just between us will be gone, but adding him to mix for snuggling and laughing just seems so fitting. Contrary to what I thought about having kids (and what I can tell my friends still think)...having your babies around isn't like a chore. Its so much fun! And you dont get to see them all day while at work so every moment together is special and wonderful. And after everything hes been through, we just want to give him the world.

In other news, work has suddenly gotten better. Boyfriend laughs because it seems like every time I want to up and quit it will suddenly get better and I am fine again. Although this time, it's a significant change, they now have me doing training at least 1-2x a week on our various products to different internal groups. Often I am the key presenter and content organizer so its been using my best teaching skills in a really tangible way. I have been enjoying work now for 3 weeks and counting. Plus, last Friday I gave a HUGE presentation to almost the entire company about the site re-design we've done so far. Not only was I the key presenter, but I also organized the entire training, made notebooks for everyone with notes and screenshots to follow along with, followup activities, etc. Afterwards, a few co-workers encouraged me to shmooze with the CEO to see why they are hiring outside the company for a training manager job when I am clearly doing it already and made it known I wanted the position. I have a feeling its the HR lady with a stick up her ass overlooking me, so as soon as I got back to my desk, I set up a lunch for Monday with him. I am nervous! Secondly, I think after little bear comes and I am forced to cut my hours a little, I won't feel so chained to my desk all day there either.

Other wonderful and amazing things...

Meet Cherry, my new sweet whip (yeah I said whip).

Went camping with all my besties!!
Me and the bf hiking

The rest of the cute crew (including Picket laying down hehe)
We are trying to lay low from now until the little bear comes to save money. Three plane tickets, a rental car, new daycare, and 4 days of unpaid leave is expensive! We are both taking the first week off that he is with us to do some fun things all together and get him acclimated. I think on the agenda is the zoo, beach, USS Midway, getting acquainted at the new daycare, and swimming and BBQing with his new grandparents (who might die of excitement until he gets here). We didn't want to try and do too much since it might be overwhelming for him, but just enough that we aren't bored around the apartment all day. I had to put my Disneyland dreams aside until the fall when he'll be a little bigger, more settled, and it'll be less crowded- sigh.

Because of the saving money mode, we decided to do a whole lot of nothing this weekend. Literally, just slept a bunch, snuggled, read, caught up on sexy time of course, watched TV and got drunk at home. It was the first time either of us has spent the weekend not running errands, on a trip, or just busy in SO long we were quite content. Plus, boyfriend may have tried out his new migraine injection just for fun and ended up sick with side effects and an apparent allergy. Then I had to give him benedryl so he could breathe properly, but he passed out all day from those side effects too. It was like a bad movie but also pretty funny...he didn't even have a migraine, he had just gotten them from the doctor that day and was curious and bored so...yeah. This is the man I love.

And with that I shall bid you adieu. Time to bake some sweet treats for our amazing neighbor I shall have to write about another time.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.



Tuesday, April 09, 2013

That One Time I Became A BALLER.

Remember when Jesus just kept on blessing us over and over again? To the point that I keep getting emotional and don't know how to process anything?

Well everything has been a bit of a mess lately financially. A bunch of our bills are all jumbled up because we've been so busy we've overlooked them, and then my car battery just wouldn't start one day so I've been carless for almost 2 weeks now which meant no groceries and behind on other important errands. Besides all of that we had to go out of town for boyfriends brothers wedding which was SO BUSY...therefore as usual I've been stressed out, overwhelmed, and frustrated. Between the bills and money confusion, car problems, and the crazy long exhausting weekend...I am DONE.

And then...randomly...boyfriends friend from work wants to sell us his BALLIN 2000 BMW for only $3000?! How is that real?! It has low mileage, no problems, and is in great condition?! How is that a real thing?! God doesn't provide just any car for us, but THIS?! The only issue is that it's a 2 door and only takes premium gas which isn't suitable for when little buddy comes, but we have boyfriends 4 door we can take for family adventures so I don't think he'll be in mine all the time anyway. Plus, between the train to work and writing off gas for my tutoring business expenses I think it will even out. I may even see if I can write off my car payments once I put a sticker on the car window marketing my business.

So this Saturday we are going to meet his friend at the bank and do all the necessary paperwork, I am already approved for the loan so it's pretty simple going forward. And then I get to drive my new sweet digs home!!!

Just when it seems like just too much...God is always providing in the sneakiest of ways!



Monday, April 01, 2013

Sweet Givings.

What a sweet weekend boyfriend and I had together. Well, Friday was a bit of a mess when I was running late to work so I was going to drive to the train...but then my old car wouldn't start. So with my injured foot I tried to run and catch the last train I can take to work...and missed it. By then I genuinely didn't have another way to get to work since boyfriend needs his truck and I needed to figure out what was wrong with it. Plus there was nothing going on at work anyway so I called in sick. It ended up being VERY needed as I cried in boyfriends arms later with the "what am I doing with my life? I am so unhappy!" speech that warrants it's own post for another time. I can't even tell you exactly what we did. I really wasn't feeling well mentally and think I really needed the day off. We put up some pictures around our place, my dad came by to try and help with the battery, I cleaned a bit. And otherwise I napped and read and tried to rest. I've been feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated was so needed. And we didn't realize how little we've seen of each other these last few weeks. 

Saturday we had a day full of errands and adventure together gathering our donations. First we got a big train table filled with train parts and pieces, a little wooden table and chairs, puzzles, games, and other goodies for our bear from my uncle. Then we drove wayyyyy down to pick up the bed which ended up coming with the box spring and a little head board and footer which were from my mom's friends brother growing up- perfect for my vintage preferences. After easter dinner this afternoon my mom popped the fancy Britax car seat we got from our cousins awhile ago into our trunk too, to which as you can see, Bella took to quite nicely ("finally you bitches got me a throne"-Bella). We still need to get organized and paint some of the furniture, but other then a few small things we are ready for our little buddy! Plus we still have more friends dropping off some toys, clothes, and books in the coming weeks. 

I feel so blessed. And have needed to remind myself when I get overwhelmed by all we have to do, the business I want to start tutoring, sorting out our finances and just everything that needs to be done- to stop and remember that God provides. He has provided for us abundantly during our entire relationship and attempt to get our sweet pea. It was always in His timing and plans that were better then ours. I worry about everything all day and today's Easter service helped remind me how generous God has been and will continue to be. Basically, I need to calm the fuck down. (Thats right, I talk about God and say fuck in the same paragraph. What of it?). And continue seeing where good things are happening in every seemingly dark place.

We are so excited! I think boyfriend might explode from happiness. And every time he talks to baby mama she continues to confirm that she wants us to have full custody. She's even planning her next job maneuver already based on us having him. 



Everything All The Time.

I feel like my life has become so stressful and overwhelming, exercise has become necessary for survival. I somehow injured the right side of my foot over the weekend and it refuses to get better so I tried to rest it a few days (it's seriously painful even while resting, let alone walking) but couldn't take it anymore and finally just went on the bike for 30min today. I could feel how down and gross I felt everyday this week even though I was still eating healthy and sleeping well. I can't function with my work life being so crazy busy everyday, everything we have to do for little buddy, and never getting to see my love. I've actually been kind of depressed lately.

What kind of life am I living? I work a corporate job I almost always hate, run errands, and clean all week alone. Then try and shove as much fun into the weekends as possible. How is this my life? What choices did I make to get here? It's rather dramatic of course, but still feels real. My job isn't that bad, it's just not my passion and I am working toward my career goals by applying for teaching and tutoring jobs so something is bound to come up. And there's no getting around the bf's work schedule just SUCKING and my life being full of chores and cleaning to support my man who works so damn much. Plus I am tired all the time from constantly being woken up by him coming home at 4:00am and not being able to go back to sleep.

So yes, I am fussy ALL the time. And yes, exercise relives my stress and rejuvenates my energy. Gives me something to do only for myself- for an entire hour. And lifts my mood so I don't want to punch people in the face all the time.