Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer.

Apparently I am RIDICULOUS.

Last night we had a party for the one marine we haven't met yet, apparently a black guy from Mississippi. We all met at my flat and went together, I was SO excited to see Z and had been looking forward to it all week, I was hoping it would be a good night for me to continue trying to figure out if he was into me or not. We arrive and rather quickly the birthday boy starts very overtly flirting with me. Z is acting his crazy self and I just thought he was being goofy and I was still a little annoyed I couldn't figure him out yet. I was talking to everyone, but then birthday boy would want me to talk to him...then Z would be acting crazy and I'd talk with him...back and forth all night. Finally, birthday boy asks to take me on a "tour of the house"...which I've already seen. I still don't have Z figured out, so I decided...oh what will it hurt...and we go on a tour. He overtly compliments and flirts with me like a 15 year old kid, then we kiss a bit before going back into the party. Confusion doesn't begin to describe. TWO attractive and sweet guys hitting on you at the same time...but one your not sure if you can even call it that because he's always crazy anyway, isn't he?

The highlight of the evening might be me between the two of them in the back seat, with birthday boys arm around me on one side...and Z trying to hold my hand on the other. I was SO confused.

The rest of the night was drama trying to get everyone into the clubs...but birthday boy decides to be a little bitch the entire night and crab about how shitty his birthday party is going...and Z loses his keys and just mopes in the corner. I am OVERWHELMED by both of their attention, I just decided to do my thing and see what happens. Then we run into Africa on the way to the club. Yeah, that happened. I could NOT deal at this point and just tried to ignore both of the them the rest of the night.

Wake up in the morning and my friends tell me their observances. Apparently I was paying way more attention to birthday boy (even though he just turned 24, and leaves in 3 months), and Z was trying to get my attention the entire night then moped because it wasn't working. To them, it looked like I chose birthday boy and was ignoring Z-who was CLEARLY showing me he was into me all night. Ladies and gentlemen, unbeknownst to me- I was a player. I couldn't make a decision (didn't really feel like I had to since I just me both of them) so I just played both of them...at the same party.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I didn't mean too. I just didn't know what to do, so I was just nice to both of them.

However, it comes down to this: Birthday boy is hot, a good kisser, and very sweet...but pretty obviously just wants to get laid and then is peacing out. As much fun as that would be, I think I would rather jump off this one night stand and 2 month lover train and try to embark on something more serious. I've been realizing the lack of actual relationships in my past love life...they are all just these little weird things of a few weeks, or that one entire year "kind of" relationship of some guy treating me like shit. I could see something substantial with Z for at least a little while, I enjoy his company so much and am very attracted to him.

But I may have fucked it up already. I just didn't know what was going on! I called Z today to maybe apologize and invite him to go to lunch with us, but he said later for a movie and dinner would be better. So I am all excited all day...then call him at the designated time and he says he's sleeping. So yeah...no reconciliation. We'll see what happens tomorrow, maybe we'll end up doing something.

Not the brightest crayon in the coloring box this weekend.