Friday, October 23, 2009

Frustrated Limbo

This is me frustrated.
So Number 2 was doing SO WELL and now hes got me all fussy and frustrated and Im questioning whether or not hes worth my time or getting frustrated over. As you may recall, the last time we saw each other was the 10th for a lame but nice study date -went really great. Then he told me he had to fall off the face of the planet until his GMAT on the 20th and I got sick so we've just been talking on the phone. He calls me almost everyday still, and its super nice. We have good conversation. Things are going well. Now his GMAT is over! yay! Now we can hang out, right?
I told him on Tuesday during our long "we're done with the GMAT and Teach for America Interview! yay!" conversation, Im free Thursday and Saturday. He calls but Im unable to pick up on Wednesday, call him back later and nada. Dont hear from him Thursday (so I guess we arent hanging out then?). and Now its Friday and he calls to talk and when I ask him about this weekend, he says he cant. Hes just really busy with his friend whose leaving the country and all his graduate application essays which are due in the next few weeks blah blah blah.
So now what.
I have no idea what we are because we arent actually dating because we dont actually go on dates. Honestly, I have a very vague recollection of what he even looks like because Ive only seen him twice and it was so long ago. I told him Im frustrated because this isnt how I date boys...uhhhh normally we go on dates? And he says hes sorry and its not me...blah blah blah. I dont know how to communicate how I feel without seeming whiney or like things are more serious than they are. I thought after the GMAT everything would be normal and we could just date like normal people, I thought it was just a little bump in the road and was really patient and supportive. Now I feel like Im just his "oh, im driving home from work and would really like to talk to a nice girl" girl. And im not dating other people because I realized it bothers him and I really do like this one...and it feels weird to date other people actually. But apparently we arent anything. I thought we were on the verge of something. He mentioned having a DTR even (determine the relationship talk), but I asked him to wait until we were actually present together.

This is just all so weird. Im trying to understand from his perspective, but im so frustrated and angry Im not ready for that yet. Honestly, I dont feel valued. I feel like hes not willing to spare me any time or make plans to spend with me. That everything else is more important. He tells me how much he likes me (not weird outright like that, but still), but I dont feel like hes showing it. But is he showing it, because he calls me all the time? And I know Im not a crazy person here, normal people go on on consecutive weekends or during the week. You cant even spare me lunch? nothing?

While before I was calling us "verge"...because we were on the verge of we're just "limbo" because we are in this awful state of limbo where we are kinda dating but kinda arent and talk enough to be in a relationship but arent and its just limbo.

Ok, I need to go bake now. ARG.

No comments: