Monday, September 10, 2012

Worth It.

How do you know it's worth it?

After boyfriend and I have little arguments or "serious discussions" as I like to call them, we both walk away frustrated with ourselves, each other, and even somewhat panicky like "Oh jeez are they going to break up with me over this?!" or in my case, "Are we going to have to argue about this forever?! Do I really want this?!"

The Difference. 

After spending the weekend not getting to talk much due to our schedules we finally caught up Sunday evening and both came to the table with new talking points.

Me: I think I need to give up some control over inserting my opinions and solutions having to do you and baby mama. Someday I will get to have a bigger say but right now its the most stressful time between you two as you sort this out, and right now I think you are right in that I should back off.

Boyfriend: I've been thinking about how I make rash decisions without thinking them through and then you get frustrated with me. I attribute this to my military training, but I am going to work on it because I can see how it effects decisions I make in my life and upsets you.

The difference between the relationships that don't last and the ones that do is this: when you truly love someone and want it to work, you figure it out. You don't just throw in the towel and say screw it I'm finding someone else. Instead, you care enough to think about how you could be better in the situation. Try and make changes. Care.

Every time he does this with me I am shocked. I got a little teary eyed when he just started the conversation with, "so I've been thinking about what you said..."- I have a man who values me SO much he will do anything to not lose me. I know for a fact he's never been like this with any other woman...cared enough to make it work. And all of those words were before he went into his spiel about missing me so much and how distance really does make the heart grow fonder because everyday he realizes more and more how much he loves me. I know. I'm dying.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. I am not used to being loved by a man so completely in this way (but who is? Until you're lucky enough to meet the one you keep...). But I will admit, now that I've let this understanding of just choosing to make it work because you love the person...I am less afraid of living together. Afraid may not be the best word, worried perhaps is better. Less worried. We won't ruin everything and hate each other unless we let ourselves. Or realize the bad outweighs the good and it isn't worth it. Then maybe we'd go our separate ways. And it'd be ok.

But none of the fears I have will ever come to fruition unless we let them. And then we only have ourselves to blame when things fall a part.

Also, I've recently become obsessed with vanilla wafers and home made iced tea. I'd highly recommend both at the same time sitting outside.



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