As I've mentioned before, coming back home after my sweet time with Mr. Boyfriend has been tough. It's been almost a month and I still find myself tearing up in the car on the way home from something he should have been at with me. Or at these countless summer weddings I find myself at. Even couples being affectionate with each other tightens this growing knot in my chest. It wasn't this bad before I saw him and we had such a perfect time together. It was 8 unbelievable days of, "we get to do this for the rest of our lives?!" And then back to the reality of his internet not working...or the phones being down...now the mail isn't working...I have to wait for him to call and if I miss it then thats it- because I can't call him back. We make it work and talk everyday unless something odd happens and we're both busy. But it never feels like enough. We'll fall asleep talking and wake up missing each other already. It's hard to explain. But it hurts. And 5 more months feels like years. I just want this part to be over. I guess being on the downhill has its disadvantages- seeing the finish line make it feel farther.
Tuesday night was rough. Due to our busy schedules (and the catch 22 of me trying to stay busy so I don't get sad, but then end up missing evenings usually spent talking to him) Tuesday evening rolled around and we hadn't gotten to talk for more then ten minutes here and there since Sunday. I was getting happy hour and then going out with friends when he calls. We were both drunk and SO EXCITED to talk even just for a few minutes until he tells me what he spent his day doing. I am missing him ALL DAY and usually we talk on the phone or chat at work but I hadn't heard from him. Then he tells me he spent the day watching "our show" with another female friend of his and drinking Slovak beer with her. I lost it. Not in a jealous way because I know they are totally just friends, but just in a why is that not me right now?! I HATE THIS- way. I outright told him I was jealous but was glad he was hanging out with someone since he doesn't really get along with anyone else there after his friend had to leave. THEN the next night he spent talking to her at a party they were hosting all night too. I know they're just friends but I told him this wasn't going a good direction. "Girls are crazy babe, even if you keep talking about your awesome girlfriend, don't flirt, and think you're just chillin it's not like that. She's going to think you're into her in a few weeks if you keep hanging out like this. I guarantee it." Come on- you know I'm right.
I chose not to stress about this. I know he loves me and doesn't think of her like that. It still has bothered me but I pretended like it didn't.
It took one day.
One day and I get:
"Hey baby, I've been thinking....and I am going to limit how much time I spend with this girl so she doesn't get the wrong idea. Because I love you don't want to mess this up. Ok?"
I was in Target at the time. I had to stop walking and teared up.
What did I do to deserve this man again? Who knows all of my needs without me having to say a word? Who loves me SO MUCH he is in a foreign country and still won't take risks. Who calls me when he gets home from going out so I know he's not with some girl. How am I this lucky again?
xoxo
HL
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