Hikes, Jobs, and HAWAII!!!

You may be asking yourself, WHY is there a beautiful picture of Kauai, Hawaii on here? WELL let me explain. Remember I got a job on MW for a family? And then I've been also working for this temp job whose nanny was having an emergency? WELL the temp job offered me a 30hr/week position today! Their old nanny has just been sucking and has been out for a month so they were just finally over it. But they are offering me less money per hour...and today I was on an interview for a T/TH job that I will prob get. So I would have 30hrs/week between the MW and T/TH jobs but with more hourly pay. BUT the T/TH job was 40minutes away without traffic...annnnd if I wanted to do anything with the little guy (which I do!) it'd all be at least 2 hours away. So I proceeded to freak out all day. I analyzed what to do over and over again. I was shaking at one point...and my tummy hurt at other points. Then mom helped me calculate everything out...and realized it was about the same amount of pay in the end (they were going to throw in a gas card to help bump up the pay) annnd they offered to bump up my pay after a 6 month review. So after thinking and thinking and talking to lots of different people about what to do. I just did it. I called the MW job and told her IM SO SORRY I KNOW YOU HATE ME via voicemail (thank God she didn't pick up). And I took the job with my little babycakes baby R! I love that baby so much, Im so excited to see him tomorrow. Im also super excited to see him grow up over the next year...its going to FLY by. All of a sudden he'l be eating solid foods and walking...oh man. So another perk of this job, is that. well. They are taking me to. yes. HAWAII. Kauai to be exact. What about expenses? PAID. Are they going to pay you too? YES. Will you have time off? YES. Do you love your life? YES. We go next month. NEXT MONTH.

Also, had the hike date today with Drums. Poor Drums. As soon as I saw him I knew it wasn't going to happen. Somehow he looked and acted SO MUCH like my super ex bf from high school who I am NOT attracted to at all anymore. He even talked and laughed like him. It was weird. Plus, he ended up being a year or so younger then me and was already kind of immature. Not as cute as his pictures. Wore loose levis and old middle school looking vans (not cool old ones)...and a necklace...and a bracelet...it was upsetting. BUT he was so cute and had this backpack all packed with water for each of us, sunscreen, and a veggie subway sandwich for us to share! We had good conversation, it wasn't awkward, and we just gushed about music lots. I actually had a good time, but it was more like hanging out with a weird friend...not anything romantic.

After the emotional day and SUPER strenuous hike in this horrible heat...I am DONE. I dont even know how Im going to get up so early tomorrow. But I will, because its my first day of work!!!

my body hates life.

Also...Number 2 found out about my date and kept texting me funny things. Asking about the guy. I was laughing. Then invited me out tonight, but made sure to say it would just be as friends. I said no for many reasons...including Im SO tired and have to work in the am. Then he said, "so since your dating, am I allowed to date too?"
me: I would rather neither of us were dating other people but someone in this conversation doesn't so that doesn't leave me a lot of options does it?
Number 2: (silence)
me: ok well good night...

me and SS are still chatting...i just wish he didn't smoke so much pot and wasn't an atheist. Annie made a valid point today, "So WHY are we still talking to him?"

because Im lonely and he is filling the bestie void Number 2 left.
And because Im not that invested, I can peace at any time.
so there.

Hikes & Happenings

My version of a hike.


Tomorrow DRUMS and I will be going on a hike for our date at 3pm:) SO excited! and now the dreaded question of WHAT THE HELL DO I WEAR?! On a hiking date?! You may or may not know me...but I am not very outdoorsy. I love to travel and have been in some pretty extreme situations...but I was NOT happy about it. I dont like to complain, but I am fussy. However, I told him he just couldn't laugh at me when I die going up the giant hill...but he said the trail he chose is along the beach and pretty mellow...so hopefully I won't embarrass myself entirely.

As far as SS goes...look at what I received this morning:
Subject: sorry if i upset you
message: so i dont really like how things went down yesterday. your a cool person and we have so much in common. i think its a waste not to talk. i ll consider smoking less or not smoking if that would make you more comfortable. i think we should talk again. do you ?

then he messaged me while I was reading other boys who want to go out with me and asked if I wanted to talk or no? I told him I was still thinking about it. He apologized again. And I thought about it AWHILE. Then decided it couldn't hurt to at least hang out with the guy. He wasn't pressuring me to, but I dont want to just cut him off without ever having met him. We really do have a lot in common, and have great talks. And I truly think if anything, we would be awesome friends. If we were just friends he could smoke all the live long day and I wouldn't care.

Also, date on monday with the painter! Despite a semi awkward conversation tonight on the phone, I still decided to go for it. I just need to go on some dates!

So lets see...tomorrow Drums...Monday Painter...another day next week with SS. HOT COMMODITY.

I feel good about myself today.

SS & Jobs

Me and Stoney Starbucks (SS) were getting along so well! We were chatting online lots and even made plans to go to a movie in the park next Friday. I was starting to really like him and I was excited to be his friend. Then he brought up the pot smoking thing again...and again I told him I wasn't really interested in dating someone like that. hahaha he got all defensive and freaked out and "doesn't want to waste my time anymore". He genuinely tried to convince me that since it made him happy it was ok that he smoked everyday. He was SERIOUS. I tried to be so nice about it...and told him he can do whatever he wants, its just not my thing. Based on people I know and experience. I mean...every once in awhile is one thing...but EVERYDAY?! Then he tried to tell me I was conservative and I just started laughing at that point. How immature do you have to be to try and argue with a girl (that you totally are into) that smoking everyday is perfectly fine? He was really nice and everything, I think he was mad that I was willing to just drop everything because he smoked everyday. Uh yeah...I can find an awesome guy who DOESNT smoke everyday and is happy based on other things...ya freak.

A painter and I have also been corresponding. Mostly about art and such...we have a lot in common and live in the same area. He asked if we could get a drink sometime:) I am SO busy this weekend, so I said maybe next week. Another boy is writing with me too...I am well loved Stoney Starbucks, YOUR the one who needs to get a clue.

lets see...date Thursday with Drums...Friday night movie in the park with Melissa and Micah...and Chargers game on Saturday with Annie! woohoo! Excited for the weekend!

PLUS tomorrow I have a temp job (money for the weekend!) and I was offered a long term nanny job M/W!!! yayyyy! I start on Monday! So now I am trying to secure a position for the rest of the days of the week. I'm a little irritated...just as I have decided to give up on full time nanny jobs and build up part time ones...a bunch of full time jobs came up on the sites and agencies I use. Like 5-7 jobs! There have hardly been ANY all summer! arg. Oh well, theres a lot of competition for those and I think I can snag this temp job into being long term. Please Jesus!

Tomorrow Drums should be calling about our Thursday date:)

Drums

Who has a date on Thursday with Drums?
ME!

After we texted yesterday, I was a little forward and texted him today asking how his day was. He initially said he would call me either today or tomorrow about going out. But still, I dont like texting/calling boys first so it was a big deal. Instead of texting me back, he called me back! We talked about our days and a lot about music...we have the exact same taste, which is HUGE for me. Except he loves the Red Hot Chilie Peppers and I LOATHE them for various reasons I can not get into at this time. But besides that, we had a really great conversation. And he asked what I was doing Thursday evening...so we have a date for 7!!! I told him to think of something fun for us to do and he's going to call me Wednesday with the plan. By the looks of his picture, messages, and our conversation...he seems like a genuinely SWEET guy who is totally cute and loves music and has a real job. I'm not really sure how he is single. Not really sure how to deal with this. And unfortunately, as girls will do, I feel like he's going to think I'm fat and not like me. I mean, I have confidence in who I am and I love my hot sexy body (same measurements as Red from Mad Men here), but what if he doesn't? I tried to accurately show myself in the pictures, but what if he pictures me thinner and is bummed? ARG. I need to keep remembering, "If he doesn't want me, then I dont want him!" and thats all there is to it. Besides, pretty much any boy I come across tries to get into my pants asap...so I guess it won't be a problem. But is that a sign of attraction or do they just want to touch a girls boobs?

I'm adding a cast of characters to the side panel to help keep track of everyone I frequently mention on here. If I'm missing someone, leave me a comment! I know its annoying to be behind a few posts and not know what Im talking about.

IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!

(also probably because I may have a job offer...stay tuned!)

Oh No You Didn't

Sorry for the drama in the previous post. Recently every time I drink I get EXTREMELY sad and to top it off with MEANIE pants being a jerk face...I was a mess. I woke up the next morning more than fine, still hurt, but back on the "WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!" train and "IM WAY TO GOOD FOR THIS SHIT" bus. He called me the next day to try and smooth things over...but he didn't actually apologize and didn't want to talk about it because "hes not good with dealing with his emotions" I still dont even know why he was upset about the texts...besides his crazy response to me. Maybe thats it? Either way, it helped to kill even more of what feelings I have left for him. Of what hope I had for us someday. Do I really want to be in a relationship with someone who "doesn't deal well with emotions" and wont talk to me about things? This isn't the first time either, obviously. He'd hurt me, I'd communicate that I was hurt and why, and he'd apologize the next day and then make jokes to make me laugh or compliment me or we'd have awesome sex so I'd get distracted and fall back into being all lovey dovey. But nothing was ever resolved. Which is why we need to just be friends. Why I need to NOT call or text him when Im under the influence of alcohol...for that matter neither should he. We desperately want to be friends with each other but just keep hurting each other, which is why we try and keep our distance. I dont want to ruin what little we have left. But I also need to not care about him as much, he only serves to disappoint me.

Can I just say that I have come SO far. I am currently messaging with about 5 legit guys on the creepy online dating site. I messaged close to 10 myself trying to put myself out there...most of them didn't respond, but instead of feeling rejected I just decided to be fine with it. As my dear Melissa always reminds me, "if they dont want you, then you dont want them. done". And I have two boys who are seriously interested, asked for my number, and we're probably going to go out this week. A few more that are working up to it. Boy #1 we'll call "Drums" since he's a full time music teacher (swoon) and boy #2 we'll call Stoney Starbucks since he already told me he smokes everyday and works at Starbucks right by my house. Pretty sure Drums is a winner and Stoney Starbucks (SS for short) is going to just be a good friend. I dont do potheads. Which I told him...we IMed awhile last night, convo went somewhat like this:

SS: So do you smoke?
Me: nope. not my thing.
SS: what if it was my thing? would that change your interest?
Me: oh noooo you just lost so many points Bud
SS: I wouldnt do it around you
Me: its just very unattractive to me

we talked a little more about it. It was hard because we had so much in common and enjoyed talking to each other. But I just cant be into someone with a drug habit, it makes u stupid and dirty and I just need someone classier then that. So I think we will be friends...unless he decides to quit the habit...he tried to convince me it wasn't a habit that he just "enjoyed it". haha. yeah right.

So I'm pulling for Drums! We messaged and texted in between his music lessons...he seemed super interested and we also had a lot in common. Plus, he said he'd call me today or tomorrow. It's weird to be excited about someone else. But, I like it:)