Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You Are What You Love, and not what Loves You

"You are what you love, and not what loves you"- Adaptation as well as a Rilo Kiley song for that matter.

so i have a problem.
i keep on having legit crushes on married men.
i mean, its gotten to the point where i get all twitter pated around them.
ive even started avoiding them because i dont want to act like an friggen idiot and expose what a nerd I am. and because i dont want to flirt with them, which is a problem. so i just avoid them instead.

i feel like those kids who have crushes on the teacher...
except, i should be the teacher but im the stupid kid.

and worst of all, they have families and have been married for a number of years. but they arent old, they arent more than 30.

as ive been analyzing it, i think its because im so attracted to their lifestyle and attitude. i think im attracted to the idea of being a cute young couple with little cute kids and we hang out and do fun things.

i make up these stories in my head that they think im cute and pretty and avoid me too because otherwise we'd fall in love and runaway, except i couldnt because i have to much integrity...haha. and i make up stories about how their marriages arent good and they are secretly in love with me.

i should point out that i hardly know these guys. basically i know they're attractive, nice, have cute families, and we may have some things in common. thats about it. and yet im psycho and make up these crazy stories.

it sucks! i need to quit being around married/taken men all the time and find some lovely single ones who want the same things i do...eventually. and we can have fun for now and then ill be more patient to wait for the married/kids life later.

those are my theories.
I may have some serious problems.

one of my heros.

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