Thursday, November 24, 2011


I am learning so SO much being here. About myself. About the things everyone in the world has in common, and all of the differences. Friendship. Relationships. Sex. Money. Work.
Seriously, so many things.

A lot of things have happened which made my old "friends" here completely stop inviting me to things and talk a lot of shit behind my back. It was so hurtful and the rejection has been so difficult that I literally didn't even know what to do besides cry. I can't only hang out with roomie and her bf and the occasional work friend- it's been so frustrating. Plus add the depression, constant work stress, and missing home. Needless to say, its been tough.

The dinner I went to last weekend with a different ex-pat community though, was AMAZING! It made me feel better about not necessarily being best friends with my old friends here who ended up rejecting me. Instead I got to spend the evening eating an amazing pre-Thanksgiving turkey dinner with people from all over the world. Our table was all girls and we got to talk about politics, gender roles in society, psychology, social ethics, SO many things! It was seriously, just fantastic. I couldn't find anyone to talk to about those things here, NOTHING genuine or interesting- they just wanted to talk about sex and clubbing last weekend and we had nothing in common besides drinking so what are we supposed to even do if its not a Friday night?

So I've been working on valuing my relationships all over the world with my real and forever friends. The ones who truly know and love me and who I can completely be myself and talk with. My therapist and I are also working on my being more open and real with newer people instead of "faking happy" all of the time. Of course not being a basket case with strangers, but also how am I supposed to make new friends if I don't invest anything? If I don't even try? Not to say I haven't tried, because honestly I have. But it's just time to try in a different way and with different people.

When I meet people I find interesting I am trying to be genuinely interested in them and in return, be more open and honest about my life besides just the boring work talk. And voila! Tonight I met a really really nice local girl who was kind of on a date with one of our friends but kept insisting it wasn't a date so I don't know how she really felt about it, hehe. We connected because she's 31 and single and all her friends are married or have kids and it begins to be difficult to connect with them. Plus our families were very similar, and her dad had cancer last year. I was even bold and asked to exchange numbers so we could hang out again and she was so excited! When I left she said, "Really, if you want to do anything call me and I'd love to!". So I may have made a new friend! I've also been trying to be a little less self reflecting and notice how lonely everyone else is too. Everyone wants real relationships with people, especially the expat community here. Any event thats happening, 50 people will want to come. Instead of waiting to be invited to things, I am going to start being proactive in creating my own events and doing my own thing. And will expect surface level friendships from most, but also work at creating deeper friendships with the few.

These are the things we're learning.

So it's time to try and be more proactive...arranging events, calling people to invite them, getting new friends numbers, etc. And stop working so damn much so I can actually have a life. the same time...someone still just wants to move to Brazil ;)

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