Sunday, August 22, 2010


Dear Germankiss86. Its not going to happen. Nice try.

Today SS and I talked on the phone for what ended up being an hour. It was so effortless. Always a good sign. AND he made me LAUGH. I never realized how important this was to me until after my date with Drums, Number 2 asked me "did he make you laugh like I do?". It was kind of a dick thing to say on this part, but Drums hadn't made me laugh. Not once. Number 2 continues to make me laugh...even when I was (or still do get) angry at him, he was funny and it smoothed things over. SS always makes me laugh too, we even tease each other about whose funnier. OOoo we already have inside jokes.

I had to move tomorrow nights date with nerdy painter to Wednesday because my girls are going to Stone to celebrate my new job and say goodbye to Heather whose moving too far away. I don't feel a connection with nerdy painter AT ALL...and from his pictures I wasn't super attracted to him either. But I am still excited to talk to him about art and make a new friend for the evening like Drums...I'm just always afraid they'll fall for me and call and want to see me again...that's what happened last year with ONE. I was NOT feeling anything and he kept trying to call and message me for another date. Luckily I started to fall for Number 2 right then too and used him as an excuse. I don't like not calling back because I just feel so awful and hate when boys do that to me, but hurting someone is really hard, right?

Number 2 and I had an interesting convo today. Still trying to shift into the friends zone and its getting easier and easier not to crumble into a crying pile every time he says something that makes it clear hes not into me. I haven't cried in ages now. He keeps asking about my dates...and I told him I dont like talking about it with him because either reaction is going to hurt and confuse me. Either he will start to be upset and want me back or he just doesn't care which hurts even more.
me: I feel weird talking to you about this
Number 2: I know but I really am happy for you, you deserve someone who treats you right. I don't feel threatened, I am confident in myself. I mean, if I really wanted you I could get you back easily.

That last one was a little tough. Basically...I don't want you.
But I didn't get upset. I just took it in stride and changed the subject. He also said some great things about how I'm like his best friend and we should probably hang out soon...and how he clearly does care about me by pursuing being my friend. But this time I didn't take it as "HE LOVES ME!" like I used to. I just took it for what it was and after we hung up I text flirted with SS instead.

I'm trying really hard right? I'm not going to lie, it's really scary to try and like someone else. I feel pretty bruised. Which I knew was part of the bargain getting involved with anyone, so I'm ok with it. But I'm just scared of getting hurt again so soon. Luckily this SS guy seems pretty awesome...not a heartbreaker douche like Number 2. He is very gentle and sweet in how he pursues me. And is very relaxed and easy going which is totally what I need in a boy or in just a new friend. Right now I am loving how active he is...not in exercising which we have discussed before as being an issue with me, hehe. But in just exploring our city since he's new here. I have a ton of things I want to do with him because he's never done them! I was really lacking attention with Number 2...we never did anything. He didn't want to take me out to eat because I don't eat meat or dairy. He never made time for me to do actual fun things. We always just went to the movies...which was fun. (Especially that one time;) But I never realized how much I want someone to DO things with. I am very social. I need to get OUT.

This is too long.

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