Monday, November 07, 2011

Well, Darn.

Well, shit. It would appear that I am depressed again.

Let's see...irritable and impatient with others, don't want to socialize, eating crap, drinking too much to not feel sad, have to force myself out of bed to do anything, negative about everything, not enjoying things, etc.

Miss Depression likes to rear her head on average every 2 months. Sometimes she's triggered, sometimes she's due to a mix of things, and sometimes I don't know where it comes from but suddenly it's like all of the not-so-great things about my life go from fuzzy to focused and I just don't want to deal with it anymore so I'd rather snuggle in bed.

I guess lots of things may have triggered this recent onset, so I shouldn't be surprised. So much stress with work, friends rejecting me, mums health being frustrating again, trying to figure out if we should move, money regarding said move, and just the overall loneliness that sets in when I am feeling stress and pressure from so many things and have no support system.

I am trying to fight it the way I always do...exercising more, fresh air and sunshine everyday, going out with friends and faking being happy the entire time until Im either drunk or have convinced myself for awhile, eating healthier, and taking mood stabilizing supplements. However. All of that is awfully a lot of work when you don't even want to get out of bed.

Plus, the amount of alcohol I drank this weeken: OMG. An entire bottle of wine myself on Friday, 5-6 gin and tonics on Saturday, and another bottle on Sunday. But honestly, it does help me feel better. And I'm not becoming an alcoholic just yet so letting myself indulge in a few hours of feeling happy seems fair for now.

I can't help but feel like a crazy girl, broken, and like no man would ever want a woman like this. Who randomly falls into these depressive states. Roomie keeps telling me its normal and reminding me of how many women are REALLY crazy and have amazing men in their lives- why am I any different?

But I just feel shitty.

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