Now that we've addressed the shoe issue, I have begun collecting all of the dresses I could wear to work as well. Now, I like to get multipurpose dresses- meaning, the dresses I buy need to have at least TWO functions...if not multiple ones. Most of these I could wear to dinner...weddings...work...the club...or even paired with flats for easy out and about for errands. Now these aren't even expensive suckas! Between $30-$60 each!
We're in love! We're in love! And we don't care who knows it!
Mr. Boyfriend (aka birthday boy) and I were having quite the conversation today on chat (he was at work and I was doing like a million things, chat is so handy sometimes!)...he kept telling me how amazing and beautiful I am...like, a lot. He usually does, but something about today had both of us extra expressive of our feelings. Then he sent me a song he'd been waiting to send...which he prefaced as being serious...Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. Yeah, talk about it. So we were discussing how lucky we feel to have each other and how we've both been through a lot of shit and brokenness but that it led to each other. He discussed his commitment issues before me, but how he doesn't have any now. I asked why. He asks if he can call and explain. I say of course!
Me: Hey babe!
Mr. Boyfriend: Well, I wanted to tell you that the reason I don't have any issues now. Is because I am in love with you.
Me: GASP! Oh my God! I wasn't expecting that! I thought you were just going to tell me a story! Oh my God! (and before he could start freaking out I made sure to add the)- well you know I love you very much too!
We gushed more after that and he's on his way home from work now, so probably more after that too, but OH MY!!!! We've theoretically talked about it a few times already, and I pretty much knew he did and was just waiting for him to figure it out/be ready enough to finally tell me. We apparently both knew when he visited but didn't want to say it just based on the excitement of being with each other feelings so we both, without the other knowing, decided to wait. He wanted to wait until we were together...and I wish we could have too, but it just wasn't going to happen- we couldn't wait any longer!
I KNEW 2012 was the year of LOVE!!!
Ok, time to go gush in my personal journal too- I feel like my heart is going to explode everywhere!!!
I've realized lately I've been dressing a bit too casually for work. It was different when I taught kindergarten so I could wear whatever was comfortable and washable...and then for 5th grade it was winter so a skirt, leggings, flats, and a decent top seemed to work. Or my few nice work dresses with leggings and flats seemed fine. And it was. When you have a contract you can wear whatever, in fact I looked better then most. But now we're back to finding a job and securing it, so I kind of have to up the ante a bit. And I'd like to be MEMORABLE for always looking good so as to attract employers. Plus...I've noticed that dressing up is a sure fire way for getting things DONE in the world. I always get helped first, asked if I need help, quick service...and in the work world people take you much more seriously male or female.
So, I have two pairs of low heeled shoes I can wear for work but they're rather old and I'd like some variety so I've been perusing. Taking a cue from Joan Holloway again (and my poor on-my-feet-all-day soles) lower heels are the way to go.
Step one: Shoes
For summer and spring dresses and skirts, won't rub the heel!
How darling are these?! I imagine them with a black pencil and billowly polka dot top!
Baaaasically my favorite kind of show but with a little heel! Sign me up!
this fantastic image is on the cover of the amazing valentines gift I'm making for my new BOYFRIEND.
Ok, so we all know I am head over heels for Mr. Boyfriend (new upgraded name from birthday boy- I felt like it was time to move it on up). But SERIOUSLY, everyday I fall more and more for him. I'm just so twitterpated!
-Mr. Boyfriend sends me a song EVERYDAY for me to wake up to. They are almost always super romantic or sometimes funny country ones to make me laugh. I want to share with the world all the lovey songs because they are so sweet, but at the same time I know they are his little messages to me of how much he cares about me because its hard for him to express it himself (in fact, thats what he told me) therefore I feel like they're so private and precious.
-Please read with a touch of southern accent- "Sometimes I have a hard time telling you how I feel because I feel like such a creeper when I do! Like my heart is WAY ahead of things and my head is always telling it to calm down. My heart is like a chattering squirrel and my head is a grumpy old man. The two are always fighting."
-He's planning on me meeting his entire family over the summer at his brothers wedding and is SO EXCITED about it. But apparently in the south meeting the family isn't as big of a deal as it is for the rest of us...its considered pretty standard actually. But he keeps talking about showing me off to all his brothers and friends and ex girlfriends we're sure to see at the local bars (yeah, the south is different). I just love how excited he is about ME, like I am this precious treasure he wants to show to everyone.
-He found a cruise he wants to take me on in October. He'll be moving from Brazil to a new place (hopefully HERE) and wants to take 3-4 weeks off...one of which spent with me on a super fancy Mexican cruise! He planned it all out with his military discount so we get the best room and amenities and then he found all these on shore excursions he thinks would be fun for us to do too- seriously, this is what he does in his free time and then tells me about it. I WANT TO KEEP HIM!
-He tells me how much he misses me and all the things he misses...insert sweet things here...like "hearing your voie. looking into your beautiful eyes. randomly kissing you. brushing your hair away from your face. us laughing together for hours"- I mean come on, what am I supposed to DO with this guy? I just heart him so much!
Everyday I don't get called to sub I FREAK out about money, job, my future, etc. I am already tired of applying and not hearing from ANYONE. Today I realized that doing it everyday is a bit ridiculous and no wonder I am overwhelmed and tired of it, so I decided that Mondays and/or days I don't get sub work will be my applying days. It's very time consuming and tiring to scour and search for the jobs...tweak a cover letter for it...and shmooze the resume too. I could easily spend hours and hours doing it boarded up in my room everyday and the rest of the time being depressed about not hearing from anyone.
Last night I didn't get a sub call and then couldn't sleep because I was so stressed out about it. So now not only am I depressed, grumpy, and stressed out about my life...but am extra fussy from lack of sleep.
I did spend some time praying and journaling about my head and heart this morning. I also decided that days I don't get work will be praying and meditating days when I first wake up to calm my crazy ass down and re center. The words PEACE and PATIENCE kept resonating out from that time and have often been constant themes in my life. When I think about it, its going to be ok. I've worked enough so I should have enough to cover the basics like food, gas, phone, and other minor expenses, and when I don't my parents slip me a $20 so I can fill my tank. But I just don't feel like I'm LIVING. I'm stuck in my parents suburbia house all the time because I dont feel like I can spare any money to do anything, I can't afford health insurance and somehow don't qualify for ANYTHING free from California, I can't afford mental health services which I need to be in so this looming depression doesn't finish creeping up, I'm afraid my 188,880 mile car is going to die at any moment and I have NOTHING to help me get a new one, and I'm just stuck. Granted, I've only been home a few weeks and I in no way regret my decision to leave Slovakia where I was barely making any money anyway and was lonely, depressed, and over worked all the time. But I suppose I'm just impatient. And scared.
And so tired.
Time for nap.
BUT I did feel myself going down the depressed and grumpy road and called Melissa to hang out later instead of moping home alone tonight- I'm getting better at this.
Wish me luck.
and PS: things with the boy are just as perfect as ever. I've had so much time to talk with him lately, its been so precious for both of us. I seriously don't know how we never run out of things to talk about. I heart him. WAIT until you see the super girly valentines gift I'm making him, oh man its out of control.
So my man and I are planning our next rendezvous, which looks like will be in the SOUTH in the SUMMER so I can meet his family and be his date for his brothers wedding which he is the best man for. While I am throughly enchanted by how excited he is for me to meet his family and see where he is from...somehow spending some SUMMER in the SOUTH feels like a recipe for disaster for my fussy socal genes.
So obviously I started pretend shopping...
The average high for June and July is 90+ with I am assuming 100% humidity (kill me now) and they are definitely more casual and conservative down there then we are here (bye bye leopard print flats), plus I have to make a good impression on the family. To me, all of this spells two words: COTTON DRESSES.
It's hard for me to veer away from my natural style of little dresses...black...bright prints and patterns...and random weird accessories. I am a city girl through and through. BUT a little vacation to the country getting to be the hot new girlfriend on my mans arm IS appealing if I still get to wear little, but conservative dresses, and some heels. Maybe I'll fish tail braid my hair and throw in a flower too- just for an overall effect.
NOTE: I did make my bf promise we would NEVER live there. Oh, the stories I've heard! So I can at least survive a few days.
Oh yeah, and I am WELL aware January isn't even over and I am already gushing about summer. Such is the life of a long distance lover...
Off and away this weekend with some of my family up to the mountains of Big Bear. A snow storm is promised tomorrow so I am looking forward to bundling...sledding...snuggling...and getting cozy with my family.
Plus a break from the rents, house, and suburbia is quite a treat.
Job Update: *might be able to meet with Obamas campaign manager next week through a friend to see if I can work with them traveling and the whole deal. Would be amazing! Still applying for other jobs...but its starting to look grim besides this. It's really fun to spend a bunch of time applying for jobs and then hear NOTHING back from them. Oh, I did get one rejection email back yesterday. At least theres that.
The snow and vacation this weekend has me feeling inspired...
After being an awesome 26 year old independent woman living on your own for over a year...and majority of that being far far away in a European city...its not always easy to move back in with the parents. Especially when daily your father either:
a) literally yells at you for not cleaning the kitchen...even though he's been home doing nothing all day...and you've done it all week long...
b) nags you to get married and give them grand babies
c) NEW!* nags about how your new amazing long distance relationship isn't going to work out, how all those guys cheat, and how distance never works for anyone.
I need to figure out an escape plan from here asap.
Besides the parent factor, I am drowning in suburbia. My friends down in the city are doing all these fun things mid week and I can't go because its so far away and I have to work the next morning! It's so frustrating! I keep trying to remind myself its "only temporary" and that I'm "being smart and saving money"...but Im not sure how much more I can take and its only been 3 weeks!
I only got work 1.5 days this week due to the holiday Monday, some scheduling issues Tuesday, and going out of town on Friday. Worried this substitute thing isn't going to work out after all. I applied for a few more jobs today though! Woohoo!
I need to get in a better mood! Grumpy McGrumperson!
Well I managed this week pretty damn well, even though I couldn't figure out WHY I felt so shitty all week. I was soooooo tired, irritable, sore, and just had this general feeling of ickiness all week long. I still had a pretty good week with the kids I was subbing for, but ended up so snappy sometimes and couldn't figure out why.
And then it hit me.
1. dealing with a pretty bad UTI over here
2. was getting sick, with my fever last night and today and my swollen and sore throat (I know I know, the irony of me getting sick after only being back with the kids a week is NOT lost on me)
3. have freaking PMS! Which made not having carbs on my new stupid diet annnnnd not hearing from the boy and being PISSED about it so much more understandable! Plus explained the exhaustion, moodiness, and general soreness.
Had a good cry and nap when I got home and had just woken up and decided to mope when my boy finally called.
First words out of his mouth were, "Oh my God, its so good to hear your voice". All of his drama seems to have finally worked out and the baby is ok, he goes back to Brazil on Sunday. After I made sure he was ok I told him I was angry at him for not contacting me all week, and when he listed his excuses...which of course were semi legit...I still said they weren't good enough. Lost your phone? FIf you cared enough to talk to me you'd figure that shit out. But he was honest with me and said he was busy trying to get everything figured out and then when he wasn't doing that he was just sitting and being pissed off and upset about everything, which I know is how he deals with stuff. Last time he had serious stuff going on it took him a week to tell me about it, he's an avoider. When I told him this he was like shocked..."whoa...you know me so well its like, scary". And yes, yes I do. I told him its not ok but quickly realized until we're in the same place long term there's not a real way we can work on this without it just being me freaking out and then nagging...and its not a deal breaker for me so it's ok for now.
However, my sane self was commended because of course he missed me and even gushed about our recent time together as being "amazing" so I gave myself a pat on the back for not entirely going down the crazy "he doesn't like me anymore!" route.
A lot of things to do and people to see this weekend, here's hoping I'm on the up and up!
So my new "boyfriend" and I last spoke SATURDAY really briefly because he had the baby that day and then his temp phone expired and he was supposed to go home Monday so why bother refilling? Understandable. Fine.
THEN I don't hear from him until a FB message on Tuesday, thinking it'd be a "I made it back to Brazil babe!" message, but apparently A LOT of shit has happened there and he won't be able to go back to Brazil for probably another week. Now, everything was super legit and he wrote me about it including a kind of, "Im so sorry you haven't heard from me! But everything is crazy! Here's a list!". So I was totally understanding. I mean, the list includes personal health issues...serious money issues...and even scary stuff with the baby taken in an ambulance to the hospital issue so I am totally understanding. But. Now it's almost Friday and I have still yet to get a phone call or any other messages. Not only does my skin crawl when I don't get to talk to him everyday like we normally do, but I am just plain worried about him and would like an update.
BUT guess whose keeping a low profile? Crazy Lady.
Thats right! Crazy lady in my head is NOT sounding off with the "you haven't heard from him?!? he doesn't like you anymore!!! panic mode!!!" siren. She tries to rear her ugly head sometimes but gets shut down pretty quickly. Either I have really become a grown up, gained confidence, or just finally trust that this one really does care about me even if he's busy. Probably a mix of all three. Aren't we so proud! The only issue I do have, is that- if he is going through so much right now, why isn't he talking to ME about it? We are each others "person". We talk about everything together, especially if we're going through something serious. We both do have other people we discuss things with...but didn't he just ask me to be his girl friend? Aren't I supposed to officially now be in the best friend zone too? I know he's a bit of an avoider when it comes to problems...it takes him forever to talk to me about serious stuff...so that could just be it now. But either way I am super bothered. Plus it doesn't help that we spent 3 days together being extremely vulnerable with each other and then he just disappears....or that I am definitely PMSing...or that before he came and didn't have a phone he still managed to call me almost everyday from his parents house phone.
I messaged him Wednesday asking him to call me when he had a chance because I miss him. We'll see how long it takes him and how much more mad I can get.
Managed to come home from work with a sore throat and fever! Back to work with children 4 days and already sick again, how am I a real person.
The first time.
School and sometimes your parents will prepare you for the physical act of sex.
Friends and movies will prepare you for the emotional part of sex.
But NO ONE prepares you for the "honeymooners syndrome" that is soon to follow!!! And let me ASSURE you it does not occur just after the first time, but any damn time you haven't had sex in awhile or if you have a lot of it any time. Oh, so the fact that my now boyfriend (eee!) lives far away and we only see each other for a few days every few months and have ridiculous amounts of sex basically means my poor lady will be getting a UTI after every boyfriend visit. Even DESPITE the fact that last year my doctor gave me pills to take after intercourse to try and prevent them.
I don't have any insurance or money right now (my welcome back to America present) so I just get to be extremely uncomfortable and have to pee ALL day. This is REALLY fun when you're a teacher and are only allowed to go at lunch and afternoon recess. I feel like I'm going to die.
Sorry lady, abused yet again.
So this is my warning to all of you out there. If it's your first time, be prepared! If you haven't seen your bf in awhile and are hot and bothered and want to get it on a lot, be prepared!
"Sweat pants, hair tied, chillen with no make up on,
that's when your the prettiest,
I hope that you don't take it wrong"- Drake
Theres this weird thing that happens with you know someone has totally fallen for you (and hey, it helps if they're long distance too). It's like you finally feel so absolutely beautiful and loved for who you are and how you look, you just stop fussing so damn much. I think many people call it "letting yourself go", which typically has negative connotations, but in someway it's really just a woman freeing herself of all the pressures facing her everyday. Do you know how much work it is to look hot all the time in order to attract a man? And even if you just cover the basics, it's like constant grooming is needed at all times! Let's make a simple list just to get started of the constant expectations on a woman considered to be beautiful:
1. keeping hair color updated every 4-6 weeks
2. keeping hair looking fresh and pretty everyday
3. keeping finger nails looking decent every 1-2 weeks
4. keeping toenails looking decent every 2-4 weeks
5. sunshine or lotion so you dont look like a vampire
6. shaving legs 2-3x/week
7. shaving under arms every other day
8. shaving or waxing lady every 2-4 weeks
9. flossing and brushing teeth everyday
10. whitening teeth
11. professional cleanings 2x/year
12. eating healthy and maintaining or constantly trying to lose weight
13. exercising every day or a few times a week
14. contacts or hip glasses
15. eye brows
16. face care
17. birth control
18. perfumes and/or nice smelling lotions
19. cute clothes and accessories
Ok, so some of these most men also do...but they really only care about the basics and thats because thats what WE care about and they want to be close to us so they do it. Otherwise, I doubt men would even change their clothes or brush their teeth everyday. And HELLO the expense of all this crap just to be a normal woman is just downright ridiculous.
And now for the first time, I genuinely feel free. Ok, so I am back on a diet after gaining weight over the last few months, and most of these I will continue to do just because I am super girly and enjoy the pampering/break from life. But the amazing feeling that comes with not HAVING to do them in order to attract a man or keep a man is so inspiring! For instance, my eye prescription expired, my last pair of contacts ripped the other day, and I somehow lost my newer glasses, so until I get paid over the weekend and can afford the $50-$100 for the appointment and another $40 for the box of contacts I am stuck wearing these old black glasses I forgot even existed.
But do I care? NOPE. And even while birthday boy was here I didn't shave my under arms, pluck my eyebrows everyday, wear make up, style my hair, etc. And did he care? Oh, hell no. I was naked, wearing no make up, hadn't washed my hair in 2 days when I caught him staring and he said the echoing,
"every time I look at you, I say to myself 'wow, how did you manage to get this one?'"
In fact, he's said a version of this more than once! And never when I'm all decked out in my little hooker dresses and fake eye lashes, I mean he loves that, but not in the same way. It's always when I'm wearing glasses...no make up...naked with all the parts I think are ugly about my body fully exposed. That's when he values me the most?
I guess I forgot what people say about long distance...and what I used to say after the failure with PAG actually. Here I am just skipping along, and yes- the distance sucks but its been doable and ok for us at the same time, and then BAM uncle exclaims at the whole table for everyone to hear "long distance never works!" at last nights family dinner. Wow, thanks.
At least I still have my good girl friends (and even my parents surprisingly) who are supportive and keep whispering in my ear "long distance CAN work if you both want it to" when I am feeling blue. Plus, a man who pursues the crap out of me and spent years away from his previous girlfriend without ever cheating on her- I trust him. I've definitely seen both sides of military men...the ones in Bratislava who had girlfriends back home and were still sleeping around...and the ones who loved their girls back home and while everyone was out partying they were in their rooms skyping with her and couldn't be happier. I literally know birthday boy isn't out being a nut because he's in his room happily talking to me most Friday and Saturday nights. Plus, I think he sees his Brazil world around him...and how superficial everything is when you're only there a year...it seems like he really values our friendship more than anything else (which is how it should be). This is his last embassy tour, he's been doing a year or two in different countries for almost 5 years now. I learned the whole difference and value between real friends and superficial ones after my first 6 months in Europe- he must be an expert. Plus, he's like me- it's not even really that fun to go out anymore after you've been partying for so long...and when the person you want to party with isn't even there. His words:
"Its like...not even fun going out anymore. The entire time I'm thinking, 'oh my girl would look better in that dress'...'that girl isn't as hot as mine'...'I wish she were here'"
teehee he likes me.
So we still socialize and everything, but its kind of hard to notice anyone else in the room when you're head over heels for someone else. But I'm not going to deny this shit is hard...it just doesn't feel impossible. And he's so on board and serious about it why would I even argue?
But now that he's gone it does feel like all of the air and life have been sucked completely out of me. I don't think it helps that I'm broke and don't have work. Theres nothing to do but either clean (oh fun) or fiddle around missing him.
I dropped off my favorite this morning at the airport, cried on the way home a bit and slept the rest of the day only awaking to hear he got in ok to all of his stops. And that he missed me already- of course.
But now I am getting ahead of myself, lets start from the very beginning.
I was frustrated with him for missing his flight in the morning and then not double checking and flying into LA instead of SD...but even more so when I found out the reason he was late was that the mother of his child was to drive him to the airport that morning and be his alarm clock- OBVIOUSLY she did not wake him up and then he missed his flight. I was NOT happy and we had to have a talk about trusting crazy with ANYTHING. Good Lord. (Another highlight was when she STALKED hotels in socal trying to get ahold of him because she "needed the babies insurance card" which was where it always was...And why couldn't she call his cell phone? Her endeavor was complete with a FB message to ME about this too...I've never even talked to the lady! Boundaries?)
Anyway, I made sure I looked like I just walked off a movie set when I picked him up, obvi, and the reunion was just...well, perfect. I had thought maybe there would be weirdness between us because we haven't seen each other in so long, but it ended up feeling just the opposite. It was like no time had passed at all. Like we had just been in Bratislava together the other day and we picked up right where we left off. AND we got to be that pretty couple in the airport kissing which I didn't even think about at the time, but bonus! When we were about 30min away I asked him to check the hotel to make sure our reservation was still good before we drove the rest of the way...something may have happened and we ended up standing outside a Starbucks freezing cold (in my slutty "picking up your long distance semi-boyfriend" in the airport dress of course) trying to pick up wifi so we could find the hotel number. I was in charge of ONE thing. ONE thing only. Making sure we got to the hotel. And since the Marriott and Courtyard-Marriott pretty much have the same stupid name I fucked it all up and we ended up staying at a decent inn close to my parents house for the first night. It ended up being ok since we were both tired and didn't loose too much money out of it or anything. And through all of this, I have to say we did pretty damn well. Both of us are super easy going and just want to be together so although we were tired and just wanted to BE IN A BED we were both fine just figuring things out together. Plus, we couldn't really be fussy with each other anyway by then because we'd both messed up.
When we finally got to our room we were so excited to be together we were just talking and talking and being all giddy we literally had to make ourselves stop laughing to be semi serious and have some sex. I played some of my favorite lovey dovey songs...we dimmed the lights...and I believe his words were, "this feels perfect". And it was.
The next morning we attempted to sleep in but crazy woke us up by calling and there was no going to back to sleep then, plus there was a marathon of "Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal" on the OWN network and we both got SO into it we ended up watching it ALL morning together having the best time teasing the people on the show, analyzing them, and figuring out what would happen next in all of the stories. Oh seriously, we watched like 5 of those suckers I think, even while he brought me up some of the free breakfast so we could eat together in our room, totally were still watching. After we checked out I took him to get In N Out and to my local beach to eat it...it was beautiful out and we were walking and so romanticle and happy. Neither of us had been to the beach in forever, it was like a present. We still had a few hours to kill before the epic dinner with the rents so we went to the movies and snuggled all up watching Sherlock Holmes 2
THEN it was "The Dinner" with the family. It ended up just being my parents and uncle and aunt...no brother and no friends I guess. Mom made my favorite Puerto Rican food and I must say, it went absolutely wonderfully. They asked him the normal questions, he answered perfectly, and by the end we were joking with my parents in the kitchen while he and I did the dishes for everyone. Word on the street is that my family liked him and he liked everyone too- mission accomplished!
Thursday we'd planned on going to the zoo or Sea World, but after the extra plane ticket he had to buy to come out here and you know my broke ass...plus we lost pretty much an entire day together...so obviously the natural choice was to stay in bed all day eating snacks and watching movies and having amazing sex in our big luxurious bed at our hotel downtown. The hotel was in a historical building from the 1920's, San Diego Bank and Trust, and it was SO SO COOL inside! It couldn't have been more perfect. We did break to get happy hour at House of Blues, which had a really good DJ and drink specials. Then we grabbed some Mexican food to eat back in our bed and stayed up almost all night not wanting to go to sleep and have to wake up to say good bye today.
As always, here are some private ones I am willing to share...
-"every time I look at you, I say to myself 'wow, how did you manage to get this one'"
-"come on, you're like a NINE, are you kidding?!"
(for the record, I totally look at him the EXACT same way)
...those precious moments when we were wrapped all up in each others arms whispering sweet or funny things to each other...I could tell he kept wanting to tell me he loved me. I KNOW RIGHT. He was hinting that he wanted me to say it first whenever I am ready so then he would know to do it, and I said no way Jose. Girls always know before boys do...we even know when YOU do, we're just waiting for you to figure out. He sneakily brought it up a few times but I didn't want him to tell me if he felt embarrassed or afraid...because then I feel like it doesn't count. I want him to be sure. And besides, I didn't trust my emotions after all those post-sex hormones and didn't want to confuse my excitement of seeing him and us not having much time together with feelings of love. It's there. I am just trying to be careful!
...we already talk about our kids, wedding, and future together like its nbd. Usually we're just joking around, but HE brings it up and it never feels weird to talk about it.
...our last night, all tangled up with each other...he asks:
"So...do we have an official label now that I came out here and everything?"
"Well I dont know, thats up to you. You're the boy, you're supposed to make the moves"
quiet for a moment..."Ok then, -insert my name- Will you be my girlfriend?"
And boom, I have a boyfriend.
cue exploding hearts!!!
It's funny though...as excited and happy as I am, I am also relatively calm about the whole thing. It's just all so easy...like "well, yeah" to every step we take together. And since I have found this recent peace about my life cards of maybe being single for a long time and just doing my thing...everything thats happening with him are just these fantastic added bonuses. I get frustrated with him being so far away and am jealous of all the couples who get to live even on the same continent...plus I get so overwhelmed by his marine life and where it will take him...or us...but whenever I tell him my fears he just holds me and says, "how about we just take it one step at a time and cross all those bridges when we get to them". And I know if we want to make it work, it will. It's odd how easy and hard everything is at the same time.
So now the plan is for us to go to Mexico in the spring. Maybe a cruise out of here or to Cabo or somewhere where we can just relax and be together. I love us.
So here is to romance! 2012 starting out with a bang!
Oh hey lady, why aren't you spending the day watching movies naked in bed with your favorite lover? Oh, is it because you woke up this morning to him calling to say the person who was supposed to wake him up didn't and he missed his flight? Oh and the only other one he had to drive 3 more hours to get to and wouldn't be into San Diego until 9:25PM? Oh, and then somehow "his dad" helped him rebook the flight and ended up accidentally choosing LAX so now I have to drive 2 hours up and then 3 hours back down to downtown SD afterwards? Oh, awesome.
HUGE RED FLAG of him blaming everyone else for any problems and not doing things for himself. If one of my students came in and said "oh my mom didn't wake me up, sorry" I'd LAUGH in their face and then ask why they didn't set their own damn alarm clocks like everyone else. I know he's the baby of the family, but this is ridiculous. If it was some kind of weather or serious issue and this happened I wouldn't even care...but there has to be someone to blame other then just random occurrences here.
He feels horrible putting me out and losing time with me and I know his travel day just got 10x longer so I kind of feel like he's getting what he deserves for over sleeping...but come on, man the fuck up and set your own alarm and buy your own fucking ticket. Good Lord.
My welcoming of 2012 was pretty quiet this year, which I was oddly perfectly fine with. Happy as a clam to just snuggle with some of my favorite girls in the world eating too much and wheezing due to laughter while playing cards. Fun, easy, and relaxing. Next year hopefully I'll have money and can make it to vegas or will live downtown for something fun down there, but for now I was perfectly happy to just relax with loved that I missed very much.
I've decided that 2012 is the year of LOVE!!!
I have 5 weddings to go to so far, one of which I am in, and one of which they just got engaged last night (so exciting!). Don't tell...but I feel a little bad for the brides since at this point its difficult for me to continue to get excited about the dresses, flowers, colors, location, ring, etc. I've been talking about it and seeing pinterest boards for them SO much thus far it's almost just standard convo at this point. But I will say that all of this wedding and marriage business has me really happy about not having to plan a wedding right now...or in the near future really. I had a great time looking at the location with the bride for the wedding I am in...but became SO glad I wasn't her and had to plan all of that. It might be that things in my life have been extremely stressful the last 2 years so the idea of planning a wedding, getting all our shit together, and committing myself forever to someone is just WAY too overwhelming. Or it might be me trying to secretly convince myself I don't want to be getting married when secretly I am just jealous. Or just a mix of both? No idea.
But I am happy to report that someone has entered the "I cant stop thinking about him!" phase of the relationship-thing. Unfortunately the mix of not working and being on holiday with too much time to think...not getting to talk to him as much because we're both busy...and the anticipation of his visit has me questioning all kinds of things and being all crazy when left alone for too long. I'm calming down slowly as well as simultaneously getting more and more nervous about his impending arrival. But since we're so close with each other now, I wonder if once I am with him again it will feel more like home than ever.
Tomorrow is the last day to get everything done before our three amazing days together!
Such a precious way to start the new year.
So here is to 2012, the year of LOVE. For all of my dear friends celebrating their love through marriage with their chosen favorites. To all of my loved I am so happy to be living near again. And to wish me and all my other single girls lots of luck in maybe falling for a good one. NOT in finding the fictitious "Mr. Right" we've all made up in our heads where we finally meet him, fall in love, and get married...but just luck in falling in love with whoever makes your heart sing.