Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Tuesday Date

SO last night was my date with SS. was really fun?! We met at a sushi place in that he had said was his fav...yeah thats right, the two vegetarians ate sushi for the night (it's both our one weakness and a rarity so suck it.) then we went to get SUPER yummy margaritas afterwards at his other fav place...mmm mangos...and went for a walk on the beach. We sat for a long time and talked there and then saw grunions! I have lived here almost my entire life and haven't seen them before! And because he was from Texas, he hadn't seen them either.

Ok, the details. He's really cute! He said he was 5'8 but I only had tiny little heels on and I was taller then him a that was weird. He also says "dude" and "it changed my life!" about EVERYTHING. BUT He made me laugh a lot, I was attracted to him, and the conversation and evening was just so effortless. Even if there was a break in the conversation and we were wasn't awkward. It was as if we'd been friends forever. We got to talk about LOST, haha. We made fun of each other. He mentioned hanging out again and how lucky he was to go out with me since I told him I'm picky. My face hurt from smiling:) Another BUT was that he didnt try and make a move on me the ENTIRE evening. Didn't hold my hand...didn't touch my back...not even a hug or kiss goodnight. So that was really weird...he's super into being respectful and sweet and was super chill about even asking me out because he didn't want to over step his boundaries. And I've told him how gross guys have been with me just trying to get into my pants. So he might have been being really careful and slow...but Number 2 and I couldn't keep our hands off each other within hours of meeting (our connection was and is like WHOA) so this was weird for me. I didn't know how to gauge if he liked me or not. Was he just being respectful and sweet or was he just not into me? If he's just being respectful and sweet then WOW am I turned on by that. If I start anything with anyone, I'm going to have to go slow because, as we all know, I'm a little bruised. So if the boy wants to go slow too...then I am IN.

DIRT: Apparently he used to be on crazy drugs and has a really rough past...hence why he smokes so much pot now. He went to rehab before but what really helped him was the pot? He told me all about his cute family and he verified when I asked how proud everyone is of him for getting his life together...he was the problem child of the 5. He also is a super big thrill seeker...he drives his motorcycle really fast, wants to swim with sharks, cliff dive, etc. I am adventurous to a certain extent, but it worries me to consider getting serious with someone who's a thrill seeker. If Number 2 were to do any drugs while we were together I would have been SO upset. If he were to have done something crazy I would have been really nervous the entire time too. When you fall for someone you don't want anything bad to happen to's too heartbreaking to even think about, right?

DRAMA: Then Number 2 texts me and asks how it went...I ask him why he wants to know...he says he wants me to be happy...I tell him the guy was nice and whatever...then he tells me he wants to tell me ok...apparently he really hit it off with a girl he hung out with Saturday night with his friends but assured me nothing happened...yet?
"Um. I don't really know how to respond or feel about that since I've convinced myself that we aren't together because 'ur to focused and busy' and are potentially moving. because if its anything other then that I'm going to feel like shit. so yeah."
Finally he just called me and told me he felt guilty for connecting with someone else and had been thinking about it all day. Apparently she is super dramatic though and has a baby with some guy in dude...then he said, "I mean, if I'm going to have drama with anyone I think I want to have it with you". The conversation continued...I tried to put him in my shoes...I mean, he considers me one of his best friends, is attracted to me, we have great sex and an amazing connection with each other...but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me for the aforementioned reasons. So for him to even think about pursuing that with someone else hurts me so much I can't even think straight. I think he understood by the end but still wasn't sure what he wanted to do. Just because you have a connection with someone doesn't mean you need to pursue it, right?

How is it possible to hate and "love" someone so much at the same time?

I am trying so hard to put my energy into these new guys even though I'm so scared and hurt. And when I do...I get this crap. frustrated.

Tonight I go out with the painter...I think it's just going to be for fun and to talk about art.

Saturday I go out with The New Guy. I am really excited about that one, he seems pretty great too. And pretty sure he doesn't smoke pot on a regular basis.

Who votes SS is going to call me? I seriously don't know.

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