Monday, August 08, 2011

Hello My Name Is: Crazy Town

So someone has been super psychotic lately and that someone might be me.

Ok, I DO have some serious stress in my life with trying to make future plans in case my mom has to get treated again in the fall...or if I want to come back in the winter...or what is going on with the boy. But instead of thinking rationally and calmly like normal me would do, I'm all anxious and depressed about everything. Its like...a serious problem. I haven't been wanting to do anything lately which is always the sign for me that a serious depression dip is looming. Therefore I think we can safely say my birth control pills are the cause of the crazy.

While in B-town I got off of them because of the hassle of being abroad and I figured I wasn't going to have sex (hahahahaha) and the over analyzing voices in my head slowly stopped running me around in circles and keeping me up at night thinking. I was calm, collected, fun, not dramatic, and NORMAL. Now I've been back on them and feel like a nut muffin again.

Now to figure out if I should pay American prices and figure things out here which is equally a hassle dealing with insurance, or venture back to the Slovak doctors who hardly speak English and put me on the same pill I told them makes me crazy (and that I wanted to try another one), but with a different name.

Examples of crazy from the past who is rearing her head now:
-over analyzing EVERYTHING with PAG to the point that I am not enjoying our time together. I cant just accept things as they are. I want to know everything thats going to happen and emotionally I am up and then down depending on if and what I heard from him that day. Um, not the normal me to say the least. And being off the pill for a handful of days and I already feel better.

-my mind SWIRLS at the thought of moving back here full of stress about a job, car, apartment, family, boy, anything and everything is a huge anxiety mess!

-As I said earlier, loss of interest in things I normally would like to do. I just want to sit around un showered in my bed watching tv all day. Not normal. Sometimes everyone likes to do that, but not normally everyday...

So crazy town needs to get herself figured out. I have dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life and keeping it in balance is KEY.

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