Friday, November 06, 2009


You may not know that this has been the equivalent of my hell week. Ive been EXTREMELY stressed out all week due to a huge Teacher Performance Assessment (TPA) take home test we all have to do. Its literally at least 8 hours worth of work when I already have very little time to do homework as it is. PLUS I am taking my final CSET tomorrow and have had to find time to study for that...will be doing that today and spending the rest of the weekend trying finish the TPA, yippee:( So every night I have had to take ibprofun for these awful headaches I get from such long days and then have to try and work on the TPA or other homework. And I haven't been sleeping very much because I'm so anxious about everything I have to Im a bit of a mess.

Luckily, although very tired and still have bouts of fussiness, I am surprisingly joyful and doing ok. Normally I get pretty depressed when I get stressed out, but now this time. Could be that I take better care of myself. OR it could be because he still calls me everyday, sometimes 2-3 times to tell me funny stories or "just to hear my voice" because "he misses me". I know right, swoon. OR because I had to google the other day "what does love feel like" because sometimes I so sure Im falling in love. OR because he doesnt ever even use my name, he just calls me "beautiful", as in I pick up the phone and he always says: "hey beautiful". Yeah, who is this guy?

A 5th Date:
Number 2 and I had plans for Saturday evening late for a drink. Why was it going to be late? Oh, because his sisters are throwing a benefit concert for the hurricane victims in the Philippines and hes in charge of playing with his nieces during the event. He loves them. Its freaking PRECIOUS. But. We missed each other already. So when he texted me last night "I wanna see you" just when I was about to throw my books in the fire and call it quits on school in general, I gladly accepted his offer. I got to wear a new dress. And we went to a nice lounge type bar in La Jolla. We got to cuddle and talk a lot and it was so nice, and just what I needed. We tried to talk about "where is this going", but I think we are both still too scared to push things just yet. I'm scared of getting hurt and I think he's scared of getting his heart broken. We have issues. Who doesn't. I find out about Teach for America on November 12th, that will definitely influence things. So for now, we just know that we love spending time together. and that "I'm constantly on his mind". and that we like each other. I'm trying to let that be enough, but its hard. And I'm finding there are no right ways of going about things. There are so many options and ways I could handle us, any of them would "be fine" I just have to pick one.

Of course all of this doesn't help me sleep at night either. Oh the analyzing.

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