Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Lot of Things

A lot has happened since my previous post. We'll start with the good.

1) I went to my first Padres game in like 10 years tonight!!! It was SO fun! I went Melissa and her sisters and their significant others, and babycakes:) Can I just say that baseball games are THE BEST! I want to go to more and more please!!! I still really want to go to a throwback game where they wear vintage jerseys and beer is half priced. What is there NOT to like about vintage and cheap beer? exactly. we're going.

2) I finally talked to my agency. the fancy family called. the job went to someone else who somehow had more nanny experience AND teaching experience (I have 4 years nanny with one family plus more with other short term families...this person must not have had a life). But she also said that they really liked me and that I would have been great, it is still just a trial so if it doesnt work out they'll bring me back for a 3rd interview. Plus, my agency lady said I am "fantastic" and "top notch" so she'll have no problem finding me another job for another family. So that's that. I still have a sliver of hope...but not really. I applied for about 8 other jobs Sunday and Monday. Havent heard a thing. This is my life people. Everyday.

3) Number 2 did something earth shattering this evening. He knew I was at the baseball game. And he texted me and invited me to MEET HIS FRIENDS and HANG OUT at the sky bar with them which is super close to the stadium. It took me a good 20 minutes to figure out what to text back. I was not only in SHOCK but I had carpooled with the family and kids and would have to reallllly finagle a way to get there and be home in the morning by 9a to tutor. Now I considered a lot of things...I could have just walked there and stayed at his house and he could have dropped me off in the morning, or I could have called in sick to tutoring in the morning and driven home late, or when I got my car which was about 20min closer downtown then home I could have just driven back downtown. All options. BUT I decided to do none of those things. I knew he wouldn't want me to sleepover and drive me home in the morning. I also knew I couldn't call in sick to the ONE job I actually do have, the last day nonetheless. And that it was just TOO desperate to drive all the way from almost home back downtown and I was too tired and when I looked in the mirror...too haggard. I sat in my car negotiating all of this for quite awhile. Finally, I just drove the rest of the way home. Now hes been texting me again and feels proud of himself for inviting me to hang out with his friends...10 months too late bud. I even told him outright, "I would have come but I know you wouldn't want me to sleepover or drive me home in the morning." He says "you dont know that". UH...YES I DO. I've never been to your house or met your friends or family in 10 MONTHS even though I've made it clear that its important to me and you've had ample opportunities to invite me but dont.
Plus, lets be honost, everyone knows we would have had sex and then all of this would be a mess all over again.

Am I proud of myself? YES.
Do I wonder what would have happened in a good way? YES.
Do I regret not going? KINDA...But Im trying to remember it was the right thing to do.
And that I dont always need to jump when he happens to invite me to something...I am free pretty much every night of the week and NOTHING.

Did I mention how its been 10 months and I've never met his friends or family or been to his house? THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING.

4) Speaking of Number 2. I noticed something weird this I was hanging out with the babycakes and seeing lots of families and then I started picturing my baby and my family someday...lala so nice...then BAM! I realize the babies and husband and family I am always always with my Number 2. My babies are all beautiful and half Filipino from his side. When I picture us driving somewhere I always picture him driving...when I imagine my family doing ANYTHING its with him and our little brown babies. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I kind of creeped myself out. I mean...we did talk about marriage. And our future babies. And I'm a girl and this is what we do. But to still be doing that unknowingly after all the crap I'm going through with this guy? Ridiculous. So now the next project, trying to turn those thoughts off. At least I got the thinking about him all the time off now. I know by the looks of the blog it may not seem true...but I promise it is.

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