Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wanna Freak Out Your Boyfriend?

Wanna freak out your boyfriend? Then consistently bring up how scared you are about the future and/or how frustrating being long distance is (as applicable). Of course the first handful of times he'll comfort you as usual...but by about the 3rd time in a week he'll begin to get nervous and you'll feel like an asshole for making him as insecure as you. Voila! Freak out successful.

Now don't worry, I realized how ridiculous I was being, apologized and everything's fine now, but the future is always just so up in the air with us it stresses me out. We pray everyday he'll get posted in San Diego in October, otherwise what are we supposed to do then? Just keep loving each other in different places and never get the chance to spend enough time together to see if it's the real deal? End things and try and move on? The options are overwhelming. And we were already supposed to know where he'd be in the fall by now, so this "any day now" news leaves me nervous.

Its funny to hear the long distance friends encourage me with "you got this!" and all the rest look confused and bewildered at how much we love each other, how much we trust each other, and how we make it work so "easily". He just put in his time for leave at the beginning of June for his dads 70th birthday family celebration! He's insisting on buying my ticket and already has the entire trip planned (including driving routes) and saved for- it's pretty much the cutest thing ever. I have to remind myself, boys don't fly girls out to meet their ENTIRE family unless they are pretty dang serious.

There is this HUGE part of me thats nervous we're going to have to live together if he doesn't get posted here.'ll be the only option and our families will kill us. And I know it's my adult decision and I can do whatever I want to...but I am such a compliant child it would be very hard for me to go against something my parents have been SO adamant about since I was young. Guess it'd be worth a few therapy sessions- ha.

New job is still going well, yay! Learning so much and getting paid Friday means I won't be so stressed out about expenses and bills all the time. Borrowing money from parents simply for gas to get to and from work for the week was a definite low point- glad this is over. And my hours vary from 24-32 right now as I am learning the projects/procedures but soon I will take them over full time like a real adult. However, I feel like after 1-2 months I'll already be doing beyond the intern level of work and am not sure how and when the transition to a real job will take place, I don't want to get screwed over...good thing my boss has my back. I find myself anxious to be done with the initial learning and actually have ownership for activities and projects however small.

Been thinking lately how growing up isn't nearly as lovely as I thought it'd be.

But I think we have a ways to go.



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