Monday, October 26, 2009

Catch Me If You Can.

So after fussing and fussing and finally coming up with a plan of action to deal with Number 2 kind of sucking, he called on Sunday afternoon because he was in Del Mar and wanted to see me later if I was free. I just so happened to be free...well, kinda ...but baking a pie and dyeing my hair can wait until Thursday (I know, I spend my time in wild and crazy ways)

We didnt do anything too exciting, just spent time together all romanticy on the beach...ok fine, it was kind of awesome. BUT somehow it came up that "what are we?" (believe it or not, I didnt bring it up) and all I remember are snippets because when Im happy I do this weird thing where I cant fully engage in whats happening around me because Im really busy dancing around in my head, uh yeah...but the snippets i remember were:
"well I dont think your going to like this...but the fact is, Im eventually moving..."
me: "im moving to!"
"exactly, your moving"
me: "I look at it like I can either have fun and enjoy myself until I maybe move, or just do nothing and maybe miss out on something awesome"
and then we decided to talk about it another time. Because I was happy and didnt want to ruin my moments, he probably got the vibe I didnt feel like discussing things. Hmm...maybe this is something I need to work on. because now I regret not finishing the conversation. I just like feeling happy. It happens so rarely nowadays (so dramatic).

anyway, all his talk would have been fine EXCEPT, wasnt HE the one talking about relationships since the second date? And wasnt HE the one calling me EVERYDAY? And wasnt HE the one talking about trips we might take together? and wasnt HE the one casually mentioning that Im possibly moving to NY and hes possibly going to school in NY so, you know...
I thought we were just casually dating until Mister "Im moving eventually" started with all this relationship stuff. Oh, I see, now its my fault.

And now I'm back in my over analytical mode trying to figure out what I want and what he wants. I keep going back and forth, back and forth about everything. I just wanted to date to have fun, but I was open to it getting serious. And I dont want to just be someones "whatever". I know I deserve more than that. And I wonder if he really liked me if he would be willing to take a risk and see where things go, but because he doesnt actually like me that much he just wants to keep me in the "whatever" category. Once again, Im debating whether or not to add this one to the "oh man, shes hot and I just want to get into her pants" pile of past gentleman. Man that pile is large. I really wish I had faith in the male species, but you fail me time and time again gentleman. Time and time again.

Through all of these adventures, I am realizing something very significant here: Ladies and gentleman, I am a catch.
There, I said it. And the more I think about it, the more I realize its true. Lets see, according to the many people I have met in my life I am what you would call "beautiful". I am well educated and intelligent. I come from a good family. I am well traveled. I am very friendly and outgoing and fun. I am honest, I dont drink too much or do drugs, I am extremely compassionate and loving. I am not crazy (debateable, I know).
SO um hello, a freaking catch.

So no Number 2, if you want to keep me in your whatever file, Im opting out. Either we are just dating and just casually having fun, or we are in a relationship (or on the way there). You dont get to have the best of both worlds and you dont get to treat me like Im not worth your time. Because Im a catch. Im the girl you take home to meet your parents. The one you tell all your friends about. The one you rearrange your schedule for. The one you actually plan dates for and take out. Thats the girl I am, the catch.

Ok, but seriously none of that helps because I still dont know what to do now. Ive prepared several speeches while driving in my car today, none of them were very good and all of them required me to be extremely engaged while with him which is pretty difficult when i go off into happy land the entire time. Ugh, I suck at this, I dont want to date anymore. Im not good at it and I just end up more stressed out than I already am which I didnt know was possible.

Someone just buy me a ticket and lets go to NY for a long weekend. We'll forget all our troubles and remember our souls. Ill take you to the MET and MOMA and shopping in SoHo and we'll flirt with beautiful men and go see amazing shows and wear all the winter clothes we never get to walking through the park. Ready? Lets go.

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