Friday, July 27, 2012

A Home of Ones Own (Big News!)

Well some lovely things have occurred!! 

After not hearing from the potential room mates all week. And boyfriend beginning the paperwork for his extra off base pay he gets a month before he starts work January 10th, and again hinting, "well you could just live with meeeeeee". I finally made the decision I am sure you all knew was coming (but I didn't!!).

This winter, boyfriend and I have decided to live together. 




But heres what happened. I thought through the backlog of reasons I had for not wanting to...and realized I was being kind of ridiculous. So in an effort to explain myself, here are the reasons I initially didn't want to and how I rebutted them in the end (yay adult self).

Reason 1: If we live together our parents won't approve and we don't want to be disrespectful.
Over the last few weeks oddly enough both of our parents have separately suggested we consider living together to save money, help with baby cake, and prepare financially for our future. Just now I told my parents and they were a little worried about how things were going to go with the recent baby mama drama which is understandable, but then my mother said "well, I would prefer if you didn't live together" just based on their old school values to which I replied, "yeah well I'm almost 28...not 20...and an adult so..."

Reason 2: My friends and family won't take it as seriously when we get engaged and married.
This one is funny since it just suddenly occurred to me that I take ALL of my friends weddings seriously and am SO EXCITED about them pledging their love for a lifetime together if they lived together for 2 weeks before or 2 years this is a ridiculous reason. AND the only reason we're waiting to get married is that bf wants his two best friends there who are deployed until spring 2014 and we want to save money so we can have an awesome wedding. Perfectly valid reasons. Plus, if people want to be judgmental they dont have to come. People who really love you - aren't judgmental.

Reason 3: Boyfriend will already be adjusting to a new city, new job, having his son full time, and being back in America. I don't want to add another stressful element and risk ruining something between us. 
Now this one was very legit and my main reason for not wanting to live together before we were at least engaged (knowing I'd be engaged by the literally a few months after he gets here...hahaha). I told boyfriend this again recently and he really just laid it out for me. Made it so simple. Don't you think if anything it'd make it easier for me to adjust...having you to come home to?Already if I've had a bad day I call and talk to you about it and calm you will get to actually BE THERE. And it'd make our lives less stressful because we'd be saving money, not having to go back and forth, and you'd always be around to help with baby bear" etc. 

He was right.

When I let myself actually think about living with him? SO EXCITED. And when I vetted "the worst that can happen"...oh darn we break up and I have to move out? It would be hard, but come on, I have an adult job and can do my own thing if I need to. I have found learning to think and live co-dependently with him has been much harder then when its just me. Difficult for me to let go of my "I'm a strong single woman!" security blanket.

The hardest part actually wasn't telling my parents who hear me talk to him for hours every night, see how happy I am everyday, hear about our wedding plans, and met him when he was here in January. Nope, the hardest part was telling the girls. My girls who have never met or even talked to him I know must worry. I get so anxious thinking about what they must think about my "crazy" decision...but know its just their perspective. And its a valid one. Just from a place of love. And that they want the best for me. Plus they don't really ever say it outright in their out loud voice, so I know they are trying. I know everyone will love him though. I am genuinely not worried about it at all. And it seems so normal to bf and I to just jump right into all the social things I already do with everyone...we forget how everyone else is going to feel having never met him or spent time with us together. In a nutshell, its as awesome as I am alone...10x more awesome somehow. We have SO MUCH fun.

So since we decided yesterday (don't know how I made it through work all day) I've been looking at places we'll be able to afford now with both of our incomes, how much we'll be able to save each month (OMG SO MUCH), and made a big list of all the things we already have and a list of things we need to for sure get before we move in, then a list of things we can get soon after but aren't imperative. TOLD YOU I was getting my life organized. Now that I've decided to "sacrifice" and live at home for a few more months the money I get to save I can put toward all the things we need...the trip we want to take...paying off debt...savings...OH MAN! PLUS the thought just occurred to me that if we move somewhere walking distance to a train station I can take public transit to work everyday and we could live with one car to save even more money.


But besides money. Of course we are all lovey dovey about everything too. Waking up with him everyday...eating dinner together...talking in person, instead of skype...even just getting to watch movies together and snuggle. We don't take anything for granted. Simple things like that are so special to us because we haven't really been able to do them much over the last year. Plus all of our plans for trips to Palm Springs, Vegas, Arizona to visit his brother, Europe, Belize, Brazil...we have a long list that's completely doable to us. Even with baby bear. I am so happy.

I feel like everything was so hard for so long with my mom being sick, not being able to find work, money stress, family deaths, frustrated with my relationships with men. Just so many things. I am SO HAPPY now but struggle to ignore the nagging "don't get used to this. Its going to suck again soon". I am finally beginning to let it go and doesn't have to be can be ok and can really truly be beautiful. Not going to lie, boyfriend has helped a lot. Not because I finally have a real one...but more because I know when the shit storm does come again I have the emotional and financial support just in case. Security. But again, accepting it after being "single independent woman!" for so long is happening slowly.

Gosh, I should probably start writing more again.



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