Apparently Obese.

Oh did you know that according to the "always accurate" BMI index Ms. Christina Hendrix and I are considered obese? YEP.

So fun huh!

As mentioned before, I gained about 10lbs since I moved to Slovakia and back...I really just wanted to lose that and maybe 5lbs more. However...I've been on weight watchers more or less for 3 months now and totally sucking at it. Have gone up and down and am settled at the same weight now that I was when I began. With less then 6 weeks now until the bf gets to see me naked again after 6 long months (eeeeeee!!!), I kind of wanted to feel sexier then I did before. More comfortable in my own skin than I usually am. This has been a struggle.

Since I know I am not what I usually am, I am super self conscious about everything and am SO NERVOUS about him seeing me and thinking I look worse then I did before. Even though I am the same as when we were in MS together...I am being ridiculous. And a man seeing ANY woman he loves and is allowed to bang after 6 months isn't going to care AT ALL...but still.

So there I was. Feeling like crap. Getting my gym stuff together. Trying to get my shit back together. Trying to meal plan until my head was spinning....When birthday night happened. When the above picture happened.

When I remembered, DAMN GINA! YOU'RE A HOT PIECE OF ASS!!!

After not getting dressed up like this for awhile...after having NO ONE compliment or look at me (I work with all nerds)...I kind of forgot? And I forgot that socal is obsessed with looking like this:

When really my man (and most men outside of our little socal bubble) prefer my booty and boobies WAY over a stick thin blonde. Even if he wasn't with me he wouldn't go for that. This is hard to comprehend, let alone remember. In fact, after I met his friends in Tupelo they told him later "that chick is fucking HOT man! I would do her!" which although crass, isn't that how every girl wants to be described? Sexy. Hot. Beautiful. Desirable. 

I am really close to just canceling my weight watchers subscription and continuing to just make healthy choices almost everyday, but I genuinely think it makes me aware and at least maintain my current weight so I am sticking with it. Trying to say good bye to my nagging voices though. I always thought I'd have more confidence when I got older and these nagging voices would go away...and they've definitely gotten quieter. But they are still there. I suppose for all of us they always will be in some sense. Also hoping after I have my man around and SOMEONE noticing when I wear a new dress...or telling me I'm beautiful...or desiring me everyday...will help with this little blip too.

Girls are funny aren't we? Somedays I feel like the sexiest kitten around...and the next I want to wear sweats to work and cry. 

xoxo

HL