Thursday, February 07, 2013

Be: In Every Moment.

Another blow to my tender little heart yesterday when my love slowly and quietly springs on me 
"So...I am working all night Friday. And...Sunday night I start the night shift until further notice" 

So yeah, yesterday and today have been emotional. The only "consolation" is that he may go to school mid March for another program and the nights would be over...but then he'd be half way across the country for 3 months and we might have to move somewhere else once he's done. I know it'll be alright, I know this is what I signed up for in falling for a military man, and I know I should be thankful he isn't in Brazil anymore. But only getting to see your best friend and love in the entire world before you go to work in the morning each day is rough. We cherish in few hours we get together at night as it is. 

However, this is not a post about my whiny heart. On the contrary. 

We are learning to live in the moment like never before. You never know how long you have to be with someone. We've felt this in the boyfriends time with his little bear, my time with my mom while she was sick, and now with each other over the last year. Finding we have to balance allowing our heart to hurt, while at the same time enjoying the precious time we do have in that very moment. He likes to pretend he isn't sad when saying good bye to little bear. Everyone else will be crying and he'll be cheering everyone up trying to remind us it won't be that long until he he'll be with him again. Trying to cover up any emotion, be the cheerful strong one for everyone else, not feel things. Meanwhile whenever something sad is happening or coming up I start to fret about it. It casts a shadow on every moment and time. Dread and sadness fill me up so I can't enjoy the moments I am having. He is practicing feeling things, and I am practicing not letting my feelings impair me from enjoying life. We aren't perfect. We are learning to balance. 

This new change in our time together is just another brick in this path toward the balance we are seeking. Making every dinner out, every hand held, every kiss, cuddle...all of it count. 

And now I'm all emotional again.

If you are going through this with someone you dearly love too, I wish you peace and perspective in your journey toward balance. I wonder if any of us ever get there? 



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