Thursday, July 28, 2011


PAG asked me today when my fun Vegas weekend with Annie came up,
"Do you ever think we're in different life stages?" (further explanation was requested) "Like, how you're so excited to go to Vegas with Annie this weekend...and I would have 5 years ago..."

Which led us into a conversation about how, actually, we're in the exact same life stage. I was too scared to tell him "UH, aren't you trying to find someone to be serious with, marry, buy a house, and have babies with?! Because OBVIOUSLY so am I!". Instead I decided it was a good time to go into the speech I've been preparing for a few days about how much I like him, how despite what he may think I am not some crazy party girl and that I actually do want something serious, how sorry I was for my behavior in April that led him to ending things, etc. We talked a lot. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss over video chat...I was hoping to get into it while we were snuggling in bed or something...but the time was then.

I really have been thinking about my life lately. How I do want to put roots down somewhere. How ready I am for something serious. Romance. Marriage. House buying. Babies eventually. The whole deal. And how fucking around in Europe is fun, but not fulfilling. And not getting me any closer to the things I actually want. (and PS I feel too old for my crazy behavior there anyway)

I am annoyed by his lack of making time for me though. Tonight he's going to meet friends for a bi-weekly get together, which is super cute and fine, but I am going out of town for 3 days, have hardly seen him all week, and he cant make sure he's done by 9 to spend some time with me?

I am starting to feel like I am chasing after him, which is rather draining and not appropriate. But maybe I need to look at it differently. I kind of fucked I am laying it all on the line now...if he wants me, he wants me. Otherwise I need to start convincing myself that it's going to be ok and that there ARE other amazing people like him out there who DO want me.



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