Sunday, July 10, 2011


Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Get ready for the best post of all of our lives.

But lets begin with asking ourselves, WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?

Ok so Friday night we went to our usual Primi with everyone. We're all having an AWESOME time, Z isn't being weird, I'm dancing with my best girls here and we're all just so happy. Then more of our friends show up, one of them being birthday boy. I was kind of pissed that I didn't hear from him all week so I was ignoring him until roomie convinced me to forget about it and just go for it...I believe her exact words were "Girl, you're leaving for a MONTH, haven't gotten laid in awhile, can't even get yourself off, and I know you just want a big black penis to have sex with- so quit being all analytical and go for it" It was HILARIOUS. But I had to think about it a bit first because I think I want a relationship...although hot sex with a beautiful man in my little European city is hard to pass up.

I played hard to get, then seduced him with my dancing, yelled at him for ignoring me and made him buy me a drink, annnnnd next thing you know its 4a and we're at another club making out on the dance floor. Yep- that girl again. I had decided to NOT have sex with him just yet and he was just going to walk me home, but super hot make out outside my door led to "wanna come upstairs"...

...And here's where things get fun...

I took a shower while he tried to call his commander guy and get clearance for an overnight, I come back and commander is sleeping and not picking up, and birthday boys military 5am curfew is 30 minutes away. So we try and move quickly, which isn't really my style and made me feel like a floozy (and he felt like a dick) but we were both drunk and hot and bothered so it didn't seem to matter at the time.

We're LITERALLY right about to have sex (you know this moment) when his phone rings with our friend telling him he needs to come and get the cab with him to go home for curfew in 20 minutes.
So that was fun.

Second attempt is going well but then I can feel him deflating...and I'm drunk too so everything for me isn't working right's good but not as amazing as it could be when I hear...

"um. Can we stop"

"yeah sure, your kind of done huh."

"um yeah...that- AND I feel like I'm going to throw up"

"Oh God (push him off), don't throw up on me, do you need a bag?!"

phone rings again telling him to go NOW to get the cab

He's apologizing profusely and is SO embarrassed while rushing to get dressed he forgets to put on his knickers and undershirt. Carrying these in his hand he's almost out the door when...

"Uh oh. I'm going to be sick..."

And yes, my lover then threw up in the trashcan in my room.

Once again, CLASSY.

He took the bag out and carried it, along with his knickers and pride, and left to get the cab apologizing to me the entire way.

I believe his last words to me were, "I'm so sorry...this was terrible...I'm so embarrassed...can we have a redo sometime?"

Award for worst hook up EVER goes tooooooo- ME.

I could not stop laughing, I tried to make him feel like it wasn't a big deal but it was also SO funny I couldn't handle it! We've been texting since then, but probably won't be able to see each other again before I leave.

And so we end where we began, WHY IS THIS MY LIFE? REALLY?

I guess thats what I get for being a floozy...

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