Wednesday, June 22, 2011


So much.

Monday We took out a friend for his birthday, roomie kept buying me drinks even though I said I only wanted one and then wanted to go home, but noooooo all of a sudden laughing all night turned into her trying to hook me up with the birthday boy, and then we were the most wasted we've been since I've been here and we had to carry each other home at 2:30a. It was RIDICULOUS. On a Monday? Really?

Was feeling too sick to go into work Tuesday (I know, failure) and now that its the end of the year so we aren't doing much anyway...and both girls have called in for the same reason recently too, so I stayed home feeling fluish and sleeping all day.

After I slept in a bit and checked my email, got a message from mom saying they found something in her lung that has a 50/50 chance of being cancer but we won't know until a second scan in September. So here I am, sitting in bed feeling like shit and crying my eyes out because all I can think is that my mother is going to die, soon. I was trying not to freak out, but couldn't help it. I already feel guilty for being so far away after she's been so what?

I talked to her later and she explained that its not that big of a deal and the procedure to get rid of it is simple...but the bigger deal is that if it is cancer then that means her chemo didn't work and its basically only a matter of time. So that was fun.

To top off my shitty day, Africa decides he finally has time for me and calls me twice and chats me on FB. He was just acting casually, like "hey Im done with my exams finally, how are you". I tried ignoring him because I just wasn't in the mood to deal with anything and was actually angry that with everything going on, I couldn't even call him because he was "busy". But he called me out on ignoring him, so I had to get into it. Lets start with, IT SUCKED. I tried to explain how I felt about it being inappropriate for him to completely ignore me for 9 days, that if he's busy then thats fine, he can be busy without me. I'm not waiting around for him. But he genuinely did NOT understand, and I just felt so horrible. He felt like since he told me before that he would be busy all week, I should be fine with it. He just felt like he was right and I was wrong, I was so frustrated. But I am emotional about so many things right now, I am still confused about how much to put up with...was I expecting too much from someone? I want a guy who puts me #1 and if he isn't that then I should just peace...right? I just wanted some texts, a FB message, SOMETHING. I understand being busy, I am busy...but I still MAKE time for the people I care about.

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