Monday, August 22, 2011

I'll Be Seeing You.

Friday night was PAG and I's last night together. We were going to go down to Coronado where we had one of our first dates and the best Mexican food of my life, but at the last minute he texted me and asked if we could just go somewhere by his work since he'd been up since 5am and was preparing to go out of town too. So we went and got some other amazing Mexican food (complete with made by your table guacamole and finished off with fried ice cream and home made whipped cream- he spoils me), and of course had a great time talking and catching up. We genuinely get along so easily and are so attracted to each other, it constantly frustrates both of us we can't try and date for real in the same city. He was going to go to LA after dinner, but decided to get up early instead and ran home and told me to drive slowly so he could finish some work and pack before I got there. We snuggled, messed around, watched some TV, and slept all wrapped up in each other like we always do. This time I actually slept most of the night! Something I never do with him! I think I finally got used to being held so tightly at I was really tired. In the morning neither of us wanted to get up. He held me so tightly and kept kissing me all sweetly on my face while I scratched his back and we just sat there. When we said good bye out at the car we were both so sad. We just kissed and hugged...I definitely got teary and I think he may have also...he complimented me up to wazoo...finally I just had to go. And with a "I'll be seeing you" and a blown kiss I was off and away again.

It was all too familiar.

But the last few weeks have also shown me some of his true colors. Unanswered texts, unreturned phone calls, disappearing again, waking up at the crack of dawn and working until late at night and therefore being constantly tired, some of his beliefs too, were all red flags I am glad to be documenting. I don't want or need another Number 2 on my hands, or worse: who I become when I have a Number 2 on my hands. An emotional mess. But its difficult to tell how he really is since I am not permanently here. Could just be a busy time and his frustration with me leaving. I'll never know until I am really here. So I decided to back off while I am gone and see if he decides to pursue me at all and see how I feel about him too. Sadly, I have the feeling he won't contact me. He's always "so busy" and it's difficult for both of us to want to put anything into feeling something when it just can't work right now.
We'll see what happens.

One more thing. I think us not spending too much time together while I was here was a really good thing. We still obviously care about each other, but didn't spend so much time investing in each other only to have me leave again. This was more his lead then mine...we all know I am always all in even if it means hurting a lot later (which isn't necessarily better)...but in the end I see the value in it. We both still know something is there, but aren't a hot mess while apart.

I am SO curious to see if anything is still there when I move back. Until then...back to being single and fabulous in my little Euro city, and I'm so excited about it!



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