Monday, August 16, 2010

Oh No You Didn't

Sorry for the drama in the previous post. Recently every time I drink I get EXTREMELY sad and to top it off with MEANIE pants being a jerk face...I was a mess. I woke up the next morning more than fine, still hurt, but back on the "WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!" train and "IM WAY TO GOOD FOR THIS SHIT" bus. He called me the next day to try and smooth things over...but he didn't actually apologize and didn't want to talk about it because "hes not good with dealing with his emotions" I still dont even know why he was upset about the texts...besides his crazy response to me. Maybe thats it? Either way, it helped to kill even more of what feelings I have left for him. Of what hope I had for us someday. Do I really want to be in a relationship with someone who "doesn't deal well with emotions" and wont talk to me about things? This isn't the first time either, obviously. He'd hurt me, I'd communicate that I was hurt and why, and he'd apologize the next day and then make jokes to make me laugh or compliment me or we'd have awesome sex so I'd get distracted and fall back into being all lovey dovey. But nothing was ever resolved. Which is why we need to just be friends. Why I need to NOT call or text him when Im under the influence of alcohol...for that matter neither should he. We desperately want to be friends with each other but just keep hurting each other, which is why we try and keep our distance. I dont want to ruin what little we have left. But I also need to not care about him as much, he only serves to disappoint me.

Can I just say that I have come SO far. I am currently messaging with about 5 legit guys on the creepy online dating site. I messaged close to 10 myself trying to put myself out there...most of them didn't respond, but instead of feeling rejected I just decided to be fine with it. As my dear Melissa always reminds me, "if they dont want you, then you dont want them. done". And I have two boys who are seriously interested, asked for my number, and we're probably going to go out this week. A few more that are working up to it. Boy #1 we'll call "Drums" since he's a full time music teacher (swoon) and boy #2 we'll call Stoney Starbucks since he already told me he smokes everyday and works at Starbucks right by my house. Pretty sure Drums is a winner and Stoney Starbucks (SS for short) is going to just be a good friend. I dont do potheads. Which I told him...we IMed awhile last night, convo went somewhat like this:

SS: So do you smoke?
Me: nope. not my thing.
SS: what if it was my thing? would that change your interest?
Me: oh noooo you just lost so many points Bud
SS: I wouldnt do it around you
Me: its just very unattractive to me

we talked a little more about it. It was hard because we had so much in common and enjoyed talking to each other. But I just cant be into someone with a drug habit, it makes u stupid and dirty and I just need someone classier then that. So I think we will be friends...unless he decides to quit the habit...he tried to convince me it wasn't a habit that he just "enjoyed it". haha. yeah right.

So I'm pulling for Drums! We messaged and texted in between his music lessons...he seemed super interested and we also had a lot in common. Plus, he said he'd call me today or tomorrow. It's weird to be excited about someone else. But, I like it:)

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