Thursday, February 28, 2008

what a day

wow things are getting crazy! ive been trying to find time to pack this week but its been really hard...i have such a busy schedule already, fitting anything else in is ridiculous.

i did manage to clean out my desk and get some books in some boxes. tomorrow im going to try and clean under my bed (everythings in boxes down there, i just need to organize it more) and do the rest of my closet. then ill pretty much be done. but im so tired by friday after work i dunno how ill manage.

good news! today i had an interview with the executive pastor at Daybreak church in carlsbad. i interviewed for the 5/6 grade position and was "offered" to maybe also do childrens administrative support since 5/6 is only 2 sunday morn services and time to prep...which isnt a lot of hours per week. i think he really liked me and wanted to introduce me to the childrens director right away and come visit sunday morning...good signs! as i thought about it more and more i realized how much ive forgetten my passion as ive worked for doug doing his admin work. i mean, its a good job ive learned a lot and it was a season of my life...but its not anything im passionate about. i love kids and i dont even work with them! i love kids, art, travel, humanitarian work, and culture and i do nothing with any of those things. weird. so although its a scary thought to leave my "secure job" looks so much brighter to me to go for it.

so on sunday, besides moving im going to visit daybreak and "catch the vision" as we like to say in the biz. IM EXCITED! but im also really chill about everything. i keep feeling like i should be more worried about my future than i am. im just relaxed and ok with how everything will play out. everythings going to be fine. im sure of it. maybe its because ive been having lil quiet times every morning. maybe its because of these new supplements im taking. (not Temocil if u were wondering). or maybe its because i started smoking pot. whatever it is, i like feeling relaxed and not so fricken anxious and in planning mode all the time. by the way, i have never and do not smoke pot. it was a joke. laugh.

lolas been eating her right foot a lot. i have some foot spray i should spray on it. we used to have to use it on bella because she would chew her feet all the time. thats why they're brown. but lolas never done that. i think its allergies. this is a sneak peek into what my life concerns have become. my crazy dog eating her right foot.

tonight i made stir fry and me and micah had our "last" dinner and LOST night together. annie started ditching me like a month or so ago for many reasons...including but not limited to:
-being sick for like 2 months
-being really tired (story of her life)
-boyfriend AKA Fester
-vegas with fester
-berkley visiting friends

so much for sushi and LOST nights with ur friend annie. she should include footnotes with her verbal agreements.*

i have to get up at the crack tomorrow and work on homework all day/work at the office. BLEH!

i cant believe im moving out! this is so weird!

oh you know...2 blocks from my house. whatever. hehe.

*please note im joking and am in no way upset with annie for having a life outside of me.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

cooking woes

so last night i made a vegan "burger" hash, but i made it with turkey (i eat turkey and chicken, just no other meat and no milk:)..and it was SICK. i followed the recipe exactly and it wouldnt have been so bad but of all things, the turkey tasted weird? and i felt really mad and frustrated because i spent so much time shopping and cooking it...ok not that long, like maybe an hour total...but i was just sad.

so tonight i had to make something else. i made a vegan macaroni and "cheese", and its REALLY good! yay!

yesterday i also tried to make some "energy orbs" out of blended dates, coconut, and some other thing i cant remember...but i got everything ready and then the blender wouldnt go on. so i asked my dad who was watching me cook kinda (he was cooking too), and he said, "oh yeah, its broken" hello, you couldnt tell me that before i had everything ready and in the blender? the blender was a wedding gift to my parents from my great grandma. its like their favorite thing in the world and they're really sad it broke:(
sad broken blender.

in other news. ive started packing (finally). its weird. me and micah came up with a genius idea to just take the drawers out of our dressers and desks and move that way. i love it. but i still need to clean things out...i have so much junk even tho i try and clean it out once a just builds up.

every night around this time, wormys eyes turn like this bright bloodshot red and im pretty sure she smokes pot when im not looking or something. maybe shes just tired. haha.

ok, im gonna go eat some more of my yummy macaroni and cheese, and unhealthy girl scout cookies (not at the same time:)


Saturday, February 23, 2008

a lovely day indeed

last night i went to bed at about 5pm, woke up about 830...made myself some dinner and caught up on my In Treatment episodes, then went back to bed around 11pm and woke up today at 10am. how did i get to be such an awesome sleeper you ask? i have no idea, i just rule at it. plus ive been feeling sicky/allergy lately:( so it makes me extra tired!

well quick post while my casserole finishes, then im off to micahs for a dinner party! tonight i made a tuna casserole with no milk. and i ran out of plain soy so theirs a little vanilla soy in it and a little milk too...haha. not much tho do it still tastes good.

anyway, today i went with my best girls up to irvine to meet kelsey! we all missed her SO much and had a really fun time laughing and catching up. then kelsey got mad for no reason and it started raining and everyones sick so we all got tired but i kept making people go shoe shopping. but it was still fun. and i finally got some new flats and heels which were VERY needed. and i got to experience H&M for the first time! YAY! i got my heels from really is as cheap and lovely as everyone says it is! and its not all cliche and makes me angry like urban outfitters does.

soooo i have a job interview next week! its for that 5/6 grade job! it was kinda an awkward phone conversation, but im really excited that this could possibly work out. if i could do that and work both the receptionist job and for Doug on Thursdays or Fridays then id be stoked! and then Europe wouldnt seem so impossible...grrr...

im excited to play with my other besties tonight too...whoa, some of the petals from this boque of roses right next to me just fell off...that was cool. anyway, tisha is in town from victorville so im excited to see her! its been FOREVER! and of course micah and tamara are real fun too, so its going to be nice.

ok casseroles done, time to go...the girls wanted to say hello:

Friday, February 22, 2008

a survey if you please!

special thanks to the lovely and talented Brittany Sara for this one:)

1. Its 2AM on the weekend, and you are not home. You are more than likely:
at annies passed out drunk from drinking straight bacardi (dont do this. it was an accident. it sucked)

2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
new cutie pink ipod nano i apparently dont like that much because i havent done anything with it yet. i just really like NPR ok.

3. What do your bank checks look like?
haha disney characters kissing...and they're pink. very me. very non adult like, haha.

4. Where did you get the shirt you are currently wearing from?
haha this is my ex boyfriends moms sweatshirt, ridiculous. mind you, we broke up in 2004...this is very old and very soft and cuddly.

5. Name something that was on your Christmas wish list.
LOST season 3. got it. so good. thanks uncle and titi.

6. What color is your toothbrush?
blue and white. i need a new one. they dont make pink toothbrushes for adults, it sucks.

7. Name something you collect.
elephants. i have a world wide collection...india, africa, latin america, good.

8. Last restaurant you ate at?
Freds in PB with cass and annie. it was racist and our waitress sucked. needless to say it was a good time.

9. Last person you bought a birthday card for?
brother, november. woot.

10. What is your worst bad habit?
biting my nails and picking my nails when im nervous or bored. poor pointer finger lost his life to LOST last night.

11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?
to many...Allure, Glamour, Vanity Fair, Vogue. all were free except Vogue ok, so get off my back!

12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
mushrooms...garlic...pesto...i love pizza.

13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
i havent seen a phone book in years. how r they still in business?

14. What is the last thing you cooked?
i baked temph so i could sautee it tonight. im turning into quite the little organic vegan chef!

15. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy already used?
lingire. although it was an option at the last estate sale i was at. yikes

16. What is the last thing you remember losing?
i currently cant find my linguistics book and im having difficulty doing homework for the class now!!! ARG

17. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
we have a horrible lamp we just cant seem to get rid of

18. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
shoes...o jeez i need to return those...opps. i have sensitive feet. very fussy with my choice of flats.

19. What perfume/cologne do you wear?
Lovely by SJP

20. Your favorite board game?
CLUE! professor plum!

21. Last board game you played?
scrabble. i rule.

22. Where did your vehicle come from?
mom. keep truckin lil acura!

23. If a movie was made about your life, what would the theme song be?
landlocked blues -Bright Eyes

24. You're sad. Who can cheer you up easily?
bella and lola. they are like my meds or something, seriously!

25. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
pink! i was a bridesmaid, i was the prettiest (according to my friends and family who HAVE to say that), it was real lovely

26. What chore around the house do you hate the most?
fricken dishes. i hate doing other people dishes, i dont know why it makes me so fussy but it does

27. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
with pesto and tortolinni pasta. its a special meal i rarely get to eat, on account of the zantac needed following the meal

28. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:
vanilla with pink vanilla frosting. mmm

29. What is the status of you and the last person you texted?
micah ficah. one of the besties!

30. What is wrong with you right now?
i have allergies and im all sicky. and its friday so im REAL tired too. and its cold out so im cold.

31. What do you wear to bed?
underwear and old band shirts. i cant help how cool i am ok.

32. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
probably. i tend to over analyze people and situations...makes for complications.

33. Are you friends with all of your exes?
not really. we arent on bad terms but we just have very different lives now. plus, hes weird and im cool know. (hehe)

34. Whose house did you go to last night?
micahs for LOST night. so fun!

35. What's the most interesting thing you've ever eaten?
boar in Italy. it tasted real good actually.

Finish the sentence

Hi, my name is ... esther

Never in my life have I ... had sex. what? im just being honost! and im sure u were ALL wondering, haha.

The one person who can drive me nuts sometimes is ... friends...not naming names

High school ... was a waste of time. i should have just gone to mira costa and been done with school by now, damn!

When I'm nervous ... i eat my nails

The last song I listened to was ... andrew bird, fiery crash.

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor .. of right now i think im going to let all my girls be the maids of honor, well see.

My hair is ... red instead of blonde now.under a hoodie cause im cold and its casual friday.

When I was 5 .. i was weird, i would sing and dance round the house and play dress up and barbies and be really fun. i wish i was 5 again.

Last Christmas ... i was supposed to go to New York:(

I should be ... nothing, im and work chillin

When I look down I see ... boobies, haha

The happiest recent event was ... going out to dinner with cass and annie, we laugh a lot. its real fun.

The saddest recent event was ... my mom came home last night with food poisoning! and my dogs keep throwing up! whats going on?!

If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be ... a mix of pheobe with a lil monica thrown in

By this time next year ... ill be getting ready to GRADUATE!!!

My current gripe is ... i cant get my loan until june and i need to buy europe trip stuff! im nervous!

I have a hard time understanding ... why i feel like crap all the time

You know I like you when ... i look at u lots and smile. im a nice girl.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be ... parentals!

Take my advice ... listen to your friends, they really love u and want whats best for you.

The thing I want to buy ... europe trip 2008

If you visited the place I was born ... u could see disneyland from the window!

I plan to visit ... europe 08 with cass molass

If you spent the night at my house ... you wouldnt get any sleep because my dogs r ridiculous and my dad bangs around the house until like 2am

I'd stop my wedding if ... i found out he was cheating one me...or if

The world could do without ... ryan seacrest.

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than ... join the marine/navy/airforce

Most recent thing I've bought myself ... a few new shirts and got them tailored:)

Most recent thing someone else bought me ... my boss got me flowers on vday! yay!

My middle name is ... Marie

In the morning I ... HATE my life

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are ... piggies

Last night I was ... watchin LOST with ficah and kelsey in spirit and eating tofu from my purse, haha.

There's this guy I know who ... doesnt love me. i more guys loved me.

If I was an animal I'd be ... one of my dogs, their life is amazing

A better name for me would be ... Ruby or Penny or Lady

Tomorrow I am ... SLEEPING IN! then lunch with besties! then dinner with other besties! its gonna be a good day!

Tonight I am ...running errands, then cooking myself dinner, then sleeping off this sickness!

My birthday is ... october 6th. im in denile im turning 23 so id rather not discuss it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

american idol

today me and the rents went to check out my new place. they liked it.

i mean, how could they not, its pretty much the best place ever!

im tired. but im attached to american idol. i really like some of the guys. they're so sweet, and they have such nice voices. so cute.

i dont wanna go to school tomorrow. im not doing my homework because "i cant find my book". they're just lucky im showing up...except im paying to be there...hmm.


Monday, February 18, 2008

going through my mind...

im so self centered...

why do i feel so down on life?

why does my brain keep talking and talking and talking to me?

why do i think so much?

why am i so f-ing tired all the time...

i hate school...

i miss my friends, i wish we hung out ALL the time...

why cant i feel Jesus anymore, talk to talking to you...

i wanna be happier...

i wanna be thinner, i should eat healthier, i should exercise more...o wait i do do those things...what am i doing wrong?

i overanalyze things.

i think i dont give boys a chance. i dont really meet any legit single boys. all the good ones are married or live life from the pants. is this why im single or is it because i need to eat healthier? is it because im so introspective?

why am i being so introspective?

why are my moods so moody? like one day im happy and the next day im out on life and unmotivated by everything im involved in.

i feel like ive lost purpose in the things i do.

i feel A LOT of pressure to not be single...from a lot of people. like theres something wrong with me...its because i go to school with all girls and work with all old men and dont date boys from bars...there u go, problem leave me alone!

i need to clean my room. i need to start packing. i cant believe im moving out.

i need to be happier from the inside. i want to be joyful everyday. i cant live my life so up and down all the time. i just wanna be medium all the time.

im really funny, people think im fun. thats nice. i miss those people.

i like it when people wonder where i am and call me because they miss me. its a nice feeling.

i think im really lonely. i need more social interaction with my beloved friends.

im so irritable all the time, how would u like to live ur life being annoyed by every little thing all the time...its so frustrating. i wish i wasnt like that. i really do.

how do i stop overanalyzing myself so much. its exhausting.

this isnt even everything.

Thursday, February 14, 2008


today im going to cook some organic vegan one pot pasta. it has vegetables, im using tofu noodles, baked tofu, and its all cooked in one put in under 30 minutes.

i need to buy a new mattress. id like to get a full size one so ill have more room in my new room. but its not a ton smaller then my current queen, so i might just stick with the queen...especially if it means i get to keep 100-200 dollars in my pocket.

today i worked and learned new things! i really wanted to know what it is i do, so i researched the different financial stuff my boss does (and what i do admin for) and then we did a bunch of packets of shifting money and all the admin that goes into doing this. it was a lot of work, but i liked learning new things. at one point me and boss were sitting doing paperwork and i was supposed to be filling out the name and address of a client on a form, and i definitely put my own name in the form before i caught myself. we didnt have very many of the blank forms so i had to go try and find a new was really embarrassing and funny. i laughed.

and then my boss got me and annie flowers for valentimes day and another lady here got us each a bag of candy. me and annie got little kid valentimes and attached lolipops and gave them to the people here. ok ok, annie got them and i just signed my name. hehe.

tonight im taking my food to micahs so we can watch LOST together and be fun. tomorrow im going to work here again, and then afterwards i have an appointment with a natural doctor. im nervous because a lot of times they just try and sell u things and i dont have any money or patience for liars.

i think im going to go home now.

its really cold and rainy outside. the weather this morning said it would sunny today. they lied (again).


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

HUGE news!

well its official.

im moving out.

March 1st.

im moving out.

to carlsbad, off of tamarack, two blocks to the beach.

im moving out.

bringing my doggies and their antics

im moving out.

sweet room mate whose busy but fun just like me

im moving out.

just until annie and jordan get it together and new roomie graduates in the spring

im moving out.


in other news...
i miss my friends kelsey and olivia. i just wanna hang out with them all the time.

i wanna go to disneyland real bad!

my cousins coming the weekend after i move for 10 days. hes real fun, i think we will go to disneyland.

i just saw the most beautiful boy i have ever at my school, thank goodness they exist.

ive been keeping up on current events a lot lately. i turned nerd and listen to NPR now and i really like it! i even like the "marketplace" time because i learn about the stock market and in turn, my job. and i read the newspaper (free at school). except sometimes i get overwhelmed by all the sad things and have to turn things off. thats why i dont watch tv news...too intense.

all my classes i thought i would like i dont, and all the classes i thought i woudnt like i love.

im sucking at doing my school reading because i dont like taking my ADD pills cause they make me irritable. i need to go to the doctor. im falling behind in school and i dont understand what shes talking about.

i started cooking! (be proud, i sucked and only ate lean cuisine before) i made a DELICIOUS organic vegan spinach tofu lasagna from my "students go vegan" cook book. AND organic vegan ten minute brownies that are equally delicious. ive been eating the lasagna all week (saves money and its healthy!) and now i think im going to make some "temph nuggets" and some baked tofu to put into a "one pot pasta" dish. im AWESOME! i really enjoyed doing it and i found it relaxed me and made me feel good about myself.

ok, now i have to do homework and go to class...BLEH

how can u not LOVE her.